back to hogwarts
Remus Lupin closed his school trunk and secured it with a lock keepin’ the key in the pocket of his jacket, before he looked around his room, for anything important he could have left around. He bowed down to see if anything fell under the bed, but everything was cleaned out. His favorite shoes, his winter clothes, a few records, and some other stuff.
To his surprise, he hated this summer. But nonetheless tomorrow morning he was finally going to Hogwarts, with his friends again. Like he did every year since he turned 11.
But this time it was different.
He felt different.
He wasn’t the same.
He felt this extra weight on his shoulders. He was exhausted, not physically but emotionally. He blamed the monster inside him, even though he knew it was not true.
Remus stood up from the floor, sighing heavily, reaching for the lighter and the cigarettes on his bedside table. He went to the little window in his room up in the attic, to take a smoke, thinking about everything ahead of him this school year. He missed his friends and the Gryffindor common room, but above all he missed Sirius. The beautiful black-haired boy that he became friends with when he was 11, missed his sarcastic comments and his mischievous grin. He missed Sirius’ stupid pranks and the way he made him laugh. He missed the way Sirius spoke French when he was drunk, he missed everything about that boy.
“Hey Remus, what are you doing?”
“Hi Dad,” Remus said as he approached the older man.
“Can we talk son?” Lyall asked
“Sure,” Remus’ relationship with his father was better these last few years, so he agreed.
“I hope you have a great school year son, and I just wanted to say I'm so proud to be your father.”
That meant a lot to Remus. “Thanks, Dad,” more than he could ever imagine.
“Go to sleep, it’s late,” he said, trying to avoid his son's gaze.
“Okay good night father,” Remus said before his dad left the room, but suddenly Lyall turned around and hugged Remus tight.
“I love you, Remus.” And then he left the room, letting Remus stand there kinda surprised. As soon as Remus finished that cigarette he went to bed immediately falling asleep, because of how tired he was.
______________________________________________________________________________
There he was, the first person in front of the train. He has always been the first there since he started Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
“Nous sommes très fiers de toi Remus.(We are so proud of you Remus)” His mom said as she gently kissed his cheek, Remus bending down so she could reach.
His dad hugged him goodbye as students started coming in slowly, one by one. As soon as the doors to the train opened, he hopped in, running to the end of the train in the cabin where they always sit. Then he sat down by the window, and just pulled a muggle book from his bag, waiting for the others to arrive.
One by one all his friends were there. First Peter then Lilly then Mary, but James and Sirius were nowhere to be seen. Those 2 idiots were probably late. But as soon as Remus turned his attention back to his books suddenly the cabin door burst open, making everyone stop what they were doing, but there was Sirius, leaning against the door frame, and James leaning on the other side.
“God, do you have to be such drama queens?” Remus said happy to see them.
“Well hi to you too Remus,” said James with his cute Latin accent, sitting in the empty seat beside him. Something seemed wrong with him but Remus couldn't put his finger on what it was.
“Yes, it is very necessary,” Sirius said, kissing each of the girls' hands. Such a drama queen. “Where is Marlene?”
“Snogging the Hufflepuff beater.”
“Ah yes the good old snogging people on the train,” Everyone started laughing as he bowed down, and then finally took a spot next to James. They started speaking like the good old times and it made Remus feel alive even though he didn’t take his eyes off that darn book for a single second.
They were all talking when someone entered the cabin. It was Regulus, Sirius’ younger, trans brother. Sirius became very quiet, and everyone looked up. For a second something flashed into Sirius’ face but Remus wasn’t able to catch it.
“Sorry I thought it was empty,” the young boy said standing in the middle of the cabin.
“Well obviously it isn’t,” James said, roughly. There was something wrong in his soft hazel eyes, Remus spotted… Anger? The sunshine boy, with a look of anger for someone who wasn't snape? But despite James’ efforts, Regulus didn’t budge.
“How are you?” he turned to Sirius after a few minutes.
“What do you want? Did Mother send you to spy on me?” Sirius said as he leaned forward on the seat. “Cause if she did, you can fuck off.”
Regulus was obviously hurt by that. “No, I just wanted to see if you are okay.” Okay? What happened to him?
It looked like James was about to explode. He had enough. But of what exactly Remus couldn’t figure out “Oh now you care about him. I SAID LEAVE,” James said as he got up and took his wand out standing inches from Regulus.
Regulus flinched a bit at the unexpected move but didn't advance a centimeter. “I just wanted to see if you were okay,” he said teary-eyed, as he reluctantly stormed out of the cabin. There was a moment of silence.
What had happened that summer?
“Oi! What was that all about?” asked Peter.
“Don’t worry wormtail, it’s nothing,” said Sirius.
