Remus finds the Mirror while exploring the castle. Clearing his head on November 3rd. It’s Harry’s third year and Remus has been happily teaching Defence against the dark arts for two months. Originally it was heartbreaking to watch Harry call him Professor Lupin. It’s his fault he knows that, but it hurts. They’ve talked more. Harry has seemed to take a liking to him for whatever reason.
Remus can’t help but chuckle at the thought of how it was the same when Harry was only a baby. Constantly reaching for Remus whenever everyone was around.
They’ve gently talked about a few things. He’s tried to comfort him in any way he can. He doesn’t know much about his life, but from what he’s seen and knows he will try his best to make him feel comfortable. He finds comfort himself in the ways he’s like James or Lily. Inherited personality traits that he wouldn’t even know belonged to his parents. The scary part is the learnt behaviour he’s found in certain friends.
The quiet footsteps, the flinching at loud noises, and the more sheltered nature all together. It reminds him of anyone else he knew in an abusive household. As he becomes more comfortable he’s noticed he’s becoming more confident, louder, and has the sass of a true Potter. He’s brave like any true Gryffindor, and protective of the people he loves. Remus feels guilty for being so proud of him.
He has no right to feel proud of the kid he should’ve helped raise, but he can’t help but watch him with pride swelling in his chest. He’s a talented, kind, and passionate young teenager. James and Lily would be so proud.
It was late October when Harry told Remus he’d found the Mirror of Erised in his first year. He told him he saw his family. The Potter for generations, his parents on either side of him. Remus had pinched his own hand, grieving this child’s life. He should’ve been able to know his parents.
He then asked if Remus thought it was wrong that he misses the mirror. Missed being able to see his parents and grandparents, and pretend that he has a family even for just a moment. Remus comforted him to the best of his abilities before telling as much as he could about his parents and grandparents. Harry had said he wished it wasn’t destroyed after his first year.
Clearly Dumbledore lied to him, because here it stands in the room of requirement.
Remus saw it while glancing around at the lost and found of Hogwarts he’d found in his own third year with Peter. It looked the same, but also vastly different then how he remembered. The piles are larger. More stuff being collected as time goes on. Books, and jewelry, clothing, and pictures. Even a spare pair of glasses, cracked and broken in half. He’s sure they’re James’. He chuckles at the thought of how many pairs he lost during the seven years they had at Hogwarts.
‘Maybe we should permanently glue them to our head.’ Remus had joked watching James frustratingly look for his glasses stumbling around the dorm.
’I know a good sticking charm!’ Sirius had said standing up from where he was making a paper bird fly above him.
’Pads, if you get near me, I’ll be gluing Pete’s boot to your head.’ James replied squinting in Peter’s direction.
The memory floods in without warning and makes Remus smile before he continues to look around in an attempt to forget. That’s when he spots the large standing mirror with Latin written above it. Exactly how Harry had described it. He stands off to the side, knowing it’d be best to not look inside.
Remus can’t help himself. He wants to look.
He only hesitates a moment, because he knows what he’ll find. He assumes what he will find will set him back in the progress he’s made to move on. He looks anyways.
Because how could he not, some would die to see this mirror. Harry himself became obsessed with this mirror at the age of eleven. He happens to come across it and he’s expected not to look in?
It will hurt. He knows it will hurt. Grief has burrowed deeper and deeper into his bones over the years. He’s lived with it and made it up to be a terrible roommate that he’s learnt to ignore. This will make the grief seep back into his blood. Freshly wounding him all over again. A clear reminder that grief will never leave.
Remus walks up to the mirror anyways. Keeping his head down. He should walk away. Get out of the room of requirement and go grade some papers. He could happily continue to move on, and attempt to forget. A deep breath, he looks up.
A large crowd of people stand with him. Surrounding him. The air thickens with sorrow as he quickly scans every single face he’s lost in this blasted war. Soldiers made from friends, family, and children. There’s a punch to his chest when his heart stops.
He’s overwhelmed for just a second. He expected this. He shouldn’t be overwhelmed. Yet the urge to fall to his knees and cry because his chest hurts, is strong. Remus feels his jaw tense as his eyes start to sting. He brings his hand up to wipe his eyes on his sleeve. He can’t look away.
They won’t go away if you look away.
He thought that last time too.
He can’t look away this time.
