GUTS

Monday -
4:37pm

‘Sirius, you can’t honestly think that's a good spot to put your books’
Remus eyed the spot in the middle of their dorm floor where Sirius had been meticulously stacking his books for the past ten minutes, apparently wanting to make sure they wouldn't fall over, although Remus couldn’t figure out why this would be a concern as his English book, which was there first class tomorrow, had been placed right at the bottom of the pile.
‘Well, this way I wont forget to bring them to class, because they'll always be in my line of vision’,
A smug grin spread across Sirius's face, it seemed that in his mind this was the greatest idea since sliced bread. Remus let out an exasperated sigh,
‘Yeah they'll definitely be in your vision when you're lying on the floor amongst them after tripping over that pile’
Remus bent down and began gathering the books, carrying them over to Sirius’s desk and neatly stacking them on the small bookshelf above it. Sirius let out a wistful sigh, and turned from his spot on the floor to face James, who had been lying on Remus’s bed, silently laughing to himself at Sirius’s questionable book placement.
‘Ah, look Jamesy, just like you said, Remus is already declaring himself dorm king’,
James gave Sirius a skeptical look.
‘To be fair mate he has been living in this dorm a whole two years longer than you have’
Remus shot James a nod of approval before panning back to Sirius, grin long since disappeared, replaced by an overdramatic expression of utter disbelief at this betrayal.
‘The two of you astound me’ sighed Sirius, fixing the two boys with a mock inquisitive look,
‘Have I not been sneaking Remus out of this dorm for those past two years?’
‘Yeah against my will’
muttered Remus. Sirius continued on, ignoring this comment
‘Look here’,
Sirius walked over to the window, pointing to the corner where a small crack in the glass had formed, and the wall around it had been dented.
‘Is this dent not in the exact shape of my elbow, is this not the place where i broke my arm in my valiant attempt to rescue Remus’
Sirius’s smug grin began to re-blossom.
‘I'm still lost on why you thought sneaking in through the window of a two story building to take me to a midnight showing of frozen was a good idea’.
Remus said, remembering that night from last winter all too well.
‘And I'm failing to see what your point is’. James chimed in
‘My point Jamesy’, Sirius said, flopping onto the bed beside him. ‘Is that I've been marking my territory in this room since first year’.
‘Ew, you sound like a dog’. James retorted, giving Sirius a slightly confused and concerned look.
Sirius shrugged, going over to his wardrobe to carelessly dump a box of clothes at the bottom.
‘Your unbelievable’. Muttered Remus, watching his once clean room fall into a cycle of uncleanable chaos.
Sirius looked up from his pile of clothes, fixing Remus with a wide grin.
‘But you love me’. Sirius said, raising his eyebrows in a mock suggestive tone. ‘Roomie’.
Remus gave him an unamused stare.
‘Mm sure, if you say so’.
Sirius broke into an impossibly, even wider grin, turning back to continue dumping clothes at the bottom of his closet. Remus slumped back in his chair, fixating on the back of Sirius's head. He watched the boy continue to unpack his things, he seemed far too happy and energetic for someone moving into a boarding home. Remus felt the nagging question, that he was dying to ask creep up on him for the hundredth time this week, why was Sirius moving into the boarding house? Remus knew he only lived a five minute drive away, so he didn’t think there was much convenience to it, It would also be costing Sirius unnecessary money. He also knew Sirius was a strong believer in free will, and running by his own time schedule, so Remus struggled to see why he thought boarding was a fun idea. Remus also wondered how Sirius was even allowed to board. Were there not rules that only kids out of zone could board? Remus, being an exceptionally rational person, was struggling to see any logic behind this.
