So long and thanks for all the fish
Chapter 1: So long and thanks for all the fish
August 2
Leilani Lillith Potter laid sprawled on her worn out bed staring at the ceiling in contemplation. Lani was getting rather tired of the wizarding world, though she guessed she should have seen that coming. Most people believed she had no prior knowledge of magic before her eleventh birthday but that wasn’t true. It was a secret, she had told no one. Of course no one would believe her even if she told… or they’d think her mad. It was after a bad beating courtesy of her lovely uncle she laid unconscious when he spoke to her. Akatosh, a god from another plane of existence (though she didn’t know it at the time) came to her and spoke of her destiny in the wizarding world. It took many more dream visits before she was convinced he was real. Even at the tender age of six though she understood his warning. The people that governed over magical Britain were corrupted and would use her for their own gain. Even still she was excited. She was going to learn magic. In her childish mind she thought she could outmaneuver them since she knew their game.
While out with her relatives in London she managed to sneak into Diagon Alley and into Gringotts. There after a blood test revealing several unexpected inheritance, and the use of a time chamber the goblins were able to rid her of the blocks and spells on her person. She also purchased a two compartment trunk. One compartment being the normal size while the other was a large home complete with a large master bedroom/sitting room/bathroom, additional 3 bed 3 bath, living room, a kitchen, a library, music/art room, training room, dueling room, and potions room and a large basement to use as she saw fit.. She also hired a house elf to stay in her home compartment. Trixy would be in charge of getting whatever she needed without her uncle and aunt knowing. Lastly the goblins gave her a credit like card to be used in muggle and magical worlds and a communication box so she can contact her account manager without interference. It took a total of 3 days in the time room and 15 minutes outside and she managed to find her uncle and aunt with the help of Trixy before they even noticed she was gone.
Through Akatosh’s guidance she found an after school program that taught gymnastics and martial arts. With the offer of “scholarships” (which were really paid for out of her accounts without their knowing) and getting the “freak” out of the house as much as possible her uncle and aunt agreed, going so far as to also sign her up for music and other recreational and educational studies to make sure she was home as little as possible. They even signed her up for summer camps that taught wilderness survival and crafting thinking she would hate it. She had excelled at all her studies much to her relatives' consternation, due to her eidetic memory. When they attempted to make her dumb down her work she pointed out it would reflect badly on them if she did or was too much of a troublemaker since they’d had her since before she was two. After much grinding of their teeth and a little compulsion charm courtesy of Trixy they let her be.
By the time she received her Hogwarts letter she had received her GCE, was competent enough in multiple fighting styles to hold her own, knew basics in a few sword fighting styles, was proficient in runes and potions and had a decent grasp on wandless magic.
While at Hogwarts and playing the “golden girl” she self-studied and trained and stocked up on as many books and useful magical items (including those in the room of lost things and hidden in the chamber of secrets) as she could knowing her time in the wizarding world was limited. With the help of Trixy and later Dobby and Winky they had managed to find and destroy all the horcruxes except for Nagini.. Akatosh with the help of the god Julianos and daedric prince Hermaeus Mora had already taken care of the one in her scar when she was six. They somehow manage to separate the magic from the soul piece, cleanse the magic and give it back to her. Meaning she retained parseltongue and a few other magical gifts from good old Tom. They gave the soul shard to Hermaeus Mora as payment for his help. That soul shard was long dead after expending its uses. While removing the shard Akatosh melded something else into her soul. He did not say what he did but she knew whatever it was, was part of the price she would later pay to escape this world. Even now she didn’t mind. Akatosh may expect a lot from her but he showed her more care than anyone since her parents death. And he never lied
Lani played with the pendent around her neck. She had recently added two more compartments to her trunk. First new compartment was a very large outdoor space that had room for some farm ground, greenhouses and a smithing/leather working area. The second compartment was an armory/vault. Both compartments are accessible within her house compartment as well. She kept all her most important items and heirlooms inside the trunk at all times, shrunken and in disguise as the pendant around her neck. The goblins had also given her a new messenger box that was supposed to work even across dimensions, so long as it wasn’t something living. Her decoy trunk was also packed and ready, filled with her “Dursley approved clothes” and duplicate school books. All that was left was to wait on the portal to be finished.
