Dear mom,
I know it's only been a few hours but I wanted to write to you about my journey to Hogwarts, I arrived safely! You know, it was quite boring on the train, very loud, but I met a few people! Pete and Marlene kept me company.
Eleven-year-old James Potter stands on platform 9 3/4. In his hands he holds a suitcase that is too big for him, which keeps knocking him over, but he insists that he will carry it alone. He stops before boarding the train and turns towards his parents with a wide smile.
"Good luck little champ, you got it," Fleamont Potter ruffles his hair.
"Be safe, Jamie," his mom kisses him on the cheek, and James wrinkles his nose and wipes his cheek with the back of his hand as if disgusted.
"Mom, I'm a big boy now!" He informs seriously.
"Oh. Yes, right, sorry," Euphemia chuckles, tears start to flash in her eyes "be brave, and remember not to eat all the sweets on the way," Effie kisses the top of her son head.
"Okay," James nodded and hugged her tightly, "I love you, I'll write," he promised, then ran into Fleamont, almost knocking him over, and hugged him tightly, "don't miss me too much," he pleaded.
"It can be hard, champ," Fleamont shake his head amused "have a great time," he asked, kissing James's forehead.
"I will miss you," James smiled before boarding the train.
Sitting in the compartment, he waved to his parents, smiling broadly, but deep in his little heart he regretted that they would not be there with him in a few hours to lead him by the hand to the great hall at Hogwarts.
<<<>>>
Deer mom,
I will describe to you how magical Hogwarts is and how beautiful the castle is when I get home because I can't find the words to write them. As for the sorting ceremony, it's probably obvious, but I became a Gryffindor! I have a moment to write now because it's late. We looked around the castle and later sat together in the common room, you know, it was so cool! I was assigned to a dormitory with other boys, let me tell you...
"Your parents banned you from being friends with me?" Young Potter raises his eyebrows and looks at the black-haired boy.
This is Sirius Black. Is there anyone who doesn't know his name? A situation like this doesn't come along often, breaking a centuries-old family tradition... Sirius was supposed to be in slytherin and no one was too happy that he wasn't.
James realizes who he's talking to, so he stands straight.
The case with the Blacks was not complicated. Just hearing the name was enough to make you feel cold. The Blacks were recognizable, all they had to do was introduce themselves in that formal tone. When you heard the name of a star, constellation, or anything space-related, you knew for sure even before they could add the name.
House Black was the second oldest (because it was arranged alphabetically) pure-blooded families.)
Blacks had to be respected and shown respect.
They were important.
"Indeed," Sirius nodded eagerly.
James gave him an amused smile. Sirius didn't seem cold, he wasn't cold at all.
"That's probably not good," Remus interjected, looking at the black-haired man quite skeptically.
Remus didn't like all those proud, spoiled, rich boys who could have everything, who got away with everything, who got everything without lifting a finger, who smiled as if they owned the world, as if nothing mattered. It was as if they were the center of the world.
Unfortunately, he ended up in a room with two posh boys, whose names the entire school was chanting today.
"Will you explain why?" James asks with a smile worthy of a marauder. He likes the fire of mischief he sees in his new best friend's gray eyes.
Sirius Black was able to hide his sadness, which is why he had a wide smile on his lips throughout the evening. At night, with the mufliato spell cast on his bed, he will be able to cry until morning, but not yet.
"Your family is considered blood traitors," Sirius Black shrugged quite indifferently. He stood on one of the beds and started jumping up and down. James frowned, it didn't seem nice, being a traitor wasn't nice. "But I don't think that," Sirius pointed out immediately, even putting his hand to his heart to support his words.
Sirius Black was different from his parents in several ways. (Is it good or bad? James didn't know yet)
"Do you want to be friends with James just because your parents don't want you to? You're stupid," Remus crossed his arms. He stated facts. Simply.
"Hey, Remus," James makes sure he remembers the name of the boy with chocolate eyes "don't insult my friends," he reacted, defending Sirius.
James Potter was born a hero.
"Sorry," Remus huffs.
"I see you have a book about Quidditch, which team do you support?" Sirius looks at James excitedly.
He joins him and they jump on the bed talking.
