Sirius Black escaped his childhood home a year before Regulus got into Hogwarts. He never stopped talking about his younger brother though. And his friends knew how much he missed Regulus. He had written him many letters after being sorted into Gryffindor.
But his parents had burned the letters before they got to Regulus. That was why the boy believed his older brother had given up on him. That was why Regulus ignored him the first couple of weeks since he came to Hogwarts. He remembered the Sorting Hat ceremony.
He remembered begging the hat not to put him into Slytherin. The hat didn’t listen. And Regulus could remember not daring to look towards his older brother and his friends. He had to be honest though.
Sirius did make an effort to talk to him. He tried talking to him on multiple occasions but Regulus refused to acknowledge him. Sirius had abandoned him and never even wrote him a letter after all. Why should Regulus talk to him now? Sirius had grown desperate to reconnect with his brother. Remus Lupin could see that.
So, he did what he thought was right to try and connect the two brothers. He followed Regulus to the library every time he would see the younger Black go there. The first time he sat next to Regulus, the boy had changed seats six times before he gave up and sat down in the corner of the library, feeling Remus sit down next to him. There was no getting rid of Lupin once he set his mind onto something.
Regulus continued to ignore him though. Remus had tried to start a conversation a couple of times. Regulus never responded to anything he said. And Lupin let go of talking for now. He could see how uncomfortable the younger Black seemed. Couple of days later, Regulus started to talk to him about the books they liked and were currently reading. James was the only one Remus confided in and told what was going on.
It wasn’t long before their conversation steered towards Regulus’ older brother. Regulus admitted being angry at the lack of letters from Sirius which only confused Remus who continued by telling Regulus of the fact that Sirius wrote him letters nearly every day. Weeks later, Remus told the Marauders of his newly formed friendship with Regulus Black, stunning Sirius into silence for once.
Remus had forced the brothers to sit down and talk then. A couple of hours later, they had cleared the misunderstanding and Regulus threw himself into his brother’s arms. They both missed each other terribly. From then on, the Marauders started hanging out with Regulus. James Potter could not deny the growing crush he had on the younger Black.
It was thanks to Regulus that Sirius and Remus even got together. They had all been hanging out in the library together. Regulus’ friends were still distrustful of the friend group so they remained in the dorms. James had observed Regulus like he always did. And that was why he saw him explode.
“When will you two finally tell each other the truth?” Regulus asked and both Remus and Sirius had turned to glare at him for the first time.
“What do you mean?” Sirius had croaked out and gave Regulus a pointed look.
“What do I mean? I mean the fact that you’re both hopelessly in love with each other. I mean, how oblivious can two people be?” Regulus had asked and James chuckled, shaking his head. For someone so observant of other people being in love with each other, Regulus seemed to be very blind to James’ feelings towards him, the Gryffindor boy thought.
“I’m not in love with Moony.” Sirius had whispered and Remus gulped. Regulus only rolled his eyes and closed his book.
“So it wasn’t you who came to me yesterday whining about Lupin being hot and being in love with him?” Regulus asked and Remus seemed to choke on his own spit. Regulus then turned to look at Remus and raised an eyebrow.
“And it wasn’t you who called my brother the hottest person you’ve ever seen to my face?” He asked and Sirius’s face broke into a wicked smile. He wiggled his eyebrows at Remus who stood up and was pulled back down by Regulus who was standing up now.
“You two stay here and talk. I need to go to class anyway.” Regulus said and began walking away, hearing his brother curse at him in the distance. He chuckled and shook his head, refusing to think of a boy he loved. Potter could never love him back. Thinking of such emotions made no sense.
The following day, Remus and Sirius had announced they had got together. And Regulus could not keep the smirk off his face.
***
James had been pining after Regulus for weeks now. He was obvious to anyone but Regulus it seemed. Even Sirius had sat him down and talked to him about it. His reaction was different to what James had expected. Sirius only said he supported the relationship and walked away.
But James still had no courage to admit to Regulus how much he liked him. So, imagine his surprise when the Marauders are invited to the Slytherin Party by Regulus himself. Sure, they have heard stories of Slytherins parties and raves. But they have never been on one.
