Chapter 1
Walking down the corridors along with Draco, Blaise and Pansy, you were heading towards your last class for today, potions. You were in a bad mood all day since your parents decided to destroy your mood by sending you a letter, telling you that you couldn’t stay with them for Christmas holidays because something happened.
You weren’t sad about that, you had already made plans about staying at Hogwarts. All of your friends were going to their families for Christmas, so you would be alone. It was better than going home anyways, your parents weren’t the best and you hated being around them. So staying at Hogwarts wasn’t anything new.
What made you furious was the nerve that your parents had to tell you that you couldn’t be there even though they happily invited your two other siblings. You were the black sheep in the family, you were the one who always got the hate, you never got the attention from your parents. On the other hand, your siblings had all the love growing up.
It made you sad.
However, you didn’t show it. You pretended like you didn’t care at all, you wanted to appear strong in front of the others. And that’s what you did, for many years now. When you first went to Hogwarts, you didn’t have anyone, you knew nobody. Your first year was the worst. Since you were the oldest child of your parents, you didn’t have any of your siblings there. Not that it would help, your friendship with your brother and sister was kind of the same with your mother and father.
In your fourth year now, you had your friends, some of them didn’t really matter but you managed to find some loyal ones. For example, Draco Malfoy. You two had similar interests and family issues. He was the one you were going after a bad day, he understood you. Draco was also coming to you everytime he had a fight with his father and you did your best to calm him down.
You also managed to gain a reputation in school. You and Draco were two of the most famous students there, Harry Potter would be another one. Draco and him didn’t really like each other from the start, as the blonde boy had said to you when you two became closer friends in the second year.
You didn’t have anything against the dark haired boy, but since your best friend didn’t fancy him, you made it your goal to make his life hell with Draco.
You didn’t really have many enemies there, everyone was kind of afraid of you and since you were a Slytherin and best friends with Draco Malfoy, they didn’t try to mess with you. Everyone would do as you said. No one dared to talk back to you.
No one except for a specific brown haired Gryffindor.
Hermione Granger.
The best student in Hogwarts, a muggleborn and ‘the brightest witch of her age’ as many people called her.
You and your friends would often bully her or any other Gryffindors but she was the only one who stood her ground. She didn’t care about your stupid remarks or about the times that you would call her a ‘mudblood’. Others would cry, but she never did.
Gryffindor and Slytherin shared some classes together, so you often had to see each other in class. It was clear that Hermione and you didn’t fancy each other from the start, just like Harry and Draco.
—
Hermione sat alone inside the classroom, it was her last class for the day. She was patiently waiting for Harry and Ron to enter the room but they were running late. She breathed out when she saw you and your friends walking through the door step. She wasn’t in the mood today so she looked away, hoping that you wouldn’t acknowledge her presence.
Her two friends appeared just in time as Professor Snape entered the classroom behind them. They walked towards Hermione, as she opened her books getting ready for the lesson to begin.
“Bloody hell, Hermione. When did you get here so fast?” Ron mumbled quietly.
“Well, while you two were goofing around, I actually walked to class.” She replied, quickly looking around and accidentally catching your eyes. You smirked sending her a smirk before turning your gaze back in front of you as the professor started talking about something.
Hemione simply rolled her eyes as she turned her attention back to writing notes. She wasn’t in the mood today for your stupid remarks. Today was a bad day for her, she had so many assignments to do and she was running out of time. She was planning to head to the library after the class was over, her goal was to finish as much as she could today. In a few days Christmas vacation was starting and since she, Harry and Ron decided to spend the holidays at Hogwarts, Hermione wanted to relax from homework.
Few minutes had passed as the Gryffindor turned her head again towards you, but Pansy already had your attention as she was whispering something to you. You two were giggling quietly as professor Snape handed out the next assignments for the holidays.
“Granger is staring at you.” Pansy commented as you turned your gaze to the Gryffindor girl, meeting your eyes she blushed and immediately looked in front of her, not daring to look at your way again. You chuckled and reached to take a small blank paper from your bag, quickly writing down on it and throwing it towards the brown haired girl. Luckily it went right in front of her hands on the desk and without Snape noticing it.
Hermione’s full attention was now on the small paper on her hands, quickly looking forward to checking if the professor noticed. When she made sure that no one saw it she read the note in her hands.