<<<>>>
Deer mom,
You know, I had a hard time yesterday, I couldn't sleep, so thank you very much for the piece of home you put in my bag, Mr Teddy was helpful even though the boys were laughing at me...
"I've already made a friend," James says happily as Peter enters the room.
"That's cool," Peter smiles at him.
"Come on Pete, Sirius was just telling me about the Devil's snare in his home greenhouse," James encouraged, patting the space on the bed next to him.
"I'm Sirius," The Black heir introduces himself.
"Why doesn't the other boy come too?" Peter looked towards the closed curtains.
"He's a bit... weird," Sirius said, "different," he added, wrinkling his nose.
"He's a muggle," James said, grimacing slightly. "But he can come if he wants," he assured quickly, "he just won't understand what we're talking about," he muttered.
So the three of them talked among themselves and when the night began to come James was already lying comfortably under the blanket in his pajamas according to his bedtime.
Coming out of the bathroom, Sirius frowned at him.
"What do you have with you?" He asked, confused.
"Do you still have the cuddly toy?" Peter asked, amused. "It's for little kids," he said, and Sirius joined him, laughing. James blushed.
"Fuck off, he has the right to have something that reminds him of home," Remus threw a pillow at Sirius.
The boys fell silent.
"Well, I've never had a cuddly toy," Sirius huffs after a second.
"I feel sorry for your childhood," Remus snorted. "That's a very nice teddy bear, did your mother knit it herself?" he asked James, James smiled widely.
"Actually, yes, she did." He smiled and started talking. "She gives it to me–"
"You see, my mom knits too, she made me some sweaters, but they are ugly, please don't tell her that, I'm grateful and all, but I won't wear them." Remus was chatting with James after a while.
<<<>>>
Mom,
I got friends! Like, true friends! We did the whole code and the oath and everything, it was great! Peter was a little against the whole spitting on hands thing, but that's okay. So me and Pete and these two new boys, Sirius Black, oh you get the idea, Sirius is brilliant, he's literally my soulmate and he understands me. He's like, the best. And Remus, Remus is great, he's snarky and smart and very pretty. And oh! Have you heard about our new prank idea?
The Marauders came up with a brilliant idea. They immediately started implementing the plan.
James saw an old photo of people in funny costumes (of a dance group) and an idea came to his mind, he shared it with his friends. Remus accepted this with enthusiasm.
"Epic!" He exclaimed delightedly.
"I'm not going to dance," Sirius muttered dissatisfied "I won't do it, I don't want to," he crossed his arms.
In the Black household, extracurricular activities were obligatory. Ballet, dance, piano, drawing, poetry - these were all required classes.
Sirius hated piano and dancing the most of all those stupid activities. Dancing was terrible because no matter how hard Sirius tried, he always did something wrong. And in the Black house there were penalties for every thing done wrong. Every wrong step was punished. Any departure from the rhythm resulted in another curse.
Sirius hated dance lessons. He hated his mother's punishments and the fact that he couldn't dance well enough. He didn't want to go back to it.
"You can bypass this spell, put a protective spell on yourself or something," Remus suggests.
"It'll be suspicious," Peter said, "if you're the only one not dancing," he explained.
"They'll know it's us anyway," Sirius shrugged indifferently.
"We can make it so that, say, every tenth person doesn't dance and then the probability decreases," Remus. suggests.
"Okay," the rest agreed.
"So how do we want to do this?" James wondered. "Let's put potions in the cups," Peter suggested.
"Good!" James said cthen those who didn't drink water won't dance, so everything will work!"
"We can go to the kitchen and charm them then, so as not to cause a fuss during breakfast," Sirius suggested.
"We're making better and better plans," Remus clapped his hands happily.
James and Peter sneaked into the kitchen together and charmed each of the goblets. They returned to the dormitory reporting that everything had worked out.
Sirius and Remus had spent the earlier afternoon perfecting the tarantallegra charm, which caused uncontrollable tremors. They wanted to change it to make it dance.
With wide smiles they sat in the large hall, watching others, unaware of anything, calmly siping water from their glasses.
Throughout the afternoon, they watched with amusement as every person in the castle jiggled as they tried to move forward.
James was tap dancing walking right next to Sirius and Sirius was laughing at him.
Remus burst out laughing when Mary, who was making a turn, hit the wall because she miscalculated the distance to the door.
