24
Charlotte crossed out the last line of her paper with a huff, the pressure of her quill nearly tearing through the parchment. Sirius had been helping, or at least pretending to, until about half an hour before when his head had fallen into his arms on the library table and his breathing had grown soft, fluttering the bangs strewn across his face.
Her lips pulled into a small smile as she watched him for a moment. It was hard to believe that even a year ago, he didn't even know her name. That she had spent all those years watching the Marauder's antics from afar, listening to Lily whine about their pranks and loud disturbances in class.
Determined to finish up before Sirius woke up, she set back to the paper, her eyes flicking between the book at her side and her work before Sirius's breathing began to pick up. Her gaze rose to watch him once again, her eyebrows creasing as she watched his face twitch in his arms.
"No..." He muttered, Charlotte glancing around at the emptying tables around them. The sun had long since sunk beneath the forest in the distance. "Please... M'sorry..." His voice was growing louder now, and Charlotte could see Madam Pince in the corner of her eye glaring towards them.
"Sirius..." She whispered, shutting the book at her side and moving into the chair beside his, her fingers falling into his hair, taming it out of his face gently. "Siri... Hey, wake up."
"Don't!" He cried, his eyes flying open at her touch as he jumped from his seat, his gaze flicking around the room wildly before landing on Charlotte beside him, her jaw dropped as she watched the realization dawn on his face.
"Shit." His fingers flew to his eyes, digging in as if he could wipe the sleep from them. "Sorry... Fell asleep." He mumbled, dropping back to his spot, his eyes avoiding Charlotte's even as he could feel them latched to his face. "Did you finish your... paper?"
She didn't answer, watching the pink rise to his face as he started to pull her essay towards him.
"Sirius..." She reached out, her fingers grazing his arm for half a second before he jerked out of her reach, his eyes finally meeting hers and softening at her hurt expression.
"Sorry." His shoulders relaxed as he slouched slightly back into his seat.
"Siri..." Charlotte tried once again, her fingers looping through his in his lap. "You had... you had one of those nightmares, didn't you?"
The gray eyes rolled to the ceiling, a scoff spilling from his lips. "I had a nightmare, yes. No big deal, blondie-"
"Do you have them a lot?"
"No." He lied, "Not a lot."
"You can talk to me... I'm here for you...." She whispered again, though by now they were one of the last few people in the library.
He blinked quickly, meeting her eyes again with a single nod. "I know, Charlotte. I'm fine, honest."
"Well..." She pulled her parchment closer and began rolling it neatly, stuffing her supplies back into her bag and nodding towards the hallway. "Maybe I'll just have to take you up on your offer from the other night... You can't be trusted to sleep alone anymore."
He chuckled softly in the quiet corridor as they walked side by side.
"Whatever I have to say to get you back into my bed... conscious, this time around." He teased and she shook her head, offering him a glare.
"You want to bring that up right now?"
"No, maybe not." He grinned, obviously well aware he had her wrapped around his fingers. Just the sight of the familiar smirk was enough to have her melting to the floor.
They climbed a few flights of steps and Charlotte listened quietly as Sirius droned on about the new Bowie album he had heard was coming out that summer, though Charlotte's mind could not focus on her boyfriend's words. All she could picture was him twitching on the table... the words he had mumbled beneath his breath.
"Listen," She said, suddenly, his words trailing off mid-sentence. "I know you don't like to talk about it... and I get it... because I can only imagine..."
"Charlotte."
"But... I would really like to help you, and I think that talking it out might help and we could work through it and maybe you wouldn't have the nightmares anymore-"
"I don't need your pity, Charlotte." His voice had grown dark now as they neared Gryffindor tower and Charlotte was thankful for the silent hallways, knowing she would likely not be able to have even heard his words otherwise.
"I don't pity you, Sirius!" She bit back, "I'm worried about you! I care about you!"
"Then just respect that I don't want to talk about it-"
"Do you ever think that maybe I feel guilty?" She stopped now as they neared the portrait hole, his eyebrows furrowing as he listened for her next words. "You got me out that night. And I wanted to go back for you, I begged James-"
"Blondie, for Godric's sake-"
"And he wouldn't take me back. I wanted to go get you, to help you-"
"Because Prongs isn't an imbecile."
