21
The return from the Holidays was a whirlwind, as was usual. The train had been extra full this year, parents wanting their kids home more than ever as the papers grew more and more dark, disappearances and un-solved break-ins littering the pages each week.
Charlotte tried not to think about how Remus was surely one of the only students who had chosen to stay at Hogwarts this year. She tried not to think about him at all, in fact, even as she fell back, slowing down in their march to the Great Hall as Sirius, James and Peter all raced towards their friend who towered over the rest of the students in the hall, leaning against the stone entranceway.
Mary slowed with her, whether she realized or not, while Marlene and Lily too rushed to greet Remus, waiting patiently for James to let go of the bear hug he had forced the missing Marauder into.
Mary didn't speak, letting them reach the rest of their group in their own time, though their absence was hardly missed, the boys all launching into stories and questions of what Remus had been up to over break.
Charlotte pulled her eyes from Remus's face, watching as Sirius listened to the conversation, a small smile plastered on his lips to be re-united with their full group. Remus looked well rested, for once, a slight glow radiated from his skin, though she couldn't pretend not to notice the two red lines painting along his neck. They were new, she would have known that even if they weren't still bright and angry. They hadn't been there before the holiday.
"Hey," Remus's eyes finally latched onto her own as she and Mary caught back up, the group moving slowly towards their usual seats for dinner.
"Hey, Remus... Good Christmas?" She forced out, feeling James gaze flickering between the two of them even as he reached his seat.
"Yeah, it was good." He answered, "Yours?"
"Same." She offered him her best smile, grateful as Mary dropped into place beside her, hips locking together easily. She wasn't angry anymore, and she truly didn't want to talk about it. Everything was fine, even if they weren't friends. She didn't want to make it everyone else's problem, especially watching James's wide eyed stare. It was important to him that everyone got along, and she intended to make that happen.
Dumbledore stood, stealing everyone's attention at once, offering them a short and sweet welcome back and ordered them to all dig in after a long day of travel. Peter and James apparently hadn't needed to be told twice, despite their mid day snack of sweets Sirius had finally offered them nearly an hour after they had woken from their naps.
They ate in silence for a while, a few comments slipping out as they all grew full before Sirius finally looked to Marlene, a large grin spread across his face.
"Well, Marley... You'll never guess what I got for Christmas."
"Why are you singling me out, Black?" Her eyebrows furrowed, "Why do I feel like I'm in danger?"
The girls laughed as Sirius waved his wand towards the doorway, two small pieces of paper zipping past them and into his outstretched fingers which he then held out towards Marlene.
"You're joking!" She reached for them, but Sirius was too quick, pulling them just out of her reach as Lily and Mary stood slightly against the bench to see. "Your parents would never get you Fleetwood Mac tickets, where did you get those?" She was practically whining, Mary chuckled though the boys were silent.
"Blondie's a real giver." Sirius teased, Lily rolling her eyes as Mary let out a dramatic retch.
"Sirius," Charlotte swatted his chest, though his grin didn't fade.
"Charlotte?" Marlene's eyes were wide as she spun to the blonde.
"I got him two! He can take you-"
"Na-uh, Charlotte! We've been through this!" Sirius poked her between the ribs with his free hand and sent her squirming away into Mary's side. "Sorry, Marls, but I'm sure you'd agree. It's in everyone's best interest if we convert another of our friends to real music."
"You're such a prick sometimes." Marlene rolled her eyes, "How much were those, Char? I'm going to buy out the rest of the stadium and all you'll be able to hear is me singing along to each of your favorite songs." She jabbed a finger Sirius's way and James burst into laughter, face falling against the table as Lily bit back a giggle.
"I think I'd go in on that with you, Marls. Just to see his face." Remus grinned, taking a final sip from his goblet.
"Alright, you're all exhausting. I'm heading up." Charlotte pushed her near empty plate towards the center of the table where it vanished from sight and swung her leg over the bench.
"Blondie!" Sirius whined, stuffing the tickets into the pocket of his robes. "It's early!"
"Well some of us didn't get a two hour long nap on the train." She shrugged.
"No one was stopping you!"
"I actually seem to recall someone using me as a personal travel pillow, so if you'll excuse me... You owe me some sleep."
"Well, I'll be happy to pay that back anytime, love." The edge of his lip curved as he winked and she shook her head, stepping back from the table.
"I'll see you upstairs." She offered the group a wave, turning towards the doorway before she heard the table creak, Remus hurrying down the aisle and catching her at once.