There was general amusement throughout Hogwarts.
Minerva knew it was the Marauders' doing but she put off the conversation, she had no intention of talking to them while her legs were dancing tango.
<<<>>>
Deer mom,
I think Remus really likes me, half-bloods are not worse then us, right? I think Remus is great, I think it doesn't matter who you were born as long as you're good person. Anyway, today we had our first flying lesson...
"I have the newest Nimbus in my house, but first-years aren't allowed to take brooms to school," James grumbles while they were waiting to meet their flying teacher.
James was the first to summon a broom, he had been doing it since he was a child, so he quickly mastered the school broom and was already flying away.
"But how am I supposed to get on it?" Remus asks terrified, pointing to one of the brooms. Everyone, literally everyone, was already in the air.
Even Peter, who was one of the first people to correctly summon a broom to himself, he used to fly with James a awful lot.
"Oh, come on," Sirius flies up to Remus, handles the broom perfectly, turns in the air with great grace. "James!" He called after the boy.
If anyone could compete with Madam Hooch in flight, it was James Potter. A Gryffindor first year.
"He was probably born on a broom," Remus sighed, feeling jealous "why is it so easy for you," he groaned dissatisfied.
"Well, I'm pure-blooo– wait, I'm sorry I shouldn't have been. You just need to practice." Sirius changed his statement.
"Are you afraid of heights Rem?" James asked, landing perfectly a few centimeters in front of Remus. He looked into his eyes before adding: "You can do it, I believe in you," he smiled reassuringly and Remus gave up "we'll fly low, what do you say? Sirius and I will protect you," he assured.
His words were worth a lot, Remus knew that. James Potter never minced words and always kept his promises.
Remus would have given this boy his entire supply of chocolate, if only the boy had been as nice to him as he was right now. He didn't have to do this. He didn't have to give him anything back and that shocked him.
James Potter was a good person.
James Potter was the best person Remus had ever met in his life. James Potter worried about him (it was already too much), spent time with him (even though he didn't have to), comforted him even if he didn't know the reason (Remus didn't deserve it).
James Potter was wonderful. James Potter as your friend. Remus believed that he would never receive a greater honor.
James Potter was special. He was a real sunshine. He brightened everyone's day and brought warmth to the lives of his friends.
He was irreplaceable, loyal, kind, loved. He always helped anyone who needed it, and he always had a beautiful smile on his face.
In a moment they were flying, barely taking their feet off the ground, Sirius on Remus's right and James on his left. They tried higher and higher and Remus felt much better. More and more confident and safe.
"Will you join the team?" James asks, looking at Sirius once they have landed safely.
"They never accept first years," Sirius shrugged, "maybe next year," James nodded.
James was going to try.
<<<>>>
Deer Mom,
Today someone asked if I always do what you tell me and called me a mama's boy, do you think it's true? If so, is it bad? Is it wrong? I don't want them to laugh at me...
James Potter gave the best hugs in the whole world. Just a few seconds in James Potter's arms were enough for the day to get better.
James loved hugging his friends. Whenever he greeted them, when he said "good morning", when they returned to the dormitory after classes, when one of the boys helped him, when anyone was sad, when he was happy, whenever he wanted to.
James Potter loved to cuddle.
Peter Pettergiew always felt awkward. He didn't get much affection, ever. So when James showed him affection and attention, even physical touch, he didn't quite know how to feel. As he quickly realized how happy James was with just a hug, he began to reciprocate all of James's attempts more and more often.
Sirius Black didn't know this feeling could be so nice. He was hugged. At banquets, by family members, quick hugs, careless embraces with hands or arms. It happened in his life. (He also hugged Reggie, and it felt similar to hugging friends.) James Potter showed him how nice this little thing could be.
Remus Lupin didn't get cuddled often. Not since he was 5 years old. Not since this accident happened. Remus was afraid of hurting someone, afraid of being too close to people. He didn't want to hurt anyone. He didn't want to hurt James Potter, the boy who was his friend, who was kind to him. That's why he didn't let him hug him. He didn't allow it, and James understood, even though he didn't know what at the time.
Remus hated hugging until he learned how wonderful it felt. He let James Potter hold him and it felt good. He felt safe and like everything was suddenly okay. James Potter reassured. Remus was still afraid, afraid, but he couldn't help but want it so much. He wanted James to be his friend. He wanted to be cuddled by James.