"Because he knew it was dangerous!" Charlotte's voice was echoing through the halls now, "How do you think that made me feel? Knowing you had gotten me out, that James wouldn't even bring me back to you because it was too dangerous? And that's where you were? And we didn't know what was happening to you."
Sirius was silent, his eyes flickering to his feet, his head shaking lightly back and forth.
"And then you came back... and... you looked... so broken." She could feel the warmth pooling beneath her eyes, and was for once thankful that Sirius wouldn't meet them. "And James's mum said..." She trailed off, not knowing how to go on.
"Said what." He spoke again finally, looking to her, his lips flattening into a straight line as he stepped closer to her. "What'd she say?"
"That you looked like you'd been..."
"Yeah." Sirius breathed, his gray eyes linking with hers at last, his jaw set. "You don't have to say it."
Charlotte paused, watching the fear that seemed to lurk behind his eyes, though he wouldn't drop her gaze.
"Did they hurt you?" She whispered, the tears finally spilling over her cheeks. "Your parents... did they torture you?"
Sirius nodded just once, but it was enough. Charlotte couldn't remember the last time her heart had felt that way, as if it had frozen over and shriveled up all at once. She wasted no time, her fingers looping through his again and pulling him towards her, his arms clasping around her back. She could feel his breath against her hair, the scent of his familiar cologne engulfing her completely as she rubbed small circles against the warm skin at his neck.
"I'm fine, blondie." He muttered. "Everything's fine now."
"I don't want you to have nightmares anymore..." She breathed and felt his laughter rumble through his chest.
"I think I can handle it."
"Doesn't mean you should have to."
"Alright," He nodded, pulling away from her at last and tugging her lightly towards the portrait hole. "How about we wait a bit for everyone to be asleep, and then you can come oversee my sleeping habits."
"Oh, embarrassed to bring me upstairs now, Black?" She teased and he rolled his eyes, falling into the couch before the crackling fire.
"Never." He answered, "I've just been avoiding... well... Moony and I aren't really on speaking terms."
"What?" She tore her eyes from the fire to face him as he shrugged. "Why?"
"Because he's being a git."
"Sirius, he's your best-"
"Doesn't matter. I'm not going to sit around while anyone treats you like shit."
"Treats me... He hasn't been..." She trailed off, "You're fighting because of me?"
"No, we're fighting because he's an asshole."
"Sirius." She muttered, offering him a stern look.
"I am." He shrugged, the famous grin pulling back to his face.
"Very funny. He's not doing anything to me, so whatever you think you're mad at him for-"
"Oh, please. He storms from the room anytime you're around..."
"Well..." Charlotte paused. She couldn't pretend that she hadn't noticed that. "We've already been through this. Not everyone is going to like everyone."
"Nope. I don't care. He has to like you, he's got no choice." Sirius said, stubbornly before kicking his feet up onto the couch and falling onto Charlotte's lap.
"You're ridiculous. Do you know that?"
"I've been told." He smiled up to her, smugly.
☾
March was finally here, and aside from the constant reminders from James regarding their plans for Remus's birthday which were consistently met with an eye roll or a scoff from Sirius, what Charlotte cared about most was that Spring was coming.
Granted, it was still freezing outside, the walks to herbology could attest to that, especially the days where the rain turned to sleet in the early mornings. Yet, the promise of warmer weather on the horizon had everyone's spirits lifting enough to overlook the obvious tension between the two Marauders which James and Peter were doing their absolute best to overcome.
"Okay, yes, it's a Thursday, but we could all skive off lessons Friday to catch up on sleep-"
"We are not skiving off lessons, Potter." Lily interrupted, and Charlotte stifled a giggle. How James thought that idea was going to land with the red head was truly laughable. "Remus and I are prefects."
"It's his birthday, Evans! Let him live a little!" James was practically pleading now, though Sirius, usually the first to side with the idea of a party, was focused solely on the final few bites of his sandwich.
"I'm not sure Remus even wants a party..." Mary said, her eyes linked with James widening ones, as if she had just suggested they all take a leap from the astronomy tower head first.