He takes a deep breath trying to stop the tears so he can see. Patting at his eyes one at a time keeping the other open just in case. He won’t lose them again. Even if it’s only for a second. There are still tears in his eyes. The lump in his throat begins to hurt as he tries to stop himself from breaking.
He can’t make out faces yet. He just breathes looking at blurred faces of everyone he loves. When the tears do slowly dry up the lump in his throat doesn’t leave. The pain in his chest only gets worse. He wants to close his eyes and plead for his breathing to even but he can’t get himself to do it. He can’t close his eyes when he knows the people he grieves are in front of him.
It takes longer than he wants. His eyes dry up leaving space for his vision to clear and lets him focus on the faces.
He sees James first. Bold as ever looking older than he’d ever become. He smiles at Remus and looks to his left. Regulus stands with a small smirk quickly looking to his right with loving eyes. James and Regulus are holding each other.
Remus can’t help but laugh. He hadn’t actually expected that. It’s been so long since he thought of James being with Regulus he hadn’t thought about it before looking into the mirror. He covers his mouth quickly as tears pour out of his eyes silently. They’re not blurring his vision, so he ignores them. Guilt comes right after.
If only Regulus hadn’t taken the mark. If only they had tried harder to get him out. Remus is flooded with memories of them coming up with escape plans in their dorm trying to get him out. He was a kid. He didn’t deserve to have his choice taken away. They thought of everything they could to help him. Regulus being as stubborn as he is, thought of a big risk for each idea. There’s been rumours that tell Remus that Regulus was right to be afraid.
Rumours that Regulus attempted to run away like they had always planned. It got him killed just before he turned eighteen.
James and Lily were perfect together no one can argue that. Harry is the perfect mix of the both of them. Lily would bring him back down to earth. James would live for the way she teased him, and make sure he stayed humble. He’d chase after her when they bickered and they’d make up immediately. They felt safe together. The perfect pair. Lily was perfect for James.
But.
Regulus and James.
They fit as opposites, perfect balance. Two sides of the same coin.
Regulus was quiet, but never showed weakness. Easily one of the smartest people. He had potential everyone could see. Otherwise he stayed quiet, kept his head down. It was obvious that Regulus was comfortable around the three of them by seventh year. Small smiles on his face with every insult. Even making attempts to make them laugh or smile when he could.
One of the most comforting and supportive humans in the most surprising way. He told you the truth and showed affection in ways only certain people understood.
If James and Lily could be described as a growing tree, James and Regulus was a fire. Each causing the flame to build all while knowing how to control it.
Fighting every two days, and then making up the next, they were perfect for each other. Regulus kept him level headed in a way that James craved. Regulus got the affection that he needed just from the way James looked at him. The amount of passion in the two of them was the equivalent of an earthquake. Always causing damage that they loved to rebuild on.
James was loud. Always. But he was loud in a way that covered up any emotion that wasn’t the bright happy James Potter that everyone wanted. Regulus brought out the real James, and only he knew how to do it. Regulus would make him feel every emotion he could. James in return would make Regulus as happy as he could whenever he got the chance.
Lily made him level headed, but never mad. James was comfortable around her, but hid the emotions he so badly needed to express.
In shadows of dorms, astronomy tower or room of requirement Regulus would be soft and smiley enjoying their company without having to fill the space like James and Sirius. Although hidden, everyone who knew them saw their smiles towards each other and the way their eyes soften or light up seeing the other even when thy were in a heated argument.
When Regulus died James broke. He proposed to Lily a week later trying to show everyone he was fine. Lily accepted out of worry. Sirius was heartbroken, his brother was gone. The sole person that he felt obligated to raise and protect. Sirius was expected to be heartbroken, but James was destroyed. He blamed himself. They all took blame, but James never blamed anyone else. Most of everyone blamed Walburga and Orion the most. James only blamed himself.
He played pretend. Feeling like people wouldn’t understand why he was upset over a death eater. He would smile and give support to everyone but himself. No one noticed except the people closest. Sirius, Remus, and Lily.
They did their best to support him in any way they could, but the chances of James truly recovering after that were slim. He put his energy into Lily. And later Harry. Doing everything he could to protect them the way he felt he couldn’t protect Regulus.
