Rum and Raspberries

After the kiss, Shauna and Melissa lay under the stars for a while before driving back to Lottie's house. The car ride was not even awkward, which Melissa is proud of. Once Shauna got her car back, though, things got slightly awkward. The girls just stared as each opened their driver’s side doors. With a quick nod, Shauna drove off and left Melissa wondering if she hallucinated the whole night. The ache in her lips was there to remind her of the truth, though.

Still, Melissa couldn’t help but feel isolated throughout the weekend. Neither Shauna nor Gen reached out to her. She was stuck with her own thoughts, dissecting each situation over and over. She decided she wouldn’t tell her brother about Gen’s shenanigans, but she was still upset. Obviously, Melissa would still pick Gen up on time for school because it’s Gen. She would just be passive-aggressive until Gen apologized. Melissa is used to drunk Mari’s personality, so she won’t hold too much of a grudge against her. She had no idea what she would do in AmLit, though. You know, maybe Melissa’s head is starting to hurt. Maybe she needs to stay home from school. Damn. She has a biology test, so she can’t miss. Maybe she could check in after lunch to avoid Shauna. Melissa shakes these thoughts off. She’s not a coward. Like she said Friday night, she’s not afraid of Shauna. Totally. With one last shaky hat adjustment, she sets off to pick up Gen.

☾☾☾

Honestly, after her mind started worrying about the embarrassment of seeing Shauna again, Melissa forgot to even be upset with Gen. She’s actually grateful Gen’s already talking her ear off again. Melissa is not giving her commentary and laughter, though. She has always been the listener in this relationship, but, today, her quiet is rooted in stress not interest. Gen obviously does not know this, so when Melissa parks, Gen stays seated.

“Look, I am sorry about Friday. I should’ve just gone with you. If it helps, you’re a way better kisser,” Gen offers with a small smile.

Melissa thinks back to freshman year when Gen first asked her to practice kissing. It was October–Melissa knew there was another reason the month is so special for her. And now, she can add the Shauna kiss. Actually, that might be a negative for all the anxiety it has caused her this weekend. Well, it was still an amazing kiss. Yeah, October can stay top-tier. Back to Gen, anyways.

Gen had been talking all week about this junior who was flirting with her. He invited her to a party, and Gen was NOT gonna go to it without any kissing experience, so she turned to Melissa, who was reluctant at first but couldn’t say no to her best friend. They decided they would do it at Gen’s two weeks before the party. Leading up to the day, Melissa was all jittery. She made sure to brush her teeth three times before going to Gen’s. It started as a normal hang out. Melissa was worried that Gen was over it. There was no mention of the guy or any party or any kissing practice. That was until Melissa was explaining how fast light travels and Gen just leaned forward to press their lips together. Stars were exploding in Melissa’s body. Gen was all soft lips and shyness. Everything Melissa had ever wanted was happening. Before she could lean in for more, though, Gen pulled back. “Was that okay?” Melissa couldn’t even voice just how more than okay it was, so she just nodded her affirmative. This “practice” continued for two weeks, and Melissa felt as though Gen liked her in the same way Melissa had liked Gen since sixth grade. Each day, they would kiss, and Melissa was the happiest person on Earth. Until the night of the party. Gen told her she couldn’t bring a plus-one but promised to come over after to give all the details. She was reading her astronomy joke book when she heard noise across the hall. Her idiot brother was gonna wake up their parents, and she’d get in trouble for covering for him. She quickly shoved the book under the couch cushion, but she didn’t have time to check on him before she heard a soft knock at the door. She opened it to find Gen standing there, looking hesitant, but there was a light in her eyes Melissa hadn't seen before.

“Hey,” Gen said quietly, stepping inside. “I—there’s something I need to tell you.”

Melissa's heart skipped a beat. Was this it? Was Gen finally going to tell her how she felt?

“What’s going on?” Melissa asked, trying to keep her voice steady.