James was so happy when his friends were happy to be around him. When he hugged them and their mood improved. He loved it.
James Potter liked making people happy.
He liked to feel important. He liked being a part of someone's smile. Someone's joy.
His mom always said that you need to help others, that you can't only think about yourself, and since James always listened to his mom, he helped. He liked to help, he liked to make others feel better, it made him feel good.
When James Potter hugged, he never let go first. He didn't pull away, even when the hug was starting to get awkward. James couldn't be sure how much someone needed to be held, how long they needed to be cuddled. He didn't want to pull away and think that he might have hurt someone because he pulled away too quickly. He wanted to make sure that the person he was hugging was hugged enough.
James Potter had a heart of pure gold and one flaw, he cared about others more than himself.
<<<>>>
Deer Mom,
I can't wait for Christmas...
"I can't wait for Christmas," James said.
Ever since the first snowflake fell at Hogwarts, James had been unable to keep quiet about it. He kept talking about the holidays, how he couldn't wait to see his parents and spend time with them.
He said he missed his home and his family.
Sirius didn't understand this. Should he be looking forward to coming home? Should he be excited to see his parents? Should he miss his mother?
He looked at James, confused.
Is Christmas a time of laughter, fun and cookies? Since when?
Peter joined in on this. He talked about how he couldn't wait to sing together, decorate the Christmas tree and attend the annual chess marathon. He hoped that this time he would be able to beat his grandfather.
In addition, they couldn't wait for gifts, this year Peter only asked for one thing and he hoped he would receive it.
Sirius frowned.
Remus smiled, saying that he couldn't wait to meet his mother and tell her what wonderful books he read at school, and then he promised that he would also tell her about them, about his friends.
Remus was looking forward to the smell of baking cookies and the pleasant atmosphere in the living room. He was looking forward to the hot chocolate with marshmallows, their family tradition.
Sirius raised his eyebrows.
"What about you, Sirius?" They asked and he blinked slowly.
"Um, I mean. There will be a banquet, I guess? I'll meet my cousins, that might be nice, and my brother," he mutters
This doesn't sound as good as his friends' plans. It doesn't sound so family-friendly and idyllic at all.
<<<>>>
Deer mom,
It was supposed to be a secret, but I'll tell you...
"This won't work!" Remus crossed his arms.
"With this?" James raised his eyebrows questioningly.
"I still have no idea how you got that," Sirius sighed dreamily, staring at the invisibility cloak.
"Dad gave it to me before I went to Hogwarts, I wasn't supposed to tell mom," he reveals his secret, he knows it's safe among his best friends. "A family heirloom," he smiled broadly.
"Why doesn't my family have such great souvenirs," Sirius sighed dramatically "the best they get are paintings and vases," he groaned disconsolately.
"Exactly!" Peter supports him "I recently got a cup. A cup!"
<<<>>>
Mom,
I'm so glad I'm going home tomorrow...
James Potter returned home overjoyed.
His mouth wouldn't shut.
Euphemia Potter listened to her boy with a smile. She was so happy. James' happiness was very important to her as he told her each day with a joyful twinkle in his eyes... Nothing made her mother's heart happier.
She hugged him for long minutes and had no intention of letting go.
Fleamont Potter joined them almost immediately and hugged his son and with a smile asked him about the news, about the spells he had learned, about his friends, about his teachers, about all the jokes he had managed to come up with.
James sent them letters very often, almost every day, he told them everything but they didn't care, eager to listen to it all again, this time watching the smile of the boy who wrote it.
James Potter was an only child, he received a lot of attention. He was a very loving child.
James knew his childhood was happy and he was grateful for it.
Fleamont and Euphemia were full of love. They were really good people, they had endless amounts of love in their hearts. They had hearts of pure gold. They wanted to share this love.
Fifteen years ago, the two of them were making plans. They were newly married. They were planning their future. Fleamont always said he wanted to have enough children to form his own Quidditch team. Euphemia didn't mind, she wanted to be a mother, she loved children, she wanted to take care of them, raise them and give them all her love.
They talked and talked and decided that they would like to have three boys and three girls.
They dreamed of numerous offspring.
