Clandestine
James wanted it to work so bad that he’d placeboed himself to think the pain was better than the day before. Reality struck him when he hit the locker rooms.
“Wow, that’s tough.” Frank said with raised eyebrows.
James' socks had specks of blood, and a little hole in the sides. It didn’t look much better after removing them either. This might be the one curse he’d never escape, his lifelong partner. The sores never even really got the chance to heal before he put skates on them again, so this vicious cycle would likely die alongside his career.
Still, he couldn’t really say he didn’t bring this on himself. Last night had consisted of race after race with Regulus. His feet had gotten so bad that he’d asked him to drive him home, which he had thankfully agreed to. Even though James preferred not to discuss any results, it had actually been a nice night. He’d gotten to just hang with him again, doing something that didn’t really matter. It was the furthest he’d gotten with him since the end of elementary school.
“Well, his feet certainly aren’t.” Sirius said, making Frank look at him with a grin.
“Why aren’t you in the shower already?” James complained. The two of them were just standing around him with towels around them, staring at his feet. It felt weird on so many levels that James didn’t even want to get into it.
“We’re admiring the view.”
Sirius nodded. “If hockey doesn’t work out, you can always become a foot model.”
“Maybe for a pharmaceutical company.”
They both snorted and looked at each other like James wasn’t even there. He pushed at them both. “Get in the fucking shower, wierdoes.”
They giggled as they went on. James shook his head before getting to removing the rest of his clothes. He already dreaded going into the showers, just the thought of the soapy water hitting his feet made him cringe. Not like he had any choice in the matter though, Sirius would refuse to let him in the car if he didn’t shower. He braced himself as he went in for impact.
“Stop being so mopey about it.”
For the last fifteen minutes, James had the pleasure of watching Lily try to force Mary to eat a single mussel. He had to applaud her for being so adamant about it too, Lily could be quite persuasive when she wanted to.
“I ain't eating that shit:” she said, hand between the shell and her mouth. She looked like she was about to be sick, leaning as far as she could away from that thing. James couldn’t really blame her, it did not look appetising at all.
“You’re almost twenty one years old, Mary.” Lily scolded, trying to push away her hand. Mary responded by leaning even further back, and James was kind of worried that she might fall off her chair at this pace.
“Nuh huh, I just turned twenty.”
Lily rolled her eyes before slamming the mussel back down on the plate. “You said you’d try it.”
Mary lifted a single eyebrow. “I said I would try some food, not whatever the fuck that is.” She shot the mussel with a dirty look, like she was personally angry with it.
“It was pretty good.” James urged, and Lily looked at him gratefully.
“You see, even James liked it.” she complained. He wasn’t entirely sure what ‘even James’ was supposed to mean, but now didn’t really feel like the proper time to ask. Lily was on a mission.
“The fuck do I care, i’m not touching that.” she scoffed.
They were cut off by the sound of the front door opening and closing, chatter filling the hallway. Mary looked like she had seen God himself.
Lily was quick to pick the mussel back up again. “No pizza before you’ve tried this.”
Mary sent her a flaming angry look. Sometimes, James wondered if she knew that she could just not do what Lily was saying, it was what everyone else was going with. Her and Remus could be like a team of overbearing parents, and you just had to disappoint them at times.
“You’ve been served.” Sirius said the second he came through the door, holding open a box with hawaii like it contained a subpoena. Mary practically made heart eyes at it. Lily sighed before eating off the mussel herself.
“I could have just made us some.” she complained, but Sirius let out a loud laugh.
“We've had enough of your cooking, Evans.”
They sat together and ate the pizza like it was the good old times. Sirius and Mary were going at it like a married couple as usual, so James could be fooled to even think nothing had changed.
Of course, everything had, At least for James.
Everyone else was still the same to each other, but Lily was completely new to him. It was easy in a setting like this to fall back into old habits where he relied on Lily to do most of the talking, while he could just safely sit behind her, shooting in a comment or two. It hurt, how much he wanted that, how much he had missed that. What hurt more was the fact that he knew she didn’t feel the same. She’d been thriving after their breakup, and while James was happy for her, he couldn’t help but internally kill himself over the fact that he had been holding her down.