Gen took a deep breath, looking at her shoes for a moment before lifting her gaze. “It’s about the party, and about... us, I guess.” But then Gen’s words caught her off guard. “I need to be honest with you. I’ve been feeling... things for a while now.” She paused, biting her lip as she hesitated. Melissa couldn’t help the small smile emerging on her face. She wasn’t alone in her feelings.

“Gen, you know you can tell me anything. I will always be here for you.”

Gen shifted on her feet, her cheeks pink. “I—uh—I kissed your brother at the party tonight. I don’t know how it happened, but I’ve liked him for a while. I know he’s your brother, but you’re my best friend, and I don’t want things to be awkward.”

Melissa froze, her breath catching in her throat. “What?” How the fuck could Gen think to kiss her to practice for her brother? How could Melissa be so wrong about the situation? Why would Gen ever like her back?

“I know this is probably a lot to take in,” Gen continued, her voice shaky now. “But I’ve tried to keep it to myself because I didn’t want to hurt you, or make things weird. I didn’t even realize it at first, but the more time I’ve spent around you both, the more I’ve noticed... I like him. A lot. And it feels so strange to say it out loud, but it’s the truth.”

Melissa’s head spun. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

Gen nodded, a nervous laugh escaping her lips. “He even asked me out tonight.”

Melissa’s heart thudded in her chest. She wasn’t sure what to feel—surprise, jealousy, confusion... She’d always seen the glances her brother sent Gen, but she never thought they were reciprocated. She couldn’t let her pain show, though. “I am so excited for you, Gen. You finally got your first boyfriend!” Melissa really hoped her fake enthusiasm was believable enough. Gen looked too happy to notice even if it wasn’t.

Gen smiled softly, relief washing over her. She stepped forward, giving Melissa a brief hug. “You’re the best. Seriously. I don’t deserve you.”

Melissa smiled, though the thought of her brother and Gen together made her stomach churn a little. She couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy, but something else was there, too. There was a sense of inevitability. Maybe this was just the way things were supposed to go?

Melissa is sure Gen probably doesn’t mean to hurt her by referencing their kisses, but that doesn’t stop the hurt anymore than if she did.
☾☾☾

Trig was boring as usual, and Melissa was ready to have someone to talk to. She regrets rushing to class, though, because she walks through the door only to see Akilah talking to Jackie by her desk. Melissa starts to panic. What if Shauna told her best friend about the kiss? What if Jackie is telling Akilah? What if the team ices her out now that she has creeped on Shipman? She just puts her head down and walks to her spot. Akilah calls her over though. Of course. She can’t just ignore them, and Jackie is looking at her. Melissa didn’t think Jackie’s smile conveyed disgust or suspicion, so her shoulders eased–if only a little bit–as she walked to the girls.

“We were just talking about Friday night,” Akilah explains. Shit, Shauna did tell them, and she was about to get chewed out by their captain.

“Listen, about tha–”

Melissa was thankfully interrupted by Jackie before she could expose herself. “Can you believe Van jumped off the roof into Lottie’s pool?” Van? Pool?

Melissa could play it cool. “Oh, I think I left before that happened.” God, Melissa, why would you strip yourself of an alibi. What the hell?

Both Akilah and Jackie open their mouths to say something, but Melissa is saved by the bell, and she walks to her desk with Akilah. The class goes by slowly, but even that is far too fast for Melissa. She is back to worrying about facing Shauna again. Akilah turns around every so often to make a joke about Genghis Khan, but Melissa only offers a noncommittal shrug. By the second half of class, though, Akilah has had enough and turns around fully.

“Hey, do you wanna talk about what happened with Gen? Just so you know, I’m on your side on this one. Mari told me her version of the story, and, even still, I think they’re wrong.”

“Huh? Oh, thanks, Akilah. You don’t have to worry about it. I am gonna let it go since it was her birthday and maybe blame it on the alcohol. Sorry, I’m a buzzkill today, but I’m really worried about Lit next period.”

“No one would blame you if you stood your ground on this, though. I am sorry I disappeared on you at the party, though. I wish you would have stayed to see Van; that was dope. American Literature? Isn’t Shauna in that class? Just cheat off her.”

