Over the last three months of Regulus’ fifth year, he had formed an unlikely friendship with James Potter, the boy who had not only stolen his big brother in friendship, but also made him run away- abandoning Regulus. Well, that lasted a few weeks, until James had personally convinced Regulus to follow. It was difficult to hate him after that. During those three months, James had been absolutely unbearable; he was loud, abrasive, obnoxious, and utterly loveable, so, of course, Regulus had been left with very little options other than forming a crush on the older boy.
The summer following his fifth year hadn’t absolved his feelings at all, only helping in amplifying them. Two months of undiluted James Potter does that to you.
Now, as a sixth year student, he walked up the steps to the astronomy tower, nervously adjusting his hair, moving long black curls from his eyes in an attempt to appear effortlessly presentable. He had never been the kind of person to worry over his looks, that was much more typical of the older Black, yet there was something about being around Potter that made it impossible for him to be careless in his demeanour. Once he reached the door to the tower observatory, he took a steadying breath and pushed it open.
As soon as he registered the figure sitting on the floor with his knees pressed against his chest, he was blinded by an uncensored grin.
“Hey Reg.” James said into the silent room.
Usually, anyone who called Regulus anything other than his given name would have a received a harsh word, or harsher glare. But not James. James could call him ‘Reg’. Only James.
“Hi.” Regulus responded as he made his way over to his place beside James.
These weekly visits had become somewhat of a tradition between the two. Most of the time, they passed the hours looking at the stars, with Regulus explaining the constellations, and pointing out his and Sirius’ stars. However, sometimes, when one of the two had something weighing on them, they would confide in each other and the surrounding darkness. Like tonight.
James let out a soft groan as he leaned his head back on the cold stone wall of the astronomy tower. Regulus glanced over at him with a curious raise of his eyebrows.
“Come on, Potter, spit it out,” he said with amused scolding, “we both know you don’t exactly have an aptitude for secret-keeping.”
“You know me too well, Regulus.” James mumbled back through a soft laugh, warmth building in Regulus’ chest at the sight of his playful smirk. “Well, then?”
There was a beat of silence. Then James began to speak.
“I don’t know, I just feel like…” He paused hesitantly, his mouth forming words but not making a sound, as if he were struggling to find the phrasing. “Well, I guess there’s this person.”
Oh.
Suddenly, Regulus was not feeling amused anymore. The warmth that had settled between his ribs sank and grew cold, leaving a heavy pit in his stomach. So, besides having to hide his enormously embarrassing crush on his brother’s best friend, he would also have to act as his personal relationship counsellor. Great.
Regulus hummed, prompting James to go on.
“I really like this person, but I’m not so sure they feel the same way. I just don’t want to fall for someone who I know I have no chance with. Again.” He let out a deep sigh before continuing. “It’s just hard when they’re so…” He made some vague gesture with his hands, “you know?”
‘Brilliant, amazing, beautiful, funny, kind, gorgeous, not me.’ Regulus’ brain filled in unhelpfully.
James turned to him to explain. “I feel like I have so much love to give, but nowhere to put it. Like I’m overflowing with it, but every time I find someone I want to give it to, they never want it.”
Regulus had never felt like the universe hated him as much as he did in that moment. ‘Hello?’ His mind screamed, ‘I’m right here, I’ll take your love, I want it. I’ll look after it, I promise.’ But instead, he said:
“You have so many people who care about you James, your parents, Remus, Peter, my brother,” and then he felt the next words rise out of his throat before he could register them, “and me. I care about you.”
Silence.
’Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Why did you say that? Why? You’re such an idiot, he knows now. He definitely knows. Please don’t hate-‘
“You do?” James questioned, large brown eyes unshifting from Regulus’ own.
“Yeah, I guess I do.”
…
“I care about you too, you know.” He responded with a small smile dancing on his lips.
Regulus shrugged noncommittally, breaking the searing eye contact to look everywhere but James’ face, pretending as if hundreds of butterflies hadn’t just erupted in his stomach.
“You better.” He settled for.
James huffed a laugh before settling back into his position against the wall.
“I just want this person’s love so much. I think I could live off of it,”
‘I could definitely live off of your love.’ He thought.
“When I’m with them it’s like nothing else exists, like I look at them and the world disappears, it’s just me and him.”
Wait.
‘Him!?’ His thoughts focused on.
James quickly seemed to notice his slip of the tongue and rapidly tried to backtrack, “Uh, I meant- I didn’t- I-“
“James, it’s fine,” Regulus interrupted, “really… me too.” He had never told anyone that. He always thought it would be a secret he took to his grave, but James had a way of worming his way into Regulus’ heart, a way of finding out his deepest secrets. This was no exception.
James gave him an odd look, as if he wanted to say something, but he didn’t, he just kept looking.
“Stop that.” Regulus mumbled.
“Stop what?”
“That.”
“I don’t know what you mean, Reg.”
“Stop looking at me, Potter, it’s weird.”
“I can’t.”
Regulus looked up at him. “What?”
“I can’t stop looking at you.”
Regulus scoffed, “That’s not funny, James.”
“I’m not trying to be funny.”
“So what are you trying to do?”
Again, James gave him that odd look of reluctance. “I’m trying to understand.”
“Could you stop being so cryptic and just be normal again?” Regulus said. It was unlike James to be so ambiguous with his feelings or intentions, he was infamous for his forwardness and lack of thought.
“Could I just show you?” James asked.
“If you insist on being annoying.” … “Well, go on, then, Potter, I don’t have all-“
And suddenly James’ lips were on his, and he was paralysed. There were no thoughts in his head, he was completely stunned, senseless. Before he could do anything, James pulled back.
Regulus had always considered himself to be a well-spoken person, but in that moment his words failed him.
James eyed him expectantly, appearing slightly hopeful, and breathless.
As he registered the pure shock on Regulus’ face, his expression fell.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I did that. I should have asked you.” Once he began, it seemed he couldn’t stop, “I’m so, so sorry, Reg. Please say something, I really didn’t mean to. Well, I did, because I’m like in love with you. Wait, no- I’m not- uh, I’m not not in love with you, I just, Merlin I’m fucking this up so bad. Please, just don’t hate me-“
“Shut up.” There, words.
“I- what?”
“Just- shut up.”
And then Regulus couldn’t see James’ face light up with joy, because he closed his eyes and pulled James back in by the tie.
The feeling of James’ lips moving against his own was better than anything he had ever experienced. The warmth in his chest returned and spread, taking over his lungs and rising to his surely flushed cheeks. James ran his hands through Regulus’ curls, which he had so meticulously tidied earlier, yet he couldn’t find it in himself to care all that much.
They broke the kiss, both out of breath and uncontrollably grinning.
As James stared into his eyes, with their foreheads pressed together, breath intermingling, he softly said,
“Sirius is definitely going to kill me.”