“Trixy” she called out softly as she sat up. With a pop a house elf in robe -like dress appeared. “Please take Hedwig and all her things into the trunk with you. I have a feeling we will be leaving Britain with in a few weeks”
Trixy snapped her fingers and Hedwig along with her cage and perch disappeared. “Anything else miss?”
“I haven’t forgotten anything have I?” she asked, worrying her lower lip between her teeth.
Trixy patted her knee consolingly. “Little miss thought of everything. Elfses just finished getting all portraits inside including a copy of the special ones from Hogwarts to help you train. Order be collecting little miss soon so Trixy and other elfs that be coming will stay in trunk unless you call us.” and with a small pop the elf disappeared.
Leliani flopped back onto her creaking bed, mind still in turmoil. She felt a little guilty planning on leaving without telling anyone but she knew Akatosh was correct. Especially after she managed to get her godfather cleared of all charges and he had taken off to recover on Dumbledors orders until he was brought back to help with the fight against Voldemort. Mooney had made the same choice as her godfather of “obey the headmaster of the school without question and abandon your friend's kid.” With Ron as a jealous git and Hermione worshiping the ground Dumbledoor walked on, Lani didn’t really have any true friends. Not to mention the prophet was slandering her all summer so everyone at school would be too. This trial for her using magic to defend herself was just icing on the cake. She really hoped the portal was ready before they snapped her wand. She wasn’t able to cast higher level spells wandlessly yet and she wasn’t sure her custom wand would be ready in time.
August 12th
Lani stood in front of the wizengamot looking rather annoyed. They weren’t even going to let her defend herself. She had come to this farce of a trial looking ready for battle. Her long black hair was pulled into a faux hawk braid with several smaller Dutch braids on either side of her head. The thick braid ran all the way just past her hips. She was dressed in a long sleeve form fitting emerald shirt that was mostly covered by a sleeveless black basilisk hide battle robes clasped around her middle. The robe opened up by her hips showing off her tight black dragonhide trousers and knee high boots. She also had black leather braces on her forearms and knives hidden it various places on her body. The order had not approved of her attire but she hadn’t listened. She had retrieved her custom wand last night along with an assortment of WWW prank items meaning she had everything and was ready to go. Just as that thought made itself known a figure melded from the shadow with a slow clap. A broad grin stretch too far across his face
“Bravo good sirs!” the mad man clapped maniacally. Then paused, giving a fat woman in all pink a considering look, “and toad,” then grinned again “Such a great display of my realm amongst mortals. Don't you think little Lani?”
“Indeed Lord Sheogorath, these people seem right up your alley.” Lani said amused. Akatosh had given her the warning just who would be retrieving her. Apparently it was easier for the god of madness to connect to the wizards of Britain realm than any other. Leilani thought it fitting.
Albus seemed to pale. Apparently knowing the name from somewhere. But Fudge's face seemed to turn red as he blustered “Who do you think you are coming into this courtroom and..”
In a blink of an eye Sheogorath was across the room with a finger over Fudges mouth. “Sshhhhh. You see you are all rather lacking in the brain department and that doesn’t normally mean you fall in my realm. But having a government run by those who lack the most in brain cells…” He gave an exasperated, fond shake of his head, still smiling like a loon. “It’s as a collective body that brings madness and chaos. How splendid!” He quickly turned and jauntily sauntered back to Lani’s side. “How you haven’t gone mad yet my dear I will never know.” His eyes held an unholy glee.
Rather than being worried Lani smirked. “ I do believe it was divine intervention as you well know my lord.”
