Wolfstar Oneshots

Time wasn't a concept that felt very real to a boy like Remus, who, since a very young age, was always hidden in the shadows away from people.

He liked books because it gave him an escape from the nothing in his life.

From ages 4 to 10, his parents were very absent in his life, and he was a lonely child. This didn't change when he went to Hogwarts, but he finally made friends. They were very vocal and open about wanting to get to know him, but he hadn't realized until then that he didn't know himself.

Sirius Black, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew were good company. They were smart in their own ways, funny without trying, and they were good with people. Mind you, Peter wasn't as adept in his normal studies or dealing with strangers as the other boys, but he excelled in his favorite subjects and he could at least understand social cues, unlike Remus.

He felt out of place with those boys, but he didn't have anyone else. Befriending Lily was probably his best shot at being truly understood, and it wasn't until then that he could really make sense of what companionship felt like. She was smart, and kind, and she understood his dislike for people, and they lamented together over the absurdity of Remus’ friends.

Through Lily, he met all sorts of people that he never thought he'd get along with, and over the years, he settled in. He found hobbies, made friends, and discovered what he wanted to do when he graduated. If they could let a werewolf into Hogwarts as a student, surely they'd let him be a teacher?

Remus, despite his hobbies, and his friends, and his passion for school, always turned to reading, at the end of the day. It was his constant. He loved rereading books he loved, because the words on the pages never changed. He didn't have to guess if the characters were upset, because the narrator would tell him. He didn't have to analyze body language and expressions and tone of voice to figure out that he'd fucked up somehow, and that Sirius was pouting and James was pacing, and Peter was wincing because of it.

It wasn't often that he himself went for pranking, because he thought it was a bit childish, now that they were in their fifth year, but when Snape was mean to Lily, he found it in himself to want to get back at him.

It was that year that Remus felt his stable routine get smashed to pieces. He knew Sirius was temperamental, but he hadn't realized how mental he was, or how big of a temper he truly had.

Remus couldn't stand to look at him for a long, long, while because of that “prank,” and he was in their shared room as little as he could possibly be. Sometimes he read so late to avoid everyone that he fell asleep in the common room. He'd wake up to the early birds coming down from their dorms, and he'd sneak back into his own to get dressed for the day, and then go right back down. Any time he was near Sirius, he shoved relentless apologies down his throat, and it was just exhausting.

Remus found his resolve breaking when he got the letter from James that Sirius had shown up at his house that summer. James and Pete both sent owls to him, even when Remus didn't answer. Sirius not sending any wasn't unusual in the least, but Remus felt an ache in him growing more persistent as the summer went on. He tried to hide from it in his books, but it was hard to stay enveloped when he was so worried about his friend.

That following school year, James and Peter were off doing something, and Sirius and Remus were alone together for the first time since The Prank. Sirius was on edge, fidgeting, but Remus was just sad. Sirius was someone he cared about in a different way than anyone, but he didn't quite know what it was. 

Remus approached him, nervous, and Sirius watched him with calculating eyes. He sat beside him on Sirius’ bed, their shoulders barely brushing.

“Don't make this weird, okay?” Remus asked, voice a little wobbly. Sirius nodded, and Remus hugged him. Sirius was tense, until he hugged Remus back, holding him so tight in a way that Remus didn't think he'd been held before. It was supposed to be a quick hug, but then Remus found himself crying, and Sirius just held him, and let him cry. It was gentle in a way that they'd never been with each other before. It was new, and scary, and it changed them. 

Remus didn't “officially” accept an apology from Sirius, but everyone who knew them could tell that he had, for the most part, gotten over it. Sirius was smiling the way he used to, but somehow even brighter, and Remus felt like he was running a fever every time it was directed towards him. Lily had caught a glance of his flush once, and gave him a look of Knowing that was so startling that he blushed even harder. 

Remus, an avid reader, knew what the books say about crushes, but despite this, he wasn't sure that's what it was. He and Sirius gravitated towards one another, and he could nearly sense him when he looked in his direction. He always felt like he was warmed all the way to his bones when Sirius would casually sling an arm over his shoulders, making him hunch over just so Sirius could actually reach. His presence was like sitting in the sun on a summer's day, or when the couple you've been rooting for the entire book finally gets together in the last chapter. Sirius was someone that Remus knew like the back of his hand - he overheard a girl talking to her friends about a Valentine's day gift she was going to give to Sirius, and he couldn't help but be smug that she was getting the kind of chocolate that Sirius hated.