Now it made sense why their parties were legendary. The second they entered the slytherin common rooms, they were washed over with green lights. Smoke from cigarettes and the stench of alcohol was all over the room. And the music was unlike anything they expected.
Beating sounds of techno and phonk music sounded across the entire room. Slytherins were jumping around, dancing together. There were some Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws there too. The Marauders had been the only Gryffindors present.
James could swear he saw a Hufflepuff sitting in the corner of the room giving out potions and herbs to Slytherins or anyone who asked for it. He shook his head in disbelief. There was no way that Hufflepuffs of all people were dealing drugs in Hogwarts, he thought. He turned to look at his friends to see they were in trance as well.
Then they dispersed. James ended up in the middle of the Slytherin crowd, looking around the room for Regulus. His eyes had fallen on a Ravenclaw DJ with huge headphones on his head. He shook his head and looked around again.
And that was when he spotted him. Regulus, dressed in black and green with rings and bracelets on his hands, his shirt unbuttoned a bit to reveal some of his chest. His sleeves were rolled up, revealing his skinny and veiny arms. His hair was loose and moving around as he jumped with Barty, Evan, Dorcas and Pandora. Hell, even Pandora was partying beyond his belief.
Regulus’ eyes were closed and he was singing something with a smile on his face. James swore he could see a bit of glitter on his face. When he looked at Pandora, he imagined he knew where the glitter came from. He only knew one thing for certain at that moment.
Regulus Black was beautiful. And James was hopelessly in love with him. And while Regulus loved Sirius and his friends, James was certain that the seventeen year old Slytherin boy was not in love with James Potter. Someone had bumped into James’ back and he stumbled a bit, pushing his glasses back up. When he turned around, he saw it had been Snape who was now walking away.
James watched Regulus pull Pandora towards him and start to spin her around while she laughed through the music. James gulped, thinking of what a good looking couple they would make. He felt his heart ache and he turned around, walking away from the crowd and the party.
Regulus Black did not have to return his feelings, but that did not mean that James had to stand there and watch him get together with someone else.
***
Hours later, Sirius and Remus had come to their dorms too. They seemed a bit drunk judging by the way they were both swaying while they walked. Peter was behind them, shaking his head and following them to a bed of their choosing so as to not let them fall down.
“Damn, Slytherins sure know how to party.” Sirius had whispered, his eyes nearly closed now. It was Remus who snapped James out of his thoughts.
“You left early, James. All good?” He asked him and James turned to look at him and nod his head. Remus did not seem convinced but he nodded his head anyways and passed out with Sirius in his arms soon after that. Peter was still watching James from his own bed as he spoke.
“Wanna talk about it?” He asked him, ever as observant. James took a deep breath and gulped.
“I saw Regulus. He was dancing with Pandora. They looked happy.” James whispered and Peter sighed, pinching his nose bridge.
“It’s not like that, James. Regulus is a very tortured soul. Sirius may have escaped that hell they call home since he is of age now. But Regulus still has to go back there every break we have.” Peter started talking and James frowned but nodded his head in understanding. He knew how much he must be suffering now that he was all alone there. Now that he had no Sirius to take comfort in.
“I’ve been observing them. Regulus and his friends, I mean. I have a feeling that he confides in them. They know everything he went through and goes through. I think he feels normal when he is with them. Regulus is not in love with Pandora. And Pandora is not in love with him.” Peter continued speaking and James looked at him, a pained expression on his face.
“I think that Pandora can understand him the best. They’re more like platonic soulmates.” Peter said and James gulped. He felt a tear roll down his cheeks.
“I have no right to feel jealous anyways.”
“I saw how he looked at you though. He has the same look in his eyes that you get when you look at him. I think it is time you two talk.” Peter said and James nodded his head. He was right. Regulus needed to know of James’ feelings even if he did not return them. He deserved to know there was someone out there who loved him other than his friends and brother.
He just needed to find a perfect timing to do so.
***
Days passed and he seemed to have finally gathered enough courage hence why he went looking for Regulus. Just as he stood before Slytherin Dorms, knowing he could not enter them, Barty, Evan and Dorcas came across him. All three crossed their arms at their chest and looked him up and down.
It was not a secret that neither of them liked James or his friends.
“Seems like he finally got his head out of his ass.” Evan spoke and Barty smirked. James frowned, confused as to what was going on.
