Happy house

Most of the boys sit in the living room when there's a game on TV in the evening, and Sirius joins in too, mostly for snacks.

But instead of focusing on the TV, Sirius focuses on the new boy, he is intrigued by the new roommate.

"And you're staring again," Remus raises an eyebrow as he glares at Sirius.

"You're interesting and beautiful, I wanted–"

"Beautiful?" Remus raises his eyebrows offended "are you a fucking fagott or something?" He asks and does it loudly it draws glances at Sirius and puts him in an awkward position, he's blushing at the attention he got and the embarrassment, someone starts laughing and the laughter spreads throughout the living room.

"I think it's an unpleasant way to define someone's orientation," Sirius starts slowly, the laughter dies down "and I believe that everyone has the right to be who they want to be, so even if I were gay, the fact that you insult me is a sign of your bad upbringing, not my problem," he continues. "I'm eleven years old and I don't know my orientation yet and the fact that you call me names can make it hard for me to know my true self one day," Sirius turns it into a lesson. "I just wanted to give you a compliment and make you feel better and you made me feel bad," he gets up and walks away.

"Who upset Sirius?" Minerva peeks into the living room, all the boys point to Remus in unison.

"Sirius is her favorite," informs one of the boys, Remus curses under his breath.

"He calls him a fagott," some other boy informs.

"Snitch," Remus snorts. "He was making fun of me!" He defends himself.

"He was not," someone stands up for him.

Sirius is obviously well-liked at here. It's true, everyone likes Sirius, he's like an older brother to the younger kids and a friend to the older ones.

"When he lies, he snaps his fingers," someone explains.

"Well, he told me I'm beautiful," Remus clenches his teeth in anger.

"Maybe for him you are," Minerva sighs. "Tell me Remus, what's making you so mad? What makes you angry?" She asks and she's not mad at him, Remus is surprised but that doesn't make him answer. "Sirius stares at your scars? It's annoying that everyone is doing this huh?" She's right, but that's not why Remus despises Sirius. "You don't like your scars right? Maybe you can find something special in them. Different means good, believe me," she says with a smile, and as if she really believes it, Remus swallows hard, he can feel the tears gathering in his eyes, it hurts. "If you're not ready to talk to me about anything, that's fine, but please don't take it out on other kids, okay?" Remus nods, what else can he do? "If you're angry come to me, we'll find a safe way to vent our anger, we'll be fine, okay? Remember that I am here to help you."

Different means good, because when Sirius came to her, crying, telling her that he wasn't like other children, she hugged him and told him that it didn't mean he was worse, because different doesn't mean worse, because different sometimes means special, good.

"Minnie I need– sorry," Sirius mutters as he spots Remus. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," Remus blinks painfully, he doesn't understand what's going on, Sirius apologizes to him? "I wanted to ask for tea," he smiles at the caretaker.

"Sure, kiddo sure," Minerva smiles.

Sirius is a smart boy, he's really clever, he always finds good words and looks for solutions, he's mature for his age, and Minerva thinks it's because of how quickly he had to grow up and how quickly he had to start taking care of others, he was taking care of and practically raised Regulus, being only two years older than him, Minerva dreamed of giving him at least a scrap of a normal childhood, she wanted him to be a child, even for a moment, she wanted Sirius to let himself make mistakes and stupid antics, stupid jokes and things that kids do.

"If it bothers you so much that I'm staring, I'll stop, all you have to do is ask," Sirius shrugs "if you don't like me I can ask for a room change or–"

Remus doesn't know why he denies, why he interrupts Sirius.

Remus knows very well what annoys him so much about Sirius.

Sirius is beautiful, he's pretty, his face is bright and smooth, his hair is neatly styled, he's beautiful and Remus not only envies him, he admires him. Sirius is beautiful and Remus is attracted to it and he doesn't want to, he can't, it's stupid, it's sick and-

Remus hates him, but by the other hand he desperately wants him to like him.

Being a teenage boy is confusing.

"Sirius I'm back!" James cheerfully calls out. "Oh Hi!" He welcomes the new boy "what's your name? I am James!" He introduce himself "are you new here? Are you friends with Sirius? If you want you can come with us to scate park today, what do you say?" This boy has way too much energy, definitely.

"James?" Regulus peers into his brother's room. "Oh it's you," he smiles, his cheeks slightly pink. "Can I come with you too?"

"Of course! The more of us, the better," James assures cheerfully "so what?" He looks at Remus.

"Sure why not," he shrugs "I'm Remus by the way," Sirius would be jealous if he heard that, because Remus didn't introduce himself to him.

