10
"Charlotte, you have to come." Marlene ordered, pulling on a jacket that was much too thin for today, though Charlotte couldn't remember the last time that Marlene had complained of the cold.
"I will." Charlotte nodded, not moving from her spot on the bed, reading the same page she had been working through for over half an hour. "I just might meet you three down there a bit later."
"No, Charlotte. You're coming with us now. We don't have to hang out with them, we can avoid them. I'm getting quite good at it." Lily joked, grinning towards the blonde through the mirror as she finished up her hair, pinning half of it up with a golden clip.
The girls eyes linked for only a few seconds before Charlotte stood up, holding in a sigh and stepping over towards her dresser, pushing through the sloppily folded clothing one by one. She didn't much feel up to putting an outfit together, but she knew that no matter how hard the girls tried, they would eventually run into the Marauders. Though it probably shouldn't matter what Remus thought of her anymore, as he had made it quite clear the other night.
Still, she pulled out some jeans and a thick black sweater, eyeing the window again to make sure the snow from earlier was still falling. At least their walk down would be pretty, and it definitely felt closer to Christmas now that snow was sticking to the grounds.
"Alright, lets go! I'm fresh out of fizzing whizbees." Marlene announced, already flinging the door back to join the hoards of people gathered in the common room.
"How can you eat those? They make me sick to my stomach." Mary laughed, the two girls leading the way out of the portrait hole as Charlotte did her best not to glance around the crowded room. The boys would already be halfway to Hogsmeade by now, eager to get a start on whatever they had planned for their day off.
Lily slowed down, letting Mary and Marlene scamper down the stairs ahead of the group, arguing loudly over candy and paying no attention to their roommates.
"How are you feeling?" The red head asked as she wrapped a white scarf around her neck twice.
Charlotte shrugged, shoving her hands into the pocket of her jacket, eyes on the floor. Much to Lily's disapproval, Charlotte had taken the day before off of classes, Marlene offering to tell their professors she was sick and Lily bringing back her work after each class, each time with a new offer for her to join for the next class.
She only needed a day. Well, truthfully, she could have used today as well, but she really did need to buy Christmas gifts. She just knew that Sirius would be waiting, or worse, James, with his worried eyes and the volume to announce every issue to the entire tower. Mary had brought her back breakfast, lagging behind to enjoy a muffin and some juice with the blonde before hurrying off to her first lesson.
"I know I can't keep making this excuse, but... Remus isn't usually... He's not mean." Lily said, "Something must be wrong, he must be having a tough time right now-"
"Lils." Charlotte cut her off, Mary and Marlene had finally realized how far ahead they had pulled from their friends, waiting beside the heavy doorway to the grounds. "He just doesn't like me. It's alright. He's allowed to not like me."
"But it's so strange! It's like hating himself! You're practically the same person. You're both quiet, you like to read, you do well in school, you're... well he's usually nice."
"Can we just drop it?" She asked, Mary and Marlene guessing at their topic and pulling the door open quickly, the four friends starting down the familiar path to Hogsmeade.
"Alright, what's everyone getting me then?" Marlene grinned back towards them, the falling snow and freezing air having no effect on her at all.
"Bag of coal." Charlotte replied, shoving the girl forward down the icy path. "I'll save Santa the trip."
"Boo." She laughed, turning to Lily. "Lils?"
Lily smiled, holding up a neatly folded parchment before tucking it back into her pocket. Lily was always prepared and always gave some of the best gifts. Charlotte adjusted the black hat further over her ears before sliding her hands back into her pockets. The snow was beautiful, but it was awfully cold.
"Marls, stop trying to ruin Christmas." Mary warned with a glare as the four girls crossed into the village, dark green wreaths with deep red berries hung along every doorway, garlands of evergreen and sparkling ornaments lined the fences around the village and every tree was already strung up with blinking lights. Charlotte smiled, thankful that her friends had dragged her out with them.