"Well, he always says that, but everyone wants to celebrate with him-"
"If Lupin wants to spend his birthday alone, we should let him." Sirius shrugged, leaning back from the table, his arm stretching over Charlotte's shoulder.
"Pads..." James shot him a warning glance before his eyes glazed behind the couple, latching onto something just above Sirius's head.
"Sirius." The new voice spoke, and Charlotte could feel Sirius tense up against her at the sound. He turned slowly, eyes finally meeting the matching gray ones before him.
"Regulus..." Charlotte was sure she had never heard Sirius speak this softly, almost as if he wasn't in control of his words at all.
The dark haired boy didn't answer, holding out a crisp white folded parchment with a broken green seal. His eyes widened in annoyance as he waited for Sirius to take it before glancing to where Sirius's arm was still wrapped around Charlotte, turning quickly on his heel and starting out of the Great Hall.
"This ought to be good." Sirius muttered after clearing his throat, unfurling the parchment and scanning over the scrawled letters for only a second before his arm fell from Charlotte's shoulder.
"What is it?" James asked, an uneasy silence falling over the table as Charlotte watched Sirius's mouth fall open, his eyes blinking a few times.
"Sirius?" She whispered and he shook his head once, crumpling the letter and tossing it to the floor.
"My uncle's dead." He finally spoke, though his voice sounded forced.
"No!" James face fell into a frown nearly as deep as Sirius's. "Uncle Alphard?"
"Yeah." The dark haired boy answered, his eyes falling to the table before him.
"He's the one you really liked-" Charlotte whispered.
"He was." Sirius cut her off, "He was my favorite. The only one of them who was any good."
"How did-"
"Doesn't say." He cleared his throat, pushing his now empty plate to the center of the table and standing up. "I'm going to head upstairs... I'll see you..."
"Sirius, we can-" Lily trailed off as the group watched the dark haired Gryffindor storm past, falling into silence again as he left the Great Hall.
"Damn it..." James sighed, rubbing over his eyes with two fingers.
"That's awful." Peter muttered, sliding his plate away from himself as well.
"I'm going to see if he's alright." Charlotte nodded her friends a goodbye and hurried from the room, glancing quickly through the hallways to make sure he hadn't wandered off before starting up the stairs after her boyfriend.
It took her less than a minute to scan the common room before realizing he wasn't there. She barely paused, ignoring the glances from the rest of the Gryffindors before heading up to the boys dormitory and pausing outside of the familiar wooden door.
"Sirius?" She called, knocking softly twice. She waited for only a second before it sprang open before her, though he wasn't behind it. She stepped inside, shutting it quietly and glancing towards the mess of blankets Sirius was perched on across the room. "Hi."
"Hi." He answered, dully. "I'm really fine, you didn't need to come."
"I can leave if you'd like..." She took a few steps closer. "But I didn't want you to be alone. In case you want to talk-"
"Not really." He shrugged, his eyes meeting hers at last. "Nothing to say."
"That's fine." She nodded, finally reaching his bed and nudging his side with her knee. "Can I sit with you?"
"Course." He slid over a bit, her fingers slipping between his as she took her place beside him and rested her chin on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry for your loss. I wish I could have met him."
He nodded, falling into silence for a moment. "Me too. He would have liked you."
"Was Regulus close to-"
"No." He was already shaking his head. "Reg's not close with anyone."
Charlotte didn't reply, just listening to the sound of their breathing in the quiet dorm. If Sirius didn't want to talk, she wouldn't force him to.
"Do you want to be alone?"
"No." He finally looked to her, squeezing her hand in his. "I'm glad you're here. I want you here."
She felt a small tug at the corners of her lips and bit back the smile. The way that he could still be so sweet even when he was hurting. And he was hurting, she could see it on his face.
"Will you stay with me?" He asked, his gray eyes dark in the dimly lit room.
"Love to." She answered, watching him fall back against the fluffy pillow easily, his fingers wrapping around her arm to tug her down beside him. She let her head rest on his chest, enjoying the rhythmic beating of his heart beneath her. They didn't speak again, relishing in the rare silence of the Marauders dorm as Sirius absentmindedly wound two fingers through the ends of Charlotte's hair until they had both fallen asleep.
