Daylight
Regulus tossed and turned in the bed, his mind running a million miles an hour. The memories flashed all around him, the times Sirius comforted him after their mother’s curses burned his body, the bedtime stories and routine that started innocently enough but quickly turned less than, the childhood exploration that faded to maroon-colored nights where they were wrapped around each other.
The spinning finally stopped and Regulus watched, stuck where he was as the memory played out in front of him, unable to stop or change what was happening, the night a flashback on a film reel in his mind.
He watched Sirius get up and get dressed, his brother's movements filled with anxiety and worry. “Sirius…?” His voice broke the silence of the room with his question. Sirius looked over his shoulder and Regulus could see the tears in his eyes, threatening to fall.
His brother's eyes seemed to be begging Regulus, though for what the younger brother couldn’t tell. Regulus got up and pulled the blanket around him, he felt like he was pacing on shaky ground but he was sure it was just his legs shaking. ‘Please don’t go.’ He thought to himself, hoping Sirius could see the message in his eyes, but his brother seemed as clueless as ever as he started shoving clothes and some of his things into his bag.
When Sirius’ bag was full of everything he wanted to take he turned to the door and opened it harshly, Regulus saw his arm reach out and clasp around Sirius’ wrist, pulling his attention back to the younger star. Before he knew it the words were out of his mouth and he was blurting, “I love you, Sirius.”
His brother pulled him close and pressed a fierce kiss to his lips, sparks flying behind his eyes.
The kiss was over almost as suddenly as it had begun and when Regulus opened his eyes again his brother was gone, leaving him standing in the suddenly cold and grey room alone.
~~
The images around him faded and shifted to a happier one, one that had occurred years earlier.
He was lying next to James on the quidditch pitch, pressed close on James’ cloak. Their laughter filled the night and Regulus felt like they had known each other for 20 years rather than just the last 4.
James leaned over to mutter another dirty joke in Regulus’ ear before they both fell into more bouts of giggles. “I hadn’t even told that one to Moony and Pads. I was saving it for you.” He said after a breath.
Regulus shook his head with a laugh and rolled his eyes. “You lying traitor.” He said, shoving James’ shoulder but there was no ire or weight behind the insult.
“You love me.” James teased, sitting up.
“Are you so sure about that? You know I’ve only said that to Sirius.” Regulus said with an eye roll before following James’ lead and sitting up, looking up at the stars. James and he had started dating a few months before this night but despite how much James showered Regulus with “I love you”s, gifts, and affection Regulus had yet to return any of it.
James was also looking at the sky before pointing out the little dipper. “That’s the little dipper.” He said, his voice alight with childhood excitement of knowing a constellation.
Regulus stifled a laugh with a cough before he pointed at the dark sky. “There’s Leo, and right there,” He pointed to his star, “Is Regulus, the heart of the lion.” His finger raked to the other side of the sky before pointing at another familiar shape, one that filled his nights and taught him things that no one else had, the one he had a secret language with. “That is Canis Major, and the star right there, the brightest one is Sirius.”
James watched Regulus rather than the sky. “Mhm. Tell me more about the stars?”
Regulus nodded and launched into the story of Canis Major, how it was the great hunter Orion’s hunting companion, about how he can be seen chasing a hare, the constellation of Lepis. “Canis Major was described by Manilius as “the dog with the blazing face” because the dog appears to hold Sirius, the brightest star in the sky, in its jaws.”
“In mythology, Canis Major is associated with Laelaps, the fastest dog in the world, one destined to catch anything it pursued. Zeus gave Laelaps to Europa as a present, along with a javelin that could not miss. The gift proved to be an unfortunate one, as Europa herself met her end at the hands of her husband Cephalus, who was out hunting with the javelin. Cephalus took the dog to Thebes in Boeotia, a Greek province north of Athen, to hunt down a fox that was causing some trouble there. Like Laelaps, the fox was very fast and was destined never to be caught. Once the dog found the fox and started chasing it, the race did not appear to have an end in sight. Zeus himself finally ended it and turned both animals to stone. He placed the dog in the night sky as the constellation Canis Major.”
James was absolutely enchanted watching Regulus infodump as the younger boy pointed out the stars that accompanied each bit of the story. “Wow, they really make sure you star boys know your stuff.” He joked before Regulus rolled his eyes.