“Yeah, Shauna…” Melissa sighs but offers Akilah a forced smile that seems to please the girl enough for her to turn back to the front.

☾☾☾

Gen often complains about Melissa’s fast walking pace, but, today, she would be annoyed at her small steps. Melissa makes sure to take her time getting to AmLit. She needs to stave off the embarrassment that comes with seeing Shauna again. Alas, the tardy bell is about to ring, so she makes a brave step into the classroom. Just her luck, she spots the midfielder immediately. Of course, Melissa knew where Shauna was gonna be seated, so it is in fact her fault, but she’s still gonna blame the universe for this one.

She can’t be a total robot, so she makes her way to her seat, and her shoulders are so tense, they could knock her hat off. Shauna is already turning her way, though. Uh oh, here it comes.

“Hey, I’m sorry I left you high and dry this weekend, but I never got your number.”

Oh, so Melissa is just a total goober. Well, that makes more sense. Shauna had never seemed one to shy away from confrontation. In fact, the girl seems to love it. Physical or verbal. Shauna is right in the action. Obviously, she will roughhouse any opponents giving the team grief, but she will also argue with Nat or Tai at practice. Shauna usually knows what she wants, and she goes for it. Well, except for the whole Jackie situation. Melissa doesn’t know how long Shauna has been seeing Jeff behind Jackie’s back, but she found out about this summer when she saw the two making out at the pier. The whole thing flabbergasted Melissa because she always assumed Shauna was in love with Jackie. After the Jeff thing, Melissa figured Shauna’s continuous staring at Jackie was jealousy, not adoration. Well, now, after Shauna kissed Melissa back, Melissa is all confused. Shauna could be totally into Jackie. Great, why would Shauna go for Melissa if she had Jackie. The senior was probably about to let her down easy right now. Why would Melissa ever have chosen this elective? Damn her past self.

“Melissa, is this silence payback for this weekend cause I swear I would’ve called and I figured it was too creepy to ask around for your address?”

Oh, so Melissa continues to be a goober. Why would she not respond to Shauna? Stupid, stupid. She stops herself right there to say, “Ah, nah, we’re cool. You definitely like don’t have to worry. I didn’t try to call you either, right? You can just forget about Friday, and we can go back to normal.” At this, Shauna’s face morphs into something Melissa can’t decipher at the moment. Wow, Melissa, keep it up. Shauna just puts a blue pen on Melissa’s desk and turns around. Like any other third period, they don’t speak, but something is different about this time. When the bell rings, Shauna rushes out of the room before Melissa can even give her pen back.

☾☾☾

Lunch is weird. The four juniors are obviously tiptoeing around the elephant in the quad. Melissa’s honestly shocked Mari hasn’t said anything bratty about how desperate Melissa is, but Gen gives her a look anytime the conversation allows for it. Even weirder, though, Shauna and Jackie had a loud argument at the beginning of lunch, and Shauna stormed off and hasn’t returned. Everyone outside witnessed it. Melissa wishes she knew what it was about; maybe that is why Shauna was acting weird earlier.

☾☾☾

The rest of the school day goes fine. There’s a sub in biology, so Mari and Akilah move to Melissa and Gen’s table to talk the whole period. Things are starting to feel normal again for Melissa. Gen even apologizes for blowing Melissa off, and with pointed looks from Gen and Akilah, Mari says she’s sorry, too. With forgiveness out of the way, the friends can get back to their normal routine, and insults are friendly rather than taken the wrong way.

Psychology actually involves a lot of lecture and notes, so Mari and Melissa are tired as they walk to the locker room. On their way, they see Jackie walking with a sour expression on her face. “Guess the BFFs are still on the outs. They better not take it out on us.” Leave it to Mari to be blunt about a situation.

