It was early morning, the sun just barely rising above the horizon, and Remus John Lupin was wide awake, staring up at the ceiling blankly.
He was exhausted.
It had been three weeks.
It had been three weeks since Sirius Orion Black had been sent to Azkaban without trial for the betrayal and murder of James Fleamount Potter, Lily Potter, Peter Pettigrew and twelve, as of yet unnamed, Muggles.
It had been three weeks since Harry James Potter had became dubbed "The-Boy-Who-Lived" - the saviour of the Wizarding World, the boy who defeated Voldemort.
Three weeks since Harry had been taken to live with relatives - left with Petunia and her husband, as they were Harry's only living, blood relatives.
It had been three weeks.
Three, long, harrowing weeks.
It felt longer - each second feeling closer to an hour.
Everything hurt.
Breathing felt nearly impossible at times, and agonising at others, like their was a weight on his chest, constantly getting heavier with each passing moment.
Three, torturous weeks where he had no idea what to do.
Laying in his bed, unable to move, unable to think-
He was exhausted, but he couldn't sleep - tormented by nightmares born of guilt and trauma.
Remus still found it hard to believe.
Everything had happened sofast.
Only a couple months prior, Remus had said goodbye to his friends, hugging Lily tightly before he left on a mission for Dumbledore, promising he'd return soon.
He'd given Sirius a kiss on the cheek, hugged Harry, hugged Peter and James - and he left.
Remus had fully believed that he see them again when he returned - he thought that he'd come home and enjoy a meal with them like always, with hugs, and love, and joy that he had returned as promised-
But instead - everything had been destroyed in a matter of moments.
Remus had been making his way home when the news reached him - not Apparating or taking any public form of transportation where he could have been spotted and tracked by Death Eaters.
He had been stopped by a panicked witch, who had hastily explained that Sirius Black had just been arrested for the murders of James, Lily, Peter and twelve Muggles.
He couldn't believe it - he almost laughed when she had told him.
He Apparated to Godric's Hollow - ignoring all concerns about being tracked for such a noticeable use of magic - and when he appeared, his legs gave out beneath him at the sight of the decimated home.
The once bright home, full of life and love and happiness - was left destroyed. Burned and broken. An empty remnant of what it once was.
And then there was the fact that Sirius, of all people, had been arrested.
For the murder of his best friend- his brother in all but blood - the murder of his sister - the attempted murder of the baby boy he adored somuch-!
It just- it just wasn't right!
It just didn't make sense!
How could this have happened!?
One moment Remus was staring at the ceiling, the next he was flinging himself out of bed, rushing to his bathroom, collapsing in front of the toilet and emptying the miniscule contents of his stomach.
Sobbing helplessly, Remus lay his head against his arms as he took forceful, shuddering breaths - his body shivering and aching.
Everything was wrong.
So, so wrong.
Remus eventually forced himself up onto shaking legs.
He needed to know what went wrong.
He needed to know why this happened.
He needed to know - or else he'd go insane.
He managed to throw on some clothes - he wasn't sure what clothes he was wearing.
Remus stumbled to his fireplace, a handful of Floo Powder loosely in his grasp, and he muttered "Minerva McGonagall's Office, Hogwarts" before throwing the powder.
In a flash of green, warmth flickering at his legs, Remus was thrust from his fire place, and into the familiar office of his ex-Professor.
Minerva jolted in surprise, and Remus found himself slightly surprised she was even there.
"Remus," she said in a hushed tone, before standing and walking over to him, steadying his shaking frame. "Remus, dear, what are you doing here?"
"I- I need- I need to talk to- to Sirius" he croaked, his voice quiet and shaking.
Minerva's eyes widened.
"Remus... I- I don't know if that's-"
"I need to speak to him!" He suddenly yelled, startling even himself, he breathed harshly, tears burning in his eyes, "Please- please I need to know- I need t-to know why- why this happened"
Minerva stared at him tearfully, before nodding.
"Okay, okay - sit down. You need something to drink - something to eat. And then we can talk"
He was lead to a chair - a chair he remembered sitting in a lot as a teen, constantly in trouble for the pranks he pulled with his friends.
Before long, Minerva had placed some water down in front of him, along side a sandwich and some biscuits.
Remus stared at the items blankly, before slowly moving to grab the cup, brining the liquid to his lips and slowly sipping it.
It was cooling, he hadn't realised how badly his throat hurt until now.
How long had it been since he had a drink?
How long had it been since he'd eaten?
He glanced around, catching his reflection in the class case holding a couple relics and trophies.
He was wearing James' old Gryffindor sweater - the woollen sweater hanging off his skeletal frame much more than it should be.
Remus stared at himself for a while - his pale skin made his scars and the bags beneath his eyes stand out even more, his hair was a tangled, greasy mess, and he had lost a drastic amount of weight over the three weeks since he found out what happened to James and Lily.
Remus blinked at his reflection - finding himself confused. He didn't recognise himself. If it wasn't for the scars on his face, he would have thought it was someone else.