“Are you looking for Reggie to finally tell him you’re in love with him?” Dorcas asked and James’ eyes widened.
“Don’t look so shocked. You’re the most obvious person I have ever seen in my life.” Barty said and James gulped.
“I need to talk to him. Do you know where he is?” James finally found his voice and spoke up. Dorcas smirked and took a few steps towards him.
“Interesting. You’re terrified of admitting your feelings for him. You don’t believe he likes you back.” She spoke and James only nodded his head. Evan rolled his eyes, noticing that he would need to take things into his own hands.
“You do realize that we will rip your head off if you ever hurt him, right?” Barty asked and James only nodded his head.
“I would expect nothing less from you.” He admitted, knowing very well how thick the Slytherin friendship was. He knew how much they cared for Regulus. And he knew they would turn the world upside down for the Black Slytherin.
“Good. He’s in the library with Lupin.” Evan said and watched James run past them. Evan smirked and looked at his other two friends.
“You know what we have to do now?” He asked and Barty smiled and nodded his head. He looked at Dorcas who was looking at the other side of the hallway. Pandora was running up to them, a small dose of a potion in her hand. They chuckled and walked towards the library.
Pandora was the first one to run inside and immediately run up to Regulus and Remus. Potion was still in her hand and she was panting. Regulus looked up at her in confusion. James was just starting to talk about something when she had interrupted him. Remus looked amused once he saw the potion in her hand, already knowing where this was going.
“Reggie, I need you to smell this!” She yelled and pushed the potion under his nose. Regulus frowned.
“Why? What the hell?” He asked and James watched the interaction, confused and worried about the situation. Why was Pandora of all people pushing a potion under Regulus’ nose.
“Tell me what it smells like.” She said and Regulus frowned but took a deep breath of the potion anyways.
“Forrest leaves…. And hot chocolate. Pandora, what’s going on?” Regulus asked and looked behind her at his friends smiling with mischief in their eyes. Of course he recognized the smell. He would recognize it anywhere. He would recognize it blind. Then she pushed the potion under James’ nose and asked him the same question. Regulus’ eyes widened in realization.
“Eucalyptus and sandalwood?” James said, confused as to where this was going. Of course Regulus would recognize the smell James described. It was that of his shampoo and perfume. He let out a small, awkward cough and gulped, feeling James look up at him.
“Amortentia Potion.” Regulus whispered and James’ eyes widened. Of course, the potion did smell like Regulus. And then James broke into a smile once he realized Regulus had described his smell earlier.
“You smelled me, Reggie?” James asked, a teasing smile on his face. He watched Regulus blush and look down at his book again.
“Shut up, Potter!”
“Please, darling, call me James.” James had said and Remus stood up, pulling Pandora and the rest of the Slytherins with him. They needed to talk about this alone. Regulus didn’t dare look up, his eyes glued to the pages of the book in his hands. He stared at the words but could not for the life of him read them. Suddenly a hand took a hold of his book and snatched it out of his hands.
“None of that now. We gotta talk about this, Reggie darling.” James whispered and Regulus’ eyes widened again at the nickname. He wanted to tell James to stop calling him that. But for some reason, he had no heart to do so.
***
Things were going great from then on. Regulus lost the count of how many times they had been on dates. He lost the count of how many times James would just pull him closer in the hallways and kiss him senseless.
He also lost the count of how many times someone would throw a homophobic remark their way. But his friends and James’ friends always had their back. Slytherins had no problem cursing someone for a couple of weeks to protect their own.
He lost the count of how many times James would bring him flowers. Any kind of flowers since he learned that Regulus loved them. Regulus would hang out with his friends and then with James and his friends. He would blush any time Sirius teased the two of them.
Things were really perfect. They couldn’t have gotten any better. And then the summer break came.
***
Regulus still had to go to his parents’ home during breaks. And sure, he could handle their torture and mean words now better than ever before. He learned to let the cruelty enter through one ear and exit through another. But then again, this summer break was not like others before.
This summer break things turned worse. A hundred times worse. One day, Narcissa, Bellatrix and their parents were over for dinner. Things were going as smoothly as they could go for the Black Family dinner. Regulus still wished he could have had Sirius there.