Sirius’s announcement had come out of nowhere. When Remus had arrived at the Potters for the last week of summer break, Sirius had announced to him he was going to start boarding at Gryffindor. Remus had been excited at first, and he still was. His only proper friend in the boarding house was Lily, however she was in the girls dormitory, so Remus didn’t see her much outside of dinner and free times. Having Sirius around would certainly make things in the boarding house less dull than usual, as excitement followed Sirius around like a shadow. However it didn't take long before Remus started with his questions, the first simply being, why? He had asked Sirius this when he first heard his decision, but was shrugged off. James had given Remus the “don’t ask'' look and Remus had left it at that, sensing that it was a somewhat sore subject.
‘I'm gonna head out, Pete’s waiting for me outside’. James announced looking down at a message from his phone.
‘Tell him hi from me, and that next time I need help moving, to think of a better excuse for not helping’. Sirius said as James gathered his things to leave,
‘‘I don’t know mate, the excuse, ‘I want to keep my peace before school starts’ is pretty fair’’. James replied, now standing in the doorway ready to head off.
Sirius took a moment to think about it, eventually seeming to accept that response.
‘Well, I'll see you tomorrow then’.
‘Yes you will, my dear angel sweetie pops’. James said this in as serious a tone as he could muster while saying the word ‘sweetie pops’, blowing both Sirius and Remus a kiss. Sirius returned the favor, Remus looked at James with a disgusted expression on his face. James gave them one last wave before heading off.
Remus watched as the door shut behind him, letting his mind relax for a second, before it drifted into worries about the new school year. Good grades were a necessity for Remus, unlike his friends who could drift through the year with B average’s, for Remus dropping below an A might mean the end of his scholarship and bye bye to Gryffindor. He thought to himself that he really should have chosen easier classes but alas, at this point “always stressed about grades” had become a defining feature of his personality. He was still staring at the door when Sirius’s head popped into his frame of vision, giving him a concerned look.
“Stressing about school before it's even started are we?”
Remus gave him a small smile. Sirius was the only one of his friends who Remus felt understood his constant worry. Although Sirius didn’t care for his grades very much (which were somehow always perfect despite this), he did have parents that Remus knew had been constantly on him about them from the second he stepped foot into a classroom. James and Peter never quite understood the panic one can feel from receiving a bad grade, because they always thought about it as room for improvement. For Remus and Sirius it meant consequences, and never good ones.
‘Just thinking about how I should have joined you and the boys in doing food tech, I mean that has to be the easiest class out there’.
‘Ah, I wouldn’t speak so soon Moony, you haven’t ever had to watch peter try and make brownies, ate some of the ingredients far too soon’.
Remus gave him a look, very resembling of a disapproving mother,
‘You three never fail to astound me with your stupidity’.
Sirius gave him a winning grin.
‘So,’ He said, picking a few records up from his bed, ‘are we feeling Bowie or Abba?’.