Remus doesn't know why he agreed, it's the boy's fault, he radiates such positive energy that you just want to agree to anything he says. James is simply special, he attracts you like a magnet, you have no way to resist.

Remus spends most of his time on the bench next to Regulus where the two start talking about the new book series.

Remus had always found it soothing to escape into the world of his imagination. They get along quite well. Remus seems to have found his new home.

Summer is passing and the boys are going to school. Remus joins their class, now there are four Marauders and they are every teacher's nightmare with Remus in their ranks they are undefeated.

Remus quickly get along with Peter, liked him.

Things were still a little tense with Sirius, but it was getting better between them.

And so time passes.

Remus somehow doesn't choose to leave Sirius' room even though the other one is empty and Remus had the opportunity to do so, he decided to stay.

Sirius just smiled.

For some reason time passes, years pass and suddenly you have these two fourteen year old boys in the same room and suddenly these two are kissing.

This is the first kiss for each of them.

It's weird and awkward and they all have wandering eyes, their hearts are beating very fast and their breath is wheezing. They don't look at each other, they don't dare.

At the moment, they don't even know who started it, who made it happen.

In one moment they were shouting at each other, arguing about a stupid pen, and in the next moment they were close to each other and suddenly this kiss when their lips touched each other.

"Shit sorry, I–" Sirius tries but fails.

"No that's okay just–" Remus also tries.

They groan in misery and annoyance.

"Want to do it again?" Something dangerous flashes in Sirius's eyes as he dares to ask the question, he risks a slap in the face but instead, Remus leans into him and their lips connect again.

They don't talk about it, ever. They never go back to it. It was a mistake and it should have happened, they know it, so they keep their mouths shut.

"James keeps ignoring me!" Regulus whines, moaning against Sirius' ear as he tries to prepare himself to leave.

There's a big party tonight for Marlene's birthday, and the whole gang will be there. James, Peter, Remus, Sirius, Lilly, Mary and even Dorcas (because Marlene crushes her but shhh), Barty with her, Padora and Evan are out of reach, currently in another city and Regulus quits, he doesn't like crowds.

"Your crush on him is just adorable," Sirius teases with an amused smile.

"My what?" Regulus scoffs.

"Don't pretend, you've been simping for him from the beginning," he sticks his tongue out at his brother.

"Fuck you," Regulus huffs, he jumped off the desk "good luck fucking another girl in denial that you are in love with your best friend,' he smacks his lips mockingly and leaves.

Minerva is perfectly aware of where the boys are going but still pretends to believe them that they are only going to sleep over with a friend from school.

Minerva never adopted a child but if any one she treated like her own it would be Sirius, she may never have given him her last name but she has always treated him like a son, for a long 10 years.

So when Sirius came to her crying for a crush he had on a boy whose name he never said, she hugged him trying to help and advise, even if she knew what boy it was about, she didn't show it.

She always secretly kept her fingers crossed for Remus and Sirius, she wanted one day to see how they are finally together, how they stop denying their feelings.

The day didn't come for a long time, but soon after Marlene's birthday party, Sirius burst into her office in tears.

"What happened my boy?" She asked rushing over to him immediately.

"We fucked," and that was it, he burst into tears.

"What? What happened? Why are you crying? What's wrong?" She strokes his delicate skin in a soothing way.

"I ran away before he woke up," he whispered "we were drunk and, and it was a damn mistake and‐" he sobs again.

"Oh dear," she whispered.

Some time later, their screams can be heard throughout the house, by which point most children are used to their daily quarrels.

"What the hell are you imagining!? You can not do things like that!" Remus slams his hand against the dresser.

Sirius doesn't answer, his head bowed, he's quiet, too quiet, Remus became silent, he walks over and lifts his chin as he brushes the hair from Sirius's face down his cheeks and tears gleam in his eyes, Remus swallows stressed.

"I didn't mean to cry," Sirius whispered quietly, almost as if he was apologizing.

"Don't you ever try to apologize for it," Remus hissed "not for your emotions, you understand?" He strokes his cheeks and looks into his eyes. "I shouldn't have screamed, I'm sorry, I was angry that you left without a word," he sighed resignedly "because what was I supposed to think? Is this another mistake? I'm sick of these damn mistakes, can't we admit that they weren't mistakes? I really fancy you and I know you do too, so why we just-"

"Just kiss already!" And suddenly it's James' voice coming from the hallway.

"What? James?" Remus frowned.

"Sorry! I'm too excited about the movie!" So it wasn't even addressed to them, James was just randomly yelling at the laptop. He and Regulus were watching a movie on Netflix, and that was what happened sometimes.