“You’re just jealous because you don’t pull any bitches.” Sirius responded to one of Mary’s jokes about his sex life. That made all of them laugh. Mary and Sirius was likely one of the most successful breakups in human history. They had just one day gotten together for absolutely no reason, then broke up after Mary discovered she was a lesbian during a thresome. It was a story James would have preferred not to think about, but the point was that there were no bad bad feelings at all. Of course they would act like they hated each other, but they did that when they were dating as well.
“I don’t pull them, they come to me.” she shrugged.
Remus scrunched his nose up like he’d smelled something bad. “I think the both of you need less women in your life.”
Mary looked at him with a cold stare. “You need more.”
“I only have two guy friends.”
“And only two girl friends.”
Sirius pulled his brows together. “Does he even have any friends besides us?” he wondered out loud, like Remus wasn’t even there.
He rolled his eyes in response to that. “I have other friends.”
James crossed his arms and put a hurt look on his face. “You’re cheating on us?”
Then he was pushed in the shoulder. “Yes, every night.”
Sirius gasped loudly. “Moony’s getting laid?” he said with a fake enthusiasm.
“My sex life was not the topic here.”
Sirius looked even more shocked. “Who? It better not be Lily.” he joked.
She threw her hands up, chuckling slightly. Her red baby hairs had started to fall out of her ponytail. “I’m a woman.”
“Amen.” Mary toasted with her soda cup. “We don’t need more relationships, we’re getting cross-eyed inbred over here.”
Eventually, they got to watching Legally Blonde for the fifth time, and James got bored rather quickly. The only way he could possibly get his brain to care about a movie was if he wanted to know what happened, or if he just loved it so much he couldn’t get enough. Unfortunately, this movie didn’t fall under either of them, so he got up to go to the bathroom.
He did not use the bathroom though, but stood leaning against the sink, taking up his phone to scroll through for a while. He didn’t want to seem so uninterested, but he couldn't handle sitting on that couch any longer. Every position was uncomfortable, and he was just waiting for it to be over.
Surprisingly enough, he opened the screen to find a text from the last person he’d ever expected.
19:12
Regulus: Is this yours?
Regulus: *attached image*
Regulus:*attached image*
The first picture was of a grey hoodie with the crest of Gryffindor over the left chest. The other showed the back of that hoodie with his last name in thick black letters, and his player number. Most likely, he’d left it in the car after being driven home. He grinned lightly before tapping out a reply.
James: nah, must be someone else's
It was so lame that James could have melted into the floor. The joke was so not funny, Potter being a fairly rare name. He’d never heard of it outside of his family actually.
A knock sounded on the door. “Hurry up, I need to pee.”
It was Sirius. James rolled his eyes. “I’m not done yet.”
“Well, hurry up then.”
He looked back down on his phone, but there had been no reply from Regulus. He twisted the doorknob open, and was met with Sirius leaned towards the wall, arms crossed over his chest. He’d discarded his hoodie, leaving him in a t-shirt.
“That was faster than I had expected.” he said with raised eyebrows.
James shrugged. “Didn’t use the toilet.” He didn’t feel the need to hide things from Sirius. Likely, he was the only person that James would just tell anything to. Of course, he loved his parents as much as a man can, but he was always wary of sharing too much with his mother. She would have had enough to psychoanalyse him, and James wasn’t entirely sure he wanted anyone (or himself, even) to know everything happening in his head. That was a can of worms that would be better left unopened.
Annoyed, he rolled his eyes. “You fucking adhd people.”
His phone vibrated against his pocket, but he kept this attention to Sirius. He, however, seemed to be done with this conversation. “Get out, I actually gotta pee.”
James dutifully stepped outside, and pulled out his phone the second the door was closed behind him.
Regulus: I can bring it to practise on thursday.
Of course, he didn’t even acknowledge the poor attempt for a joke he had pulled. James could almost be grateful.