Someone had rang the bell midway through their dinner. Regulus thought nothing of it when his mother stood up and went to open the door. The entire trajectory of his life turned upside down that day. All the good left his life and all the bad entered it when the newcomer was welcomed to the table.
Regulus remembered looking at the man without a nose with wide eyes. Of course he knew who it was. Everyone knew who he was. The man needs no introduction. Regulus had gulped as he observed him, wondering why he was there. Where was this entire situation going?
Then the news came. Regulus Black was to join the Death Eaters and take upon the Dark Mark. He remembered refusing to do so loudly and trying to get up only for his mother’s bony hand to grip him and pull him harshly back into the chair.
He remembered looking at Narcissa, hoping to find a friend in her eyes. He remembered only seeing paralyzing fear in them. Narcissa didn’t move. She couldn’t move for fear of her own life. But her eyes were tearing up as she watched Regulus’ and her own parents hold him down while the Dark Lord put the mark on him.
Regulus had thrashed around, trying to break free. He screamed and cried. He screamed his brother’s name. He called for James Potter too. None of them came. No one helped. There was no turning back now. His life had been ruined by his own parents.
Narcissa’s face was stained with tears as she watched her cousin stop screaming and thrashing around. He froze and quickly became numb. Like she had back then. There was no turning back anymore. They would all die as Death Eaters, as traitors.
They would only ever be known as extremists, as the worst of the worst. No one would ever care if the Mark had been forced on them. No one ever cared about the tears of the children.
Regulus remained silent throughout the rest of the dinner and only did what his parents asked of him. He stopped responding to his brother’s, friend’s or boyfriend’s letters. What was the point of answering? Was there any meaning in anything anymore?
***
Summer break was over quicker than expected. He remembered how he had managed to find a way to avoid James and his friends on the train. He remembered his friends finding him in the train and sitting down with him, forcing him to talk.
Regulus only talked once the silencing spell had been put around them. Pandora’s gentle hands were what broke him down. He compared them to his mother’s cruel hands and started sobbing immediately. Barty had immediately become alert and looked at Evan for instructions. But the other boy seemed as confused as he was.
Regulus had only pulled his sleeve up and revealed the mark under it. He heard the gasps and he felt Dorcas throw herself at him, pulling him into a tight hug. Regulus was now sobbing again. Evan, Barty and Pandora only managed to surround him and engulf him into a group hug.
Regulus didn’t need to tell them that Mark had been forced on him for them to believe his words.
“Is this why you never answered any of our letters?” Dorcas asked and Regulus only nodded his head, small whimpers leaving his mouth now.
“I take it your brother and boyfriend don’t know?” Evan asked and Regulus only nodded his head and broke out of the hug. He sat down. He needed to sit down. All of this was too much for him.
“You can tell them, you know? I think they would hear you out.” Pandora whispered and Regulus only let out another sob, letting his head fall into his hands. Evan put his hand on his shoulder in comfort and let him cry.
“We will stand by you, no matter what choice you make.” He said and Regulus had begun to calm down. At least someone believed him. He could count on his friends to trust him no matter what.
***
Weeks had passed and Regulus still didn’t talk to the Marauders or his boyfriend. He didn’t know how to talk to them. Or what to say. He knew that Sirius had stopped his friends and asked what was going on a few times.
He knew that Barty had let out something he shouldn’t have once. He remembered his friend coming to apologize immediately.
“Give him some time. He had spent his entire summer break with your parents. I’m sure you remember what that feels like.” Barty had whispered and Sirius had walked away. Barty was right. Regulus just needed time. He would come to them soon enough.
The next time James and Sirius came across Regulus, the boy was with his friends under a tree. Regulus was laughing at something Evan had said but it was obvious that the friend group was too drunk to notice anyone in their vicinity.
James looked more depressed now than in the past couple of weeks of Regulus ignoring him. Sure, the boy understood that Regulus needed time to recover from his parents. He just wished Regulus would have been honest with him. He wished he would have told him what to do to help. Instead, Regulus chose to ignore them all.
“My parents used to do this trick when I was a child-” Regulus had started to speak, his voice slurring the words.
“Would they say ‘I love you’ and then just not?” Barty had asked, as drunk as Regulus was.