Even Lily tried to help Regulus escape for the sole fact, she saw how happy they were. She didn’t even know how much they had loved each other until she saw James crumble in front of her unable to hide behind a smile when his heart was shattered.
Remus had never heard the pain that James was going through, even Sirius was scared to see James like that.
Now almost a decade and a half later he sees them together smiling at each other the way they did in their youth in a mirror. Here they are happy, Safe.
Remus smiles switching his focus away, and sees his best friend, Lily. She’s smiling wider then Remus ever saw. Her green eyes shining as she glances down. Lily holds a little red headed girl on her hip. Remus is reminded of the night Lily had sent a patronus. One of the few happy moments while they were stuck in the safe house. A doe pranced into their living room while Sirius was asleep.
“Remus! Keep this quiet I haven’t told James, but I needed to tell someone and a letter didn’t feel right. I’m pregnant! Harry’s gonna be a big brother! Oh Rem can you imagine it! I think it’s a girl. I hope it’s a girl. The boy to girl ratio in this safe house is ridiculous. Honestly. Oh Rem I’m so excited! I can’t wait until we can get out of here, she’s not due until the new year so I hope you’ll get to be there when she’s born. Oh listen to me already assuming a girl. I just have a feeling. Talk soon Rem send me a letter or a patronus. I’d love to hear your voice.”
Remus sent a letter scared James might overhear a patronus.
Of course a week later the letter returned to Remus untouched. It still sits in the kitchen almost like he’s waiting for Lily to magically appear, pregnant glow, reading his letter at a baby shower for Harry’s sibling. A little girl. She wanted a little girl so badly. In this mirror she has one. Standing next to James.
Remus’ eyes drag back to Regulus who’s smiling with bare forearms and loose curly black hair. His complexion looking healthier than ever before. He holds a small version of James with green eyes on his hip. Who is very obviously a young Harry.
No scar on his forehead, just the sweet innocent child he deserved to be. Looking up to his parents leaning his head back on James smiling. There’s no grief in the young boys eyes that Remus sees in the boy he teaches. He looks over to his mother and then reaches for his younger sister who reaches back, holding his hand.
Remus’ eyes drag to Lily again who’s smiling at the two of them. Proud as ever of her two children. He follows her gaze as she lifts it to see Mary beside her. Her arm on her waist as she holds a small boy on her hip who’s close to falling asleep. He looks the same age as Harry. Dark skin and bright eyes.
Dean.
Oh Lily would love Dean. Mary and Lily would love to know him and Harry now share a dorm. The sweetest boy, always willing to help others. He gets along quite well with Seamus. The two never seen without each other much. Dean’s smile reminds him of Mary every time he sees it in class or in the great hall. He’s so much like his mother.
Remus has never met Deans father. But he does know Lily and Mary were the happiest he has ever seen them when they were together. Being muggleborn was never easy for the two of them for obvious reasons. What people never knew was the difficulty of being queer and muggleborn.
A true dangerous combination in such terrible times. Being queer in general was never welcome, being muggleborn on top of that was…
Well, Mary and Lily didn’t want to risk it. Mary met Deans father and Lily went to James.
But here Mary is glowing. Similar to how confident she looked in school. She’d be able to ruin the world if she put energy into it. Saving her friends and family was more important to her.
Remus feels guilty knowing he didn’t reach out when she moved away, she was too heartbroken to continue in the city they all loved. He understood. They both decided they needed a break from each other. At first it was a comfort, but as time went on they only grieved more when they were around each other. The last two left. They couldn’t move on, seeing each was less of a relief and more of a reminder.
They lost contact. She had talked about obliviating herself. He had assumed she did so, living in the countryside with her husband and child. Dean would’ve been about six when Remus was invited to her funeral. Her husband had reached out explaining how they were attacked by some people that were never captured continuing to go after muggleborns.
The ministry covered up anything they could so her death was never released. All in fear that something was starting again as if Lily and James hadn’t stopped everything. She sent Dean away with his father and was killed. It hurt too much to go he was the last one. He couldn’t accept it at the time.
Now he regrets not going. He visited her grave once to apologize and hasn’t been since. It’s the only grave he’s managed to visit.
His eyes sting again. He couldn’t accept that he was really alone. The last one, when he was the one meant to die at the age of four.
It hurt. The pain was unbearable. Why him? Why was he the last one? Why did he have to keep going while everyone he ever loved was gone?