He assumed the Figure skaters had a similar schedule as them, which meant Wednesdays were off days. That meant it was two days until he could be reunited with his beloved hoodie he’d forgotten he ever even lost.
James: I need it tomorrow, can I just come pick it up?
He had absolutely no clue why he was lying, he could quite easily live without it until wednesday. He even had a matching one in his closet.
Still, he was thankful for the excuse to talk to him again. James was probably more aware than anyone that friendships needed maintenance. He’d lost too many people to his horrible communication skills, so he saw this as a beautiful opportunity to do that.
Regulus: When?
James: Now?
Not only was this an excellent opportunity to see Regulus, it got him out of trying to not die on Lily and Marlene’s couch out of pent up energy.
Surprisingly enough, the reply came in almost an instant.
Regulus: Ok.
Regulus: Wickstonstreet 15
James was already in the hallway putting on his shoes before even saying goodbye to anyone. He decided to shoot Sirius a text that he hoped wasn’t manipulative.
James: I’m heading back, I can’t handle sitting there any longer. tell the others goodbye from me
With his escape plan ready, he set out in the dark, wearing nothing but his sweatshirt. He’d left the keys to the car on the counter for Sirius to find, but that meant that he was walking. Of course, it wasn’t really that cold in Santa Fe yet, but chilly enough for the wind to make him shiver.
The movie had barely even begun, so he had some time before Sirius would get back and start wondering where he was.
As he pulled up his google maps, he saw that Siirus had reacted to his message with a thumbs up. A sigh escaped him after google told him the quickest route.
Twenty minutes.
Why did he live so far off campus?
With a quick pace, he’d cut the time off by almost a third. He’d noticed the buildings getting nicer and nicer the further he got, but he’d expected it to change back by the time he got to Regulus’. Of course, he’d forgotten that the Black family was filthy rich, and that said a lot coming from James. His parents weren’t exactly middle class either.
The building looked fancier than the one James and Sirius lived in, all white and neat with balconies. James went up to the buzzers displayed on a screen, pressing the one labelled Black. The cold had been more unforgiving than he’d previously expected, so his hand was red and a bit stiff doing it.
It rang a couple of times before it cut off, a green circle appearing on the screen as the door was unlocked.
“Fourth floor:” Regulus’ voice sounded from the poor speakers.
James nodded, hoping that there was a camera somewhere on that screen, before stepping into the warm air inside.
“Did you walk?” was the first thing Regulus said as he opened the door, hoodie in hand. James took it before immediately wrapping his hands around in it.
“Thought it would be warmer.”
Regulus huffed. “It’s October.”
“Well, maybe I was being a bit optimistic about it.”
For a couple of seconds, the silence stretched out across the hall. It felt oddly quiet, white walls with a grey carpet and a black door on each side. Even the elevator had been in neutral colours.
Finally, Regulus cleared his throat. “Well, do you want to warm up a bit?” he asked carefully, and James immediately sighed.
“Please.” he groaned, making Regulus smile. This time, it wasn’t even a part of his master plan to become his friend again, James was just incredibly cold.
The black haired boy stepped aside to let him through the door.
Immediately, it was completely different from what James had expected. The building suggested some minimalistic pastel colour home, but once again, he’d forgotten which family he came from. The furniture was elegant and obviously something a college student shouldn’t have afforded to even look at. At the same time as it looked modern, it truly reflected some Victorian style. The walls had been painted a deep green, and James immediately hated every single part of it.
A vague memory popped into his head.
The first time James had been inside Sirius’ house was when his parents had left them over the weekend to visit some family in France. James had found it a bit odd that they didn’t bring either of their children with them, but it wasn’t as though they were alone. He was greeted by their servant at the door.
“Mr Potter.”