"I think we should take James' advice anyway," Sirius admits after a moment of silence, his cheeks dry now and his smile back to his face again.

Remus loves that smile.

While in Sirius' room love confessions, tender words and kisses and conversations are happening.

In the next room, in his brother's room, something equally interesting is going on.

"Reg?" James purrs, he's sleepy, his eyes are slowly closing "you're beautiful why can't you see it?" And he mumbles it just like it doesn't tear Regulus's heart at all, like it doesn't make him melt at all.

James said the most random things, threw at Regulus lines such as in romantic comedy and acted normal after that, like it was no big deal.

He could tell him his eyes shone like stars so he didn't get his name for no reason and went back to eating popcorn.

Regulus was convinced that there was nothing better in the world than being loved by James Potter, and he really wanted to experience it but, well, James wasn't his, and never will be.

James would come to him, lie in bed with him, sleep next to him, hang out with him, invite him out and hold his hand, a lot, he would take him out to dinner with his parents and say compliments every day.

What separated their relationship from a relationship was the lack of kissing and the question 'will you be my boyfriend?'.

Regulus hated it and loved it at the same time, because James loved everyone, literally loved everyone, he fell in love with everyone he met, even if only for a moment, even if only for a small thing.

James was good, he was gentle and he broke Regulus' heart, because Regulus wanted to see something more than friendship in their relationship but he couldn't, because James did exactly the same with the rest of his friends, as far as Regulus knew, James had even kissed every person in his friends and still treated it as platonic.

Regulus was devastated.

Why couldn't James love him?

Regulus knew that it required a lot, that it was a big challenge, because loving someone like him... was hard, that's for sure. But didn't James see how important he was to Regulus? Didn't he see his smile whenever he came into view? Was he deliberately ignoring his blush? Did he really not see how much Regulus cared about him? Has he decided not to think about it that he was one of two people (one of them was his brother) who could touch Regulus without warning because he was sure James wouldn't hurt him?

Regulus gave him his heart and just watched it fall from his hands.

James always came back for them and picked them up from the ground, cuddled them tenderly and dusted them off, and then forgot again. He didn't mean it, so Regulus always forgave him and trusted him again unimaginably.

Nothing broke Regulus' heart more than when, after spending a day with James, he smiled at someone else or when he kissed someone who wasn't him.

It just hurts.

And James...

James didn't know why he kept turning down relationship offers, it was as if he felt that he was already in a relationship, that he had already found the one and only.

The transfer between his heart and mind must be broken because James didn't understand that the love of his life was in front of him.

These moments where his heart was pushing forward, begging him to kiss the black-haired curly boy, he just pretend that they weren't there, not wanting to destroy his most cherished friendship.

Regulus was lying in James' bed.

James invited him over, they played games together, but the thing is, Regulus was on James' bed and he was wearing James' shorts.

James had drawn the curtains to prevent the sun from hurting Regulus, whose body was now bare and vulnerable to the sun's rays, his arms and legs were uncovered, he was wearing a T-shirt and shorts, letting the world touch his skin.

It's a different level of feeling safe around someone, because Regulus still feels awkward even with his friends showing them his flaw, his illness, but James? James when he first saw it, by accident, but when he saw the spots on his body, he proudly announced that it was special and Regulus was beautiful.

He told him so then, he was nine years old and... Today, 8 years later, James had Regulus next to him and he kept repeating it to him.

"You're so fucking beautiful Reg," James mumbles into his skin. He loves doing it. Regulus's body shivers. Suddenly James' mouth is kissing a patch of his skin, it's happened before, his arm is covered with James Potter's kisses in places where it differs in color from the rest "you're beautiful," he repeats this time his kiss reaches his belly, his shirt is slightly lifted and James used it.

"Stop, James stop," Regulus pushes him away, which isn't necessary because James stops with the first stop. James understood and respected boundaries, or at least he tried. He knew sometimes touch was too much and he understood that, but that wasn't the point this time "fuck James," Reg presses his lips together trying to hold back tears from his eyes. "I can't do this anymore. it's not fair, it's terribly unfair," his voice trembles "you keep giving me mixed signals, I'm sick of it, you can't say you're my friend and then do things like this, you just can't," he whispers, one of the tears flows down his cheek.

"What I'm doing?" James norrws his eyes, he wiped a tear from Regulus' cheek and placed a kiss in its place.

"This! Exactly it! Friends don't do things like that, James," Regulus shivers.

"But what?" James blinks slowly "Reg? Don't you like it when I-"

"I like!" Regulus throws his hands up "that's the fucking problem here, I like it," he admits "and you can't see how you hurt me with it James because I like it and I shouldn't," he finally throws it out "because I like you more than I should. I love you since I was eleven James," it's quite, it's confession "and you can't see it but somehow you still do everything I could ever want and-"

"Reg?" James whispers weakly, there are tears in his eyes and Regulus already hates what he's done.