His vision started to blur again while he looked at Mary mouthing an apology still feeling guilty. The guilt will never go away. He knows that, but to apologize to her, even if its a grave or a mirror version of her, she deserves that at least.
Deep breath. Focus on the mirror.
Mary holds onto a small Dean and Lily’s waist. They smile at each other, then at the kids in their arms.
Reluctantly he drags his gaze away from his best friend, to the others. Off to Mary’s right Marlene and Dorcas hold each other and smile at Remus. He can’t help the smile and pride that comes to him when he looks at them. The only couple to be publicly out and never show fear about it. Both being pure bloods, they had a chance.
They understood each other to an alarming rate. They would look at each other nod and get up to do something before a word is even spoken. They could make each other cry laughing with just a look during a group conversation. They became inseparable. The biggest power couple by fifth year. A Gryffindor and a Slytherin.
Dorcas lived in the Gryffindor dorms by seventh year. Still sporting green because she was proud of her house bu not the bullies that riddled it. Every house had their bullies. People from Slytherin thought James was a bully. Of course, Remus is bias, seeing as he knew James wouldn’t hurt anyone unless they were a bigoted asshole who hurt others.
By seventh year Slytherin was becoming more and more bigoted. Salazar known to hate muggles due to his past was a pushed trait onto any Slytherin. It was unfair. Most of the people in Hogwarts that were Slytherins were cunning, resourceful, and selectively loyal because they were forced to be during their childhood. It was unfair to assume they were all bad people because they were dealt a bad hand.
Of course most didn’t see it the same way Remus did.
Dorcas was seen as ‘one of the good Slytherins’. It annoyed her enough to show her true Slytherin traits, but her classmates (Remus included) were only more proud of her for still sticking up for Slytherin, and not the bigotry that was associated with it. Marlene and her were incredible together.
They were unstoppable. Until Marlene was targeted while she was at home with her family.
Wiped out after she tried to get a hold of James and Lily, it’s suspected she found out the spy but got killed before she could reveal them. Dorcas was out on a mission. The family was tortured until Dorcas got there. The McKinnons instantly being killed when she interrupted. The death eaters fled as Dorcas shoot out curses in anger.
She disappeared for a week before finding their base. She left a note for Mary to find before she left. ‘I’m sorry to leave you all. I’ll do my best, for her. Love you all - D.M’
As heartbreaking as Dorcas’ death was, everyone was proud of her. If Dorcas was going to die, she was gonna take as many as she could with her. Voldemort had to kill her himself to stop her. The number of death eaters she took out in the process was never released. They celebrated her and Marlene as much as they could. Sorrow filled smiles on everyone’s face as they drank.
It’s easy to grieve everyone, but with Marlene and Dorcas it’s comes with a small smile when he does grieve them. They were the strongest people he knew and he couldn’t grieve them as much when there was so much pride in his chest.
Remus focuses on the mirror again.
Barty and Evan lean on each other with clean forearms. With a sigh he allows tears to fall and thinks about them. Something he hasn’t done in a long time. The two boys always wanting a fight. Barty wanted to rebel and Evan forced to follow his family followed Barty to protect him.
He always felt ashamed for grieving them. They were death eaters, but it was similar to grieving Regulus. He knew them before they were the monsters everyone knew them as. Another drop of guilt bubbles up when he remembers Barty isn’t dead. He’s in Azkaban with…
Remus never thought they knew what they were getting themselves into. They were the type to protect anyone close to them whether queer, muggleborn, or the runt of the group. They only hurt the people who hurt others.
They never showed up to battles often. When they did chaos was sure to come with them. The few times they did fight you knew it was them. They had specific fighting techniques. They were biased in who they fought, holding back from the people they knew. It was terrible, but Remus did the same. Holding back when he knew he was fighting either of them, or if he suspected he was fighting Regulus. Until Evan died.
Barty went on Rampages. He’d lost both Regulus and Evan at that point. Moody lost an eye to Evan. He was an amazing dueller, but Moody was incredible. Barty watched it happen running to him to grab his body and apparate away. A ministry official took Evan’s body before Barty could get there. Remus saw him break in a similar state to James.