“No, ‘cause now I'm invested,” said Remus with his book closed in his lap, very curious about what just happened. He was looking directly at Sirius and his black curls that were put up in a man bun.
“OH MY MERLIN. PRONGS LOOK!” said Sirius getting up from his seat “I. SIRIUS ORION BLACK. MADE THE REMUS JOHN LUPIN CLOSE HIS BOOK.”
“NO WAY. Padfoot mate, you just won life.”
“Oh, stop it,” Remus said, flinging the newspaper next to him at James' head. Luckily for James, he was able to avoid it. “Idiots,” Remus said under his breath.
“Oi! At least we are handsome,” Sirius said. He had always tried avoiding his feelings with jokes.
“Just sit down Sirius.”
“For your information Evans, I don't take orders from redheads who hate me because of my perfect handwriting,” he said as Lily rolled her eyes.
“You guys should really consider dating,” said Mary after some time had passed.
“Who?”
“All 3 of you,” Marlene said, looking at James, Remus, and Peter.
“Excusez-moi, what about me?” huffed Sirius
“You have already done that and it's a disaster,” said Peter as the girls started laughing.
“Anyway. So do you guys agree that I give you lot a full makeover?” said Mary “Sorry let me correct that, WE give you a full makeover, me and my girl here Lily,” she continued as she wrapped her arm around Lilly's shoulders as the other girl kinda blushed.
James turned his head “When you say makeover, you mean like changing our clothing style?”
“No, your clothes are your personality. I will only change the way you look and a few things about the way you act.”
“I mean sure why not give it a try.”
“Oh thank you thank you thank you SO much,” said Lily almost jumping for joy.
“What did we get ourselves into?”
“Remus,” Mary said as Remus still kept his head low. “Yes, you pretty boy.”
“I hear you, Mary.”
“Thank you. So you need…”
Before Mary could speak Lilly said, “You need eyeliner, a lash curler, and need to brush your hair once in a while, also you could use some tips on being more social, cause let's be honest you should really get more friends.”
“He doesn't need new friends,” Remus knew that Sirius was scared of people leaving him. Once in the second year, he cried because he was thinking about his friends being mad at him and he would be left all alone, so they made a promise to never leave each other till death do them part.
“Well thank you for the fair judgment,” Remus sarcastically said as he rolled his eyes, and ignored Sirius’ comment.
“James, you need eyeliner, deodorant, and stop wearing band t-shirts and quidditch jumpers and put on some actual clothes, for the love of god.”
“For your information, I smell very good,” James replied, acting offended and flipping his invisible hair.
“I meant when you come from quidditch.”
“Ah yes, I agree, like the dorm stinks so bad until we push him in the fucking shower,” said Sirius.
“You Sirius, eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow, a new leather jacket, and an actual partner not just snogging people.”
“I do not just snog people!”
“You sure mate?”
“Okay, maybe I do.”
“And you Peter are perfect the only thing I would change about you is your weight and your hair.” Remus noticed that Peter looked a bit upset but he didn't think anything of it.
Remus fell asleep for the rest of the ride because he was still exhausted from the last full moon.
When he woke up they had arrived at Hogwarts. The beautiful castle he loves so much. As soon as they touched school grounds the boys ran straight to their dormitories
“COME ON GUYS WE CAN’T BE LATE.”
“SIRIUS THE FOOD IS GONNA WAIT.”
“Not for his fat belly,” replied Remus running with the others up the stairs of the Gryffindor common room which led to their dorms.
“You know today we should go stargazing.”
“I like how you think Pete.”
“Thank you, James,” Peter replied as Sirius almost busted down the door.
“CALM DOWN.”
“Hurry up guys,” Sirius said as he threw his trunk near his bed getting out his robes.
“Well get dressed then.”
“Moony how the bloody hell are you already dressed.”
“It’s not that hard,” he said as he looked around at the absolute mess in front of him.
“I can’t tie my tie,” said James, obviously struggling.
“Let me help you there prongs,” Remus said, science he couldn't bear to see James look so stupid.
“Thanks, moony.”
“Hey, flirting with James is my job,” said Sirius, acting offended.
“Don’t worry, I don't want him.”
“ANY WAY, CAN WE HURRY UP.”
“OKAY, OKAY,” James said as the four of them left the dorm running Sirius almost tripped from his shoelaces.
“Here let me help you tie them,” Remus said, leaning down to Sirius’ Doc Martens.
“But moonyyyy we are going to be lateee,” Sirius said, whining.
“Okay, just stop whining,” Remus said as he got up noticing he was standing too close to Sirius. They stayed there, Remus staring at his beautiful gray eyes for a second.
“LET'S GO MOONY,” Sirius said as he pulled Remus down the stairs, as the last boy felt butterflies