☾☾☾

Turns out, the BFFS do take it out on the rest of the team. Jackie makes this practice basically conditioning. Suicides, aplenty. When they’re not running and puking from the running, the team scrimmages, and Shauna is on a rampage. Luckily, it is not Varsity versus JV because Shauna’s rage would kill the freshmen. Luckily, Taissa is the opposing midfielder and can partly keep Shauna in check. Sadly, one perfectly–or not so perfectly–timed slide tackle takes Mari out and dislocates her knee.

Everyone runs out to crowd her, and Coach Ben tells Mari she has to pop it back in place. Before she does so, Coach Martinez blows his whistles and tells everyone practice is over. Only Jackie, Laura Lee, the juniors, and Misty stay behind. Melissa looks around to find Shauna, who hasn’t moved from where she ran to after the collision. The midfielder looks utterly distressed. Her big brown eyes are wide, and she looks like she is about to cry. When she sees eyes on her, though, Shauna’s expression clears, and she walks off.

“Psycho bitch,” Mari huffs out.
“Hey!” Jackie exclaims as Coach Ben corrects, “Language.”

“Listen, gaywads, I think I can be excused in this situation.”

“I know basic sports medicine! I can fix Mari’s knee, Coach!” Misty obviously wants to help, but Melissa doesn’t think Mari will let her anywhere near here.

“Abs–”

Coach Ben interrupts whatever Mari started to yell with “That’s okay, Misty. Why don’t you go get some ice and a crutch from the nurse?” And with a salute, Misty runs off, Crystal following her.

“The sooner you fix it, the sooner you will heal, Mari,” Akilah pipes up.

“She’s right, Ms. Sinapellido. It’s now or never.” Mari nods at Coach Ben’s words. Melissa and Akilah provide some motivating words. Both Gen and Jackie turn away, and Laura Lee is signing herself. Mari just goes for it and pops her knee back in place. At this, she screams bloody murder, and Akilah and Melissa go to help their teammate up. When she gets up, though, she screams again. Melissa cannot imagine the pain, but, as a group, they help Mari to the locker room as they await Misty’s supplies.

☾☾☾

Melissa drives Mari to the doctor, and Akilah and Gen tag along. It’ll be at least six weeks before Mari can play again, which upsets Mari to a new level.

“I swear when I see Shauna’s stupid bozo face, I will beat her into oblivion.”

Melissa had been thinking about Shauna’s dejected face, and she felt the need to defend the senior. “What about your bum leg, Mari?”

The injured girl just rolls her eyes and mutters something about a stupid fucking hat, but the other girls ignore it and lead her back to the car.

☾☾☾

The next day, Melissa has her unstructured period first, so she gets to school later. Right on time to see Shauna Shipman pull up as well. The girl still seems to be upset as she aggressively slings her bag on her shoulder and storms toward the school. When the bell rings, Melissa heads to meet Gen outside her math class, so they can walk to English IV together. This is Melissa’s core English, and she is happy Shauna is a whiz at English because she is also ahead but since she’s a senior, she is in English V. This is good because Melissa won’t have to deal with any awkward interactions outside of American Literature and soccer.
Speaking of, PE is after English, so they have practice during school. Shauna doesn’t show up, and Melissa is surprised. Mari, on the other hand, is happy.

“Serves the beeotch right. I’m glad she’s afraid to show her face here.”

Melissa is shocked Jackie doesn’t say anything as Mari continues to trash talk Shauna. Their fight was loud at lunch yesterday, but the two have never not reconciled quickly. Melissa cannot remember the last time they weren’t glued at the hip. She is worried about Shauna, though.

Tai, as it turns out, is the one to step in and cut off Mari’s rant. “Please, Sinapellido, she is not scared of you. Especially now that you’ve only got one leg.” This just makes the junior frown. Melissa can tell Mari has always idolized the seniors, and she probably respected Tai the most after Jackie. Melissa is glad someone got the girl to stop bad mouthing Shauna, though; she did not feel like it was her place, and she could not afford to be on the outs with Mari again so soon.

Practice without Shauna is quiet. Not that the midfielder was exceptionally talkative, but the team is kinda just as confused as Melissa at the situation. Neither Jackie nor the coaches acknowledge her absence, and everything continues as usual–sans Mari and Shauna.