He broke with cries loud enough to make everyone pause in the middle of a battle. The anger he showed caused people to flee. His magic became untamed wild and aggressive. Remus isn’t sure how so many people apparated away before being killed. Spikes shot out of the ground around him puncturing everyone in a ten foot radius. Death eaters and Order members alike.
He’d never seen anything like it. He had grabbed James and Sirius and apparated them out of there. Later he felt guilty. Barty was once a friend. Someone he teased and bickered with while studying. Someone who got him into the Ravenclaw common room to try to meet the grey Lady. James reacted the same to Regulus’ death and had people he loved surround him. Barty had no one.
Instead of putting on a brave face after, Barty got revenge. Not just on the people to blame, but on the world.
He wasn’t the Barty Remus went to school with. In a fight soon after Remus saw his eyes and saw he was dead.
No sparkle, just sorrow. Barty did terrible things, but before he became the monster his dad feared, he was kind. He was someone always wanting to make others laugh from his loud personality.
Barty can never be forgiven for what he did. There’s no excuses. But he wasn’t Barty at that point. He was a shell of a human that Voldemort used as a war weapon. Remus briefly wonders if he’s even aware of everything he’s done. Is he thinking about it in his lonely cell in Azkaban? Then he reminds himself that isn’t Barty.
This, in the mirror with Evan laughing and looking at Evan with true adoration, is Barty. A sly smirk on his face that makes you wonder why he was in blue and not green.
Remus looks away from Barty and Evan to find Alice and Frank. A reminder of what Barty did.
Alice and Frank have their child Neville standing on their feet. He’s smiling up at them while Frank makes funny faces at him. They’re alive. Selfishly Remus would rather them dead. The people they are now aren’t the loving and generous Alice and Frank Longbottom. Neville is sweet and kind. Brave although shy. Augustus was never the best, and he mourns the life Neville would’ve had with Alice and Frank raising him.
Him and Harry seem to be good friends. Sharing a dorm with him, Dean, Seamus and Ron. He’s surrounded by great kids and hopes they can be good support to him. Similar to the way Remus was supported by his own dorm mates. Although Neville is quite nervous, and shy, he knows Alice and Frank would be proud of him.
He glances next to them to find two red headed brothers that remind him of the Weasley twins a strange amount. Fabian and Gideon are smiling at him behind Marlene and Dorcas. Both tall and laughing like you’d always see them before meetings. Remus can’t help but feel thankful they didn’t have to live without the other. They were inseparable and died together in the same battle. They didn’t even know the grief of the other before they died.
There’s something slightly heartbreaking but calming about that fact. They were trouble makers. Remarkable wizards. Molly’s kids remind Remus so much of them. He didn’t actually know them that well. They had graduated just before Remus joined Hogwarts. He only remembers their stories while they showed off scars and teased each other about childhood memories.
Then he spots two people that make his lip quiver aggressively as he tries to maintain his composure. His parents. Lyall and Hope Lupin hold each other off to the left. His dad smiling at him before leaning down to press a kiss to his mothers forehead. She presses a kiss to his jaw being the only thing she can reach with their height differences. He laughs holding her tighter than before.
Losing both parents when Remus was 19 was something he thought he’d be safe from. He thought the world had had it’s laugh by making him a monster. But to take the only blood relatives he had? The werewolves had come back while Remus was out. They had heard a rumour that Remus was a spy and took it out on his parents. It was around the same time Regulus had died although at the time he was only seen as missing.
Remus hadn’t even had time to mourn the thought of Regulus’ possible death. His parents got taken in one swipe leaving him as a lone werewolf orphan. He found them during visit after the full moon. His childhood home splattered with blood… He still gets nightmares even so many years later.
Only a month later Effie and Monty were taken too. They were similar to Fabian and Gideons deaths. Died on the same field never having to live without the other. Him and James sat and talked about their parents together for two days straight. Then it was released that Regulus had died. He spots Effie and Monty in the mirror next to his own parents as well as Marlenes. The three of them were the closest to their parents. Everyone else had childhoods they needed to move on from before creating a good relationship with their parents. Or they wanted their parents dead.
Effie and Monty were the most caring people in the world. They took in everyone as their own and loved James with absolutely every ounce of love they could give. Here in the mirror they share a kiss and smile glancing at their grand children in Regulus and Lily’s arms. They never did meet their grandson. They would’ve loved him so much.
