James was always the kind of person who would go to his friends for anything, using them and letting them use him as a support system when times seemed to have been against them, but James couldn’t go to his friends for this. How could he? He was going against his best friend of 5 years. But no matter how much he’s tried, James could no longer deny his infatuation for the younger Black brother.
He found himself constantly gazing up at the ceiling of his shared bedroom, just trying to come to terms with his emotions, while the person he feared most was lying in a bed just a few feet away, unaware of his best friend’s affair. With Remus’s soft snoring serving to assist the calm ambiance of the night, contrasting James’s restlessness, he lay there until he grew tired of the amount of noise he’s created inside of his head. A quiet sigh left the brunette’s body as he slowly sat up, letting his eyes adjust to the lack of light before putting his glasses back on his face. It took James a bit of time to exit his dorm room, careful as the questions to his strange behaviour would arise if their sleep were to be interrupted by James’s footsteps.
James dragged his feet throughout the castle halls for what seemed like hours, using only the map and the light from the top of his wand to give him a sense of where he’s wandering. He somehow led himself to the astronomy tower and sat down with his legs crossed on the floor to properly view the stars. He had hoped the night sky would be enough to take his mind off of the certain Slytherin. He still couldn’t understand it though, there were a little under a thousand students attending Hogwarts but the one he had to fall for was his own best friend’s younger brother. Not to mention the fact that he’s been in love with Lily Evans since first year; at least he’s thought so. Have all of his efforts been misdirected towards the wrong person? He let his thoughts come and go as he gazed up at the stars, keeping his eyes on a particular one that seemed to glow slightly brighter than the others.
The Gryffindor’s thoughts took a pause as he felt something brush against his knee, making him immediately be on high alert and drop his head to see what could have nudged him. He let his guard down as soon as he spotted the culprit, a black cat that seemed to have wandered into the tower around the same time he did. James wasn’t sure who the cat belonged to or how it managed to have strayed far enough to wound up at the top of the astronomy tower, but James appreciated the company. As James stroked the cat’s head, he found himself truly smiling, for the first time ever since his revelation, as he saw the cat lean into his touch, clearly enjoying James’s presence as much as James enjoys the cat’s presence.
“You wouldn’t want to hear about my problems now would you, kitty?” James whispered as he unconsciously leaned down slightly to be closer to the cat. He was only met with a soft purring as he fondly gazed at it appreciating the love James had to offer, making James lightly chuckle as he felt affection for the cat quickly swell up inside of him. Then James let himself talk. He let loose all of the thoughts he’s been keeping to himself for the past few days, the ones he didn’t dare reveal to his closest friends. Sure, in the back of his mind he was the tiniest bit paranoid that this cat could be an animagus like himself, but his mind was exhausted enough to not care if the creature he’s petting was truly a cat or a student that could spill his secrets for him. For now, it was only a cat, one that didn’t know Sirius and one that he could unload everything to as long as he kept petting it. During his confession, the cat climbed onto his lap and laid its head onto his thigh, making James pause briefly and swear it was the cutest thing he’s ever seen and feel comforted by the added weight on his body.
A deep sigh left the older’s lips after he unburdened himself to the black cat resting on him. Seeing as the cat hadn’t fallen asleep yet, he didn’t feel too guilty about lifting it and holding it in his arms as he got up on his feet to walk back to his own dorm, finally feeling free enough to be able to sleep. The stroll back to the Gryffindor’s section of the castle was a rather long one and neither James nor the cat seemed to mind that much. The two arrived in front of the painting that led to the boy’s destination and it was only then where James placed the cat back on the ground, letting it rub against James’s ankle before scurrying off to another part of the school.
James thought about the dark cat as he made his way back into his shared room and back under his covers. He felt a bit strange as realization came in that he actually disclosed to a cat about Regulus and his concerns regarding both his feelings for the Slytherin and how to cope with it with Regulus’s older brother being his best friend. Nevertheless, he was thankful for the company that the cat had offered him that night as he’s never felt more relaxed. James let himself sink into his mattress and let himself be swept away by sleep for the first time in what’s felt like months.
While James had awakened feeling revitalized, Regulus woke up with the feeling of his heart dropping as the events of the previous night had been recalled in his mind. He had been transforming into a cat each night for the past few days in order to lessen the likelihood of being punished for being outside of the dorms after curfew, one of his main stops being the astronomy tower. He did not intend to eavesdrop on the Gryffindor while he had taken his feline form. He had simply taken the opportunity to be close with James as he isn’t able to do so when he is himself, a person, Regulus Black. He didn’t think of James to confess his sentiment towards him, or anything at all, just a minute with him would have been enough for Regulus to be content, but now he’s been burdened with the information. Deep in his heart, he was truly ecstatic with the knowledge that James reciprocated his feelings but his emotions weren’t the only things shared between them as his mind was also occupied with anxieties regarding Sirius.