"Start at Honeydukes?" Marlene asked, already on her way towards the store, which was so packed in that the four could hardly push through the doorway. They squeezed between groups and ducked around shelves until they reached the fizzing whizbee's, Marlene filling her arms with the sweets and heading straight to the front of the store, satisfied.
Charlotte and Mary meandered a while longer, selecting some different candy from the new displays as well as some favorites before joining the line to pay. Charlotte handed over the coins and thanked the shopkeep, taking the brown bag and folding the top over a few times before hurrying towards the door, anxious for some breathing room outside.
"Evans!" Charlotte's stomach dropped at James' voice, turning slowly to place it, her face surely falling to match Lily's as the two girls shared a look which did not deter James from leading the rest of the Marauders over towards their group. "You look stunning, Lily. How are you?"
"We're good, James." She spoke, her voice sounding oddly protective, although Charlotte realized why at once. Remus was standing a few feet behind James, Mary and Marlene looking uncomfortably between the Gryffindor's before Marlene popped a whizbee into her mouth.
"Hey, blondie." Sirius smiled, sliding up beside her and nudging her arm with his elbow. "I thought we decided you wouldn't stop coming around?" He dropped his voice low, his lips brushing against her ear as she picked nervously at her fingernails, feeling her friends eyes on her.
"It was one day, Sirius." She whispered, finally meeting his eyes. His tone had sounded joking, yet his smile looked forced. "Just wasn't feeling very well." It wasn't a lie.
James cleared his throat as Peter pushed Remus forward, James nodding forcefully towards Charlotte. Her stomach dropped as she jerked her eyes away from the brunette, looking back to Sirius who's jaw was clenched now as he watched Remus draw closer.
"Charlotte." Lupin's voice was soft, as if everyone weren't hanging on every word. Her gaze flickered towards her friends, Mary and Marlene letting Lily pull them closer towards James and Peter, James striking up a conversation about their match against Ravenclaw coming up. "Listen, about the other night..."
"It's fine." Charlotte practically choked out, she could feel the blood rushing to her face, and she blinked a few times, praying not to cry.
"No, Charlotte, it's not." He continued, "I... I didn't mean that. I was just having a bad night, I just snapped. And I never... I never would have... I didn't know you were..."
I never would have said it in front of you.
"I'm really sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings."
"You didn't." Charlotte plastered on a smile, meeting his eyes at last, taking solace in the fact that he at least did look sincere. He looked sorry. "It's okay, Lupin."
"I just-"
"Charlotte!" James called, eyes flicking wildly between Remus and Charlotte as he approached them. "Want to get out of here? I could use some help on a gift for a certain friend of yours."
Relief flooded through her stomach and she nodded, not looking back at any of the Gryffindors as she followed James back down the snow filled street, taking a few calming breaths before James would surely ask.
"It looked like maybe you were done with that conversation." He started, slowing for her to keep up.
She shrugged, meeting his hazel eyes, usually so bright, yet now seemed so concerned.
"You didn't have to make him apologize, James." She said, knowingly, even before his jaw had fallen.
"Make... I didn't make him do anything!" He protested. "He... I mean, I suggested... only because we saw you lot... He really was sorry, Charlotte."
"It's fine." She said, again. "You sound just like Lily." She laughed as his smile returned. "Not everyone is going to like each other, some people just aren't-"
"He does like you!" James swore, his eyes wide as they met hers. "I swear, Char. I asked him that night! After you... well..."
"James..." She sighed, realizing they were running out of shops now on the street. "I'd really rather not talk about it." James didn't know about the other incidents, the other times that Remus had made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with her.
"Alright. That's okay." He nodded a few extra times for good measure and she held back a laugh.
"Did you actually need help getting something for Lily?" Charlotte reminded him and he scoffed, waving a lazy hand through the snow filled air.
"Come on, I've had her gift ordered for weeks now. But we can go through some shops, I'm sure you've got gifts to buy? I'll keep you away from all those wankers."