James had always known that they had a servant. Both of the brothers would often talk about him, mostly about how boring he was compared to their parents. He was always forcing them to eat, shower, do their homework and things like that. One day in a fit of rage, Sirius had called him an ‘abominable creature’, and the name had stuck with the brothers. As a prank, they stole his name tag and tried writing it on with a sharpie, but since they weren’t good spellers, it had turned into ‘Krecher’ instead. When Sirius told this story to James, he’d thought that it wasn't a particularly nice thing to call him, but Sirius would always say it was fine. “Papa thought it was funny” he’d say. When James told the story to his mother, she looked horrified.
“Hello Mr Krecher.” he gleed, sticking out his hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you:”
The servant took his hand warily, but shook it nonetheless. James remembered that his mother had told him to be extra nice, no matter how the other’s there treated him.
“Mr Black is showering, but I’d be happy to escort you to his room to wait.”
They walked through the house, and James had been amazed. Everything was shiny and polished, reminding him of a castle. He’d seen the house from the outside, but he’d expected it to look more like his own home inside, with carpets and chairs and a few things thrown about, but everything inside was neat and clean. Of course, James had thought it was cool, but he’d never thought about what it was like to live there.
They went up a flight of stairs that James was a bit scared of slipping on, but his shoes took a firm grasp to the floor. Inside a Hallway with dark walls, there were two doors on each side, each with their own plate.
‘S.O.B’ the right one said, and James only guessed that it stood for Sirius Orion Black. On the left, the plate said ‘R.A.B’, and it was the one he stepped towards.
“That is the other Mr Black’s bedroom.” the servant interjected, but James had already twisted the doorknob.
The room seemed like the rest of the house, dark and extravagant. A chandelier hung over the middle of the room, sending small rainbows on the dark green wallpapers. The room was big enough to fit a king size bed with the complete framing, a desk that reminded him of a principal’s in the movies, a large closet and an even larger bookshelf.
In the middle of the bed, a young boy laid with his legs crossed and his nose down a book. “James?” he asked, looking up.
It was only when he had stepped inside that he noticed the fireplace. James thought it was awesome, way cooler than his own room. Of course, it was cleaner, no toys laying about, but he’d assumed that they had their own room for that. He knew a lot of richer kids did.
“Is it ok that I wait for Sirius with you?” he asked, walking up to the bed. At this age, he was very forgetful, and he completely forgot to ask permission before kicking off his shoes and climbing into the bed. Regulus didn’t seem to mind though.
He closed the book, and sat up with his legs crossed. “If I can hang with you.” he bargained. James smiled, they had already planned on inviting him to play cards with them, but he didn’t know that.
“Deal.” he said, sticking out his hand. Regulus took it much more firmly than the servant had.
After this, Regulus didn’t seem to have much else to say, so James decided to fill the silence with his observations. “Your house is so cool.” he said with a ‘wow’ to his voice.
Regulus shrugged. “I like yours better.”
“How?” James laughed. “It’s so much smaller, and we don’t have any statues in our living room.” he defended.
“It’s a lot nicer.”
James couldn’t believe his ears. “But your room is so cool! You have green walls!”
Regulus did not seem as excited over this. “I don’t like them.”
James was still too young to understand everything about this family, but he understood enough to know that they were different. Sirius would often complain about his coat his mother would make him wear being uncomfortable, so James would loan both of the brother’s his jackets any time they were out playing.
“Did your mother choose the colour?” he asked.
Regulus nodded lightly.
Sirius had once told him about how annoyed his mother had been when he insisted on having his walls painted orange, but relented nonetheless. He didn’t get why the rules would be different for Regulus, but he didnt question it too much. It was only another thing that made the Black family different from others.
Now, when James looked at the apartment, there was no doubt who had helped him decorate. Nothing inside reminded him of Regulus, but it sure reminded him of that awful place they called Grimuald place.
Regulus led the way into the living room, and it was clear James interrupted a movie night.
The sofa was covered with a rumpled blanket, a bag of chips and a water bottle. Regulus himself was wearing cotton pyjama bottoms, a white t-shirt and a satin robe thrown over. The screen was paused on the face of Emma Watson, someone James knew well, the good brit that he was. ‘The perks of being a Wallflower’, the title card read.
“What’s it about?” James asked, gesturing to the screen.