Regulus went on with his routine as he changed into his uniform and made his way to the Great Hall for his morning meal. He treaded towards the Slytherin table with a slight urgency to be seated as he feared that if he kept moving, he may just burst with the overwhelming feelings that he held inside him and start running and never stop. Most would never suspect the fourth year’s troubles as he masked it perfectly with a good posture, cold stare and an unwavering frown, the same appearance that’s made students attain a slight fear of him. Regulus sat down on the bench with a blank look in his eyes, almost like he’s not present, mentally, having the small bounces made by his left leg be the only indication of his current state of mind.
Evan was the first to notice his behaviour, giving Regulus a scan before asking lightly, “What’s got you so worked up at 7 in the morning?” Regulus took a sip from his cup of tea before glancing at Evan and answered in a hushed tone to prevent the other Slytherin students from being curious about his business, “Something I learned when I was in my animagus form.” Though Evan and Barty tried to push on the subject, Regulus remained firm on his decision on not telling his friends more. He didn’t know what to do except for how he had to do it alone.
His eyes seemed to have wandered to look at James from time to time, staring at him with bittersweet thoughts rushing through his mind. He had confirmed his own feelings for the brunette months prior, right before the school year started. Regulus had previously thought that the only emotions that he acquired for James was jealousy from being more of a brother to Sirius than he was and just pure hatred but after long hours of contemplation and even longer hours of denial, he had figured out that only love plagued his heart. He hadn’t known what love felt like coming from anyone, let alone a crush. Some part of him knew his friends could provide advice for his state of affairs as they were the only ones who knew of Regulus being an animagus as they assisted him in the process, but he also knew that he knows Sirius and his reaction if he were to advance on his emotions which made Regulus grow more distressed thinking about how James would handle his own emotions. James had spent the past 5 years at Hogwarts pining over Lily even if she didn’t reciprocate, every student knew of this pairing which makes it even more startling that James had grown feelings for the certain Slytherin instead.
After about five quick glances toward the table full of red and yellow ties and James feeling like he’s imagining the sudden increase of attention from another student, James peered at Regulus with a slight longing in his eyes. When Regulus gazed his eyes back up to catch another glance at James, his breath hitched subtly as he saw James’s eyes already on him. His heart rate almost immediately sped up when he realized James hadn’t looked away from him yet. The Great Hall and everything surrounding them seemed to have dissolved with the time as their line of sights only went to one another. Even with another table between them as well as their own houses’, James was able to admire the beauty in the younger boy’s gray eyes while Regulus admired how James looked in his uniform with his tie left untied and his hair left unkempt, almost like he only spent 10 seconds on himself before coming down to breakfast. After the pair felt time stretch out for them, making seconds suddenly feel like hours, reality soon crept up to them again. As if they had regained their sense of consciousness at the same time, the two students abruptly went back to their usual activities, Regulus taking another sip from his cup and James smiling as he partook in the conversation his friends were having beside him.
The day resumed as per usual but just with a few more thoughts about the other and James’s subtle fearful looks to Sirius, wondering if he’s hiding his anxieties well enough or if it’s completely transparent to others, but he knows he’d be alright as long as it’s not obvious to either of the Black brothers.
James hadn’t returned to the astronomy tower for the past few nights but Regulus looked for the certain Gryffindor nonetheless and stayed just a few more minutes in hopes he would show eventually. As a result, he often fell asleep in his cat form and woke up to the sun rising in front of him, making his roommates wonder why he’s been entering their shared dorm room so early in the morning and making his friends wonder about the dark circles under his eyes that were becoming more apparent. Regulus showed up one more night to the spot where James’s secrets had been let out and they had both comforted each other by being there, his expectations slowly dropping from his experiences from the foregoing nights but to his surprise, James was there. The silhouette of him was recognizable to Regulus, seeing how even darkness wasn’t enough to conceal the other’s curls. He lifted himself up the stairs with haste and rubbed his head against James’s arm to alert him of his presence, making the boy beam out of pure happiness as he saw the cat he’d taken such a quick liking of, show up again in front of him.
“What should I tell you this time?” James muttered delicately as the cat climbed onto his lap, ready to listen to his voice and what might he say. Regulus knew it wasn’t right to listen into James’s thoughts like this, like he wasn’t who he is but he didn’t intend to share them, he just intended to listen to them and provide him some support. Someday he may reveal his identity to James but for now, they both seemed to be satisfied and one more night wouldn’t hurt either of them.