Remus had seen Sirius flirt with many, many, girls, but he never took any of it seriously. (There's a pun there, but Remus found it endearing only when Sirius made it.) Remus hadn't thought himself to be the jealous type, but his patience was put to the test when girls in their grade and the surrounding few sent gifts to Sirius and James both for that Valentine's day. He received a few himself, but really only from his friends. Lily, Mary, and Marlene had all gotten him chocolate, and he'd gotten them their favorite candies as well. He got a couple small prank items for the other three boys, except for Sirius, who he had his favorite candy for. He felt too embarrassed to give it to him when they exchanged gifts at the table, so it was stashed in his book bag for now.

He got a lot of chocolate that day. It was fun building a hoard, because everyone that knew him knew that he liked chocolate. He handed out pieces often to cheer others up. It was a bit of an inside joke now, that he was The Chocolate Man.

Later that afternoon, when Peter was helping James scheme to ask out Lily again, Remus and Sirius were reading together. They were pressed against one another in the twin-sized bed, because two teenage boys really couldn't fit in one, and Sirius was nearly in Remus’ lap. Remus was reading aloud, and Sirius was messing with the rings on his fingers. 

“Moony?” Sirius interrupted, and Remus stuttered on a word. Why did he say it like that?

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever think- no.. nevermind,” Sirius aborted, a look of panic crossing his face. Remus’ brows furrowed, and he ducked his head slightly, to try to read it better.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, fine,” Sirius brushed off. “I just.. was wanting some advice on something.”

Remus made a face. “You're asking me for advice? Have you gone mental?”

Sirius barked out a laugh, shaking his head. “There's this.. girl that I like.” Remus pursed his lips, glad that Sirius was embarrassed enough to be looking away. “I want to ask her out, but I.. I don't think she likes boys?”

Remus frowned. Was this about Marlene? He was the only queer girl he could think of off the top of his head, but he wasn't close enough with many girls, he supposed it could be anyone. “You should just ask her, then. Worst case scenario, she thinks you're weird.”

Sirius laughed humorlessly. “Yeah, you're right. I'm just worried that asking her out would ruin our friendship, yanno?”

Remus hummed. “If this is about Marlene-”

“What? No, it's not Marlene, it's- it's-” He scrambled for a name. “Dorcas.”

Remus frowned. “Who?”

“Dorcas Meadowes. The Slytherin girl? She's, uh, friends with Marlene, that's how I met her.”

“Oh, right, yeah, her.” Remus did not know who that was. He'd pretend to make Sirius feel better, though. “I think it's worth a shot.” He tried to hide how his chest felt like it was getting crushed under a hydraulic press. 

“Well, alright then, I guess,” Sirius decided. He eyed Remus warily. “Do you like boys, Remus?”

Remus blinked. His brain blanked. “Um.” He looked away, his face on fire and it processed. “What's it matter, anyway?”

Sirius hummed. “No reason.” Remus snapped his head back as he felt Sirius grab his hand. The book fell closed over the thumb he had on the other side of it, and Sirius looked up at him, seeming to look right through him. “I lied about the girl being Dorcas. And it wasn't a girl.”

Remus’ heart pounded in his chest, like it was trying to get to Sirius. “Wh- what?” He sputtered, smartly.

Sirius leaned in close, and Remus felt like he might be dying. Was this what a heart attack was like? His stomach twisted with anxiety, but it was obvious what Sirius wanted. Remus glanced at his lips, and was twice as nervous as he had just a moment ago.

“Can I kiss you, Moony?” Sirius asked. They were mere centimeters away.

Remus dropped the book in his lap, cradling Sirius’ cheek. He pressed their lips together gingerly, but Sirius went in deeper, and Remus felt like his soul was being sucked out of him. Sirius was taking it, and by god, he was gonna let him.