He sat there for almost an hour before Minerva allowed him to leave the office, leading him to the Hospital Wing for Poppy to look him over.
He hadn't gotten checked over after he came back from his mission, he hadn't left his home since he found out what happened.
Poppy checked him over, carefully and gently.
He had some wounds - but they were healed quickly enough.
"Remus," he looked up at Minerva, "Are you sure you want to see him?"
"Yes." he said, firmly and confidently.
And a couple hours later, he was standing on the makeshift dock, staring at the large, towering prison.
Minerva stood at his side, a Ministry representative hesitating, before summoning a rickety old boat.
Remus stumbled into the boat, staying silent as they made their way slowly towards the prison.
A weird sense of Deja-vu came over him - the familiar sound of water lapping at the sides of the boat, the anxiety of approaching an old, towering, stone building - it was like some sort of fucked up version of his first night at Hogwarts.
The journey was almost half an hour, and as they got closer - Remus felt colder.
The presence of Dementors beginning to make him feel sick, his mind turning to the emotions he'd been stuck with for the past three weeks, all the signs he could have missed, all the questions left unanswered, the words left unsaid-
He took a slow breath, nails digging into his palms, trying to keep his focus on reality.
He needed to speak to Sirius. He needed to know.
He was lead up the stone steps, passed Dementors and Death Eaters - the screaming and insane laughter echoing through the buildings.
Remus swallowed, shivering in the cold, catching a couple slights at the fact he was dawned in a Gryffindor sweater.
And then, he passed someone who made him freeze.
Bellatrix grinned insanely at him through the bars, her husband laying on his bed, and across the hall from their separate cells, was a thin, straw haired, no older than nineteen years old boy.
Barty Crouch Junior.
The boy didn't look up at him.
Remus forced himself to continue - and eventually found himself in front of a cell.
There he was.
Laying on the cold, stone floor, hair tangled and greasy, he was laying on his side, unmoving.
The only sign that the skeletal man laying there was actually alive was the slow movement of his chest rising and falling, and the soft, near inaudible, mumbling coming from his mouth.
"-and then you jumped and I thought you were gonna miss the broom- but you didn't. You were always so good at surprising me Prongs- always. Why did you even do that? You never told me. Was it just to impress Lily? Wouldn't be surprising you would do anything for her attention-"
Remus stepped closer - and the mumbling stopped, Sirius' breath hitching.
"... Sirius?"
Sirius tensed.
"not real not real not real- don't get tricked again it's not real he's not here he's never here he-"
"Sirius" he said a little louder, and the whimper that escaped him was near heart-breaking.
"Padfoot?" he tried instead, and Sirius gasped - head snapping up towards him, eyes locking onto his.
They sat there in silence for a while - before Sirius scrambled towards the cell door in a very dog-like fashion, Remus kneeling at eye level with the tearful, panicked man.
He looked as awful as Remus felt.
"Moony?" he croaked, the word falling off his tongue tentatively.
Remus nodded, hesitantly tapping the hand Sirius had on the bars - proving that he was real.
Sirius gasped, pulling his hand away - before throwing his hand threw the bar and catching Remus' in a tight grip-
Remus heard a commotion behind him - most likely the rep and Minerva readying themselves to Stun him if necessary.
But he didn't move.
Sirius stared in wide eyed disbelief at their joined hands.
"You're... real"
"Yeah."
"Why... why are you... here?"
Remus stared at the man for a long moment of silence.
"I need to know what happened."
Then Sirius did something he didn't expect.
He broke down in tears.
Harsh, uncontrollable sobs broke through his shivering body, tears flooding down his face in waves- practically screaming in grief as he collapsed against the bars.
Remus jumped back in surprise, letting go of Sirius' hand - which only served to fuel his panic, flailing wildly for Remus' hand again, looking pleadingly up at him.
"I- I- I- It's all my fault!" he cried, sobbing even harder, "I shouldn't have- I thought it was safer- I thought I was being smart!" Remus stared in confusion as Sirius looked up at him again, and in a very small voice, the black haired man continued.
"I thought you were the traitor, Moony"
Remus blinked, eyes widening.
"But- I was wrong- it wasn't- it- it was him. He- he- he told me he'd keep them safe- he told me he wouldn't tell- he said he was our friend!"
Sirius was downright hysterical now.
"Peter said he wouldn't tell! But he did! He told him! He told him and I thought- I thought something had happened- something made him- but he started screaming at me! And I saw his arm- and I- I froze! I should have just beaten him! I should have just stunned him and brought him back! But I froze and he- he- I didn't kill him, Moony, I swear! I didn't kill them! I would never- I loved them! I loved James! I loved Lily! I love Harry! I didn't do this-! But it's my fault because I made James change his mind- I made James chose Peter instead of me! I thought it was you but it wasn't and I'm so sorry! I'm sorry, Remus, I'm sorry, so sorry"
He repeated those final words, crying, body losing any energy it once had as he slumped against the bars.
Remus realised he was crying too, tears rolling quickly down his face.
He didn't know what to do now,