Chapter 1
- I can't believe you are gone. I know being here is dangerous, I know anyone could come at any moment, but I had to come, I had to see you. - James said, kneeling down on Regulus Black's grave. He knew Reg would repremend him if he saw him being so careless, but the pain was too great to care - Oh Reggie... I'm so sorry I couldn't save you, I tried, Merlin knows I tried. It wasn't enough, I lost you. I miss you, everything in me aches, and I don't know how to keep going without you. - Every word that came out of his mouth did it along a stream of tears, James couldn't hold on anymore. - Sirius is a mess... Remus said he hears him cry himself to sleep every night. I wish I could tell him you weren't who he thought you were, but I made you a promise, and I'll keep it till the day I die. No one will know Reggie, no one. Still, I want him to know you wanted out, I wish he knew you did it to protect him. - Reg used to talk about Sirius a lot, about how much he hated him most of the time. But James knew the truth. He knew that deep down, he repressed his love for his brother and turned it into hate for self-preservation. - Don't worry Regulus, Sirius is okay, I'll protect him for you. - Even though the tears kept on falling and sadness filled him completely, he still had room for hatred towards everyone who ever wronged his beloved. - Loving you was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'll die with you as my last thought, but first... first, they'll pay. They will all pay for what they did to you Reg. I'm sorry all it took for me to be ready was your death. I'm so sorry. But I'll make them pay, first will come your parents, your mother will beg for me to stop before she dies, just like you begged her to stop hurting you. Then, you-know-who... no, then will come Voldemort. He'll die if it's the last thing I do, my love. For you, the world will burn. I'm sorry I couldn't save you, but soon we will meet again, I don't plan on surviving this war. Not without you.
Barty and Evan had decided it was time to go see Regulus's grave. They hadn't done it yet because the pain was too great for them. But they were ready, and they never expected to find James Potter there, too. So they hid far behind, but still close enough so they could hear him. They heard every word he said and couldn't believe their eyes, couldn't believe James Potter was crying on Regulus Black's grave. They always knew Reggie had been in love with someone he wasn't supposed to love, but they would have never guessed it was James, one of the most important Order members. But as they heard him, they knew they had to help him. He was right, Regulus never wanted any of it, and he was their best friend. Friends were more important than anything else.
- Potter... - Barty said with caution, worrying this could turn into a disaster very fast. - Turn around very slowly. We just want to talk to you.
- We heard you. We were his friends, and you are right. They have to pay. - Evan said fast, trying to get James to lower his wand.
- You are death eaters. Why on earth would you help me? - Hatred filled his eyes, but that wasn't all. You could see he was ready to die right then and there. His anger was so big he couldn't care less if he lived or died, and that made him dangerous.
- We aren't going to help you. We are just going to avenge him together. Our loyalties lie with Regulus, blood purity be damn. - Barty said, angry his long-time friend had died. He never cared about what Voldemort believed. He only wanted to turn against his father and follow his friends. Evan didn't know what he believed in. He was raised just like Regulus, but he, too, cared more about the people who had unconditionally loved him than anything else. He would question his beliefs later. Now he wanted revenge.
- Fine. We'll work together under one condition, you will both swear on your magic that you won't turn on me while we avenge his death, you will swear to do everything under your power for our cause even if it leads you to your death. - Potter said cynically, knowing that this will show their true intentions. If they really wanted to work with him, they would swear, if they didn't, they would attack.
They looked at each other for a brief moment, and then Barty laughed. Because of course he would say something like that, Regulus wouldn't fall in love with just anyone. He realized there was a lot he couldn't see in James Potter, a person he thought was transparent in his intentions and with what was in his heart, but apparently there was much more in him than he thought.
- Alright, I'll do it. As long as you swear on your magic to not tell the Order about our plan. - Barty said and Evan nodded along.
- We have a deal then, for Regulus. - James said.
- For Regulus. - Evan agreed.
This was a group no one, not even Regulus, would think was possible. It wasn't that they didn't get along. They just had never spoken to each other before. James had some respect for them due to everything he knew they did for Reggie, but that was about all he knew. He didn't trust them, though. Only a fool would. But he did trust their love for Reg.
None of the three wanted to be near each other, but they would have to keep that to themselves and move on.
As James said, first in the list came Regulus's parents. But there were far more obstacles in the way than they thought. Firstly, James had to ditch Sirius and Remus, something harder than most would think. Remus understood the need for space. He needed space once in a while, too. But Sirius didn't, he really didn't.
James was the closest he had to a brother now, and the thought of losing him was too great to bear. So he followed him everywhere he went, even around Potter Manor.