8:12pm -

They had finished unpacking, and the two boys were sitting on the floor picking at a salad James had left behind. As Remus bit down on a piece of raw fish, he mentally noted to never skip a dining hall meal again, no matter how many boxes needed to be unpacked.
‘Honestly, how he can happily eat this on a daily basis is beyond me’. Sirius said grimacing at what looked to be a Brussel sprout.
‘Agreed, he must be an absolute nutcase’. Remus responded, picking through trying to find something that wasn’t green and slimy.
His phone began to ring in his lap and he looked down to see it was a call from his mum.
‘Just gonna take this outside’. He said to Sirius, who gave him a half nod, still grimacing at the food in front of him.
Remus stepped out the door as he answered, holding the phone up to his ear as it swung closed.
‘Hello Remus’. He heard his mothers soft and sweet voice come through the phone.
‘Hey mum’.
He had only been gone for a week but he missed her. It was hard sometimes, seeing his friends get to go home to their parents when he only got his few sacred months with her.
‘How has your week been? Are you all settled in? Remember to brush your teeth?’
‘Good, yes and yes’. Remus said with a small laugh. ‘I’m actually in a room with Sirius now’.
‘That's good sweetheart, always more fun with friends’.
‘Yeah, it is’.
Remus’s mum had never met Sirius, or any of Remus’s friends for that matter. He wished she could. He sometimes wondered if she worried he was a bit lonely, because he would spend so much time with her in the summer. He wished he could show her his friends to let her know he was good, and happy, and that he chose to spend that time with her. Also because he thought his friends would quite like his mum, with her shy demeanor and the kindness radiating from her. He really wished Wales was closer to London.
‘I’m just calling to tell you that I’m really sorry honey, but you're going to have to find some second hand school books again for this year’.
Remus sighed ‘that’s ok, I don’t mind’, Then ‘I thought dad’s child support money was going to cover that?’
‘He still hasn’t paid, I'm sorry sweetheart’.
‘it’s ok’.
Remus wasn’t surprised. He knew his father never paid and he knew his mother was trying to support two people when she barely had the money to support one. He wasn’t so much mad at his dad for not paying, he was more mad at him for making his mother suffer because of it. He was mad that she had to feel guilty for not being able to buy Remus something as simple as new school books. No matter how many times Remus would tell her that he didn’t mind, he knew she still felt guilty, and there was nothing he could do to make her feel better.
‘Maybe you could sue him?’ Remus suggested.
He heard his mothers soft laugh vibrating through the phone.
‘Goodbye sweetheart, I love you’.
‘Yeah, love you too mum’. He said.
The line went dead a second later.
Remus walked back into the room, a fair bit more somber than he had been when he left. Sirius seemed to pick up on this.
‘You ok?’ He asked.
Remus gave him a quick glance and a small smile.
‘Yeah, fine’. He said, but he couldn't muster enough energy to make it sound believable.
He was tired. He was already exhausted from school and they hadn’t even had their first day. He was tired of his dad, and angry at the lack of his dad. He was tired of wishing his mum could have the life she deserved. He was tired of everything really.
He felt something hit his head, and despite the object being soft it was thrown hard enough that it did hurt a fair bit.
‘Ow!’ He exclaimed.
He looked down to see the object thrown was a pillow, then back up to see that the culprit was Sirius.
‘What the fuck was that for?’ Remus said, exasperated.
‘Don’t know, figured I might knock some happiness into you?’ Sirius replied, a sheepish grin on his face.
Remus gave him a look.
‘Well if that’s how you want it to be’.
Sirius seemed to sense what was coming, because he ducked behind his desk just as a pillow Remus had thrown came hurtling through the air towards him. Remus continued on his rampage picking up a pillow and heading towards where Sirius was hiding.
‘I take it back, I take it back!’ Sirius yelled, half laughing as Remus tried to hit him with the pillow.
‘Swear you will never ever try to hit me with a pillow again and I'll stop’. Remus said.
‘Promise!’
Remus stopped hitting him and Sirius let his arms fall back down from where they had been covering his head. Remus hit him with the pillow one more time for good measure.
‘Hey!’
‘Sorry’, said Remus, ‘thought I might be able to knock some sense into you’.
Sirius gave him a sarcastic smile.
‘haha, very funny’.
Remus grinned back and walked over to sit by Sirius. Remus looked over to Sirius and held out his pinky finger.
‘Truce?’ He asked
Sirius gave him a genuine smile this time, his eyes brightening.
‘Truce’.
They sat for a moment, staring out at the room they now shared.
‘You know what Moony’. Sirius said.
‘Hm’. Remus replied, looking over to see Sirius staring at him, his ocean blue eyes, with just a touch of grey staring intensely into Remus’s hazel ones.
‘I have a feeling this is gonna be our best year yet’.
He said it with such certainty that Remus thought he might just be able to believe him. He fixed Sirius with a small smile before he turned back to the room. He focused on the small dent that Sirius had mentioned earlier in the day. He remembered that night, when Sirius had broken his arm. He remembered the taps on his window that had woken him up, and Sirius' wild, reckless smile as he had climbed into the room. Remus also vividly remembered Sirius then tripping over Remus’s bag and smashing his arm into the wall, but beside the point. Sirius was right. He was already a part of this room, even before he moved in, because he was such a big part of Remus. Remus often worried if maybe Sirius was far too large a part of him, and that maybe Remus shouldn’t be letting him take up so much of him. But Remus could never help it. It was Sirius Black, the person who understood Remus in ways that others didn’t, the person who made Remus laugh more than anyone. Sirius. Remus glanced back towards him and felt a twinge of sorrow, at the thought that Sirius, most definitely, did not feel the same way for him.

