James knew too many sounds going on at the moment. First off there were the bells on Harry’s costume that jingled every single time he so much a twitched. In parallel Lily laughed along to the inharmonious music. James could make out the church bells nearby signifying midnight, it was way past all three of their bedtimes yet Harry had refused to go to bed so James and Lily had pulled him from the crib, back downstairs, and continued the nights activities.
It had been a short night, he and Lily hadn’t had much time to enjoy the festivities but they had at least snuck Harry into his costume while distracting him with treats. James had somehow convinced Lily to let the family dress up as the Mr. & Mrs. Claus with their little ‘elf’. James wasn’t the biggest fan of Halloween, this had been the compromise between the Potter family. He knew his mom, who was watching from the afterlife, would be pissing her pants laughing at James’ antics.
“We best change out of the costumes before Sirius gets here, James.” Harry had come to recognize James’ real name at this point and when he heard Lily say it he followed her gaze to look to James. James had two striking green eyes staring at him, and he lets them envelop him. The earthly touch they bring washed over him in a calm, making him smile. Green. It’s always been a nice color. He doesn’t remember when or why his mind changed about it, as a little kid he’d been partial against it. Somewhere in his years at Hogwarts he’d began to favor the color. Hence Harry’s green elf costume. “You know he’ll never let us hear the end of it.” A smile follows her words, turning them into curves around his body.
“Yes ma’am,” James leans forward to the two, “You heard the lady, Little Trooper.” He pecks Lily on the cheek before sweeping away with Harry in his arms.
They know Sirius isn’t supposed to know where they are, and he won’t. Lily had cast and enchantment around the house to change how it appeared. Sirius will apparate to the front door and when he does he will see something he wasn’t expecting. It’s perfect.
Up the stairs James and Lily take Harry to his nursery and change, the whole time they’re all a giggling mess tripping up the stairs and getting stuck on each others clothes. It isn’t until they’re all back into their jim-jams that the doorbell rings, once again James kisses Lily’s face parting with a murmur of grabbing Sirius. Except once James opens the door, it isn’t the black haired grey eyed friend he was expecting. Instead James meets the eyes of a short blond man, quivering on his front step. The eyes of the man plead with James, plead for what?
“James, I-” Peter never finished his sentence. In consequence a bony and ivory hand lands softly on Peter’s shoulder, the person still hidden behind the double door. James doesn’t need to look to know who it is. James doesn’t even worry about why what’s happening is happening. He knows this has become the end. An end he now greets in passing.
Harry?
Harry!
Harry.
Harry.
Harry.
Harry.
Lily has to get Harry out.
She’ll get Harry out.
Who will get James out?
Pads?
Pads.
Oh fuck, Pads.
No no no no no no no no no no no no no no nonon ono non on o.
“Lily, RUN!”
Those are the last words James Fleamont Potter ever says.
----------
James doesn’t know who he is.
No that’s wrong.
He does.
He doesn’t know where he is.
He doesn’t feel anymore. He does see. He sees many things. He sees his 6th birthday his mother baked him orange scones and he cried because he was so happy. He sees his 12th birthday with Sirius, both running around Hogsmeade. Now he sees an empy classroom, sitting with a boy. A boy with curly black hair. He has the same nose as Sirius. It is Sirius.
No, that’s wrong.
It’s Regulus.
Regulus.
Regulus.
Regulus.
Regulus who had been James’ first romantic kiss. Regulus who had cried into James’ shoulder. Regulus who had loved James.
Loved?
Loved.
Where did that love go?
James saw it. And he followed it.
What felt like eons could’ve easily been hours. Maybe minutes. Maybe seconds.
James was seeing again. Seeing a life. Who’s life?
He watched through someone’s eyes as they ran from home. It wasn’t a home, James knew that place. The Black Manor. It wasn’t a home.
This person crashed through the trees. Running and running and running and running. They were pushing to something, sprinting somewhere. There was a purpose. James didn’t know the purpose. They were getting somewhere. Somewhere? No, to someone. James knew it like he knew the sky. This person was running to someone. Running as if they stopped their heart would too. They ran for a life. They ran for a life with someone who was no longer theirs. In every way someone could belong to anything but you.
The trees were left behind in favor of sand. A bank. A river. An ice cold river, which would paralize anyone. No. Stop. No. No.
No
No
No
No
No
No
No
No!
They stopped.
He stopped. James knew it then. Knew this man. Knew his heart and his soul. Knew the way this man’s lips felt on his skin, or the way his voice lilted. Regulus.
He was on his knees, Regulus was on his knees at the bank of the river. The river which kept him from where he wanted to go.
Regulus’ hands gripped at his heart as if he could feel it dripping from his chest. And then he screamed. Screamed because he knew in that moment. The one person who he had loved unconditionally was gone. Screamed until the stars stopped shining. Only did he stop, when he saw the sun rising on the horizon and remembered how it felt to be loved by James Potter.
----------
Sirius was running late, and once upon a time this would’ve scared him. Tonight it didn’t.
Tonight was a good night. He got to see his best friend, his God Son, and Lily who was basically his sister in law.
Tonight was a goodnight.
Except when he arrived the door was slightly ajar. It was weird but Sirius didn’t think too much of it. He pushed through the door and didn’t get far at all before stopping in his tracks. There it was, a body. The legs were the only visible part as the other half was in the other room. James must’ve dressed it up with his own shoes and pants. Oh Sirius was going to give him hell for that because those were the nice pair Sirius had gotten James for his birthday. They were not to be wasted on dumb props. Again Sirius pushed through to the living area. He would’ve been shouting but he didn’t want to risk waking Harry up.
Nobody was in the living room so Sirius trapsed back where he came from up the stairs. “James? Lily? Where are you?” He whispered, turning the corner to head to the master bedroom. But a flash of red caught his eye. And before he could prepare himself, he was looking at Lily. On the floor.
“Shit! Lily, Lily! Can you hear me?” He dashed to her side, gripping her sides to shake her awake. Where was James? “Lily, are you okay?” But there was no response. There wasn’t going to be a response. Sirius knew it. Her eyes were wide open and staring into nothing, already a haze coated the once clear green. “Oh Lily,” Wrapped in his arms, she didn’t feel strong. Or indestructible. She felt broken and crushed. Harsh tears slipped down his face onto her top.
It took Sirius a few seconds before hearing it. The crying. His head whipped to the bassinet in the corner, and there he was. Baby Harry sitting on his bum, wailing for his mother. Yet, little Harry didn’t know he would never be held by his mother again. Sirius began to reach for Harry but stoppe before his fingers wrapped around Harry’s sides. Where was James?
James?
No.
Then Sirius was crashing back down the stairs, cursing with every breath. It hadn’t been a prop. He just hadn’t wanted to see it for what it was. His dead best friend. Sirius broke before he even gathered James up against his chest. And though Sirius didn’t know it, his wails were twins to another Black’s grief across the continent. Both together in the loss of one.