Regulus threw him the blanket before settling down on the sofa again. “Just a coming of age movie,” he said.
James coiled himself up in the blanket, but chose to sit in one of the armchairs at the end of the coffee table. He’d expected it to smell like Sirius, but it didn’t really. After living with him since high school, he knew exactly how he smelled, and there was something more different about this. The only thing he could compare it with was if Sirius used a peach body scrub. Maybe he should, this was much nicer.
“Why’d you walk?” he asked, turning the tv off. The light of the table lamp bounced off his hair, making the coils more defined. That was how he saw just how messed up and static it had become from the blanket currently around James.
“Sirius wouldn’t have appreciated me forcing him to walk home.” he chuckled.
Regulus drew a brow. “So you left a party or whatever to get your hoodie?” he asked sceptically.
James shrugged. “I needed my hoodie.”
“So you couldn’t use the other one?” his head tilted slightly, making a single piece of hair fall over his forehead. It annoyed him that he didn’t do anything to fix it. Maybe he didn’t feel it, but that somehow annoyed him even more.
How did he know about the duo set of team sets? Evan, that damn snitch.
“I wanted this hoodie.”
Regulus snorted. “Whatever, James.”
The piece of hair had not been fixed yet, and James had a hard time focusing on anything else. Something about seeing it all tangled like this felt so intimate. He was always so sure to keep it under control, but it was reassuring in a way to know that it wasn’t like that when he was at home.
“Can’t blame a guy for wanting to see a friend?” he reasoned, making Regulus’ head fall forward just slightly.
“Is that what we are, James? Friends?”
“Old friends, then.”
It did hurt a bit to admit, but he hadn’t been Regulus’ friend since he’d left for the US. He remembers his mother telling him that he was on the phone that same day that he landed in New Mexico, but he’d been too angry at him for choosing to stay to answer. It was one of James’ single greatest regrets, because he didn’t answer when James decided to call him back. Or any other time after that.
“So you do admit you just wanted to see me then?” he asked, something pleased glinting in his eyes.
James rolled his. “Yes, what about it?” he chuckled. “It’s not my fault that you’re so hard to get a hold of that I have to make excuses to hang out with you.”
Regulus huffed. “So that was your plan then? Leaving your hoodie in my car?”
He couldn’t help but laugh at that. Leave it to Regulus to make you sound like some stalker. “No, that was an accident, actually. I’m just not opposed to taking opportunities when they present themselves.”
Regulus rolled his eyes, but looked away with the faintest shadow of a smile. The fact that he was still sitting here had to be proof that this was going well. Maybe even better than he’d hoped.
Still, Regulus gave him a look, and James knew it well. It was his ‘let’s get real’ look. “James, what are you doing here?” he asked like he was tired. James could understand though. Why was he here after all of these years? Why did he suddenly regret every single moment he left him? It was all too much for James’ to answer, but he could answer with one of the reasons.
“I missed you.” he said.
Regulus’ face remained stoic. “You saw me yesterday.”
James smiled. “I did.”
He was perfectly aware that Regulus knew what he’d meant, but didn’t want to push the subject. The Black brother’s were very similar in that regard. If they didn’t want to talk about something, you wouldn’t get them to.
For a couple of moments, they sat there in a prolonged silence. When they were younger, they never ran out of things to talk about, but now, James was searching his mind for any topics of interest, though nothing seemed worthy enough for anything better than a two sentence conversation.
In the end, it was Regulus who broke the silence.
“Did your chafing get better?”
James broke out in laughter. “You want to ask me about my feet?” he choked out.
Regulus rolled his eyes at him. “Yes, did they get better?”
James could lie. It was what he’d done to his coach, but he didn’t see any reason to. Why would Regulus care? “No, actually not.” he said, disappointed.
The other boy pressed his lips together, and nodded. “Figures,” he said.
He furrowed his brows. “What?”
The response came with a head shaking. “I just don’t think it was the skates that were the problem.”
“Oh, so you think I’m the issue here?” he accused, but Regulus laughed at him.