"I'll walk you." He mumbled, his eyes latched to hers as if waiting for her to refuse. To send him away.
"You don't have to. Finish your dinner." She tried to keep her voice soft, though she truly did wish he would stay behind. Let her have a few minutes to herself.
"I did. I'm fine." His words were rushed, his eyes dropping to his bag as he fished around quickly, steps slowing as they reached the landing of the second staircase. "I got you something."
Her brain had stopped. She was sure. There was nothing happening up there as she turned to see him pull a small brown box from the bag over his shoulder.
"What?" She muttered, hardly processing her words. "Remus, you..."
"Please. Come on, it's the absolute bare minimum of what you deserve, I..." He shook his head, the words never restarting as he finally forced the box into her hands. "Would have owled it... I should have owled it, for Christmas."
Charlotte pressed her lips together, no response had formulated in her brain as she peeled back the lid of the box, her lips parting again in a small smile. The scarlet and gold scarf was certainly not hers, assuming hers was still in one piece somewhere out on the grounds, frozen and muddy. This one was brand new.
"I didn't know if you'd gotten a new one yet... you know, after the idiot's... well, after you lost yours." Her head was already shaking.
"No, I... I didn't get one yet." She felt as though she was stumbling over every word, "Thanks Remus... honestly, you didn't have to... I didn't get you-"
"Don't." He cut her off, his eyes serious as he looked down at her. "You don't owe me anything. Okay?"
She took a deep breath as she nodded slowly, tucking the scarf back into it's box and shutting the lid as an excuse to not have to meet his eyes anymore.
"Thank you, Charlotte." His lips were pulled into a strange smile, before he took a step back from her. "Sleep well." He started down the stairs before she could reply. Before she could ask what he was thanking her for.
☾
School had started up again as if there had been no break, no two weeks of holiday bliss. And while Charlotte had spent the entire two weeks, the entire train ride back reminding herself that this term would be different, she was already feeling overwhelmed, only three days in.
She had also spent the entire train ride back reminding herself that she wouldn't need Remus this term. As a tutor, a friend, or anything more.
Yet as she climbed the final flights of stairs after their first night back to school, the Gryffindor scarf tucked under her arm, she had no idea what the year would hold after all.
Which is why when Lily, Mary and Charlotte had decided to spend the rest of their time before dinner in the library, Charlotte was unsurprised when the girls waltzed over to the back of the the library, spotting Remus at once, nose buried between two potions books.
"Remus!" Lily smiled, and Charlotte felt the familiar spark of jealousy as the two girls pulled out a chair. No nerves, no second guessing, no planning out conversations.
"Oh, hi." His eyes flickered between the three of them, landing on Charlotte's at last as she pulled the chair out across from him.
"Didn't hear us coming?" Mary asked, skeptically.
"As loud as you are, MacDonald." Remus shot her half a smile, eyes already returning to his book. "I'm quite busy you see."
"Mary's here to study, trust me." Lily shot her friend a warning glance, pushing her textbook over to the brunette. "Let me tell you, Remus, you're missing some impressive stuff in Ancient Runes..."
A small smile flickered across his face as he looked to Lily, head cocking slightly to one side.
"I'm devastated." He answered, Lily letting out a dramatic sigh and Charlotte failed to bite back a laugh. "How are classes, Charlotte? How's transfiguration?"
It felt as though someone had gripped her heart through her chest, squeezing uncomfortably.
"So far so good." She answered without even considering the question. She would study day and night before letting herself back into the same situation as last term.
The tall boy's smile relaxed on his lips as he nodded twice, his eyes returning to the page before him. "Good."
"Well, well, well!" The familiar voice boomed over the library, Charlotte cringing even before she looked up, most of the students gathered at the tables around them already glaring daggers at Sirius's back. "How did I know I'd find you lot in here?"
"Sirius, keep your voice down or we won't associate with you anymore!" Lily hissed, though it did nothing to suppress the grin plastered on his face as he finally reached their table. He paused behind Charlotte's chair for only a second before she felt his fingers on her skin, slipping beneath her hair and squeezing her shoulders, smile growing as a sigh left her lips.
"What are we working on?" He asked, finally pulling his fingers from Charlotte's neck as he took the seat beside her, looking over the various books laid out on the table. "Moony, you're going to ruin your spine sitting like that."
Remus shook his head, the easy smile he'd been wearing moments before now no where to be found.