Sheogorath cackled in delight. “Indeed, I believe Akatosh would be rather put out if I stole you away and kept you in my realm.” He pulled her into his side rubbing his cheek against hers like a cat. “Alas we can’t stay to watch this show. We have a short amount of time for the portal to work. But first…” he waved his hand and a courtroom pensive appeared. “We are going to leave you with the story of Lani’s life. Followed by a short message from yours truly.” here he flashed another grin. “Oh and Lani, aren’t you forgetting something dear.”
Lani’s eyes lit up and she snapped her fingers. The elder wand flew out of Dumbledors robes and straight into her hand, sparks cascading like fireworks spilling out as it made contact. “This is a Peverell heirloom and should have been returned when you found it. Tsk tsk headmaster. Though it's not the first time you’ve had sticky fingers with heirlooms from other houses.” She wagged her finger at him with her other hand on her hips in a good imitation of Mrs. Weasley.
Sheogorath snickered beside her. “ And with that we take our leave” he bowed mockingly, turned to Lani and threw her over his shoulders.
Lani laughed and gave the two finger salute to the wizengamot as Sheogorath sprinted through the portal, leaving a court full of flabbergasted and insulted lords and ladies behind and a devastated godfather and sudo uncle.
The moment heiress Potter disappeared through a portal the entire wizengamot started screaming and yelling under the silencing spell they were still under. That was until the pensive began to play. It started at the very beginning, as they witnessed the happy years with her parents. Then the night Voldemort came in. Then the outrage as people saw Dumbledor in the background spelling the now Black Lord into hysterics and giving his goddaughter up to Hagrid. It followed as they went to Hogwarts and the esteemed headmaster placed enough limiters and spells on the child that would make a lesser mage into nothing more than a squib.
Then came the childhood abuse. The hatred and scorn she put up with. The intervention of gods from another realm. The freeing of her magic and mind. The extreme dedication and determination to educate herself on everything she could from this world and things that would help her in the next.
Then her Hogwarts years. Convincing the hat that she could not go to Ravenclaw or Slytherin because she had to play Dumbledors game. Making friends she was not sure if they were truly hers or friends sent by the manipulator. The troll, the wrath in the forest, the lack of help she received from the teachers at her concern followed by the fight with Quilomort. Second years shunning and bullying for a magical gift. The fight with the basilisk and the destruction of the dark lords artifact. Third year and being attacked numerous times by the dementors. Dumbledors refusals to help Sirius but telling them to mess with time instead. Her legal fight with the ministry to clear Sirius after his escape. Then his prompted abandonment of her when the headmaster told him to. Fourth year and more bullying from the entire school and abandonment of her closest friends. Then the graveyard and the rise of Voldemort. Finally being forced to use magic to save her and her cousin's life from dementors followed by her declaring she was so done with the wizarding worlds bullshit on receiving her trial letter.
There was a comment theme throughout her story. No one helped. She suffered physical and emotional abuse from her relatives throughout her entire life as well as the wizarding world and not one person took notice. Guilt began to stir in the Lords and Ladies that had gathered here to sentence a child.
A golden dragon appeared in the pensive glaring at them. “Since your world doesn’t seem to need or respect those that place their life on the line to save others, Nirn will take her. She will have a great destiny there as well but she will be rewarded instead of scorned. To the head of your law enforcement, Lani left you some very important information that was left out of this pensive viewing. Only you will be able to watch it the first time. Now I believe one of my fellow gods has a message for you as well.” The last part was said with so much dry humor the lords and ladies shifted uncomfortably.
Sheogorath's face came into view much larger than it should be, “CHEESE!!” He bellowed. And so he began a long winded speech about cheese, the importance of cheese and the different types of cheese. Most of the lords and ladies were banging their heads by the end of his message. But one Lord Sirius Black and Remus Lupin sat sobbing at how much they had failed their sudo niece.