☾
It had been a quiet few days, even as Remus's birthday drew closer, though Charlotte secretly thought that would work out in his favor. If Sirius was too sad, and James and Peter too busy walking on eggshells around their friend to plan him a giant birthday bash, Lupin might just get the quiet Thursday night he'd probably been wishing for the last 5 years.
Charlotte had been giving Sirius the silence he had asked for, all the while never leaving his side. He didn't want to talk about his parents, about Christmas Eve, about his uncle's death. That was fine. It was his life, his decision, and she would let him choose how he wanted to deal with it. Even if that meant searching his eyes a bit harder each morning at breakfast and each night before bed to make sure he wasn't hurting. At least, not too much.
She swung his hand in hers slightly as they walked from McGonagall's room back up to Gryffindor tower. It really was a Godsend, the free periods this year, and though she would suffering through each one in the library hunched over a book, she had been more than happy to give up the studying the past week to keep Sirius a company.
"You feeling alright?" She asked, finally, when he hadn't responded to her last two attempts to start a conversation. "Sirius?"
"Hm? Yes." He answered, his thoughts obviously miles away, even as he pulled his eyes to hers and nodded.
"You seem quiet." She said this as if he hadn't been quiet for days now, although he would probably appreciate her pretending not to have noticed.
"It's nothing." He answered, reaching out for the railing of the next staircase.
"Hey," She breathed, squeezing his hand softly. "I know you don't like talking about it. Any of it. But you can, if something's bothering you. I'm here."
He took in a deep breath, letting it out in a drawn out sigh and turning to face her as they reached the top of the last staircase.
"I've just been thinking..."
"Well, it's about time." She teased, relief flooding her chest as she watched the corner of his mouth twitch into the start of a smile.
"Blondie..." He rubbed two fingers over his eyelids before looking back to her. "I just don't know what I'm doing anymore..."
"What do you mean?" She asked, tugging him to follow her down the hallway, away from their common room and to a dimly lit corridor with three empty benches.
"I ran away from home." He muttered under his breath, "It's good. I'm glad I did. It was long overdue."
"Right..."
"I have decent grades..."
"More than decent."
"But nothing special. Nothing enough to overcome... if my parents don't want me working somewhere."
"You think they would really-"
"Yes. They would. I'm sure anything at the Ministry is out for me now."
"You would hate working there anyways-" Laughter bubbled through Charlotte's chest before Sirius spoke again.
"Well, I may not have a choice anymore. Working somewhere I would like to work? Becoming an Auror with James? What if I can't get a job anywhere... I mean, I never really thought what I would do after graduation because..."
Charlotte waited, partially knowing where his mind was headed.
"I didn't have to." He grumbled, "The heir to the Black fortune." He spoke as if the words were bitter on his tongue. "But now, I'm not... and I have nothing. If I didn't have James, I'd be homeless this summer."
"You wouldn't be homeless." Charlotte pressed her fingers into his, twisting them together easily. "You can stay with me. And we'll find work, both of us, and maybe we'll hate it, but eventually we'll find something we love, and-"
"I don't want you to have to take care of me." Sirius scoffed. "I'm supposed to take care of you. I never thought I wouldn't be able to, I mean... even the last few months, after leaving... I just kept thinking, my uncle... He didn't really speak to my family, they all knew they hated each other, but it was amicable. I thought... that's how I could be. After graduation... that maybe, I wouldn't have to lose Regulus. I wouldn't have to be an outcast."
"You don't have to lose Regulus."
"I already have." He shrugged, though it did nothing to hide his true feelings on the subject. "And now, without my uncle... It just feels like there is no one left on my side. Nothing left for me."
Charlotte shook her head, mostly to herself, as Sirius's gaze had fallen to the floor beneath their shoes. "Siri, life is not about money. I know, maybe you've never been without it, so it seems scary. But look at everyone else here? Look at Lily and Mary, Remus, me... you're in the same spot as all of us. Are you worried about us?"
"Y... Well, no." He stuttered, turning to face the blonde.
"Exactly. Because we're all going to stick together. We'll all find great jobs, we'll help you. Even if your parents do try to block you out. They're not your family anymore. We are."