"Thank you for your concern, doctor, but I think it'll all work out." He answered sarcastically, Mary and Lily stifling matching laughs.
"Need help, love?" Sirius finally turned his attention back to Charlotte, obviously realizing Lupin wasn't in the mood for his pestering.
"Yeah, I'd love if you could be... really... really quiet." She shot him a small smile and he rolled his eyes in return.
"You know it's really... really quiet in my dorm. James just left for practice and-" His sentence was cut off by the sound of Remus's chair scraping against the floor as he slid both of his books into a pile, eyes stuck to the floor.
"Just remembered I left a book in Flitwick's room... I'll see you lot for dinner." He muttered hastily, already a few tables from them before the rest of the Gryffindor's had even blinked.
Sirius shrugged, turning in his chair and leaning back until the front legs no longer touched the floor while Lily's eyes followed Remus along the windows to the hallway until he turned out of their view, her eyebrows creasing as she tried to return to her previous paragraph, her mind still stuck on her friend's abrupt exit.
☾
One week into term was much too soon for their first exam, in Charlotte's opinion, especially in Transfiguration. Though it seemed as if McGonagall did not agree, which left Charlotte hurrying back from dinner each night and pouring hours into her textbook, surprisingly feeling much more prepared than she had for most of the exams last term.
Lily, Marlene and Mary had returned a while after Charlotte, raving over the cheesecake she had missed, Marlene assuring her that even a perfect score on the exam wasn't worth missing dessert.
"I hate cheesecake, so sounds like it was a good call." Charlotte shrugged, flipping the page and starting over the final chapter that the next day's exam would cover.
"Who the hell hates cheesecake?" Marlene muttered, diving onto the sofa beside the blonde before Mary pushed her over to make room. Lily took a spot at the couch beside Charlotte, who was sat on the plush carpeting, her book balancing against the wooden coffee table before the fire, her back flat against the edge of the couch.
"And all I'm saying is if you lose to Ravenclaw this weekend because you have everyone out in 0 degree weather morning and night, that's on you." Sirius was grinning despite the way James's jaw had dropped open as they strolled through the portrait hole, Peter offering an eye roll that Sirius couldn't have cared less about.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize I was speaking to a Quidditch expert!" James blurted, though Charlotte could tell even from the distance that he was seconds away from laughter. "Why don't I just turn the team over to you, Pads?"
"I'd hate to upstage you, but if that's what we need to solidify our win-" He jumped backwards, anticipating James's lunge toward him and flung himself easily over the couch, landing next to Lily who shook her head at the two boys, biting back a smile.
"Blondie," Sirius's voice had turned stern and she spun to meet his eyes behind her. "You're not still reading that bloody book, give it a rest! You're never going to beat me!" He leaned down, his words ghosting against her ear as the smirk returned to his lips.
"I wouldn't be so sure, Sirius. She's been at it all week." Mary shrugged as Sirius groaned.
"Ugh, I know, and it's so boring!" He announced to the room, not a single care of the shake of Charlotte's head.
"I'm almost finished." She cut in, hoping that would settle him down for just a few more minutes, though from the dramatic sigh Sirius let out from behind her, she was guessing she didn't have long.
"Did I hear him correctly that you're getting all of your team mates sick, Potter?" Lily asked, shooting the messy haired boy a stern look.
"He's exaggerating. Everyone gets colds this time of year!" James protested, looking to Peter beside him for approval.
"I wouldn't have pegged you for a tyrant, Potter." Mary grinned, loving the way that James spiraled each time they began to gang up on him.
Charlotte had nearly reached the final page of her chapter when she felt the soft tug at the edge of her hair, her back straightening up at once as she turned to Sirius once again, half a smile resting on his face as he stroked gently over three sections of her hair.
"What are you doing?" She asked at last, realizing he wasn't planning to let her go.
"Your hair." He answered, as if she was the crazy one.
"No, you're not." She chuckled, pulling out of his grip and turning sideways to restrict his access.
"Yes, I am!" He insisted through a slight glare now, "You don't trust me?"
"I've never seen your work. Do you have references?" She teased, enjoying the way his eyes lit up as he traced them over her face.
"Why are you always so difficult?"
"Why can't you just let me study?"
"Who was stopping you? Finish your chapter, but you've got to let me entertain myself."
She sighed, glancing over his face one last time before turning back to the table before her and re-opening her book, feeling his fingers twist through her hair again and ignoring the urge to look to her friends, even as she could feel their eyes locked to her.