They had a beautiful large house, a large garden and a huge estate that would allow them to live well, and eventually each of the children would also receive their share.
But today they only had James.
(What happened to those plans?)
They had James, their beloved son, the greatest part of their lives. The most wonderful gift. The most beautiful gift.
Monty and Effie had been trying to have a baby for a long time. The first year brought poor results, and the next two years brought them only pain and loss, including three miscarriages in the early stages of pregnancy. They tried but to no avail.
At that moment, there was great sadness in their hearts. Effie couldn't take it anymore, Fleamont tried to comfort her but the world seemed to have no color.
But then, quite unexpectedly, they were given another chance. They already stopped trying but the pregnancy test came back positive.
Great joy erupted in the previously silent, empty and sad house.
Euphemia took care of herself more than ever, Fleamont took care of her as best he could. The doctors hated them for the constant visits, letters and calls to make sure everything was okay.
They needed to know that everything was as it should be. It was so close. So close.
The third trimester began, Euphemia had never stayed pregnant this long. Hope grew in their hearts.
Fleamont talked to her belly, telling his baby everything that came to his mind and Effie always sang to him. Those were happy times. They were so close to the long-awaited happiness.
It was week 25, month seven.
This day started badly.
The baby in Effie's womb was always active, always kicking, but not today.
Okay, the doctor said that such days can happen, it's still early after all, but Euphemia was stressed all day long. It was tragic in the evening.
Euphemia cried, unable to bear another loss, and Monty had never broken so many rules as when he and his wife rushed to the hospital.
Once again...
But when Euphemia woke up and the doctor came into the room, he asked how she was feeling, he smiled at her, saying that she was a strong woman and very brave, then he informed her that she had a beautiful son, that the boy was small but very strong, he said he was sure this one could handle it.
He was right, he could handle it.
James managed.
He was the sun in the storm to his parents, so it's no wonder they spoiled him a bit. He was their little miracle.
After that situation, the chance of another pregnancy dropped to five percent and Monty and Effie never experienced it again, they did not have any more children (maybe that's why they were so happy when they had the opportunity to spoil and take care of their son's friends, maybe that's why they loved them so much)
James' parents loved him, he was their whole world to them.
Monty and James were soaring on brooms the first day after James returned from Hogwarts.
When Effie entered the garden she shouted at them to come down right now and help her make dinner.
It was Fleamont who instilled in his son a passion for Quidditch, and James was happy every time he sat on his broom and thought about the time when, as a little boy, he would fool around with his dad in the air and he would let him win.
James Potter loved his parents. (He was lucky that his feeling was reciprocated with sincerity).
They sat in the living room by the fireplace and ate cookies, a quiet evening like James's life was full of.
His mom was just crocheting a sweater, because James informed her that Remus loved such sweaters and he needed a new one, in Gryffindor colors, and Sirius would also like a red and gold one, because he still felt alien in the Gryffindor house. So she sat and knitted because she loved it when her boy was happy.
"Mom?" James said to get her attention. He set the cup with his drink on the table.
"Yes honey?" Effie looks at her son with a smile.
"Thank you for loving me," he smiled at her and Euphemia blinked in surprise. It wasn't every day to hear such words from your twelve-year-old child.
"Of course I love you, James," she assured her son tenderly, "you have nothing to be thankful for, darling," she notes, "why?" She asked. James shrugged.
"Not everyone is lucky to have good parents," he said quietly.
He looked down at the carpet, unable to bring himself to look at the woman,
James was faced with a harsh reality as he walked to school, his world was no longer pink, it was no longer washed in bleach. James was no longer protected by his parents. He got to know the cold reality, he met people who were not lucky at all.
"I have wonderful ones," he finally forced himself and looked into Euphemi's eyes, they were glazed over.
James always appreciated his parents but now? Now he did it even more.
Remus didn't say much, James only knew that he didn't talk to his dad and his mom was sweet sometimes. Just that. He also knew that Remus did not receive any letters, that he had no siblings and often felt lonely, that he never received much attention, that he was not shown any affection. He knew that Remus was often alone at home, that his parents simply forgot about him.
Sirius, on the other hand, often didn't even use the words "mom" or "dad", he used their names or titles. He didn't like his parents and showed it every time he talked about them. James could only guess what was going on in the Black house as he combined the pieces of information received from Sirius.