“Yes! Yes! How did you know?” Regulus yelled and his friends started laughing. Regulus started to laugh too now. There were tears in his eyes and he looked at Barty.
“My parents did that same exact trick too!” Barty yelled, making both of them burst into laughter again.
Sirius frowned and took a deep breath, pulling James towards their common room. Regulus was dealing with whatever their parents did to them through dark humor. And his friends seemed to be helping. They needed to give him space then and just wait for him to come to them again. He needed to believe he would have his little brother back again soon.
***
It all went down a week later when Regulus decided to go and look at the stars at the Astronomy Tower. He missed James, Remus and Sirius. He needed to clear his head. His sleeve was rolled up as he looked at the Mark and wondered how the hell was he supposed to explain it to Sirius and his boyfriend?
He had no time to figure out how to talk about it. He was far away in his thoughts hence why he never heard the Marauders coming up the steps of the Tower. Minutes later, the familiar voice broke him out of his thoughts.
“Regulus?” James had called and Regulus froze. He turned to look at them to see all of them standing there, their eyes glued on the Mark of his exposed forearm.
Regulus quickly stood up, his eyes wide in disbelief as he looked at the map in James’ hands. So, that was how they found him? Regulus gulped and looked at James who looked hurt and then at his brother who only looked disappointed.
“You took the Dark Mark.” Sirius’ now cold voice had said. Regulus took a shaky breath and gulped.
“It’s not what it looks like, I swear. Just-”
“Just what? Let you talk and fool us all again? I should have known you would not have told ‘no’ to mum.” Sirius spat out and Remus pulled him back harshly, glaring at his boyfriend. He looked disappointed too but he seemed to have been the only one who saw that there was more to the story.
“Tell her no? Do you think there is telling her no or the Dark Lord? Do you really think I had a choice?” Regulus yelled and Sirius only glared at him. Regulus’ eyes fell on James and he gulped.
“Please, believe me. James, please” Regulus begged and took a step closer but James only took two steps back.
Fear and pain filled Regulus’ eyes again and he let a small sob out. They didn’t believe him. They weren’t listening. Regulus was right to feel afraid to tell them the truth. He reached in his back pocket, finally making his mind up.
There was only one way to deal with this. They refused to believe him so Regulus would not try to convince them to hear him out. But he would protect them nonetheless. He would erase their memories of him so that the Dark Lord would never think to use them against him.
Regulus raised his wand and he watched Sirius take him out too. But Regulus was quicker. He pointed at the group and uttered one word. One word that would change all of their lives. Regulus moved to stand closer to the stairs and said it out loud.
“Obliviate!” He yelled after he cleared his mind and looked at the group. He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he watched their eyes unfocus. The spell had been casted.
Their good memories of Regulus Black were gone. All their memories since he came to Hogwarts were gone. They would think of him as a stranger now. Sirius would know they are brothers but he would believe their relationship had been strained.
Once he was outside, he looked at the school and took a deep breath. He focused his mind on the memories of himself with the Marauders and pointed the wand at the school. He said the same spell again and waited for a bit. They all needed to forget the good relationship Regulus had with the Marauders. Everyone but his own friends needed to forget.
Regulus smiled sadly, thinking of what his life had become. Was this how his life had always meant to be? Full of pain and sacrifice? If so, he no longer wanted it, he thought.
Regulus told his friends what had happened and what he did. He told them they were not allowed to list the spell off the school or the Marauders. Pandora was the worst to convince to shut up. But once he said that the safety of the school depended on it, she nodded her head and agreed to go through with this.
This did not stop them from hating on or being angry with the Marauders. Was it really so hard for them to just hear Regulus out?
***
Months had passed. The Dark Lord had been defeated by Regulus’ friends who had ganged up on the Dark Lord with Narcissa Black. Sirius and James wondered where Regulus had been during the battle. But then Dorcas had casted Avada Kedavra on Voldemort and he perished to ash and then to mud. He was dead and Regulus was still nowhere to be seen.
Everyone but the friends of Regulus felt a huge headache coming their way once Voldemort was dead. None of them understood what was going on. They had a celebration to go to. Death of the Dark Lord needed to be celebrated.
