The boy was just so beautiful.
Gray eyes, color of war. There was no other word for it, he was undeniably beautiful, a porcelain doll with full, heavy curls cut too short and little knees touching each other. Lucius knew that Regulus wasn’t aware of how perfect he was, too young to care about other people's notions of something so subjective. And he didn't need to know, that would be Lucius and Lucius’ secret alone.
If he's being sincere, which he never is, he doesn't know how it started. If Regulus began to appear more at home after his brother went to Hogwarts, or Lucius started to appear more at Grimmauld after war preparations began, it was difficult to say which of the two, but now they met all the time and it was impossible not to notice that he was growing up.
Even harder not to notice how defenseless he was against his own freedom when far from grimmauld place, the first time he showed up, he didn’t made himself comfortable at all, yet petrified by his mother’s power, despite Narcisa having told him to have the run of the house. Now he moved around the house but still avoided anyone and everyone if he could, happy to sit on the couch and read a book or play with cold toys that were far too boring for a child. The ones his mother allowed.
Lucius liked to watch him from far away. Regulus was so full of a crystal clear intelligence and daintiness that Lucius was sure he would make noise when inevitably broke under his hands.
Not yet, not yet , the voice in his head whispered. But one day, soon. For now it was enough to watch his blooming childhood, to hear him playing piano at grimmauld place, to see his face and hear his voice.
But Lucius was lonely , marriage was a lonely state and Regulus moved around the house like a rat, always present and never making a sound, there when the ghosts of the house started to get into his mind.
The first time he caught the boy alone was an accident, he wasn't actively trying to do it, but Regulus was in the garden and he was leaving and it just happened. He was laid under the shade of an oak tree, reading a book that Lucius recognized as belonging to the study. It was too old, too heavy and too difficult for a child his age. But Regulus was not like a child his age.
And then, before he could slap some sense in himself, he was approaching carefully, doomed by something more than only desire and curiosity, letting the boy know he was there and he would decide if was safe or not. And Lucius hid his smile when the child let him in, not protecting himself or getting up. Regulus wanted that.
— Do I get in the way?
Regulus looked at him, even if his shoulders were already tense. Not knowing what to do yet but wanting the sweet taste of affection, because he was also lonely. Sirius wasn’t home. Dad was dying slowly. Mother was going crazy and it all was eating him inside out. But Lucius was being nothing but supportive these days. Asking how he was and stroking his hair softly when they crossed paths.
— You don’t, sir.
Lucius smiled. — Do you like astronomy? — Regulus nodded and shyly showed him the cover of the book he was reading.
Lucius stared the cover, beautiful blue with texturing stars and comets, not hard to say why Regulus liked so much. — I liked it too when I was your age. Stars have always been kinder than people, in my opinion.
The boy looked at him with some kind of childlike wonder that was easy to read. No matter how smart, kids are kids and there's nothing a kind word, a silent affection, a little touch of hands can't do.
— You shouldn't be here. — Lucius said again, after some time. Regulus couldn't decide whether he was going to say something or not. There weren't many people talking to him lately and Kreacher didn't say things like that.
— I won't tell anyone. — He continued and Regulus made a beautiful expression of surprise, his cheeks flushed. — It will be our secret.
It turns out that secret was the first of many. And now Lucius found himself alone with Regulus in the study. Narcissa wasn't home and no one cared enough and he was so desirable . Dark eyes and perfect curls, scared and defenseless against all the pampering he had received in the last few months and wanting more.
— I always liked that telescope — Lucius announced again while Regulus looked at the object as if it were the most beautiful thing his eyes had ever seen. It wasn't good for a person like him to look so impressed, but Lucius could never rebuke the absolute sincerity of his emotions, the way his eyes said pretty and his mouth said I want it and his cheeks were too shy to ask for anything. — I enchanted it when I studied at Hogwarts so I could always carry him with me everywhere, I felt safe around it.
With a touch of the wand, the telescope reduced to the size of a keychain, but without losing any of its details. — I needed to learn some strong spells to be able to change the size and weight... but I can teach you. You're old enough, aren't you?
— I can try. — He muttered, small and uncertain. And then Lucius didn't resist, it wasn't his intention to do that but there was nothing stopping him and in one second they were side by side and the next they were closer than they had ever been. Lucius' body embracing Regulus’ and the beautiful song of his heartbeat.
And Regulus . Regulus with his small body leaning against his chest. Regulus, who even growing up, was still no more than two-thirds his height. Regulus, that stood still, not knowing whether he should move away or accept the touch. Regulus, That was vulnerability, that was a sweet thing that one day, when Lucius broke him, he would miss. And Regulus who finally gave up fighting against his instincts. He embraced Lucius back , full of wanting.
— Do you trust me? — He whispered.
Regulus said yes. And then he said yes again and again until he tried to say no and didn't knew how.
Sometimes James would catch him with the small telescope in his hand walking back and forth. Dark, distant eyes, blurred vision. He could see that Regulus' heart was breaking, the darkness inside himself straining madly to get out. At these moments, James' heart also broke.
Sometimes he would sit at his side and watch Regulus' tormented demeanor. — It wasn't your fault. — It would be so easy if Regulus understood.
But he would turn to James, still for a second and his gray eyes coming into focus. Sometimes Regulus would give him a sad smile, as if James were a gullible child. — You would not understand.
In these moments James did his best to touch Regulus without hurting him, which was an almost impossible task. Where can you touch someone when their whole body is a wound? A healing wound. It’s healing . He would say to himself when Regulus had a good day, but it was hard to think when his body reacted at any small touch like he was being burned in a bad day.
— How. How was it like? — James asked one day when they were lying in bed. Regulus was full and content, tracing small circles in James' chest.
He was met with a blank expression. — How was what? — James blinked to him and looked for a delicate way to explain. It wasn't necessary. Regulus' eyes came into understanding only a second later and. Oh. Oh .
He got up fast. There was not enough room to breathe, James got up too. He took a deep breath, all the happiness had left his body in a matter of seconds.
— Why did you ask now? — He questioned, hurting.
— I suppose I just want to know.
Regulus took a deep breath. His hands were now shaking. He frowned, no one had ever asked how it was, and he felt like he was expecting it all this time since. — It was like eating my own hearth.
James held his hand. It took all in Regulus to hold it back. — I was alone, James. And I wanted love and it happened. You don't understand, I wanted it.
James looked at him. — You wanted it or you wanted love? — And Regulus didn't said anything because he didn't knew the difference.
— You know. — James muttered softly once Regulus could breathe enough to lay down again. — Sometimes, I just want to take you and run.
— Where would we go?
— Somewhere. Anywhere.
— I think, i would like that too.