“Actually, yes I do.” He looked at James as the smile still grazed his face, and his eyes looked so alive. Small lines in the sides, and almost completely dark from the little squint.
James leaned back in the chair. He hadn’t realised that he had been sitting like the blanket was too tight around him. He loosened it a bit up, but didn’t do anything to remove it. There was still a slight shiver down his back. “Enlighten me.”
Regulus seemed to follow suit in sitting more comfortably, and he put his feet straight in front of him on the sofa, crossing his ankles. “I think you’re too rough with your skates,” he concluded.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Regulus looked up as if trying to think of a good explanation. “It’s like you’re pushing the ice away.”
Maybe James was just being stupid, but he was still just as lost. “That's the way you gather speed, Regulus.” he said, voice bearing the slightest bit of concern.
He gave him a pointed look. “That’s not what I mean. You’re just too brutal with them, always struggling against the ice instead of gliding with it. You’ve always skated like that, so I can see how it’s hard to catch.”
In some far off part of his brain, it did make sense to him. Force meant friction, so maybe he needed to ease up on the force?
Although this seemed like a genuinely good tip, it wasn’t the part of the sentence he was most intrigued by. “Oh, so you’re an expert on my skating techniques, then?” he teased.
Regulus sent him a sharp look. “You forget that Sirius forced me to attend every single one of your games.”
If James was being honest, he had forgotten about that. Regulus had been a good friend and brother, always supporting them from the bench. In return, they would routinely forget or worm their way out of going to any of his meets.
“Well, it’s nice to see you spent your time studying the best.” he said, overly confident with a grin plastered over his face.
Much to James’ surprise, this drew a smile out of him. “Well you were hard to miss.”
“Or maybe you were just paying attention.” he pointed a playful look at him.
Regulus looked away, smile faintly fading out. “Maybe,”
James knew he hadn’t exactly been fair. It was no secret that Regulus had a small crush on him when they were younger. He knew it, Sirius knew it, Euphemia and Fleamont knew it, and too many people in their school knew it.
It was the beginning of James’ fourth year. He’d just gotten this card game as a present from his parents, and Sirius’ parents were off somewhere again. The second he had finished his homework, he’d jumped on his bike so that he could get to Grimuald as soon as he could.
When the servant greeted him at the door, James barely had any time for greetings, excited as he was.
“Hello Mr Krecher!” he yelled as he barged past the man, turning up the stairs to get to Sirius’ room. When he’d gotten there, he wasn’t met with the excitement he’d hoped for.
Regulus was on the bed, tears in his eyes. The second he saw James, he quickly turned to his older brother who was holding his shoulder. He said something in such quick French that James didn’t catch the words. Not that it would have mattered, James didn’t know a single word. Sirius looked up at him before returning his attention to the crying boy.
“C'est bon, c'est juste James.” he said soothingly, but Regulus did not get any calmer from this. He mumbled something else that just seemed like gibberish to him, but Sirius was quick to hush him. “Il ne va pas te détester, c'est ton ami.” he said. Regulus hid his face in his shoulder, mumbling something too low for James to catch this time, and Sirius pulled him into a tight hug. “S'il le savait, il pourrait l'aider.” Regulus didn’t reply to this, only sunk into him further. “Tu veux que je le dise ?” he continued. After a few more moments, Regulus’ head bobbed up and down. “D’accord.” he said slowly, but this time James caught it. For some reason, Regulus’ French was much more intense and fast, while Sirius was slower with his words.
Regulus sat up, but was still securely under Sirius’ arm. James felt a lot like he was intruding on something, but no one had told him to leave, so he wasn’t really sure. It wasn’t as if he’d never seen Regulus cry before or consoled him. Regulus had even been there with him when he cried, it was just what friends did.
“Some of the guys aren’t being too nice to Regulus.” Sirius said sadly, keeping his eyes on his younger brother. Immediately, James was down on the bed beside him, but kept a distance.