Like what you see, Granger?
She left a quiet groan and rolled her eyes, throwing the note inside her bag and turning her attention back again to the assignment in her hands. She couldn’t help but think about you, the day wasn’t over yet and you already had pissed her off numerous times.
As the class finished you stood up, throwing your things into your bag when you heard Draco talking from beside you, “We’re going back to the common room, are you gonna come or..?”
“Uh.. Actually I think I’m gonna go to the library for a bit, I need to do some assignments..” You said, throwing your bag over your shoulder and starting walking towards the door with the others.
Draco nodded, giving you a smile. You felt someone bumping into you as you looked at the person, annoyed. Before you could speak, the blonde boy snapped towards the redhead. “Watch where you going, Weasley!”
Hermione was quick to notice what was going on and walked towards them. “Leave him alone, Malfoy” She looked at you before grabbing Ron and leaving before either Draco or you had any time to respond.
“She really gets on my nerves..” Draco sighed from beside you. As you nodded and started walking away from the Slytherin. “Hey! We will talk later, right?”
“Yep. Now I gotta go. So, have fun with whatever.” You dismissed yourself as you turned to another corridor on your left. You really weren't in the mood to socialize with anyone, so hiding yourself inside the library, where nobody could find you was the best idea you had.
Hermione had just left the Gryffindor common room and was heading towards the library, she greeted the librarian and went to sit on a table deep into the room, where no one would find her. Hermione liked quiet places, it helped her concentrate.
You just had entered the library, you looked around as you walked through the bookshelves going towards the place you always found comfort in. Since your first year, that place inside the library was the only one where no one was able to find you. That and the tree you had found in your second year there. You would always go there when you wanted to distance yourself from things. Only Draco knew about it, but he knew better than to visit you there.
You stopped in your tracks as you noticed that another person was sitting at your table, you couldn’t recognise who that might be, due to the lack of light in there since only the light of a small lamp was lighting the small place.
Walking around the table to stand in front of the student you went to speak but quickly noticed who that was. Hermione looked up at you and rolled her eyes as she spoke harshly, “What do you want here? Did you follow me?”
“No, what the fuck do you want here? This is my table, so leave.” You responded, placing your bag and things on the empty place on the table.
“I don’t see your name on it. I was here first.” She said and averted her gaze back on her books.
“Okay, then. If you don’t leave, I’ll also stay here.” You said and sat on the chair across from her. Hermione just mumbled a ‘whatever’ and continued with her homework as you started yours as well.
If someone saw you two together, studying in silence and not trying to kill each other would have thought that a miracle had happened. Hermione and you literally looked like you hated one another. Even though in fact, you didn’t. You just liked challenging each other, you liked the attention that she gave you, even though it was just to fight with you.
But in this moment, where you and Hermione sat in a comfortable silence, was enough for you. Neither of you had the courage to fight today.
“Hey, Granger?” You said as she looked up, looking at you from across the table with a questioning look. “Can you help me with something?” She simply shook her head, turning back to her homework as you let out a sigh. Few seconds passed and you tried to get her attention again, “Pssstt. Granger!” You whispered even though no one was close. Defeated as she continued ignoring you said a bit more louder, “Hermione!”
“What! What do you want?” She said angrily as she closed her book looking at you.
You simply smiled, satisfied that you finally got her attention. “Can you help me with this?” You motioned the homework written on your book.
“No, I have my own. And why would I even help you?” Hermione rolled her eyes, clearly angry with you. She missed her quiet time before you got there.
“Come on, I know we don’t like each other but can you at least tell me how to solve it? You know I suck at potions!” You said but got ignored again. “Hermione!” You said loudly and she finally looked at you.
“Okay! But after this, you’re going to shut the hell up and let me study.” You nodded and made room for her to sit next to you. Hermione sighed and brought a chair to sit next to you as she started explaining it to you.
Five minutes later she stopped talking and looked at you with a questionable expression on her face, “Do you understand it now?”
“Yeah, thanks.” You nodded and continued looking at her, not being able to take your eyes away from Hermione. She seemed to realize so she snapped her fingers in front of your face.
“You’re staring.” She cleared her throat, still her body close to yours. You mumbled a quiet ‘sorry’ and looked down on your books. “What’s up with you? Why’re you being so nice all of sudden?”