☾☾☾

At lunch, Mari gets her voice back and complains about Shauna with a tiny remark about Taissa always sticking up for the seniors. Melissa, for the most part, ignores her and wonders about Shauna, who isn’t sitting with Jackie at their table again. Today, it is just the girls, though; Jeff and his lackeys are gone, too. After seeing Shauna so distraught this morning, Melissa is even more concerned, but she did tell Shauna they should act normal again. And they definitely would not go look for one another at lunch before Friday's kiss, so she keeps her concerns to her thoughts.

Trig, to no one's surprise, is boring, like usual. In European History, Jackie is quiet. She doesn’t even talk to Jeff. Oh. Jackie must have found out about Shauna and Jeff. That makes sense. A big blowup like that would definitely hurt their friendship. Of course, Shauna would be angry and extra intense at practice yesterday. Not that this excuses dislocating Mari’s knee, but Shauna couldn’t have known a slide tackle could cause so much damage. Of course, Shauna would want to avoid Jackie at lunch and skip practice, too. Melissa looks over at Jackie, who definitely looks hurt now that Melissa has grasp on the situation. Melissa had mistaken Jackie’s pout as a general sadness about their fight, but now, she sees the layers of betrayal and anger mixed behind her eyes. Melissa definitely pities her captain, but she is worried about Shauna, too.

☾☾☾

On Wednesday, Melissa has AmLit first, which means a seat right behind Shauna Shipman. She is not only dreading it after Monday’s encounter, but she kinda wants to check in on Shauna, also. Melissa gets to class early and plans out their conversation. She is gonna start off with a “Good Morning, Shauna.” Of course. Then, she will ease into things by asking how Shauna has been. Finally, she will dive into the hard part and ask why Shauna is skipping practice.

That is how Melissa plans on it going, though. When the senior walks in, she avoids all eye contact and tosses Melissa a blue pen. Melissa can work with that and goes to start “Goo–” but Shauna sits down in an exaggerated manner, aggressively takes out her notebooks, and looks ahead. Melissa is gonna go out on a limb and say that Shauna is not in a talking mood. Welp, another time then.

☾☾☾

There is nothing special to note about biology and psychology besides Mari’s complaining about her leg and Melissa’s worrying for Shauna. It lines up that their psych teacher was talking about displacement today. This whole situation with Shauna is definitely reflective of the defense mechanism. Shauna’s fight with Jackie led her to direct her feelings to soccer. Melissa is in the middle of this thought as she is walking to the quad with Mari when she sees Shauna Shipman herself heading the opposite way. Of course, Melissa gives an excuse about needing to pee to Mari, who just says, “Whatever,” to follow Shauna.

Melissa is not an idiot; she keeps a respectable amount of space to not seem creepy. Shauna has decided to spend lunch on the soccer benches, it seems. Melissa waits a minute or two before quietly walking closer. She is planning another route for their conversation. Melissa is definitely nervous. Luckily, she has her favorite cap on, so she feels a little bit braver, but she can’t help twisting the two small braids in the front of her hair. She is not quite sure of what to say. For a moment, she watches as Shauna peacefully writes in her journal. Melissa has always respected Shauna’s dedication to journaling. She starts to debate on whether she should turn back and not break Shauna’s focus or trudge forward.

Shauna helps her out there by throwing her through a loop. Melissa didn’t even know Shauna saw her. “Stalk much?”

Melissa has to give a little self-deprecating laugh. Of course, Shauna saw her. She is insanely talented, and any good midfielder has amazing senses. Melissa does likes to think of herself as a quick thinker, though, and she says, “Hey, there you are.” Wow. Quick thinking, for sure. Definitely not well-thought out, though. “I’ve been looking for you.” Not much better, but whatever.

“Well, you found me.” Shauna still hasn’t looked up from her notebook, and Melissa is getting more nervous.

“Can we like, um…talk?” Melissa is really on a roll; she always knows what to say to Shauna. To ruin the conversation.