He tried bending his head down to catch Regulus’ eyes from the floor, but he was unsuccessful. “Was it Filip and Daniel again?” he asked. After the incident during his first year, they had obviously told Sirius. Together, they all decided that it was best not to involve any of the teachers in this. To their young brains that made a lot of sense. James and Sirius had found Filip and Daniel after school, and threatened to get them kicked off the team if they ever touched Regulus again. For a while, it had even worked.
Regulus didn’t reply to him, but kept his eyes plastered in place. Sirius nodded at the question. “They have been calling him some really bad names.”
James knew perfectly well what vocabulary those two boys had. They didn’t spare anyone from it. “What names?”
Regulus seemed to want to shrink in on himself, and James wanted to wrap his hands around him and squeeze until he felt better, but he didn’t think that was the right thing to do. At least that was what his gut was telling him, and his father always told him to follow his gut.
Sirius’s eyes were angry, but his voice was calm and soft. “They have been bullying Regulus’ because they think that he likes boys,” he said, and regulus shrinked even further down, leaning towards his brother.
At this age, James had gone to elementary school in Great Britain long enough to understand that there were some people that didn’t want two boys or two girls to be together, but he still found it difficult to understand just how deep this dislike went. “Why would they bully him about that?” he asked bewildered. Sirius looked at him slightly confused, but Regulus decided to lift his eyes again, and pointed them straight at James. “You’re not mad at me?” he asked, and James could feel his heart shatter in a million pieces. “Of course not, Reggie.” He finally gave in, and put his arms around him in a warm hug. “Why would I be mad at you?” he said into his hair. His head lightly hit his nose as he started to hulk, but James didn’t care.
“Because it’s a bad thing.” he said, and James got this strange feeling in his chest. He knew that there were a lot of things he didn’t understand, especially when it came to the Black family, but he especially didn’t get how Regulus could ever think it was a bad thing. “Of course it’s not a bad thing, Reggie, it’s a good thing.” he tried, and he felt the boy shift lightly in his grip. He ulled away so that he could look at James with hopeful eyes. “It is?” His eyes were still wet, but he’d stopped sobbing. “It means that you know a lot more about yourself than most people our age.” he encouraged. It felt like something his mother would have said, but she always knew what to say in situations like this.
“But why are people being so mean to him if it’s a good thing?” Sirius asked, eyebrows knitted together in a concerned way. James didn’t know the answer to that. Some people were just weird, he supposed. “They’re just jealous that Regulus is so much more mature than them already.” he gave Regulus’ side a little push, and the younger boy smiled sadly.
Over the next few weeks, James would more and more catch Regulus looking at him, and each time, he hurriedly looked away. He didn’t want to hang out with him alone anymore, and James had been absolutely sure that he had done something wrong. Any time he saw Filip and Daniel talking to him in school, he would be sure to get over there and tell the two bullies exactly what he thought, but maybe James was taking liberties. Regulus was almost as old as James, and probably didn’t appreciate being treated like some soft thing that would break.
He’d taken to confiding in his mother for advice, but that meant sharing the entire story. He told her about the first time he’d caught Filip and Daniel bullying Regulus, and then about the talk with him and Sirius, and the way Regulus had been reacting to it. He’d expected her to be mad at him, but she had just placed her hand on his chin and kissed his forehead. “We raised such a lovely boy.” she said, more to herself than anything, but it still made James smile. She then pulled back to look him in the eyes firmly. “But you should have told a grown up way sooner than this, James.” He nodded, gaze on his feet. He’d realised that this was something they couldn’t handle by themselves but it had been too late.
“Is that why Regulus is mad at me?” he asked. “Because I didn’t tell the grown ups?” Euphemia’s voice was as steady and kind as always. “I don’t think he’s mad at you at all, honey.” James looked back up at her, hopeful. “You don’t?” he asked, drawing a chuckle from her. “I think he might have a bit of a crush on you.” James knew what a crush was. Shelly in his class had told him once that he was her crush, and they’d dated for a whole week before they forgot about it.