Tuesday -
7:30am

Sirius and Remus sat side by side at the dining table. Sirius, who was not used to the routine yet, looked a little bit like a living corpse, albeit thought Remus (although he would never admit it) a very fit living corpse, with his mess of curls and exceptionally clear skin. Remus had just finished pouring his 4th tablespoon of sugar into his porridge when a head of long, shiny red hair sat across from him.
‘So the rumor's are true, Sirius Black really has come to join us in this hellhole’.
Lily made a face at Remus that very clearly said “please do not put a fifth teaspoon of sugar in that porridge”. Remus responded with a sheepish grin and put the sugar down because, in all honesty, he was a little bit scared of her.
Sirius yawned.
‘Hellhole? Hogwarts is the best place on… on…’ Sirius’s tiredness got the better of him and he dropped his head down to rest on Remus’s shoulder, eyes falling shut.
Remus felt himself blush. Then he felt himself blush more because he was embarrassed about the original blushing. Lily gave him a look that Remus couldn’t quite read.
‘So’ said Lily ‘I’m thinking we can have our first study group meeting next Wednesday’.
‘Cool, works for me’. Remus replied, still upsettingly aware of the boy's head gently resting on his shoulder.
Lily was about to say something when the head dean of the boarding house, professor McGonagall interrupted.
‘Morning Remus, Lily’. She said, nodding at the two of them.
Professor McGonagall was very tall. It was the first thing Remus had noticed about her when they had first met, way back in his first year. He also noticed she was not someone you wanted to cross, with a serious expression and her excessively slicked back bun. What he knew now however, was that she could also be a very kind and generous person, who had helped Remus out of tough situations on more than one occasion.
‘I was just coming to have a chat with Mr. Black’. she said, now eyeing Sirius, still sleeping on Remus’s shoulder.
Remus thought his face might have permanently been turned red.
‘Ah, Sirius?’. Remus said, tapping him on the head a few times.
Sirius’s eyes opened and Remus thought he heard him muttering something about needing beauty sleep before he seemed to notice that professor McGonagall was standing in front of him.
‘Goodmorning Minnie’. He said, face and tone instantly brightening.
‘If you wouldn’t mind Sirius, I would like to have a quick chat with you to sort out a few things’. She said.
‘Of course’. Sirius untangled his legs from the dining hall bench and strode off, following behind the professor.
‘Wonder what that’s about’ said Lily.
‘Probably just sorting out paperwork for the boarding house’. Remus started pouring more sugar into his porridge.
‘Why is he moving in anyway? James wouldn’t tell me’. Lily reached over the table to grab the sugar from Remus’s hands and place it far from where he could reach. Remus shrugged.
‘Don’t know, tried to ask but he just sort of dodged the question’.
‘Hm’. Lily said, a thoughtful expression painted onto her face, her bright green eyes curious.

About 20 minutes later Sirius walked back into the dining room, where Remus and Lily were deep in conversation about a Latin class they were taking this year. Lily was laughing at a joke Remus had just made about their less than sane teacher.
‘My god, I’m surprised James hasn’t tried to murder you yet Moony, stealing his girl’.
‘Ah’. Said Lily, looking over to Sirius, ‘that's where you're wrong, James actually tried murdering me for stealing Remus’.
‘Fair enough’. Sirius said, taking his seat beside Remus.
‘Well’. Lily started to get up from her seat. ‘I’m going to meet up with Marlene and Pandora, so I'll see you around’. With that The head of long, shiny red hair was gone.
Remus turned to look at Sirius.
‘What did McGonagall want?’ He asked.
‘Nothing really, just making sure I was settling in okay’.
Remus didn’t quite believe Sirius was telling the whole truth. He had known him long enough to be able to hear when there was a strain in his voice, or when his expression was a little bit too articulated, a bit like hearing a wrong chord in a familiar song. Remus decided to drop it. If something big enough to cause Sirius to move into the dorms had happened, Remus was sure he would tell him when he was ready. If he ever was.