‘What? I’m not being nice.”
“That’s a lie. You haven’t said anything mean to me since the moment you sat at this table. You are being nice, so what’s wrong?” She scoffed.
“Nothing’s wrong, okay? I’m just not in the mood for that, and I wanna get over this stupid homework so I can go to sleep.” You said, not daring to look into her eyes.
“Yeah, I don’t believe you.” Hermione said.
“Aren’t you tired of fighting? Because I am.” You breathed out suddenly, crossing your arms and moving back to the chair.
“Of course I’m tired of it!” Hermione exclaimed, rising from her seat clearly frustrated, then quickly sat back down and lowered her voice, “But apparently it seems that we both like doing it..”
“Yeah.. I mean, it’s fun, isn’t it?”
“Maybe, but sometimes you take it too far.” She whispered, looking up at you.
“I’m sorry for that. It’s just that sometimes, I.. I might take my anger out on the wrong people. Things are not great for me lately. And I’m not saying it for you to pity me or anything, I just want you to know how sorry I am..” You said in a quiet tone, not daring to look towards her.
Hermione nodded, a small smile creeping on her face as she watched you being for the first time so vulnerable in front of her. You didn’t show your emotions that much, if Hermione was to be honest she would say that you didn’t show anything at all. Trying to act all badass in front of the whole school was kind of fun for Hermione to watch.
She knew that you have been struggling with much more than you showed, but she didn’t dare to say anything because she knew how you would react.
The corner of your eyes filled with tears so you glanced up to the ceiling so they couldn’t flood down your face. After successfully avoiding the tears you looked back down to the Gryffindor, “It was fun, right?” You said with hope in your voice.
The girl beside you chuckled and nodded her head, not being able to hold it anymore. “Yeah it was. Watching you trying to act like you hate me was the best thing.”
Trying to turn your face serious, you said, “But I do hate you.”
“Right, keep telling yourself that.” Hermione mumbled and moved to grab her book.
“What? No, I do hate you. It’s just a bit fun arguing with you”
“Oh please, if you hated me you wouldn’t cry in front of me.”
“I didn’t cry.”
“You were close, though.”
You rolled your eyes and mumbled, “Fuck you, Hermione.”
“You wish.”
“What?” You turned your head towards her, confused and unsure if you heard well.
“What?” Hermione’s eyes widened, she didn’t mean to say something like that. It just slipped off. Turning her head away from you so you couldn’t see her red face, she grabbed her pen and started writing down some notes.
You shook your head and smiled, “What did you just say?” You really couldn’t believe the words that slipped out from Hermione’s mouth, you have never heard the girl say something like that.
“Nothing, forget I even said that.” She denied, shaking her head.
“No way I can forget what you just said.”
“You can and you will.” The Gryffindor eventually met your gaze, a hint of anger in her face.
“Nope. Not gonna happen.”
“Y/N.” Her expression hardened as Hermione gave you a look telling you to shut it immediately. You threw your arms in the air, showing that you gave up. She looked back down on her papers as you sat there, thinking about everything.
You would never have thought that you and Hermione would have talked for more than 10 words to each other, and without those words being mean things you usually said to piss off each other.
You found comfort in her presence, you actually started to feel safe and that you didn’t have to hide that much from her. You couldn’t remember the last time you actually felt this safe. Being beside Hermione was really comforting and relaxing.
Even though you enjoyed being on your own, being in the presence of the Gryffindor girl was one of the best feelings. It felt like for once in your life you weren’t alone.
Sure, hanging out with Draco also made you feel wanted, he was there when you wanted someone to talk to. To open up, about your feelings when you felt like everyone hated you. He always told you that you matter, that your feelings matter, that you don’t deserve the way your family treats you.
But you couldn’t help but feel always the same; that everyone hated you, everyone wanted you gone. You had fallen into deep depression, no one believed you. No one but Draco. He was the one who helped you get out of those thoughts. No one knew about your suffering, about the pain you had to go through.
“Do you hate me?” You whispered, barely enough for Hermione to hear. It came out without your consent and you regretted it the minute you said it.
“What?” Hermione turned her head towards you, trying to catch your eyes with hers.
“I said, do you hate me?”
“No, I heard you. I..” She sighed and looked anywhere but you. “Hate is a strong word.”