She smiled, shaking her head and leading him into Scrivenshaft's for the gift she had wanted to order for Lily. "Meaning, your best friends?"
"One and the same, Char." He grinned, twirling a heavy shiny quill through his fingers as she glanced through the aisles.
☾
"Lily!" Charlotte cringed at the voice, slowing down and watching Lily's eyes go wide as they landed on Remus, Peter hurrying to keep up with the taller boys strides. "Charlotte..." The deep brown eyes finally landed on her as he reached their side. "Herbology?"
"Well, we weren't planning to skip." Lily's smile was forced, though Charlotte was hoping she was the only one who would notice. Her green eyes flickered nervously between her friends, Peter clearing his throat awkwardly before Remus stepped around them, pulling the heavy door open.
"Supposed to last all afternoon..." Remus glanced over his housemates as they sighed, watching wet sleet splash onto the pathway.
"She ought to cancel the lesson, who wants to walk all the way there, we'll be soaked!" Peter whined, Lily stepping out from the overhang and jumping back before she was drenched.
"We don't want to be late-" She pulled her hood over her head, Peter and Charlotte copying her and stepping into the downpour, only a single wet clump of snow landing on Charlotte's face before she was dry again. She looked up to see the sleet bouncing off from an invisible barrier, Remus's wand raised over the four of them, Lily's eyes widening in awe.
"Remus, where did you learn that?" She sounded half impressed and half jealous as he shrugged.
"Library. They have all of the spells for the elements. I'll show you." He answered, plainly, as the group neared the greenhouses. Charlotte watched the sleet piles sliding from the glass roof and thought that once they were inside, the storm might actually be fun to watch.
The Gryffindors hurried down the stone steps down the hills now painted a murky gray where only days ago they had been white with glistening snow. Charlotte couldn't help glancing up to watch the wet snow bounce off from Remus's makeshift umbrella, not noticing the patch of slippery sludge that Peter and Lily had just stepped over. She barely made out the way her breath hitched as her foot slid down the step before she felt Remus's hand circle her arm, pulling her back upright, the shield above them disappearing, Peter and Lily both throwing their hands over their heads and hurrying towards the greenhouses.
"Moony, come on!" Peter called back as they reached the doorway, Remus dropping his hand from Charlotte at once, his eyes wide as he called back to them.
"Sorry!" He pointed his wand back towards the sky, although both of them were already drenched. "I'm sorry." He said again, softer this time, as his eyes met hers, the brown now bright in the sun poking through the dark clouds. She nodded twice, slowly, feeling the cold water that had seeped into her hair drip further down her neck.
It was insane. Certifiably. The way that her heart melted just from looking into his eyes, the frown locked onto his lips as he snuck looks her way, both of them hurrying to catch up to their friends. Her chest felt heavy again, and she was already deciding that she forgave him, finally coming to the conclusion that Remus Lupin could do nothing, nothing, to make her stay angry with him.
☾
"Sit!" Lily hissed, pulling Charlotte into the seat beside her, James heaving a dramatic sigh before sinking down next to Peter a few rows behind us.
"You're so dramatic. He gets good marks, you know it's not that bad to partner with-"
"He doesn't follow any of the instructions, he just "feels his way through it," his words." She answered, pulling out her potions book as Slughorn hurried through the door, shutting it softly behind him and taking his usual place at the front of the room.
"Good morning class, apologies for my tardiness." The professor smiled, surveying the students before him, "Today we will be brewing a dreamless sleep potion. Those of you who are considering healing as a future career will want to take good notes, this is often on the entrance exams. Possibly one of the most common potions used in the healing field."
Slughorn quickly went over the ingredients and steps before releasing the class to gather their supplies, Lily looking to Charlotte expectantly.
"James might not follow the steps, but I'm sure he doesn't treat you like his pack mule." Charlotte teased, climbing to her feet and following the crowd of students rushing to the supply cabinets.