He glances around Effie and Monty to find some more people from the order that they’ve lost linger. He’s missed these faces so much. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t think of these faces. Lives stolen too soon fighting a war they were forced to fight in.
He looks to James and Regulus again and they have big smiles on their faces.
Lily and Mary pressing their foreheads together and laughing.
Alice smiling up at Neville as Frank holds him above his head. The child giggling.
A small girl runs in front of Regulus. She has long blonde hair and big eyes. Pandora comes up behind her and picks her up. She waves at Harry who still comfortably sits in Regulus’ arms. He smiles at her.
Pandora places a kiss on Regulus’ cheek. One of the only people Regulus lets touch him without sneering at them afterwards. She died in a potions accident leaving little Luna without a mother at the age of 7. Luna. A bright girl. Just like her mother in every way. Completely terrifying but in a whimsical way. At least that’s how Mary described her.
She knew what was coming. Remus had asked her about her abilities but she never shared anything. She isolated herself after Regulus died in fear of her attempts to help being the reason they happened. She’d send letters to people to make sure people were okay. That was the extent of it. She still made Regulus the godfather of Luna even after death because she felt wrong not to.
Now Luna lives with her father in a wide field from what he’s been told she’s quite happy. She’s so much like her mother.
He looks around again at all the faces but his own.
Now he sees Peter with his sister. And Remus remembers Peter crying in their dorms late at night. After reading a letter that his sister had been captured. They found her body a week later. While they all tried to support him time was closing in on them to get Regulus out. Remus’ guilt flares at the thought that they unintentionally put Regulus’ future above Peter’s grieving. Peter was a shell after that. Never celebrated the way he usually would. Didn’t want to see anyone on his birthday. He’d sit in the library and study.
More guilt flares when he also unintentionally mourned James and Lily slightly more. He loved Peter. He misses him so much, but in the last few months he grew distant. Remus barely knew him anymore whereas with Lily and James he’d been talking to them as much as he could while trying to recruit werewolves.
He feels guilty especially with how..
He’s happy in the mirror, next to his sister. Smiling bright without worry. His older sister holding him close.
He glances at the rest of group again. While everyone looks a touch older then they’d ever reach everyone is happy. Given the lives they would never get, but thoroughly deserved.
If only.
There’s a stinging in his eyes again.
He wipes away the tears and looks at himself for the first time. He’s younger. He still has scars and yellow amber eyes that are indications of the wolf present but controlled. Lingering.
Then he’s there.
His heart instantly grows at the sight. He can’t help it. Sirius is there. He wraps his arms around Remus’ chest and Shoulder.
He rests his chin on Remus’ shoulder placing a kiss there.
He tries to reminisce. Remember the feeling of Sirius’ touch. The lump in his throat grows as Sirius smiles. Another kiss to his shoulder before he mouths something.
‘My moony’
Remus can’t stop the tears as he nods.
“Always.” Remus says before he can stop himself. It feels like a betrayal to James, Lily Peter, and Marlene, but there’s doubt. There always has been, because this is Sirius. His Sirius.
Not the cold hearted Sirius Orion Black III people assumed but Padfoot, Siri, Pads, Darling, Sweetheart, his love, his heart, and future. This is the love of his life who would protect the people he loves at all cost. The person who would rather die then give up the place of his best friend and godson.
It never made sense. But the evidence was there. He couldn’t even try to fight it. So he stayed quiet. Only bickering with Dumbledore. He wanted a trial so he could talk to him. Understand what happened. Dumbledore refused, called him inconsiderate of the people that had died at his hands. Making Remus feel guilty for ever being selfish enough to ask.
Now he watches his Sirius wrap his arms around his chest and smile at him with loving eyes like he always did.
Then he sees it. The gold band on Sirius’ left ring finger.
Remus looks at him in shock. Sirius’ smile widens and his eyes fill with tears. Remus glances at his own hand and sees the matching ring.
He knows he’s the only one in the room but he can’t help but explain himself to Sirius, the figment of this magical mirror.
“It’s still sitting in the dresser drawer. I had wanted to give it to you on Christmas. I knew I’d be home then. Maybe I should’ve just done it when I got them in the summer. You were gone before you even saw them. I’m so sorry Pads.” His voice cracks when Sirius gives him a sad smile. Understanding and caring just as he’d always been.