“So, you don’t..?” You said, with a slight hope in your voice.
“I didn’t say that.” She crossed her arms, still not looking in your direction.
You turned your body, facing her while still sitting on the chair, even though Hermione tried her best to avoid your questions.
“So… You do hate me?” You grimaced at the thought of the Gryffindor girl hating you. You couldn’t actually imagine Hermione hating you for real. You always knew that she doesn’t like you, but hate?
“I didn’t say that either.” Came her response as she had found big interest on the bookshelves in front of you.
“You confuse me, Hermione.”
“Good, now go back to homework.” She was really trying to fight back that smile, she liked playing with you. She knew exactly how you would act in some situations, she secretly studied you daily. While you would talk with your friends, Hermione would watch you from afar. In the hallways, from the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, on quidditch matches.
She loved going on your quidditch matches, whenever you played she would find an excuse to come see you play. Whilst you didn’t know that, -which she was grateful for- she was your biggest fan. In secret.
Hermione tried to avoid her feelings for so long, after she realized that she couldn’t do that anymore. She decided to appreciate you from a distance, since she knew that she didn’t have any chance with you.
The popular Slytherin, the best friend of Draco Malfoy.
Sighing you let your head fall to the table, closing your eyes and trying to relax for a few minutes. It was getting closer to 11pm and while tomorrow was Saturday, you were tired and planning to sleep until late in the morning. But, after you had finished your homework.
Feeling a gentle nudging on your arm you stirred awake and confused taking in your surroundings. Finally setting your gaze on the brown haired girl beside you, giving her a questionable look.
“What?”
“You were sleeping.”
“So?” A quiet laugh left your mouth.
“Aren’t you gonna go back to your room?” Hermione asked, still having her attention on her book giving you the opportunity to take in her appearance. She really looked cute, with her head up in a bun, her tired eyes and the small smirk that played between her soft lips.
“And leave you all alone? Nope, I’ll stay here with you.” You couldn’t help but tease her.
Your eyes widened as you could see a small blush on her cheeks but decided to not acknowledge it. You were afraid that if you did say something about her red face, she would simply curse you.
“No you won’t, your snoring bothers me.” You tilted your head at that.
“I don’t snore.” You scoffed and crossed your arms. Now it was your turn to blush, but you tried to hide it from the Gryffindor. If you really did snore, that would be so embarrassing. You didn’t want to feel that way, especially in front of Hermione.
“Yes you do.” Hermione bit her lip, now looking at you. She loved how you seemed a bit embarrassed. The truth was that you didn’t really snore. The noises your breathing made while you were sleeping were music to Hermione’s ears. But that was something that she’d never admit outloud and especially in front of you.
“I do not.” You murmured and let your head fall back to the table. “Go back to your homework and let me sleep a bit.”
“I’m done with mine. Did you finish yours?” She asked, pulling away from her books but still looking at you.
“Yep.”
“Okay, good. Take your stuff and let’s get going, it’s pretty late and I have to wake up early tomorrow.” Hermione said as she stood up and started walking towards the library’s exit. You grabbed your books quickly and stood up as well, following her.
“But tomorrow is Saturday..?” You said confused as you reached her where she was standing, waiting for you right outside of the door.
“Yeah, and..?”
“You’re so weird. Who would not sleep in on a Saturday morning..”
“Whatever.” Hermione rolled her eyes as you started walking again through the dark and empty hallways of the castle. No one was there, just you two. Two ‘enemies’ as the students called you, walking in the quiet halls and having a teasing conversation.
“Do you even rest?” You asked, turning to look at her.
“Yes, I do rest. Now come on or I’ll leave you here all by yourself.” She said with an annoyed tone as she fastened her pace. Leaving you walking slowly behind her.
“You wouldn’t.” Your eyes widened slightly at the thought. Nobody knew you were kind of afraid of the dark. You never told anyone. That was from a traumatic experience you had when you were younger. You avoided thinking of it and you also avoided being alone in the dark. You needed to feel someone beside you to feel safe and not freak out.
“Watch me.” She simply said as she continued walking faster and away from you.
“Okay! Okay, wait. I’m coming.” You whisper-yelled, fastening your pace until you reached her side. You made sure to be a bit more closer to her than usual. Even though you could make out her face in the darkness, you still had the need to feel her close to you. “So bloody mean..” You muttered, looking forward.
