And I make it look oh so easy
James walked fast. Wanting to beat his heart on who could run and beat faster. He did not run. He didn't want to look weak by running away, no so he just walked fast. He heard footsteps behind him, but they where still far away. Knowing his friends they would come after him, but they wouldn't get him. Not like Lily did. Remus could understand him and was good with using words, but not with the physical touch. He never really hugged James. Sirius on the other hand would only hug him and never knew what to say. Lily could do both. She would comfort him and then give him a hug stroking his back and holding his hand. Sometimes she wiped away his tears and she would give him a small smile.
He fell in love with her the first time she did that. It was in third year. They hated each other, well Lily "hated" James. James didn't like Lily, but he never hated her. He already though she was very pretty and that her eyes where the most gorgeous in the world, but he never imagined loving the girl. Until one day. He was crying in the common room about his dad being sick. He was scared and no one was there to help him. Crying his eyes out thinking the world hated him. He heard footsteps hoping it was Remus, Peter, Sirius or even Marlene. He saw shining green eyes and he felt dissapointedment in his head. Great, she will say something mean or just walk scared away, maybe even worse she will tell the whole school that she saw me crying. The where still looking at each other and the nex moment Lily was sitting down next to him on the couch. Silence.
"What happened?" Her voice was different. Not hard or angry, but soft and forgiving. "Like I'm gonna tell you." James scoffed. Please go away...He begged, but the opposite happened. "What because James Potter is crying?" She laughed. Not at his, but a small simple laugh. "Potter you don't have to tell me, but whatever it is you'll be okay. You don't have to hide. Not behind your cloak or your ego." James looked her in the eye. He wasn't crying anymore, but his eyes where still wet. "You don't get it." He said as he looked away again. "You're really like a mirrorball. Shining for everyone, having to be the middle of everything, wanting what's best for your friends, but when you need help yourself you shut down." He started at the ground. There it was. Was it so obvious? Why didn't Sirius or Peter or any of his friends knew it then? "You're wrong." He said simply. "We both know I'm not." Lily said. "You can talk to me. I may despice you, but I'm not gonna leave you here crying." She said as if she was giving a peptalk. "I promise I won't tell a soul!" James smiled. He didn't know why exactly, but he believed her. "You pinky promise." He said in his childish tone as he raised his pinky. "I do." As she curled her pinky over his. "My dad is sick..." He breathed out. "And I'm scared, for the future and I just don't want anyone to know. What if they think I'm overpanicking or they think I'm overdramtic, cause if you look at there problems mine is nothing." He said almost crying again. It felt good to talk to someone. "No problems are overdramtic and everyone should be heard. You're not weak. Actually you're very strong for someone who helps so many people and never looks at themselves. I know you don't like it when I say this, but you need to let people in. Try and see if people understand you."
Her words where so comforting. He smiled. He turned his head to Lily seeing she smiled at him. At that moment he knew that she was special. "I don't know. I don't want Remus, Sirius or any of my friends to carry my burden." He really didn't want that, but he wanted someone. "How about someone you isn't your friend?" She laughed at her own sentence. "You can always come to me. I won't tell a soul. Plus I don't think it's a burden." Her smile was so genuine. "Thank you, Lily." He smiled. "It's still is Evans for you Potter." He laughed at that. "No go to sleep, you're tired." They both went to there dorms. The only thing James though was that she didn't saw through him and she didn't even know him. That night he could only think about Lily. That they was the day hey fell in love with her.
He noticed the memory made him walk slower, so either Remus or Sirius was one step behind him. A hand rested on his shoulder. It was like he was a magnet and pulled back into a hug. The person started crying and James felt the tears of the person on his shirt. Remus... James hadn't heard Remus crying since the prank.... And even then it where only a few tears, but now it was like a rainstorm. "J-James.. I'm sorr-sorry. We do-don't know what your going through.... W-we are here for you....." Right then it hit James. Remus lost Lily too. Lily may not have been the love of Remus life, but she was his best friend and in a way his other half. He hugged back. "I'm sorry for you Remus. I couldn't imagine what it's like for you." Remus smiled. "She really was wonderful." James still had the cold in his eyes. "You know that she was the first one who figured out about my werewolf thing." Remus laughed although it was more of a cough. "She is the type of person for that."