Wednesday -
2:32pm

It was only their second day and Remus already had three essays due by Monday morning. Don’t get him wrong he often enjoyed writing essays and would get them done no problem, but even he could agree that three was getting a little excessive.
He sat with James and Sirius in the library. Peter, being ever so unlucky, had found himself in a study period with the likes of Severus Snape. Remus grimaced just at the thought of him. Severus Snape was not someone that brought up fond memories for Remus.
Remus was just about to tell James and Sirius off for being too loud (they were attempting to make a missile out of their pens) when they were greeted by a tall boy with sandy blond hair and an oddly specific shade of spring green eyes. Remus thought it was a sort of calming shade, with spots of hazel scattered around, although that might be due to Evan’s generally peaceful aura.
‘Hey guys’ said Evan, tone cheery as ever.
‘Hey mate’.
Remus, quickly realizing this conversation was turning into a football centric one after James almost immediately began questioning Evan on whether he thought 5:30 morning practices were too early, zoned out of the conversation, focusing back on his essay.
He was desperately trying to remember what exactly the third main cause of the fall of the roman empire was when his attention was drawn back into the conversation.
Evan had just been about to leave when he seemed to remember something and turned back towards them pulling out a phone. Not just any phone either, Remus realized looking at the clear case. It held a polaroid James had taken at a concert last year. James had been attempting to take a selfie, making it so that his wide grin was covering half the picture. Behind him though was Sirius, arm flung around Remus’s shoulder, the two boys singing into an empty bottle. That had been one of the best nights of Remus’s life.
‘Uh, Regulus wanted me to give this to you’. Evan passed the phone over to Sirius, who had a mildly surprised and mildly pleased expression.
‘Thanks mate, can’t believe I left it at my parents, the amount of time I've gotten lost without google maps this summer…’
‘No problem’. Evan gave them a friendly smile before turning back and strolling off.
It was now that Remus was realizing he hadn’t seen Sirius with his phone at all since he arrived at the Potters for the end of summer. He also hadn’t missed the way Sirius had said “my parents house” instead of “my house”.
‘Have you been at James’s house the whole summer?’ Remus asked, looking over to Sirius.
Sirius shrugged.
‘Most of it, the potters are far more exciting’.
He grinned at James and although James grinned back, Remus could tell something was up. James’s grin was tainted. Creases and lines of worry and concern were splashed onto his tan skin. Now Remus was definitely sure there was something Sirius was not telling him.

Thursday -
7:03am

Remus had scars. Big jagged ones that lined his face and body. The worst one spanned from the top of his right temple to just below the left side of his nose. The scars were white and varied in size, littered all over Remus. Sometimes Remus would sit in front of the mirror and just stare at them, getting angrier and angrier until he was too livid to even look at the world that did this to him, and he would hide under his covers until that feeling was replaced with sadness and the hatred turned inwards and Remus felt that he had control over the anger. Some part of him knew that this wasn’t healthy, but it was how he had coped nearly his whole life and it had worked for him so far.
He was having one of those moments this morning. Staring. He had once again had his most familiar nightmare. There were lights and loud noises, breaking glass and then pain. Radiating pain all throughout his body. It was a flashback to one of the worst nights of Remus’ life. A plague that taunted him in his sleep and would never go away. The crash that left Remus scarred, in far more than a physical sense.
With a jolt Remus heard footsteps, and before he could step away from the mirror Sirius came striding into the bathroom, picking up a toothbrush. What a prat I must look like, thought Remus, scrambling to pick up his toothbrush too so he could have something to do. He looked into the mirror out of the corner of his eye and saw Sirius staring at him with an amused expression. Remus’ face flushed red.