More kids appear running around his legs. Three. Two boys and a girl.
Sirius smiles picking the younger girl up. Two boys play with sticks pretending to have a sword fight below them.
The taller one has dark curly hair and brown eyes a long scar on his forearm. He’s up to Remus’ hip, much taller than the smaller boy playing with him. They’re both wearing old fashioned jumpers like Remus wore most days in school. The younger boy has mousy hair and grey eyes with a large slash like scar on his neck. They’re both smiling as they continue to play, jumping up and ducking as the wooden sticks move around.
The young girl is curled up on Sirius’ waist in his arms. She’s playing with his curls as her cheek rests on his leather jacket.
She looks like her brothers. Pale scarred skin, dark straight hair. One of her eyes is blue and the other amber. Freckles litter her cheeks. She’s wearing a leather jacket and pink dress with a few braids in her hair.
Sirius tickles her side and she squirms giggling before falling with a dramatic silent huff into Sirius’ chest. Remus hears the laugh escape him before he‘s aware of it.
She’s as dramatic as Sirius. He kisses the top of her head as she falls asleep in his arms. Slightly rocking her back and forth. Remus feels the tears dropping down his cheeks.
“Ours?” Remus’ voice cracks again.
Sirius nods and smiles. Looking down at the girl and then the two boys still fighting, but now with Harry, Neville and Dean joining them as they run around. Remus can’t help the sob that escapes him.
Because he knows. He’s seen these kids before.
In this mirror they’ve changed slightly. Adapted and grown to the home they’d been welcomed to. Common for werewolves to slowly take traits of the werewolves they see as their pack. The kids were different, but never unrecognizable. He’d recognize them anywhere.
Not only in dreams but in the news a year after Sirius was gone. A family attacked by a werewolf. Fear swept across the wizarding world, articles of werewolves taking place of death eaters. But no need for worry. People ignored it. The ministry stepped in and took over the daily profit making sure to hide any more reminders of the war.
A muggleborn family of five, attacked by a werewolf. The parents passing immediately. The kids survived. Rare cases for all three. They were young. The youngest only the age of Remus when he got bite.
Remus watched. Hoping. They needed to be adopted. A loving family to give them hope so they’d survive the bite and transitions. Minnie told Remus after the first moon that the oldest had died.
Nothing was done. No one was willing to take in three stray werewolf kids. Their transitions happened in the cages of the ministry. Dumbledore told Remus to stay away. He’d be of no help to the children.
So he waited. And he hoped.
By the fifth full moon all three kids were gone. Remus screamed at Dumbledore. For the first time he stood up against the man who had watched everything happen from the sidelines. He’d mentioned every issue he had.
He screamed that he should’ve taken Harry, that Sirius should’ve gotten a trial, that the ministry was more fucked up than ever and no one was attempting to repair it. Those three kids deserved to live. They were children. They had nothing, while Remus wouldn’t be best for them they needed someone and Remus could’ve been there.
He felt like he failed again. Dumbledore brushed him aside and excused himself because he had lunch with a potential new staff member. Remus stared blankly at the door. Crumbling.
Harry was with terrible people and Remus could do nothing.
Sirius was being imprisoned for a crime Remus never imagined he’d commit and Remus could do nothing.
Now three kids die from a werewolf bite and Remus could do nothing.
He’d never felt more like a failure. He’d never wanted to join those kids more. He’d see Lily again. Apologize to her and James for not being able to take Harry.
He’d see Regulus again and be able to apologize for not getting him out.
He’d see his parents again and apologize for everything. The attitude he gave, the pain he caused them, the worry he caused, and the boy they lost when he was five. He’d apologize for making their life harder.
But he’s here. Surviving. Looking into a mirror that shows what he most desires.
The future he was supposed to have.
He drops to the ground. His knees hitting hard on the floor. The sobs that wretch out of him are violent. They make his body tremble and shake. He’s on his hands and knees as tears, snot and screams come out of him.
The pain in his chest grows as he glances up to see the worried faces of everyone he loves. And the ones he never got to meet.
Why? Why him? No one deserves the pain of being the last one. The pain of true loneliness.
He always liked being alone. Now he understands the comfort of others. The comfort of feeling loved and cared for. No one left to see the small fragments of his heart that were taken with each face in this mirror.
The life he was supposed to have.