Barty and Evan didn't have many ways to contact Potter, so they came up with one. During holidays they weren't allowed, mostly Barty, to talk to their friends so Regulus changed, with a bit of magic, three quills. If they were to write on their bodies, their writing would disappear and appear on the others bodies. Regulus's quill was gone with him, but luckily, Evan knew the spell he used and was able to replicate it.
The only way James was able to talk to them was if he was hiding in the bathroom, the only place Sirius wouldn't follow him to. So he did, he went to the bathroom and wrote, "I can't leave just yet, Sirius won't let me out of his sight. I need a proper reason." He saw how the ink disappeared from his body and knew it appeared on Evan and Barty's bodies. He could have never guessed a third person, on the other side of the world, could see those very same letters on his arm, too. A person thought to be dead, a person highly skilled in the dark arts, someone who could end the Wizarding world and everyone in it, if he wished it so. Luckily for them, they would never have to fight him, at least not to the death. For the time being, they would remain oblivious of that, feeding away every crucial information they had.
Barty had never liked Sirius and knowing he was an obstacle for their plan made him like him even less. He knew he had to accept he couldn't just take him out of the way, for one, he had promised Regulus to never lay a hand on his brother, and for the other, James would stop working with them. He didn't like James, but he was smart enough to know they needed each other to get revenge on everyone who hurt Regulus. So there he was, stuck, trying to come up with a way for James to ditch Sirius and come with him and Evan to kill Mr and Mrs Black. Barty smiled, he had almost forgotten he would be killing someone later that day, so every bit of frustration he had due to be working with someone as self-righteous as James he could take it out on the Black's. He might be working against Voldemort, but that never meant he wasn't capable of horrible things, some of which he actually enjoyed. He didn't believe in anything in particular. He only cared about making people pay for how they hurt his friend. If Barty was anything at all, he was loyal. So every ugly part of him, every awful thought or action, would be put to use to protect his friends and, if he failed, to avenge them. No morality, no blood purity, just pure anger and pain.
James was on the other side of the same coin, loyalty to the death, but there were moral lines he couldn't cross. Or at least he never thought he would ever cross. But then, while he was pouring a sleeping potion on Sirius and Remus's tea, he feared who he was becoming. There was no other way and he knew it. As he saw them fall asleep a tear fell down his face.
James saw his friends sleeping and realized the good in him died with Regulus and he had to accept it.
He met Evan and Barty outside of the Black's place and together they went in. They had planned everything and they were ready for it. The moment James went inside he was greeted by the house elf, Kreacher, and when they locked eyes they understood each other. Kreacher moved aside and let them in. No one would ever know he didn't fulfill his duty.
The first one to attack was Evan, he disarmed them. When their wands were on the ground, Barty approached with a knife. No one could know they did this, they had to do it the muggle way so their magic couldn't be traced. Soon, Mr Black was dead and soon after came Mrs Black. Seconds before she died, James whispered into her ear, he wanted her to know why.
- This is for Regulus. - and then his knife sliced through her neck, her blood splattered all over the floor and on his hands.
Finally, the blood of the evil was feeding into the natural balance of the world. Finally, some right was being made. Regulus wasn't there to see it, but that was probably for the better. There were some things he was never able to accept, and he had never been able to hate his parents, no matter the pain they caused him and Sirius.
Seeing their dead bodies and realizing he had no guilt in him scared him a little bit. But, truthfully, he was okay with it. Regulus would be heartbroken, seeing that James changed and wasn't the pure soul he once fell in love with. He was happy knowing that Reggie died thinking highly of him.
James didn't care anymore about being good, he only cared about all the pain he was feeling and how he wanted everyone else to suffer because of it. It didn't pain him to know he was a murderer now, it actually relieved him a bit.
All the sadness, all the sorrow, the screams that were ripping him apart from the inside, everything went away with Mrs Black's soul to hell.
Barty invited James over to his house so he could clean himself up. In silence they spent their time together. Surprisingly they bonded over the people they killed, they weren't so uncomfortable anymore around each other.
- I killed someone. - James said, out of nowhere, in between sips of beer.
- We have been at war for a few years now and this is the first time you take a life? - Evan asked shocked.
- The order doesn't kill. - he answered as if it was obvious.
- Of course they don't, they just lock us up and throw away the key. - Barty said sarcastically. James laughed, soon after Barty and Evan started to laugh too. The order were too good to kill, or at least they were too good to admit they have killed.
It didn't take long for James to go back to his house, where Sirius and Remus were waiting for him. When he got there they had dinner and talked about their day, James lied easily about what he did, like it was second nature for him.