11:55am -

‘I mean I guess she is pretty’. Said James, sounding unsure.
‘She’s extremely pretty!’ Peter replied, exasperated.
‘Yeah, but she’s a huge prat’. Remus looked over to Peter, who looked heavily insulted. Remus hadn’t meant for it to come out so bluntly.
Peter had been obsessing over a girl called Amaryllis Parkinson for months, but Remus and James, who were both close to Marlene, who just so happened to be on the soccer team with her, had heard the horror stories about what a nightmare she could be.
Peter was still looking at Remus in shock, which Remus thought was a bit overkill considering Peter had never actually had a full conversation with her.
Remus sighed. ‘I just mean, from what I hear about her from Marlene, she’s a bully Pete. You don’t wanna hang around people like that’.
Peter scowled. ‘Just because you're not into girls Remus, doesn’t mean you have to go around shitting on the ones I like’.
Remus couldn’t believe it! He knew Peter could be snappy sometimes, all of them were, but this was a new low. Remus stood up from his seat, looking down on peter.
'What's in your pants doesn’t dictate whether you're a shit person or not’, he said in a harsh tone.
‘I-’. Peter stammered, looking timid now. Remus was very tall.
‘I didn’t mean it like-’.
‘I know what you meant’. Remus said, cutting him off. He scooped his bag off the ground and strode off. As he walked out the door he could hear his teacher start to yell something at him before seeming to give up, the bell would ring in a second anyway. He could also hear James, quietly scolding Peter.
Remus often worried that his friends thought of him differently because he was, well… not exactly the straightest ruler in the pack so to speak. He had been out to them for over a year, and that nagging pestering worry had loomed over him every day since. Don’t get him wrong, no part of him ever regretted coming out, he had been miserable before he had, but it didn’t stop his feeling that maybe he was too different. It always followed him, like a mean spirited shadow. Peters comment was the exact fuel that shadow needed to start growing… and biting.

Friday -
7:27pm

Remus sat in the stands with Lily and Marlene, all three of them dressed in Gryffindor's red and gold colors. It was the first football match of the new term and they were winning. James was the captain and according to Sirius, had been absolutely pedantic over the holidays, waking up at all hours of the night to write down some new game tactic he had thought up.
Remus usually sat with Peter during the games, but his comment yesterday was still fresh in Remus’s mind, and Peter hadn’t attempted an apology yet either. He was finding that a small part of him was currently missing his friend however because Marlene was a little, well… intense, yelling about rules that Remus only half understood, he did understand however, the many curses she was shouting at the ref and opposing team. very…intense.
She was the captain of the girls team and took it very seriously. Remus didn't know a whole lot about football but Marlene was definitely one of if not the best player in the whole school, a close competition with James.
He was working hard trying to hear Lily over Marlene's yells. Lily was telling him about a concert she and Marlene were planning on attending in the weekend, a local band, who’s bassist was a mutual friend. She was just telling Remus about the drummer with a missing something (Marlene had been shouting, leaving Rems unsure of exactly what it was the drummer was missing) when Remus felt a small tap on his shoulder. He turned to see a timid face with mousy hair, staring up at him.
‘Peter’. Remus said in a cordial tone
‘Hey Remus’. He said in a small voice, he dropped his gaze to the ground, staring at his feet.
‘I’m really sorry Remus, about what I said yesterday, I know you were just being helpful, I was just being a bit insecure I think, you know I didn’t mean it like that’.
What did you mean it like then, was what Remus wanted to say, but he was running low on energy and didn’t quite care enough to make a drawn out argument. At this moment he sort of just wanted to pretend like nothing had happened.
‘It's ok Pete, you're forgiven, really’ he added at Peter’s unsure look.