Sirius didn't talk much about his home, it wasn't appropriate for him, he couldn't. But James knew that Sirius was often punished, he knew that he was cursed, that he was forced to skip meals, that he was punished for the smallest things. Sirius would sometimes outburst and talk about his family (like when James asked why he had a scar on his finger and he shook his head, saying that his mother once broke his fingers because he made a mistake playing the piano during a banquet) and then he isolated himself because he felt that he did something wrong.
James noticed little things, noticed how Sirius tensed up when someone spoke loudly, how he flinched at every loud noise, how he trembled when adults shouted.
James also knew how much Sirius cried during the last week of Hogwarts. He cried every night, not wanting to go home. He cried in his bed, staring at the ceiling, begging to stay here.
James once asked why he was so afraid and Sirius looked at him with tears in his eyes and said "I'm a Gryffindor, they won't forgive me for this." James didn't know how important it was, because parents love their children no matter what.
But Sirius hasn't replied to a single letter of his so far (but Sirius returned to school exhausted) (but Sirius was punished for finding friends in Gryfindor, for associating with a blood traitor), (but Sirius was treated crucio by his own mother)
Not all people deserved to be parents.
"Oh baby," Effie hugged him tightly.
"What is going on with all this love thing when I'm not around?" Monty is joining the rest of his family "please tell me about your school," he asked his son. He could never get enough of his stories.
Fleamont Potter wanted to take an active part in his son's life, he wanted to listen to his stories as fascinated as James did when he was five years old and asked his dad if the stairs at Hogwarts really moved on their own.
"Together with Sirius," James began to say. His lips stretched into a smile.
Sirius Black was definitely a person worthy of being called James Potter's best friend.
<<<>>>
Deer Mom,
I think I need my potions again...
"Remus!" James jumped on his bed and Remus winced at the unexpected excited scream "you won't believe it," he started talking definitely too fast, without any pause, Remus biting his lip staring at him, fighting with a smile. James frowned "am I talking too much?" He asked suddenly "people are always telling me that I do, and it seems no end of aggravation," he adjusted his glasses in a nervous gesture "would you rather I didn't talk? If you say so. I will stop," he promised. "I can stop when I make up my mind to it, although it's difficult."
"I don't mind," Remus promised.
"Thanks," James smiled, sighing with relief.
And the other thing...
"James what are you doing?" Remus frowned. "You can't just lie on a bare mattress," he informed.
"Can't I?" James mumbled, He didn't have the strength to get up even though he wanted to.
"Are you okay?" Remus asked woriedly.
"Yeah, why?" James nodded. "I washed my sheets in the middle of the day and then I forgot about that and now I want to go to bed but my bed isn't made," he explains.
"Why did you wash your sheets at afternoon?"
"I don't know, I just randomly remembered that I need to do it."
"Don't the elves take care of that?" Remus frowned, James shrugged. "Okay, move, I'll make your bed
"Awww, I love you mate."
<<<>>>
Deer Mom,
Has Mrs. McGonagall written to you yet? She thinks I might be dykslexic.
"Mr. Potter, you haven't been very good at writing essays lately," Minerva informs, sitting at her desk, she invited young Potter to her place today.
In the first grade they didn't write much, kids were just slowly getting used to homework assignments, but now they were required and every child should be able to write essays.
She and Slughorn had talked about marauders at tea yesterday, and Horace had been telling her something about James and his work, which he really didn't want to fail because he was sure James would break down. James never wanted to be anything than good enough.
Horace gave her this work to read and she, reading it five times over and over again, began to combine one thread with another it's a real mess, a mess of thoughts but it makes sense when you put it together she thinks.
"You're right Professor," James admits embarrassed.
Recently he got as many as three bad grades in essays and cried for a long time because of it, he wrote to his parents that he was sorry for letting them down.
In first grade they didn't have as much homework and it was easier but now they had to write essays and long papers and James thought he was good at it because he could sit and write long enough to be satisfied with the result but then his work turned out to be miserable.
He was so sad and angry about it.
"Are you willing to explain this situation to me? Why is this happening?"
