“James?” Regulus addressed the figure sitting near the window. The library was eerily empty this late, the only light was the moon’s shine seeping in from the large windows. The room was cool and the rain could be heard lightly hitting against the roof.
“James?” He repeated himself after he didn’t receive a reply.
Still nothing.
Regulus sat down in front of James who was staring out the window. James still didn’t turn or speak.
“Did I do something wrong?” He reached up to grab James’s hand. James pulled his hand away.
Regulus felt a wave of something. He didn’t know what it was, but he knew he’d felt it before. No, he didn’t want to put James in that box. Whatever he felt, whatever thoughts he was having, those were things his family caused. They weren’t associated with James. This was his mother pulling his hair as a kid. This was his cousin practicing curses on him. This was his brother abandoning him. This wasn’t James. James didn’t make him feel this way, at least not ever before. He felt safe with James, never scared or unstable. He felt like vomiting at that moment. He wanted to find some way, any way, to get rid of the pit in his stomach. A pit being caused by the man he loved more than anything else.
“James I promise I’ll listen if you tell me what I did.”
Nothing. Radio silence.
“I- I don’t know what to say if I don’t know what’s wrong.”
James didn’t even blink. Another wave fell over Regulus. He felt tears forming behind his eyes. He wanted to stay strong. He didn’t deserve to cry if he caused this. There had to be a reason James was acting this way right? This wasn’t for nothing. This couldn’t be for nothing.
“What do you want me to do? I’ll do it, I promise. I’ll do whatever it is. Please.”
The silence in return is enough for Regulus to lose his composure. Tears begin to flow freely down his face as he stands up.
“Come on James, please. Why are you being like this? What did I do?”
Regulus paces back and forth in front of the silent man in front of him. His vision blurs in and out, James taking the form of his mother, then his father, then his brother, then back to the love of his life. His heart rate picked up and his breathing became more and more shallow.
“D- Did I say something? I’m sorry. I’m sure I didn’t mean anything I said. I’m sorry I joked about you and my brother, it was just a joke, I really didn’t mean it. I’m sorry I talked about Evan. I was being insecure, I know. I can work on it I swear. Was it the potions homework? I can find you a new tutor. Was it the picnic? I’m still learning how to make it the way Sirius does. Was it the shirt? Is it me? Is it my family? Am I acting wrong? Do I look wrong? Whatever it is, you can tell me, it won't hurt my feelings. I can fix whatever it is.
I’ve waited so long for you James please don’t let me lose you over something that I didn’t realize. I love you. I have loved you for years. I wait for you at breakfast in the morning and I don’t go to sleep until I know you’re in bed and do everything just how you like it. I go to your quidditch games and I visit your family and I give you time with Sirius. I put you first always. You’re everything to me James I promise.
Answer me! Please! James just tell me.”
Regulus stopped and choked on his sobs. James turned to face him, finally. It was clear he had been crying, but no tears were leaving his eyes anymore. His breathing was slow and steady. He had an overall calm exterior. If Regulus wasn’t already broken, this would have done it for him. James remained silent for a moment before his eyes fell to the ground.
“I wish you were Lily.”