8:32pm -

Gryffindor won 17-3. Remus said his goodbyes to his friends and headed for the changing rooms to find Sirius so they could walk back to the dormitories together. He was just about to swing the door open when he heard voices shouting, and not just any voices, it was Sirius’ voice and, was that Regulus? He couldn’t make out a lot of what they were saying but he could tell from their voices that they were both really mad. Remus thought that he really should just leave, Sirius would probably want to walk back to the dorms alone to cool off anyways, But just as Remus made to leave the door slammed open and a red faced and teary eyed Regulus came walking swiftly out. He didn’t seem to have noticed Remus and continued marching forward and out of the building.
Remus cautiously peaked around the door and caught eyes with Sirius who was staring at where Regulus had just been. Sirius looked away and knelt down, picking up his bag. Remus wasn’t sure what to do, he knew that the two brothers had a strained relationship but he didn’t realize it was this bad.
‘Do you wanna talk about it?’
Sirius stood up, eyes still to the floor.
‘There’s nothing to talk about’.
Remus thought that was a bit of a stupid thing to say, based on what he had just seen.
‘C'mon Sirius, I know that somethings up’.
He wanted Sirius to tell him, he didn't really understand why but he wanted Sirius to know that he could trust him.
‘Lay off moony it’s none of your business’.
Ouch. So much for trust. Remus felt a twinge of annoyance ping in his chest, he wanted more than anything to bite back at Sirius with some cold, bitter remark, but he figured he shouldn’t lose his nights streak of civil conversation to he settled on a simple ‘fine then’, just enough to get across his annoyance but not to much that he would start up a row. The two boys walked back to their dormitory in silence, both lost in their own thoughts.

Sunday -
3:37pm

Remus looked at the clock. It was 4 pm and he had been doing his schoolwork since 9, great way to spend a day he said sarcastically in his head. He only had one more essay to proofread before he could call it quits, and he was getting restless. He wanted nothing more than to curl up on his bed and sleep. He had just picked up the essay when a familiar voice came drifting towards him, talking far too loud for a library.
‘Hey moony’ said Sirius, strolling over to sit on the chair beside him.
Both boys had come to some sort of silent agreement to pretend their after game talk on Friday had been nothing but a friendly chat, and they had been perfectly normal with each other throughout the weekend. That's the way they were. Argue, then forget. Remus thought it probably wasn’t the healthiest way to live, as their list of unsaid things seemed to be perpetually growing.
‘Moony, I think you have been in this library for far too long’ Said Sirius, a hint of mischief in his voice. Remus put down his paper and looked over to Sirius.
‘If you want me to play soccer with you again it's not happening, I still have bruises from the last time’.
Sirius scoffed. ‘I was more thinking about going into town, the beach perhaps’. His tone was hopeful.
‘Sirius’ said Remus, giving him an unimpressed look. ‘You know curfews at 3 and McGonagall will have our heads if we’re caught’.
Sirius gave him a sly grin. ‘Exactly, only if we’re caught, and there's no way we’ll be caught, we know every shortcut out of this place‘. Remus was still looking unimpressed, so he persisted.
‘Moony I know you didn't travel 260 kilometers just to come to this big fancy school and write essays’.
Remus gave him a look that let Sirius know that was a stupid statement.
‘I'm on scholarship pads, that's literally the exact reason I'm here’. Remus picked up his pen and stared back down at his essay.
Sirius momentarily looked a little lost for reasons after this statement, but one thing about Sirius is that he doesn’t back down easily when he’s determined.
‘Mooony…moonbeam….moonshine?’
Remus looked up at him with an annoyed look. If he was being honest with himself, the beach did sound a whole lot better than the library right now. He sighed.
‘If I go, will you stop calling me stupid nicknames’.
Sirius’ face lit up and he lifted his hand to his head in a salute.
‘Absolutely captain moony’.
Remus rolled his eyes and grabbed his jumper.