Shauna finally looks up at Melissa! “About what?”
Melissa ignores the eye roll Shauna gives when she says this to repeat the question in her head. About Friday night–the kiss? About Shauna hurting Mari and skipping practice? About Shauna and Jeff. Melissa isn’t sure where to take the conversation, so she honestly starts to turn around and leave with a scoff.

“Melissa…you can stay.” Melissa, you can stay????? Melissa continues forward because that had to have been her imagination. Until Shauna adds in a bored tone, “If you want.”

Ha, Melissa knows that bored tone was just constructed. Shauna wants her to stay. How to play it out? How to act cool? “Yeah, sure,” Melissa decides to say in a decidedly not cool and too-eager tone. Whatever. Sue her. Melissa has always liked Shauna a little too much to act nonchalant. She walks over to Shauna’s bench and gives a “Cool..” as she sits down–not too close to Shauna.

It’s more silence as Shauna looks up, and the two just stare at each other. Melissa, the ultimate quick thinker, spits out, “Did you hear about the girl who stayed up all night to see where the sun went?” Shauna’s staring shifts from blank to confused. “She waited hours until it finally dawned on her!”

Shauna, the kind person she is, gives a disbelieved chuckle at this. Before she can respond to the lame joke, Melissa beats her to it. “Why are you skipping soccer? We all know you didn’t mean to Mari. Well…except her, but I know you can tune her out. I do it all the time. And don’t say you don’t know what I am talking about either. Is it because of Jackie and Jeff?”

Whatever small smile was forming on Shauna’s lips disappears. Way to go, Melissa. “What is it to you, Pinkett? Mind your own business.”

Melissa dodges the annoyance aimed at her, “Look, Shauna. Whatever it is, get over it. Coach is gonna get mad at you. Our teammates are already talking about it. End the chatter, and show up. Make up with Jackie, apologize to Mari, whatever. Just get it together.” Ooh, Melissa is brave today. Maybe she is a quick thinker because she is kinda proud of herself for that one.

Shauna opens her mouth and tilts her head. Even quick thinker Melissa wouldn’t know how to respond to something like that immediately.

“Shauna, you’re one of our best players. You’re probably the best holding midfielder in the state. But to prove it, you’re gonna need to show up. Show up for your teammates. Show up for yourself. I have always admired you. You are usually so resilient. Yet, a little squabble and you’re out for the count? C’mon, #6.”

Melissa accepts that Shauna is the silent type and lets her words hang in the air as Shauna continues to stare at her.

Finally, “Thank you, Melissa. Besides Tai, no one has stood up to me recently. I will be there.” Melissa just nods.

Before either can say more, the bell rings. Melissa has unstructured, so she heads to the library. She notices Shauna walking beside her but makes nothing of it. Melissa signs in and heads to her favorite table for a study session. She is in the middle of reaching her book bag to get out her European History book when someone walks up to her.

“Let’s go.” Shauna? Where would Shauna want Melissa to go?

“Um, where would you like me to go.” Maybe Melissa should spend the period studying biology because what on Earth makes her body malfunction around Shauna and voice her thoughts all the time.

“Let’s leave school and go do something.” Um, like what?

“Um, like what, Shauna.” Oh my goodness.

“Oh my God, Melissa, let’s just go. I’m offering to play hooky with you.” Melissa can tell Shauna is starting to get bored.

Still, awkward-around-Shauna Melissa prevails and says, “But juniors aren’t allowed to leave during unstructured periods in the middle of the day?”

Shauna only gives her a look of pure exasperation. “You’re not gonna turn out to be fucking boring, are you?”

At this Melissa starts to pack her stuff and get up, much to Shauna’s approval. Shauna leads her to the back door and turns back to say, “Go ahead, look to make sure no one is gonna snitch on you.”

Melissa smiles at Shauna before turning back. “Coast is clear.” Melissa looks back in time to see Shauna checking her out. By the time they reach Shauna’s car, Melissa is all smiles, and Shauna’s smirk is blinding Melissa in a way the Sun never could.