11. Love Causes Pain, Love Cures Pain, And Love Is a Pain
When Hermione got home from work, Draco was, of course, gone. For a moment, she thought about disapparating into his house immediately, but she was extremely tired and knew that they had a difficult conversation ahead of them, so she went to bed first. They hadn't spoken since their argument, and she had no idea what mood he would be in, so she needed to replenish some energy. She would not like to slack off on something when she is too tired.
After a few hours of sleep, she finally chose to walk instead of disapparating so she could think carefully about what she was going to say to the blond. She knew it was her fault. She got them both into it and now she has to get them both out of it. And it was going to cost her a lot of strength because if Draco continued with his Malfoy behavior, she was going to have to be very patient, which she wasn't sure she could do.
Taking a deep breath she knocked on the door and tried to put a determined expression on her face as she waited for him to open it, which was rather pointless as all her courage was gone once the blond appeared in front of her. Because he was hiding behind his stone mask, and she felt like they had gone back in time to the days when they were still studying at Hogwarts. To the days when he was daddy's boy, and she was a filthy little mudblood.
"How was dinner?" he asked coldly when she said nothing.
Hermione swallowed hard. "Dinner was fine as always. We missed you there," she answered quietly, stepping nervously. "You're not going to invite me on?"
Draco just stared at her for a moment before taking a step back, allowing her to enter. "I didn't talk about that dinner," he said as he closed the door behind her.
"What dinner you were talking about?" the brunette didn't understand.
He apparently didn't intend to give her an answer, because he just kept silent. And as much as Hermione wanted to know, she came here for another reason and couldn't stay too long.
"That doesn't matter. I wanted to talk to you about finding you on my couch last night. I don't mind, I just wonder if you have anything to say about it," she said bluntly. It was the first time since school that she felt uncomfortable in his presence. But she knew that he mostly hid behind this mask of his when he was hurt, and she felt even worse now because it was clear to both of them that she was the one who hurt him.
Draco didn't say anything again, making it not easy for her at all. She didn't know what else to say. She didn't want to argue with him, but somehow she had an inkling that their conversation couldn't end otherwise. Although, they were both relatively calm so far.
“I meant it last time. I don't want to stop," he finally spoke and she wished he would stay silent because she definitely didn't want to hear this.
She took a ragged breath. This was exactly the conversation she didn't want to have with him, but unfortunately, she rarely got what she wanted. "I meant it too," she nodded.
"Well, I guess we won't agree," he smirked.
And Hermione wanted to come up to him and wipe that stupid smirk off his face. Preferably the same way she did it in the third year. But now they were adults and a bit more cultured, so she stood still and thought about her options, which were woefully few.
"I guess not," she breathed out eventually.
"I don't understand why you're so against it, it's not like there's no chemistry between us," he said, his smirk only getting wider.
Bastard.
"And you know what I don't understand? Why do I have to repeat this to you again? I shouldn't have to tell you once, let alone twice. Blaise is our friend,” she said forcefully. She didn't understand. She truly did not. It was just sex. He could have found anyone else, so why was he refusing to end it with her?
“Do you have other reasons, or is this your only excuse?” he asked with an icy calmness that probably pissed her off even more than if he'd yelled at her.
“If this is my only excuse? Are you kidding me?" she yelled angrily, waiting for him to say something, but he just shrugged. "Look, I don't want to argue. I just want us to work this out and get back to our friendship."
"Sometimes you just can't be friends with everyone," he finally snapped. "So what? Blaise decided to be nice to you, and you change your mind right away? I'm not your toy that you can throw away when you're tired of it. What do you think would happen if I went to him right now and told him? If I described to him in detail how you squirmed under my touch? How did you scream my name instead of his? How all it took was one kiss, and you succumbed to me instantly? How -"
Slap.
Hermione didn't know how she got to him so quickly, but before she could realize what she was doing, she slapped him. Cultivated or not, this is not something she will allow.
"I'm sorry I started with you and put you in this situation, whatever it is. It's obvious, that we won't agree right now, and like I said, I don't want to argue. I think we shouldn't be seeing each other right now," she informed him dejectedly, walking towards the door. She knew there had to be something more to it. Draco was probably going through something, and instead of confiding in her or anyone else, he tried to cause conflict. That's just the way he was.
"He will never come back to you, Hermione."
She stopped but didn't turn around. Even though she knew it, it always hurt her heart to hear it. "That doesn't mean we can keep sleeping together."
"I thought we men were supposed to be that narrow-minded," he murmured.
Hermione turned around this time as she had no idea what he was talking about. And she panicked a little when she saw him coming towards her.
“You keep talking about how we need to stop sleeping together, but did it occur to you that I'm talking about something more?” he asked in an almost calm voice.
"What?" she blurted out, unknowingly taking a few steps back.
He shook his head in disbelief. “You showed me something I didn't know I wanted. I don't want to stop. On the contrary, I want more from it."
"Very funny," she muttered, trying to fight off the panic, that was building inside her. She had expected a lot, but definitely not this.
"I'm not laughing. Is it really that absurd?" he wanted to know.
The brunette laughed wryly. "Of course it's absurd! And I hate to repeat myself, but you give me no other choice. What you are suggesting here is much worse than the fact that we slept together several times. Wake up, Draco. Nothing will ever happen between us. We'll just be the friends we are. And I'm sorry for complicating it. I know it's my fault, so now I have to be the one to fix it. And since we've proven ourselves multiple times that we can't be trusted, we won't see each other until this crazy idea of yours leaves you,” she blurted out in one breath and turned to leave again.
"I won't stop, Hermione. I won't stop trying until you see what I see," he called after her.
She grabbed the handle but didn't open the door. She didn't turn to him, but said in an almost icy voice, "I don't want to see what you see," and disapparated away.