"I'm sorry, James, I might just go now," Regulus stands up, trembling with stress and emotion. He just hopes he didn't make James hate him.

Regulus leaves, James is left alone, frozen where Reg left him, he doesn't know what to do, emotions overwhelm him. When he finally shakes himself off, he goes downstairs and looks for his mum. He finds her in the kitchen and he may be 17 but still tugging at her dress for attention.

"Mum," James has sad expression on his face "I made boy upset, what can I do to fix it?" He asks, as if he were a little boy again "I really didn't mean to hurt him," his lip is trembling.

"What happened, James?" She asks worriedly.

"Suddenly Regulus is in love with me and I just- I don't know, I don't understand my emotions but I have them and," James starts to explain. "He's angry because I played with his feelings."

"Oh James, I'm sure he's not mad at you," she shakes her head.

"He ran away, he disappeared after what he said," James swallows stressed.

"Maybe he's just embarrassed, maybe he's afraid you'll laugh at him."

"But I would never!" James opens his eyes wide, he would never hurt him, he cared too much about him to even try.

Regulus is wonderful, he's gentle, kind and beautiful, he always makes James' heart speed up, he makes strange warmth spreads in his belly, Regulus makes James want to giggle, swinging his arms and kicking his legs, his every little thing makes James smile, every compliment from Regulus makes him dizzy. James wants to kiss every inch of his skin to disfigure how wonderful Regulus is, he wants to hug him all day long, he wants to count all the stars in the sky with him, he wants to have him close forever. James loves to see his face, loves to play with his hair, loves to see his cheeks flush, loves to tell him how beautiful he is, loves it. James just loves- and suddenly the realization catches up with James.

"Mum I love him," he opens his mouth as if he doesn't believe the words that come out of his mouth "I love him and I messed up, oh no," he opens his eyes wide, scared like a deer on which a speeding car is driving "what I have done? I love him–"

"I know James," she smiles slightly. Effie loved this boy, she loved Regulus from the first time she met him, the Black brothers had a special place in her heart, oh she loved them so much. "maybe try to make him knows it too?" She proposes, James nods, he has a new mission. He will make Regulus belive.

The next day starts with a plan. It's the last day of June. James would like to just go to Regulus and apologize to him, explain and talk, confess all these difficult words and feelings, he just wants to scream in his ear that he loves him, and he would, but his romantic soul won't let him.

So James comes to the facility, greeted by Sirius' cold stare, James purses his lips, promising he'll try to fix it.

But he won't fix last night, he won't fix the tears Regulus shed or his sad broken words, he won't fix the panic attacks, he won't fix the past but he will try to fix the present and the future.

Oddly white sheet in his hands, Regulus taught him how to make recycled paper so James uses it, it's a little thing that can prove he cares.

Inside the folded sheet is a flower, it's a Cosmos bipinnatus, exactly the same as the one eight-year-old Regulus once received from James, today he will receive it for the second time.

It's a pink flower with wide leaves, it's beautiful.

James knocks on the door but gets no answer.

"Can I come in?" James asks, he's stressed, his palms sweating.

He gets a soft hum of "mhm," which he takes as agreement, so he steps inside and closes the door behind him.

Regulus lies on the bed, his face hidden in the pillows, he trembles.

"Hey Reg, will you look at me?" James asks tenderly. "I would like to give you something," James doesn't want to say anything, he wants to give him something and thats weird, Regulus opens his eyes scared, he sees James's soft eyes and calms down immediately.

He looks down, James has a folded piece of paper in his hands, James hands it to him. Regulus hesitantly opens it, it's in black ink, cursive, it's a poem.

James wrote him a letter because he couldn't use important words when it mattered, he was always confused and lost and it was just hard so he put all the most important information on paper.

He write about how he loves Regulus and even if he didn't notice it at first he always did, he just needed to understand and find a name for all these things.

James has written about how he loves the way Regulus fights a smile at his bad jokes, how pretty his eyes are that he would love to stare at for hours, he writes about the little things that make his love real.

I think I fall in love a little with everyone I meet, and I guess, for you I fall a little harder, I love you Reg

This is how this letter ends.

Regulus reads it while he ends he has tears in his eyes. James worries that he did something wrong but it's tears of happiness, Regulus reaches for him to hug him, he doesn't believe in his luck.

He entrusts his heart to James once again, and this time James will take care of it impeccably. He's sure.

And that's how a happy house regained its smile.