And so they all sat together hours later, drinking, dancing and laughing. James had a drink in his hand and was laughing at something Remus had said when he dropped the glass. Memories that he had somehow forgotten entered his mind again. Regulus, the love of his life who had the Dark Mark. The one who obliviated them all. James’ eyes teared up as he looked at Sirius who was already watching him, tears rolling down his cheeks too.
“I remember everything. Do you remember too?” He asked and Sirius nodded his head and took a shaky breath. Peter looked around to see everyone having the same experience as they did.
“I think everyone is remembering.” He said and James looked at the crowd to see them watching the Marauders with pity.
“You know what this means, guys.” Remus whispered, sadness clear in his voice. James looked at the friends of Regulus in the back who seemed broken, sad beyond belief. Pandora was crying while she hid her face in Dorcas’ shoulder.
“My brother is dead.” Sirius whispered and James finally let out a sob. He put his face into his hands and shook his head, refusing to believe that Regulus died thinking they all hated him. He remembered the fear he saw in Regulus’ face that night at the Astronomy Tower.
If he had just waited with the spell for a few more seconds, things would have been different. James had simply been shocked. He needed to process what he had seen, he thought. Sirius was now crying too before he threw the glass on the floor, letting it break into a hundred pieces.
James bit his lip so as to not start wailing in front of so many people. The love of his life had died. Then he heard Dumbledore clear his throat. He looked up, still sobbing as he listened to him talk.
“There is one thing you all need to know about this win!” Dumbledore spoke and everyone turned to look at him. Everyone but Sirius who was staring at one dot on the floor, not believing that his brother is dead.
“A while ago, a boy came to my office, telling me of how the Dark Mark had been forced on him and begging for help.” Dumbledore started talking and Sirius closed his eyes. Regulus had hated Dumbledore and yet he went to him for help because Sirius had refused to listen.
“He chose to work undercover and find out how to kill the Dark Lord. He shared his knowledge with us and his friends. He may not have been on the battlefield today but it was only due to the sacrifice Regulus Arcturus Black made that we won.” Dumbledore continued speaking and James let out another sob.
“Please raise your wants in a minute of silence for Regulus Arcturus Black, the War Hero.” Dumbledore said and the wands were immediately raised. Sirius held his want in the air, his arm shaking as he did so. James looked at him and once the minute had gone by, he spoke.
“What did we do, Siri?” James asked and Sirius let another tear roll down his cheek.
“We betrayed him.” Sirius admitted, feeling more like shit now than he ever did before.
There was no going back anymore. The tragedy had already happened. Regulus Black was dead. Regulus Black, his dearest younger brother, was dead. Regulus had sacrificed himself for the greater good, believing Sirius and James both hated him.
At least now they understood why the Slytherins despised them all this time. They had hurt their friend. Of course they hated the Marauders now.
***
Years had gone by. James and Sirius never managed to get over Regulus’ death. The Slytherin friend group had broken apart too. No one had seen Pandora in years now. Barty and Evan ran off into the sunset together. Their families still didn’t hear anything from them.
Rumors had it they ran off to France, knowing that that would be where Regulus would run if he could. Dorcas Meadowes had run off somewhere too. But in comparison to others, there were not even theories of where she could be. She did not want to be found again. Regulus’ death had left a great impact on all of them.
And right now, James stood at the shore of the sea. On his left was the cave in which Regulus died. But he could not go inside. The cave was spelled so that no living being could ever again go inside. James looked down at the red rose petals in his hands. Roses to represent his undying love for Regulus Black who he had lost all too early.
James felt tears prick at his eyes. He took a deep breath, knowing that Sirius would be coming here an hour later and he let the tears fall. He opened the box in his hands and let the rose petals drop into the water. He let out a small sobb as he watched the rose petals move towards the cave like he enchanted them to do.
James gulped and opened his mouth to speak but only another sob left his mouth. He missed him. He always missed him and never stopped loving him. He tried moving on but couldn’t. Regulus Black really was the love of his life.
“I’m so sorry, Reggie darling. I love you so much.” James whispered and only a bit over an hour later he began walking away, passing by Sirius who had a box in his hands too. The two never looked at each other or greeted one another on this day. James walked away, not knowing a thing about a skeleton at the bottom of the cave surrounded by rose petals.