4:15pm -

Remus and Sirius had successfully made it to the beach. They sat side by side on the sand, looking out on the water. There was no one around and the only noises were those of the waves, the wind and the birds surrounding them. Remus liked the beach when it was like this, too cold and windy for anyone else to be around. It was peaceful. Calm. Remus looked over at Sirius. He was staring intensely at the sea, a look of sorrow and longing on his face.
The two sat like that for a long time, soaking in their surroundings before Sirius asked ‘Remus?’.
Remus looked over to find the other boy still in the same position, staring intently at the sea. Remus knew Sirius had something important to say, because he had called him Remus, which almost never happened.
‘Yeah’.
Sirius sat for a long time, still not looking at Remus. Remus waited, giving Sirius the time he needed to collect his thoughts.
‘You know how I was with James in the summer, and now I'm in the dorms?’
‘Yeah’. Remus said. He thought he might know what Sirius wanted to tell him.
‘It’s because during the summer I ran out on my parents’.
Remus let the words sink in, but hesitated to ask questions, letting Sirius take a breath before he continued.
‘I just- I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't pretend to be something I'm not, and I couldn’t take anymore of my mothers shit. I mean I knew she was crazy but I didn't think she was a complete psychopath.’
Sirius dropped his gaze to the sand below him.
‘psychopath?’ Remus asked.
Sirius finally looked up to Remus’s eyes, searching them before seeming to decide upon something. Remus watched as Sirius lifted his shirt a little to show a harsh burn scar, spanning about 3 inches along his stomach and side.
‘Sirius’ Remus let out in a small sorrowful whisper, he didn’t know what to say, he knew things must've been bad but this... Sirius dropped his shirt back so it covered the scar again.
‘She did it on the last night i was there, we were arguing about posters i had on my walls or something stupid like that. It turned into this big row and she pulled the poker straight from the fireplace and… well.’
Remus felt a surge of anger form in his stomach. How could anyone do that, be that cruel, and to Sirius, the free spirited boy who could light up any room just by entering.
Sirius continued.
‘Anyway, that was my last straw so I just left, no phone, no jacket, just walked out the door and didn’t turn back. I went to the potters and a few days later my parents reached out saying they would pay for boarding school. Probably some stupid way to protect their social image, I'm sure a runaway son can’t look too good’. He let out a dry laugh. ‘I didn’t really wanna be intruding on the potters so I accepted’.
Remus waited to see if he would continue but when he didn’t Remus spoke.
‘So that's why Regulus is mad at you, because you left?’
‘Yep’. Sirius said, popping the p sound.
‘What assholes,’ Remus said.
Sirius let out a small laugh.
‘Does James know about the..' Remus nodded his head towards Sirius' side.
‘Nah, I kept it pretty vague, I- I normally tell him everything, cause I trust him and he’s like my other half, but this. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bare to walk around his house knowing that he would be worrying and I felt like if i told him i would just become this like burden, y’know. Like some walking charity case that he would feel responsible for’.
They sat quiet for a minute, Remus pondering what to say. He decided to tell Sirius what he knew to be the truth that maybe Sirius wasn’t able, or ready to see yet.
‘You could never be a burden Sirius’.
Sirius looked up at him, Remus could see he wasn’t convinced.
‘When my dad left’. He paused, carefully thinking what to say. ‘I always used to think it was in some way because of me and that I was y'know… a burden’.
Sirius sat staring at Remus, listening carefully.
‘And I get it, it feels impossible to not feel that way, and sometimes I still feel that way, but I just remember that I'm still able to be happy without him, because he doesn’t get to be the dictator of that. Sometimes I might even be happier he's gone, and whether I was a burden or not that's his problem, I just look at the people around me and take comfort in the fact that they're still here, and they haven't left. Sometimes people just come and go, and that's not on us’.
Sirius seemed to sit on this before asking in a whisper that Remus almost didn’t catch.
‘But what if the people I have left do leave, and then I have no one’.
‘Sirius’ said Remus in a serious voice.
‘Your name rings true, you light up even the darkest of spaces, it's just a shame that your parents house had too many clouds for them to see that.’
Remus heard the sound of a large wave breaking on the shore.
‘Why does the universe give people such shit situations?’ asked Sirius.
Remus thought for a second.
‘I don't know,’ He said honestly.
The two boys went back to looking out on the sea in silence.