9. When a Man Has Once Loved a Woman, He Will Do Anything For Her Except Continue To Love Her
Blaise couldn't concentrate too much on his work as his eyes kept wandering to the clock hanging above the door. If Draco noticed, he didn't say anything, and he was very glad about that. It was a huge change for him. He hadn't looked forward to the end of the working day for a couple of months, and he wasn't in the habit of looking eagerly for the hands to stop at twelve and five. But today he had a reason for it. He had dinner at Hermione's, and he couldn't wait. And to top it all off, he felt like a teenager again, which he had absolutely no reason to do since it was just a friendly dinner. Hermione didn't love him, and he certainly wasn't going to beg for forgiveness. He already clarified that with himself a few days ago.
"I'm done for today, enjoy it here, and most importantly don't forget to go home to sleep," Draco informed him, breaking him out of his thoughts.
Blaise gave him a look for about a second before looking at the clock again. It wasn't five yet, but what was the difference between a minute or two? He hadn't been working for the last hour anyway but was just lost in thought.
"I'm actually finishing up today too," he said and immediately started packing to show him he meant it.
“Do you have Charlie with you?” he asked confused as that was the only reason Blaise left work after their working hours.
"No, I don't have him until the weekend, but I'm going to their place for dinner," he replied in a rather good mood, which caught Draco by surprise.
“You going to their place for dinner? And you leave work on time. I hate to tell you, but that's what you should have done when you were married," the blond blurted out without thinking. He was too shocked by Blaise's announcement to process what he was saying.
Blaise's shoulders stiffened for a brief moment and Draco's heart felt strangely warm, which was another thing that surprised him. He might not have thought about the words he said to his friend, but he already knew himself well enough to know that he had said exactly what he subconsciously wanted to say. He immediately felt embarrassed when he realized he wanted to spoil his good mood.
"When I wasn't a good husband, I can at least be a good friend," he muttered almost in surrender, but in a second a determined expression settled on his face. Not being a perfect husband was nothing new to him, after all, it was one of the reasons why he had to end their marriage, but he was convinced that he could still be Hermione's friend, and he was doing much better in friendship than in marriage.
Draco nodded almost absently. “Of course, enjoy your dinner. I'll see you tomorrow," he said goodbye and gave him a weak smile.
Blaise just nodded and left their office while Draco continued to sit still. He was now too lost in his thoughts to go home as he had originally planned. Instead, he wondered how he got into the situation he was in right now. He had never wanted to settle down and have a family, so why was he suddenly so drawn to Hermione? To a woman who was not only the ex-wife of a man who was like a brother to him, but also had a child? Draco did not come from a twice-loving family, and the idea of ever being a father was even more distant to him than the idea of having a wife. And yet the idea was there.
He slammed the table angrily and stood to leave. He needed to talk to someone about this, but he had no one. Theodore was the only one who knew about it, and he didn't exactly love him right now. Besides, he knew what he would tell him. And Draco didn't want to hear that. He didn't want to hear that he had to stop seeing her because he wanted the exact opposite. He wanted to spend much more time with her. And he almost always got what he wanted. He was a Malfoy, after all. Maybe if Theodore stayed here, he could talk him out of it. Maybe, he would prevent him from making bad decisions like he did at school. But he wasn't here, and Draco had a free pass to do whatever he wanted.
There was no one to look after him.
"Charlie's asleep," Hermione informed Blaise quietly as she followed him back into the kitchen. "I'd offer you something alcoholic to drink, but unfortunately I don't have any, so you'll have to make do with coffee or tea."
Blaise wasn't surprised by her words, since even during their marriage they didn't have a supply of alcohol at home. "I won't be working today, so something without caffeine, please."
Hermione nodded and put the water for tea to boil before taking two mugs out of the cabinet and placing lemongrass tea bags in them. Blaise didn't say anything, and she realized that this was probably the first time since their divorce that there hadn't been an awkward silence between them. On the contrary, she felt pleasant, which, on the one hand, she welcomed, but on the other hand, it scared her. Before, they could only act like this at Charlotte's house, where it always seemed as if they had never divorced. She was glad that he wasn't trying to avoid her anymore, and they could have a quiet evening alone together, but what if that meant something else? She'd always said she wanted to be his friend, but now that she seemed to have finally achieved it, she felt like she was losing something. She just couldn't figure out what.
"There you go," she whispered with a small smile and placed a mug of tea in front of him. She then sat down next to him.
"Thank you," he only said, causing silence to fall between them again, which Blaise didn't mind too much. Being in her presence was enough for him, but as he watched her, he got the feeling that something was bothering her. "Is something wrong?" he asked with a slight frown.
"Nothing, I just-" she croaked, pausing to think about what she was actually going to tell him. For a second, she thought of chalking it up to a headache, but she didn't want to lie to him. "Do you know that this is the first time since our divorce that we have spent so much time together? I was a little surprised by how pleasant the evening was," she confided.
"What are you talking about? We've spent a lot of time together," he countered uncomprehendingly.
"But it was only with your mother. Try to think about it. We passed Charlie between the doors, or through someone, you didn't go to the Burrow any more than you did, and the only place we met was at Charlotte's."
A wrinkle appeared on Blais' forehead as he really thought about it. He knew their relationship hadn't been anything amazing in the past year, but he thought they still worked pretty well. Sure, he often avoided her, but that was only because of how much he hated himself for hurting her.
"We agreed to stay friends," he pointed out the fact. Even if everything she said was true, he still took her as a friend. Because she was that. She was his best friend, and if he was anyone else, he'd hit the jackpot. But he he was who he was, and apparently, the Zabinis weren't meant to be lucky in love, he could only hope that Charlie was enough of a Granger to miss the curse.
Hermione gave him a sad look. "I think we both know very well that we didn't do very well. I tried, and I believe you did too, but it was probably too soon. They all say it takes time. And apparently, that's exactly what we needed. We needed time to be friends again," she explained to him a little contritely. It was good that they could be real friends again, but at what cost? What if she lost what she wanted so badly to keep? She still loved him so much, but what if, at this point, that love started to fade? Is it possible for her to be just a friend to the person she loves so much? She was so focused on keeping at least a friendship with him when they couldn't keep their marriage together that she didn't even think about what that might mean.
"Why do I get the feeling you're not happy about this?" he asked softly. He was a little startled by their honest conversation, but he knew he had to talk about it. Hermione was right. Something has been hanging in the air between them for almost a year, and now the time has come to finally settle it all.
"You know I am, but at the same time I feel like I've lost something," she took a deep breath, "Do you know that when a man has once loved a woman he will do anything for her -"
"- except continue to love her. Oscar Wilde. Blaise finished for her. "Hermione," he sighed.
"It's alright. I never hoped that we would get back together, but I guess some small part of me thought so after all. It will just take time, you know that. I'm glad we're friends, really.” I just have to accept the price I'll have to pay.
"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"
"You could start by showing up for dinner at the Burrow the day after tomorrow since you have no reason to avoid me anymore, and everyone misses you so much there," she said with a small smile.
"I'll be there," he assured her with a smile and finally drank the tea she made for him.
He didn't like seeing her sad, but he knew it was better this way. In time, she will come to terms with it and find someone who will give her true happiness.
And he will watch from afar and be happy for her.