She waited as the crowd filtered away, glancing back to Lily who was already lighting up their shared cauldron before turning back to the now dwindling supplies. She hurried to grab what was left of the lavender and a few small black berries in the jar before realizing the only remaining bundles of wormwood were two shelves up, and far out of her reach.
She glanced to her right, meeting Sirius's gray eyes, a small smirk spreading across his lips as she brought her arm back to her side.
"Sirius, will you hand me a bundle?" She pointed to the wormwood, looking back to him when he didn't move.
"Will I hand you a bundle... what?" He asked, his tone irritatingly smug for the early class time.
"The wormwood." She explained, continuing when he raised his eyebrows. "Please."
"Hmm..." Sirius crossed his arms over his chest, glancing between her and the shelves. "What'll you give me?"
"Sirius!" Charlotte laughed slightly, glancing back regretfully at her wand sitting on the desktop next to Lily. She leaned up on her toes in one more futile attempt to reach the top shelf before sinking back to the floor and offering him a pout. "What do you even want?"
"How about a-" His final word stuck in his throat as a hand pulled Charlotte's to her side, a bundle of dry herbs falling into her palm as she looked up into the familiar brown eyes, Remus offering her half a smile before turning to Sirius.
"Don't be such a prat." He scolded, hardly pausing at all before heading back to his seat where their own ingredients had already been set out in order. Charlotte glanced to the wormwood in her hand, running her lip through her teeth absentmindedly before shooting Sirius a gloating smile and hurrying back to Lily. She dropped the ingredients onto the table, ignoring Lily's complaints about how long she had taken, forcing herself not to turn for a look at the Marauders behind her.
She knew better than that. Remus would be hard at work the rest of the lesson, not sparing her a glance. Most likely, not sparing her a single thought. Still, she couldn't take her mind off him. The feel of his skin against hers, or the fact that he had been watching her in the first place.
☾
Charlotte pulled the bag around her shoulder tighter. It had been much lighter before her visit to the library, but at least she would be prepared for tomorrow's essay. The sun had already sunk behind the forest, the lamps lighting the hallways on their own now as she passed the dim courtyard, a slender shadow sat on one of the benches farthest from the doorways.
She hadn't seen him the rest of the weekend after their Hogsmeade trip, aside from one coinciding dinner where they exchanged a hurried glance, both of them immediately turning down to their food and allowing themselves to be pulled into separate conversations.
Patting the small package inside the pocket of her robes which she had asked Marlene to secure for her, the girls sharing a knowing look that they were to keep the transaction secret from Lily, she crossed through the archway, heading silently towards Remus.
He looked up when she was a few feet away, his eyes going wide as he shut the book in his lap, watching her draw closer before taking a seat beside him, leaving enough space between the two of him that she wouldn't be able to smell the familiar scent, pine trees and ginger, the lingering scent of cigarettes.
"Hi." He spoke first, still watching her, though she hadn't met his eyes yet.
"Hey." Charlotte finally looked to him, ignoring the fact that he had shut his book for her, though how he was able to see the words out here in the dark was beyond her. "What are you doing all by yourself?"
"James is going over the strategy for the Ravenclaw match with Peter." He answered, "For the fifteenth time. Can't hear a single thought inside my head."
She laughed, effortlessly, watching a small smile rise to his face as they sat together. He still hadn't re-opened the book, the two of them just sitting in silence. Finally, Charlotte reached into her pocket, pulling out the carton and holding it out between them.
Remus's eyes shot between the small box and her blue eyes, his head cocking slightly to the side before he spoke. "You don't smoke." He said it matter of factly. As if he knew her, knew anything about her at all.
"But you do." She answered, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth to wait for his response.
"Charlotte, I can't... You didn't have to..." He stuttered, trying to push the cigarettes back into her hands but she pulled them away.