Sirius went to bed early and Remus told him he would join him in a moment. Remus knew something was off. Part of it was because of his werewolf side, and part of it was because he had been a friend of James's for years and he could tell he wasn't the same.
- Now that Sirius is gone, want to share whatever is wrong with you? - Remus said, calm, while he drank his tea.
- Nothing is wrong, I'm just tired. That's all.
- And you smell of dry blood because you are tired? - Remus found it funny that his friends always seemed to forget what he was and what he could do. They really didn't care he was a werewolf.
James thought about it long and hard, Remus was one of the most trustworthy people he knew, but he would also not understand. Remus was risking everything in this war, more than most.
- Are you sure you want to know? Because the moment I tell you this, you will have to keep the secret from everyone, specially Sirius.
Remus thought about it. He tried to think about every single possibility and he came to the conclusion that if James was involved, whatever it was, he could risk it. So he nodded, and James started to tell him the whole story. From the very beginning. And for James, the beginning was the moment he saw Regulus as more than just his best friend's brother.
"James had been hit with the news of Lily Evans getting together with a Revenclaw and he was upset to say the least. The girl he had been head over hills in love with was with someone else. Everyone was looking at him because everyone knew how he felt for her and he couldn't take the stares anymore. So James decided to hide in his room for while till everyone was asleep and then go to the astronomy tower. He needed space and time to think. He needed to know who he was without Lily, because he had spent years only thinking about his future with her and nothing else. But when James arrived at the tower, Regulus was also there. At first it was awkward, but then he decided to just share the space in silence. Something Regulus seemed to be okay with too. At least till James broke that silence with a small sob and a few tears. He didn't want to seem weak, but it hurt and he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't keep on pretending to be strong when he wasn't feeling like it at all. He was a little embarrassed to cry infront of Regulus, but that didn't last long. Without saying a word, he hugged him and let him cry on his shoulder. "
- Why does that have anything to do with this James? - Remus asked, confused.
- Just... just listen. - James answered and then he went back into telling his story.
"After that one moment of comfort, it slowly became normal to meet after everyone went to bed in the astronomy tower. James had a big heart, so big, he could love and love and love and never fear for what that could do to himself. And so, with time, he stopped crying over Lily and stared to love Regulus."
- WHAT? - Remus screamed, causing James to hit him to shut him up.
- Sirius is sleeping upstairs idiot, don't scream.
- You fell in love with Regulus? - Incredulity showed on Remus's face.
- I did. - James said proudly, something that surprised his friend greatly.
"Their love grew so intensely that there was no room for second-guessing themselves. Even with Regulus's insecurities, even with what was going on in the world and in their school. Their love knew no boundaries. They kissed for the first time in the forbidden forest. One night they had decided to change their routine and go to one of the most dangerous places they knew. It wasn't out of the blue, James had something he wanted Regulus to know and see. After months of friendship, James knew he had to tell Reggie the truth or any chance he had at a relationship would be thrown out of the window. He took him far, but not too far. Somewhere private, but safe.
- Reggie I have to show you something, please don't freak out. - James said and then he turned into his animagus form, a stag.
Regulus laughed so loudly James would've sworn he had awaken every creature in the whole forest.
- Of course you are a stag. - He said laughing, but when he stopped, he turned into a snake. Regulus knew how funny it was that his animagus form was a snake like his house, still he hissed at James when he started laughing just like he had done moments before."
- You told him? - Remus couldn't believe what he was hearing. - And he is also an illegal animagus? God. Please tell me this is almost it.
James laughed with a sad expression, he was no where near done.
- Since that moment on, he and I became a couple, secretly of course. No one knew, not his friends and not mine. We swore on our love to never tell a soul about it unless it was the only way. - A lonely tear fell from James's face and Remus knew right then and there that he made the right decision, his friend needed him. - We tried our best to protect each other, we failed. You have to know Remus, he was never with his family because he wanted, he never wanted any of it. He was good. Regulus was good. I knew it for the first time when he hugged me while I cried over Lily and he kept on proving it day after day.
- I believe you James. - Remus said with a sad smile. - Sirius doesn't talk about him that much, but he has told me about their relationship. He told me how much he loved him. How much he cared and how much it hurt when he didn't run away with him. If you say he was good, I believe it.
- He was a good man. - James said crying his eyes out.
- I believe you. - his friend answered while he tried his best to console him.
- He was sweet and kind and broken... he could love like no one I have ever met. - tears and sobs started to get in the way of his words. - He was good and they took him from me. They took him and I'll never see him again. - James cried as much as a person can and Remus was there.
Remus would always be there.