2. Without Love, Our Life Is A Road To The Grave
Hermione stepped out of the fireplace with Charlie in her arms and immediately began looking around. She couldn't see anyone, but she had a very accurate idea of who was where. After all, she wasn't here in the first place, was she? As always, most voices came from the living room, so most of the people present were located there. The rest were hanging around the house, and Molly was finishing dinner in the kitchen, but she was sure to show up to greet them in a second.
"Children! You're finally here," she greeted them with a huge smile, then hugged Hermione and immediately took Charlie from her.
"Gandma!" he squealed happily, as she planted a kiss on his cheek and started telling him how much she missed him.
Meanwhile, Hermione cautiously peeked behind her to see if Blaise would appear, but he didn't. And, of course, Molly noticed where she was looking.
"He's not coming, dear, he sent a letter saying he's very sorry but that he won't be able to make it this time because of work," she informed her, trying not to look too sorry. "Dinner is ready and will be served at seven sharp," she added before she went with Charlie to the living room to the others.
"He was always busy," Ginny commented with an encouraging smile as she suddenly appeared beside her and handed her a mug of coffee. "Shall we talk?"
"And do we really have to? I should go say hello to the others," Hermione tried to get out of it, though she knew it was futile.
“Yes, we really have to. I mean really talk and not just me talking. You need to get it out of your head," Ginny ordered her, and together they went to the terrace to get some peace.
"I don't want to talk about it," muttered the brunette, leaning against the railing. "There's nothing to talk about. I'm just a divorced woman. That's what happens, there's no need to keep discussing it."
Ginny was silent for a few seconds to really think about what to say to her best friend. She couldn't believe that she and Blaise were divorced. She took it as a stupid joke herself. She couldn't imagine how Hermione must have suffered. “Yes, you're a divorced woman, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about it. Mia, you didn't talk about it at all. Back then I wanted to give you time to process it a bit, but it's been a year, and you're still smothering it all in yourself," the redhead sighed.
"I don't know what you want me to say," she whispered, her eyes fixed on her coffee mug. She didn't talk about it. Of course not. Because as long as she didn't talk about it out loud, she felt like she had at least a little bit of all the pain under control. And besides, she really felt there was no need to talk about it. When she and Blaise divorced, she had a break from others for the first month or two. But then suddenly everyone started asking her when they would get back together. And since then, every once in a while, someone pulls it out again. With the one-year milestone approaching, the topic was coming up a bit more in conversation, and Hermione wasn't happy about it at all.
"I won't lie to you, none of us believed that you would really get divorced. And then when you actually did, we thought you'd be back together within a few months. Hermione, I know we were all worried, but I've never seen anyone who should be more together than you and Blaise. But it's been a year, and maybe you should consider that you are not getting back together," Ginny said softly.
"This is new," she breathed in surprise and took a deep breath. "But I never thought we'd get back together, Ginny," she croaked, blinking back tears. If it was up to her, they would never have divorced. But she will definitely not force herself on him. It was terrible enough that she still loved him. She will not lower herself to beg him. After all, she is a strong and independent woman. She will learn to live alone again.
"You're still young, you can find someone," she said carefully. "I know you don't feel like it right now, but divorce isn't the end of the world." These words weren't easy to say to her at all. Even after a year of separation, she thought the two of you belonged. But she knew she had to change tactics because they all sounded like a stuck gramophone record.
"I don't want to date. My priority is Charlie.” Liar! So why are you sleeping with Draco? her conscience snapped.
“Of course, you don't want to date right now. I meant sometime in the future. Before you know it, Charlie will grow up to be a grown man, and you'll be alone. Would you like that?" she asked more of a rhetorical question. She wasn't planning on scaring her or Merlin forbid, hurting her. She only cared about her. She didn't want her best friend to be left behind. And she didn't even want to know what would happen when Blaise found someone and Hermione didn't. This was also the reason why she decided to take a different direction in their conversation.
Hermione thought about it. Even though she had slept with Draco several times, not once in the entire time she was divorced did she think about finding someone. She didn't want anyone else. She would never love anyone the way she loved Blaise, so why would she waste her time with men? The thought of her ever dating someone else was terrifying. It especially made her heart ache.
“When you were dating Michael and Dean, did you think it would last? Or did you know that the relationship could never last because you were in love with Harry and therefore could never fully love them?" she asked absently, finally taking a drink of her coffee which was slowly starting to cool.
"That is not fair -"
"What wouldn't be fair about that? It's just the truth. I can't imagine a day ever coming when I don't love him anymore, so why try for other relationships when I know they'll never work out? No, let me finish, please," she said in a firm voice as she saw Ginny take a breath. "Maybe that day will come, but to be honest, I don't want that day to ever come. It scares me that I might never stop loving him. Thanks to him, I started to live properly. And yes, all I feel right now is pain, but I can't let go of the feelings I have for him. Because they are my last link to the fact that the years we spent together were real. Once I stopped loving him, it would be over. The real end," part of the feelings she had been suffocating for so long spewed out at her.
Ginny pulled her into a hug. “I won't claim to understand your feelings, but I'm glad you shared them with me. You'll find it easier to talk about it," she whispered, pulling away. "I just don't want you to suffer. Promise me you'll try to move on. Remember, finding someone else doesn't necessarily mean you don't love Blaise anymore. I wouldn't be afraid of that day ever coming, he'll probably be in your heart forever."
"Thank you, Ginny -"
"Dinner is ready," they were interrupted by the arrival of Ron. "You'd better hurry, you know how mom doesn't like it when we don't sit at the table on time," he smirked and quickly disappeared again.
"He's right, we should go," Hermione laughed and they both followed Ron in. "I'll just take the mug to the kitchen, and I'll be at the table in a minute," she announced to the redhead, heading into the kitchen to pour the rest of the cold coffee down the sink and wash the mug.
"He's really busy with work," a voice suddenly said from behind her, and she jumped with a start.
"Do you really think that?" she asked, her back still turned to him.
"It's a bit of an excuse, but otherwise he's working really hard now. Basically, if he doesn't have Charlie with him, he's at work. I think he's trying to keep himself busy so he doesn't do something stupid."
Hermione wiped the washed mug and settled it in the cabinet before finally turning to face Draco. “Like the stupid thing the two of us did?” she retorted and slipped past him into the dining room before he could say anything. It wasn't exactly fair of her to be the one abusing him, but he might as well have some sense! He should tell her how stupid she is being.
He should insist that it won't happen again, and not that he would go out of his way to meet her.