"I don't know," James tugs at his hair in a nervous gesture. "I'm trying, I'm really trying and when I read it all is fine, but the teachers say I'm writing it last minute and I should try harder but I really try. I spend a lot of time reading and writing and planning every paragraph because Remus said it helps but I end up with an P or A anyway."
"I've had a chance to read your work, James," Minerva informs him, taking a few sheets from the desk. "I think... could it be that it's hard for your brain to focus on one thing? You start one topic and finish it on the second page, cut sentences in mid-word and write about things not related to the topic."
"I'm sorry," he mumbled.
"No James it's not that, it's not bad," she assured "I'd like to help you. Look, these aren't bad jobs, they're just scattered," she explains. "Teachers don't put them together because they don't understand what you mean. I have some solution for you. Look, you just need to sort your thoughts out. I'll show you a spell that rearranges the words on your piece of paper so they're complete and consistent, in the right order, okay?"
"Can you really do it?" James asks excitedly.
"Try reading your papers the day after you write them, take breaks and decide for yourself if they need editing. All you have to do is," Minerva waves her wand and says the words James writes down "it's not too difficult a spell, you shouldn't have a problem with it."
"Won't my teachers fail me for using magic on my essays?"
"I'll talk to them James." She promised.
"Thank you, really, thank you"
<<<>>>
Dear Mom,
I wonder... Thank you for the way you raised me.
"I'm not sick for fuck sake!" Sirius shouted annoyed even though his pale skin, glazed eyes, flushed cheeks, hot skin, runny nose and cough indicated otherwise "leave me alone!"
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Remus frowned.
"Why don't you just admit that you are–" Peter continued.
"I'm not sick, I'm not, I'm not allowed to," he pulled his hair hard.
"What do you mean by not allowed?" The boys looked at him concerned.
"Being sick causes trouble, I have no right to cause trouble," Sirius explained coldly.
"It's not your fault, you have no control over it, illness is not something you do on purpose," James says calmly "you're not a hassle when you need help, you're not a burden when you need attention, you're not a mess by needing someone's time. Sirius, you're not the problem, understand?" James was hurt that he knew what Sirius was feeling at that moment, however he was grateful that he also knew what he had to say to him.
"But–"
"Let me give you a hug, let yourself skip school today, Professor McGonagall will relieve you of class. Let yourself rest, go to sleep and take the meds I'll bring from Madame Pomfery and when you wake up I'll still be here, okay?" James soothed him. "You may not understand it, but some people want to help you. They don't have to, they want to."
And that already sounded like a promise.
<<<>>>
Dear Mom,
When can I start kissing girls?
You see, it's about Lilly, she's Marlene's friend, she's also in Gryffindor, and she's the most beautiful girl in the whole school, I'm telling you. Her eyes are such a beautiful green and she has these adorable freckles and she is overall sweet, she is also funny and kind and mean... and very very smart. She goes to that book club with Remus and he says she's cool, I hope she's not too cool for me. I hope that one day she will also become my friend. I think I could marry her, you know, Mom?
"Need any help you with that essay for McGonagall?" Lilly asks, watching James for a long moment.
"No, it's not necessary, it's a small thing," he assures quickly and then adjusts his glasses.
"You don't even know where to start, do you?" She asks with an amused smile.
"I don't even know where my quill is," he admitted sadly and Lilly started laughing.
She liked James Potter.
<<<>>>
Mom,
Help, I think I hit puberty???
<<<>>>
Dear Mom,
Can you imagine that Remus had never been to Diagon Alley?
"Mom!" James shouted right after reading the letter from his friend.
"Did something happen, honey?" Euphemia asks, appearing in her son's room.
"The letters from Hogwarts arrived yesterday," he reminds her and she nods "Remus can't go to Diagon Alley again!" He says dissatisfied "his dad doesn't have time and his mom won't do it because she doesn't like magic," he informs "can you contact them and ask Rem to come with us this year? Please? I would love for him to finally be able to eat ice cream from Diagon Alley, he has been dreaming about it since first grade!" He looks at his mom pleadingly.
"I can talk to them," she assured with a gentle smile.
"Thank you," James smiled broadly, "and," he begins hesitantly.
"Yes, honey?"
"Is there any way you could check if Sirius is okay?" He plays with his hands. "He hasn't spoken since the beginning of the holidays, I know he rarely sends letters but I'm worried and–" he says sadly and Effie interrupts him.