“We have to. If we didn’t we were punished.” Regulus said somberly, looking back down to meet James’ eyes.
James leaned in and Regulus let his eyes drift shut, something pulling them together like a magnet or an invisible string before their lips met and it was like fireworks went off under Regulus’ skin.
~~
The night sky warped and changed into a high ceiling, the quidditch stands became red walls lined with gold decor and tapestries draped from the highest heights.
Regulus was curled up on the corner of a couch with Remus sitting next to him, both of them had books open on their laps though neither was getting much reading done, due to the large party around them.
Remus cleared his throat and Regulus looked up to see the man holding his hand out to him. Regulus took it with a smile and followed him out of the room, letting him lead him to the quiet library. “It’s hard to be at a party when you feel like an open wound,” Remus muttered, as he pulled open the large doors and let Regulus walk through first.
Regulus walked through the doors and heard Remus shut them behind him. He walked over to an alcove and pulled himself into it, leaning his back against the cold stone as he watched Remus walk over and sit across from him, their legs brushing.
Remus was the first to break the silence, asking Regulus how he had been and how his classes were going.
“I’ve had a hard time adjusting… to Sirius not being around as much.” The younger boy spoke quietly. It was true, he had been struggling. Ever since the night his brother left he had missed him immensely, almost like he was missing a part of himself.
Remus nodded in understanding. “He’s been beating himself up about it,” He paused and took a breath, “Not taking you with him, leaving you there all alone, not staying.”
Regulus hummed, looking out the window and watching the stars. “He needed to get out. He had to save himself.” The ‘I’ll be fine’ at the end of his sentence went unspoken but neither man would’ve believed him even if he had said it.
Remus reached over and placed his hand on Regulus’ knee, pulling the Slytherin’s attention. “You should talk to him.”
Regulus shook his head. “I can’t do that, my parents have eyes all over the school. By tomorrow they’ll probably know about this, us, meeting here and talking. I’m sure they know about James and I already.”
Remus ran his hands up and down Regulus’ knee. “Talk to Sirius, Regulus. He…” Remus paused, thinking. “He has something to talk to you about.”
Regulus pursed his lips and thought for a beat before nodding, he really did miss his brother and wanted to see him. “Fine. I’ll talk to him.”
Remus smiled and stood up, reaching down a hand to help Regulus stand. “I figured you would want to. He’s in the astronomy tower waiting.”
Regulus took the Gryffindor's hand and stood. Remus pulled him into a hug. “Go, you know how Sirius gets when he’s left waiting.”
Regulus chuckles and nods. “Thank you, Remus.” He said with a smile before he pulled down the older man and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Remus nodded and smiled down at the younger man. “Yeah, now go.”
Regulus nodded and walked out of the room.
~~
Regulus groaned and blinked his eyes open, feeling like someone was watching him. He chuckled and rolled his eyes when he realized that someone was in fact watching him. “What Sirius?” His voice was thick and his throat felt dry from sleeping.
Sirius just chuckled and smiled at his younger brother. “You were mumbling something in your sleep. I was trying to figure out if it was a nightmare or not.”
Regulus shook his head and nuzzled closer to his brother. “No… I mean it started as one but it didn’t end that way.”
“What were you dreaming about?” Sirius asked, curious.
Regulus filled him in on his dream, smiling by the end of it.
Sirius was grinning ear to ear and leaned down to whisper in Regulus’ ear. “I remember that night. The fun we got up to in the astronomy tower.”
Regulus shuddered as he remembered how Sirius had proclaimed his love to him that night and made up for leaving. How Sirius had made him shimmer and gleam that night. And how when they were done they had made a plan to get Regulus out of Grimmauld.
“That reminds me,” Regulus started, looking around and seeing that James and Remus were not in the room. “How are mum and dad?”
Sirius smiled, “They're good, James got a letter from them asking for him to come over and help with something in the garden. Remus went with him, wanting to help dad with something.” He said, stretching and yawning.
Regulus nodded and settled back in Sirius’ arms, drifting back off to sleep. Before he succumbed to sleep's grasp though he heard Sirius mutter something in his ear.
“I once believed love would be black and white, but it’s golden. I love you, Reggie.” Regulus felt Sirius press a kiss to the back of his head before he let sleep pull him back into her warm arms.