“Does that mean i have to date him? He’s my friend.” he said, eyebrows slowly climbing further up his forehead. She laughed again. “No, but it does mean that you have to be extra nice to him. No matter what the other people in school say, having a crush is not embarrassing, and it’s not something bad. It happens to everyone, and you need to make sure that Regulus doesn’t feel like it’s something that will ruin your friendship, because he might just be a little scared of it.” James nodded dutifully. If Regulus needed him to be a better friend, then he would be a better friend.
Of course, it had taken a long time, but James was sure to try and hang out with him when Sirius wasn’t around. He wanted to make sure that he knew that James didn’t think it was anything to be embarrassed about, but really, it wasn’t what had worked in the end. As any childhood crush, it was completely forgotten by the both of them in the span of a couple weeks.
“At least you were paying attention to what mattered.” he joked, trying to bring back the lighter tone.
Regulus shot him a deathly look. “And that’s you, huh?”
James nodded proudly. “The one and only.”
The corners of Regulus’ mouth twitched, but never formed a full smile. “I’ve seen five of you on every hockey team in the nation.”
He pulled a shoulder. “Then you should be proud to be speaking to the blueprint.”
“The original blonde white boy.” he mused.
“I’m not even blonde, my hair is sandy.” James said matter of factly.
Regulus rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s blonde, alright?”
Before he could make a comeback, his phone vibrated repeatedly in his pocket. He dug it out to be met by Sirius’ face taken in the .5x camera, and his name on the screen.
“Shit..” he muttered under his breath before answering. “What’s up?” he asked casually.
“Where are you?” he asked, voice slightly muted by the phone. James looked over to see Regulus looking intently at him. He wasn’t completely sure if he could tell who was on the phone or not.
“Not home.” he said. Regulus raised an eyebrow at this.
Sirius sighed. “I can fucking see that, but why aren’t you? You said you were going home.”
If he was being completely honest, he should have just told Sirius where he was. At one point or another, they had to start acting like things were fine between the two brothers if they were ever going to be. Still, he just felt like the excuses were starting to pile up on top of each other. If he told him that he was just picking up a hoodie, he’d want to know why Regulus had it in the first place, which led them to the ice hockey rink. Then he’d have to explain that they got to talking because they had kind of bonded over Evan being a lightweight, though he had planned to tell him about that. He’d just forgotten. Right now, it was just a bit too much to start getting into over the phone.
“I wanted some air.” he shrugged, even though Sirius couldn’t even see him. Regulus could though, but he looked more intrigued than anything.
“I can hear that you’re not outside, James, it’s windy.”
“I never said I was outside.”
“You said you needed some air.”
“There’s air inside too.”
There was a second long pause. “Just get fucking back, jesus.” he complained, and hung up the phone. He could get feisty like a hamster over the phone at times, and was especially just hanging up on whoever it was he was talking to.
He shook his head as he pocketed the phone again. “Well, I gotta get going before I’m put on a watchlist.”
Regulus frowned. “I’m ninety percent sure you don’t know what a watchlist is.”
James grinned.” Well, I’m one hundred percent sure.” He got up and pulled the blanket off himself. He’d liked to get just a bit warmer before leaving, but he was at least positive that he wouldn’t die from it.
He walked towards the hallway, making a mental note that Regulus did not ask him about why he didn’t tell Sirius where he was. He was fairly sure that he pieced together who it was, so it puzzled him a bit.
He’d started tying up his shoes when Regulus decided to join him, the grey hoodie James had once again been careless enough to forget again in hand.
“I’m starting to think it was actually on purpose.” His face was his usual stoic appearance, but James could see some humour in his eyes.
James looked at the hand holding it out in front of him, an idea forming in his head. “Why don’t I pick it up later?” he asked, forcing his face into something earnest. Regulus’ mouth betrayed him, the corner twisting up.
“That was weak, James.” he said, voice unimpressed, though his face told a different story. James couldn’t help the grin growing on his face.
“Well, was it strong enough?” he asked, making Regulus’ eyes roll. “Have a nice walk in the cold, then.” he said, giving him a lazy wave.
“I will not.” he said before leaving the flat empty handed.