"Well, what am I supposed to do with them? My lungs are pristine!" She shrugged, a smile sneaking it's way to her face as he shook his head, snapping the end of the box open and pulling the first one out. He held the tip to his wand, lighting it wordlessly, and Charlotte resisted the urge to call him a show off. She watched him raise the cigarette to his lips, the smoke rising through the frozen air until it disappeared above them into the black night sky.
"I'd offer you one, but I think I'd like to keep your lungs pristine." He mocked, a small smile gracing his face now as he looked up to the sky.
"And they say chivalry is dead." She laughed, forcing her eyes to the sky like his, anything to drag her focus from the way his lips surrounded the cigarette perched between his fingers, his silver scars catching the moonlight.
"You know you're too nice to me, right?" He asked, looking towards her once again. Charlotte paused, looking into the deep brown of his eyes, truthfully thinking that he might be right.
"Well," She started, sliding off from the edge of the bench and shrugging her bag over her shoulder again. "Lily says you're her favorite. And I'm trying to figure out why." She teased, her stomach falling as he shook his head.
"Then she's got shit taste, Charlotte."
Her mouth opened to ask him what he meant. Remus was a lot of people's favorite from their friend group. Girls were always sneaking side glances to him, admiring how hard working he was, his grades. The way he was never getting into half the trouble that James, Sirius and Peter all found themselves in. He didn't carry himself like Sirius and James, so sure of themselves and talking to new girls every weekend. He knew most people's names, even if they were quiet. Even if they weren't on the Quidditch team, or from an old family.
"Aren't you cold?" She answered, deciding to leave the subject alone entirely. Remus didn't need anymore proof of how she felt for him.
"No." He answered, simply, taking another long drag from the cigarette, finally re-opening the book in his lap.
"Alright, well... I'm gonna head up. Have to start that Herbology essay." Charlotte trailed off, already stepping backwards towards the warmth of the hallways inside the castle as he nodded her a goodbye.
"Night, Charlotte."
She pulled the door open, breathing the familiar warmth into her lungs as she started towards the staircase, not looking forward to lugging her heavy book bag up to Gryffindor tower. She also couldn't explain to herself what she had just done. Why did she constantly put herself back into this position? Remus had made it more than clear that he had no interest in them being friends, or anything more. Yet, James's words from Hogsmeade still echoed through her head.
He does like you!
Charlotte didn't see how whatever delusional version of friendship that Lily and James were imagining hadn't lead them to becoming close friends themselves by now.
"Blondie." Sirius called, Charlotte spinning on the last step to the second floor to see the dark haired boy hurrying up after her.
"Sirius." She answered, leaning against the railing to let him catch up, both of them continuing up towards Gryffindor tower. "What are you doing?"
"What makes you think I wasn't just out looking for you?" He smirked, eyebrows raised as Charlotte's furrowed up at him.
"Were you?" She laughed.
"No. But it's a good thing I found you. Ladies shouldn't have to carry their books by themselves." He pulled her bag from around her arm and slung it over his own shoulder.
"Sirius, you don't have to... How did you know I have books in there?" She turned to him once again and his face blanched, pausing for a second before answering.
"It's Sunday and you've got a heavy looking bag, what else would you have in there?"
She shrugged, accepting his answer as they reached the fourth floor. The two had fallen into a comfortable silence, only broken by the occasional giggles as they overheard the usual absurd conversations between portraits.
"Charlotte?" He spoke again, at last. They were still two flights of stairs away from the cozy common room.
"Hmm?" She looked to him, his gray eyes dark in the dimly lit corridor, yet they were linked on her face, his mouth set into a thin line.
"If there's anyone in this school who isn't falling at your feet, then they're blind. And daft. And not worth a second thought." He spoke calmly, as if he had been thinking his words out their entire walk.
Charlotte blinked a few times, tucking a piece of her bangs behind her ears, her eyes falling to the floor below them.
"Do you hear me?" He spoke again when she didn't answer.