It felt nice, at first, the soft tugs every few seconds as Sirius began to braid three sections together at the back of her neck and she forced her way through the final page of her chapter. As soon as she finished, setting the tattered looking book on the table, she could feel that it was no longer going well for him.
"Sirius, I can feel you knotting it!" She reached back to feel his work, though he caught her hand with one of his.
"Because you're moving!" He shouted back, slapping her hand away as Lily laughed beside her.
"Oh, Charlotte..." She mumbled, none of them noticing the portrait door slide open over the laughter. "You're going to kill him and I'll help you."
"Moony!" Peter grinned, noticing the tall boy behind them at last. He had one hand laced through the bag over his shoulder, his eyes latched onto Sirius's fingers.
He offered them a short nod before turning towards the staircase and hurrying up without a word.
"Is he alright?" Lily asked, looking to James who was glancing at his watch, eyes flickering to the window where the sun had just begun to sink before looking back to Lily's green eyes.
"Not sure..." He shrugged, already on his feet. "Probably... He's been really busy is all."
Peter was on his feet as well now, both of them glancing to Sirius who had dropped his poor attempt of a braid and looked dismally to her blue eyes for only a moment before joining his friends.
"We'll see you lot in the morning." He spoke at last, starting towards the stairs where Remus had disappeared. "And blondie... your hair really looks wretched... you ought to do something about that-" His grin returned as he ducked out of the way, a second before Charlotte's pillow would have smacked straight into his face.
"Here," Lily sighed, moving into Sirius's place as the boys scampered up the stairs and reaching for the blonde mess before her, gently dissecting it piece by piece. "Think Remus is alright?"
Charlotte didn't answer, sure that the question had been directed at one of the other girls. How would she know is Remus was alright? She wasn't sure if Remus was ever alright. Wasn't sure she had ever seen him alright or otherwise.
"He's been a bit off lately." Marlene shrugged, as if it was a mystery that could never be solved. Charlotte was tempted to agree.
"Probably all of those cigarettes." Mary mentioned, kicking Marlene gently as if to force her to listen. "Makes people jittery and nervous. Suppresses dopamine production too, so-" She trailed off as Marlene and Charlotte watched her, wide eyed. "That's just common knowledge! Come on."
"Godric, Charlotte, never let Sirius touch you again." Lily muttered, and Charlotte jerked her eyes up towards the red head behind her. "This is a literal knot!" Lily continued, and Marlene shot Charlotte a smirk.
"Okay, that's another thing," Mary moved to the edge of the couch, looking down to the blonde on the floor. "I know I've always had my opinions on Sirius, but Charlotte, honestly... why aren't you two together?"
"What?" Charlotte could feel the heat rising to her face at her friends words, ignoring Marlene's smirk which had turned into a full blown grin.
"Cut the bullshit." Marlene interrupted Mary and Charlotte heard Lily stifle a laugh.
"I'm not... cut... what?" Charlotte stuttered, the four girls falling into a fit of giggles before Mary pulled their attention back.
"Look at me, you bitch." Mary ordered, Charlotte's eyes going wide, meeting Mary's brown ones. "You fancy him."
"That's not a question-" Marlene trailed off at Mary's glare.
"Let her answer!"
"Oh, please-" Lily added,
"Mary,"
"Just admit it! We're your best friends, how could you not trust us-"
"Okay, yes! Yes, I fancy him, yes." Charlotte blurted into the empty common room, all three pairs of eyes latched onto her now, Lily's fingers finally finished deconstructing the mess of a braid and stroking over her tangle free hair gently.
"Exactly. So why aren't you together?" Mary repeated.
"Because..."
"Because why?" Marlene cut in, looking at Charlotte as if she was speaking gibberish.
"Because he hasn't asked!"
"Oh, you idiot, he might as well have. You're together, but neither of you will admit it."
"Because there's always going to be another girl." Charlotte admitted, meeting Mary's eyes again. "You said so yourselves. At the start of the year."
Mary and Marlene shared a look, a pause taking over the group, the only sound in the common room now from the crackling fire before them.
"And that's fine. Because I'm ready for it. I know it's going to happen, and as long as I don't let myself fall in-"
"Oh, Charlotte." Marlene scoffed.
"Honey, you've fallen." Mary assured her, "You're face down in the dirt."
Charlotte pulled her lower lip beneath her teeth, running her fist through her hair.
"And he's right there next to you." She continued, a small smile making it's way to her face again.