For a moment, and just for a moment, time felt like it was going too fast for Remus to catch up with it. Then Sirius pulled away, reluctantly as he gasped for air, and it slammed back into Remus.

“Oh,” Remus whispered. “Um. Yes, by the way. To both.”

Sirius grinned, and laughed at him. “Oh, Moony, Moony, Moony. You are one of a kind.”

Remus huffed out a laugh. “I actually.. I got you something else for Valentine's day, but it felt stupid to give you something more. Feels less stupid now, though.” He reached out for his book bag, and felt around with one hand - the other still clasped in Sirius’ - and pulled out the candy bar. “It's nothing special, but.. you'd mentioned once that you hadn't had one in years, so I..” It was a muggle one that he'd only gotten to try once, from Lily, one Halloween. The pureblood wizards never had any muggle candy, but Remus’ mum always sent him some for Christmas. It came a bit late, and he forgot about it in his trunk.

Sirius beamed at him. “I got you something, too. Well, actually, I made it.” He jumped up to go rummage in his trunk. “We went to a pottery studio over the summer, and this was originally supposed to be for your birthday, but I went back a few times and so I have a bit of a collection for you.”

Remus chuckled incredulously, scotting towards the end of his bed to get closer. Sirius emerged victorious, and presented Remus with an object in a paper bag.

Remus took it gently, and slid it out of the bag. It was wrapped in a plastic shopping bag, and then a layer of bubble wrap, and it made Remus grin seeing it. He untaped it, and finally pulled out the mug. 

It was glazed in a beautiful midnight blue, and had speckles of cerulean and teal throughout. The top and bottom edges faded into black, and the handle faded into black on the furthest part from the cup part. Circling around the cup was the phases of the moon. He examined it closely, breathless. He found that on the inside, there were two canine figures - Padfoot and Moony. 

“It's beautiful, Pads,” Remus murmured. He kept turning it in his hands. “Thank you.”

Sirius beamed at him, and Remus smiled back, chest warm and brain fuzzy. He really wanted to kiss him again. How could he repay this? And he had more pieces? 

“I had started it without any ideas, really, but then I painted the moon, and then I couldn't help myself putting us in the bottom.” He gestured with his hands a little, then stilled. “You really like it?”

Remus grinned, unable to help himself. “I love it.” He carefully set it beside himself, and surged forward to capture Sirius’ face between his hands again, kissing him.

The door slammed open, and they jumped apart, turning to see James and Peter staring, jaws dropped.

“Dammit,” James groaned, “Couldn't you have waited another year?”

Peter held out his hand, and James fished a couple coins from his pocket to pass over.

Remus and Sirius glanced at each other, confused. “What?” Remus asked, rather brilliantly. 

“We bet on when you'd finally kiss,” James explained, as though it was rather obvious. (Don't tell Remus or Sirius, but it was obvious.)

“You'd- I didn't even know I liked him until recently, how long have you been betting that? And what exactly were you betting?” Remus demanded. He was shocked, but Sirius was now laughing his ass off unhelpfully.

“Oh, years,” Peter said offhandedly as he sifted through his clothes for pajamas. “I bet that you'd be smart enough to get it before 7th year, but Prongs bet you'd be in too much denial.”

“You- Oh my god,” Sirius could hardly talk around his laughing. Remus did not find it nearly as amusing. “Moony, c'mon, lighten up. You're too pretty to be upset about this.”

Remus flushed, rolling his eyes. “You are all ridiculous.” He glared at Sirius, who stuck out his tongue. “You're lucky I like you.”

Sirius’ grin turned soft and mushy, and James cooed. “Yeah, I am.”

Remus stood abruptly, too flustered to think, and left the room. He went for a walk outside, the sounds of his best friends fading out of his hearing.

Despite his lack of tolerance for being embarrassed, he really did think that he and Sirius had a shot. Maybe.. maybe when they're out of Hogwarts, they could live together still. Sirius and James had plans to move out together. Maybe Sirius would be willing to change that for him. If not, he had Peter, and his other friends. Maybe whoever it was that James snuck out in the night for would live with him, and Remus could have Sirius.

He smiled to himself as he found a spot under a tree outside to sit. The idea of “having” Sirius made his chest feel warm. He was so utterly in love with him.