"Okay." She nodded, quickly, her eyes still on her shoes as they continued their climb to the seventh floor. "Reperchans." The portrait door swung open before them and she hurried through.
Sirius grabbed her wrist as they emerged on the other side, stepping into the quiet common room.
"Are you just saying okay so that I'll stop talking?"
Charlotte's lips pulled into half a smile, resisting the urge to laugh at his words, despite them being true. She glanced around the common room, only a few younger students gathered near the fire over a gobstones board and a pair of seventh years scribbling madly against a long sheet of parchment in the corner.
"I'm just... I don't think I'm the kind of girl that guys fall for." She spoke softly, moving still through the common room closer to the staircases to the dorms, wanting so badly to be curled beneath the blankets in her bed. "I'm not smart like Lily, I don't get top grades, and I'm not wild like Marlene and my smile doesn't blind everyone in the hallway like Mary's. So, it's fine, it doesn't bother me." She wasn't sure if he knew that they were talking about Remus, though she had a slight suspicion that he had seen the entire cigarette exchange, that he might have been following her back to the tower since the library.
"You're absolutely mental if you think any of that is true." Sirius answered, his voice, for once, just as soft as hers had been. He leaned against the wall at the edge of the girls staircase, eyes boring into hers as she chewed on her lip, nervously. "I've been blind since bloody September from your smile."
Her mouth fell open without her realizing, scoffing as Sirius's lips pulled into the familiar smirk, watching as she scratched along the tip of her nose and shook her head.
"Goodnight, Sirius." She offered him a small smile, her heart hammering wildly as she turned up towards her dorm.
"Blondie?" He called, his foot hovering over the first step before remembering himself and setting it back to the floor. "Don't you want this back?" He held her book bag out for her and she grabbed it at once, hurrying back up the steps and around the corner out of sight.
Sirius chuckled, pushing himself off from the wall after a few more moments and starting out the portrait hole, jogging easily down the steps back to the dark courtyard. Sure enough, only a few minutes later, he could make out the dark figure, the red glow of the cigarette shining among the greenery beside the benches.
"Budge over." He ordered, Remus's eyebrows rising as he made a spot for Sirius on the bench beside him. "Can I have one?"
Remus didn't hesitate, reaching into his jacket and holding the box out for Sirius who pulled one of the cigarettes from the center between his fingers, lighting it the same way Remus had before. "You're really going through them." He muttered, noting that this was already the fourth cigarette missing from the pack he had watched Charlotte hand over not half an hour ago.
Remus shrugged, leaning forward so that his elbows could rest on his knees as Sirius took his first drag, sighing as he slouched down into the bench, eyes scanning through the stars above them.
"Why does she want you so fucking bad?" He spoke, Remus rolling his head to meet the gray eyes.
"Gee, thanks, Pads. I don't fucking know." Lupin bit back and Sirius let out a short laugh.
"Christ, Moony, I didn't mean it like that... I just... You treat her like absolute shit."
Remus pushed his hands through his hair, settling his forehead into his palms as he groaned.
"I'm not trying to."
"Well, you are, just the same." Sirius pointed out. "What'd she ever do to you? Is it so damn hard to have girls in love with you, Moons? Girls like her?"
"Girls like her? Sirius, if you like her so much, just ask her out! Please! You'd be doing me a bloody favor."
"As if she would say yes, she's been obsessed with you all year." Sirius's voice was raised now, which he knew he would regret in the morning. He never liked fighting with Moony, yet lately, Remus wasn't the Moony he knew. "What is it? You just think she's annoying, or what? She not your type? Is she not smart enough for you?"
"Fucking hell, Sirius." Remus stubbed the last of his cigarette against the stone beside him and jumped from the bench, stalking off towards the castle.
"Yeah, go mope somewhere else." Sirius called, though he was sure Remus would have heard if he had whispered. He didn't care. The anger, the jealousy that he had felt since he had watched Charlotte's eyes fall on Remus at the feast the first day of term could no longer be contained.