“What did you say?” You could feel Hermione glaring at you and you tried to keep your cool. Annoyed Hermione was something that you would survive, but an angry Hermione? You would be 6 feet under in no time.
“Nothing..” You said, trying to not sound scared.
“That’s what I thought.”
“That’s what I thought.” You couldn’t help but mock her silently, but apparently Hermione heard that.
“Did you say something?” Through the moonlight that shined through the windows you could clearly see Hermione’s jaw clenching. And that really made you almost shit your pants. So you tried to save it by denying it. “Nope!”
“So..Where are we going? Gryffindor tower is that way.” You said as you looked around, confused about your destination.
“I know that. We have to go to the Astronomy tower because I forgot some stuff there last night, and since you said that you’ll walk me to the common room, you’re going there with me.”
“I didn’t say that.” You muttered.
“Then why are you following me? The Slytherin common room is the opposite way.”The Gryffindor girl asked, turning her head to look at you.
“I- Uhm..” You stuttered, you wouldn’t admit to her why you had followed her. Your fear of the dark was not really the reason. You could just simply light up your wand, since you had it with you. The real reason why you followed the shorter girl was because you didn’t want her to walk alone in the dark halls.
Even if you didn’t admit it to yourself, you cared deeply for the girl beside you. And letting something happen to her was your biggest fear. Of Course she would be safe inside the castle. Hogwarts was the safest place, but still you couldn’t leave her alone. So yes, walking with her was calming you. Also you liked spending more time with her, even though she didn’t know it.
“That’s cute.” Her voice stopped your thoughts as you turned your face in her direction.
“What’s cute?”
“You.” Hermione said casually. You on the other side, you were trying so hard to not let your small smile be seen. She had called you cute, even though she had probably said it to annoy you, it really made you happy.
“Fuck off, I’m not cute.” You tried to act like you didn’t like it, and turned to look forward.
“Whatever you say. But if you wanna know.. Your face is really red right now..” As she said that you cleared your throat and started walking slightly faster than her.
“Can you stop that?” You asked annoyed, trying to not meet her gaze.
A simple “Sure.” came from her as you had finally reached the top of the Astronomy’s tower.
“Wow..” You said as you took in the view up there.
“What? You’ve never come up here at night?”
“No..” You said quietly, walking slowly towards the edge looking up at the stars. “It’s beautiful.”
“Yeah it is.” Hermione’s voice came from beside you as she looked up at the dark sky. “I come up here almost every night.. It’s so peaceful, especially when I want to be left alone.”
You two just sat in silence. Appreciating your moments.
“Now I understand why you do that..”You decided to speak.
“Yeah.. Sometimes life becomes too tough to deal with things, so being here at night looking at the stars. It’s so quiet. Nobody ever comes here so it’s great.” Hermione mumbled as she sighed and turned to look at you. “Whenever we fought, I came up here. Just staring at the distance and thinking about the reasons we were fighting. Which are now the most stupid reasons.”
You chuckled, still looking in front of you. “The truth is that we’re really dumb for fighting for stupid matters. And I’m sorry, I know it’s all my fault. I simply found it kind of fun, making fun of you, annoying you.. I just- To be honest, I liked having your attention. Because I knew that you wouldn’t notice me for any other reason. Making fun of you was something that made me happy, it was the only time of the day that I got your attention..”
“Oh..”
“I’m sorry.. I shouldn’t have said all of these. I know my stupid feelings don't really matter right now.” You sighed, looking down at your hands. “I shouldn’t even come up here, this is your personal space. I- I’m just gonna go. Have a good night, Hermione.” You said and turned around leaving before giving the chance to Hermione to talk.
As you disappeared down the stairs the Gryffindor stood there, thinking about all that you had said. Now she was confused.
That night she stayed a few more hours in the tower. Alone. Thinking of stuff.
You, on the other side, after you left you walked straight to the Slytherin common room and into your dorm. Slipping under the blankets you tried to close your eyes, but the thoughts of what happened minutes ago in the Astronomy’s tower couldn’t leave your mind.
Did you really have to say those things? Thankfully you didn’t admit any more of your feelings.That would destroy everything.
Eventually sleep took over you, but the dreams were still there.