"I'll see what I can do, Jammie," Mrs. Potter says with a sad smile.
James had learned not to send letters to Sirius if he didn't want his friend to suffer even more in his home than he already was.
James couldn't send hum owls, so before the school year was over he gave Sirius a box, a box full of letters, letters for every week of the holidays. James wanted to help him at least a little, to cheer him up a little.
Evening is approaching and Mrs. Potter receives a reply to the letter sent to Mr. and Mrs. Lupin in the morning. She smiles as she reads the consent to talk. She wrote to Lyall Lupin about an opportunity to speak soon to talk about Remus.
"Good evening," Euphemia greets with a warm smile.
"Good evening," Lyall replies politely 'Is something wrong? Has Remus caused any trouble?" He asks immediately. Euphemia laughs quietly.
"No, no," she shakes her head. "I just would like to take him shopping to school in Diagon Alley," she informs "my son asked me to do it," she adds "so I would like to see if it is possible? Maybe on Friday? I would pick him up in the morning and return him safe and sound in the evening, what do you say?" She's still smiling.
"Oh," he says surprised "I don't know if this is a good idea," he informs "I don't know if you realize this but Remus, well he's not like other children, I don't want him to cause problems for you," Effie interrupts him.
"He's my son's friend and that's the only thing that matters to me. Besides, this child is twelve years old, I assure you that I will be able to take care of him," she continues "do you agree?" She asks. "It doesn't have to be Friday," she adds.
"No, fine, if Friday suits you, I don't think Remus has any other plans," says Lyall.
"Thank you very much," Euphemia smiles gently "so see you on Friday," she adds.
"It worked?" James asks, appearing right behind his mom.
"It worked," she says with a smile. She kisses her son on the forehead.
"Thank you! Thank you!" James shouted happily.
Friday came very quickly. James was excited. He couldn't wait anymore. He'll be able to see Remus!
"I really don't want to cause any trouble," Remus plays with his hands nervously.
Effie looks at him with a soft smile. The boy is wearing a thin sweater and long pants despite the warm weather. She looked at his face and surprisingly what caught her attention were his beautifully chocolate eyes, very uncertain, only then she looked at the few scars decorating his face and smiled sadly.
James was telling the truth, Remus Lupine was indeed beautiful. He was really cute.
"But it's no problem, it's just a pleasure," she informs. "James was so looking forward to this day, but if you feel bad, darling, or today doesn't suit you, we can move our trip to another day," she suggests.
"It's not necessary, today is fine," Remus assures, rubbing one of the scars on his face from all this stupid stress.
"I like your scars," Euphemia smiles at that little sweet boy.
"Tha-thank you," he blush a little "but you don't have to be nice," he assured quickly "I know they're eyesore."
"Well, Remus, scars mean you went through something tough in the past, survived it and came back stronger," she have a beautiful smile and lovely voice.
Remus would've believe in her every word right now.
"You're so nice, no wonder why James is the way he is," Remus also smiles. "He's the best, he's so kind and... he's such a good friend, you know? Mrs. Potter, you have no idea how well you raised him.
I don't know any other boy who would bow when greeting teachers, who would let anyone through the door, who would smile at strangers just to make their day better. He is so nice, he supports Peter in his fascination with chess even if he doesn't understand it, he remembers everyone's favorite desserts and brings them to us when we are sad, he can listen like no other, he is simply unique."
"Thank you Remus, you're so kind," Effie smiled. "I'm glad you're friends with my son," she admitted truthful.
"You have no idea how grateful I am for him," Remus admits timidly.
"You've probably traveled by flo before?" Effie looks at him. This woman is still smiling. Remus already knows who James got it from.
"No, never, ma'am," he admits, embarrassed.
"Oh, okay, watch and do what I do, okay? I'll see you in my living room," she gives him another smile.
Just a few moments later, Remus finds himself in the Potter residence. He hears someone running down the stairs, it's James.
"Mom! You didn't say you were coming, you didn't wake me up!" He shouted indignantly, he was still in his pajamas.
"Sorry, honey," he smiles apologetically.
"Remus!" James immediately looked at his friend, he hugs him tightly.
"Hi James," Remus smiles.
"What time we're leaving, Mom!?" James exclaimed. "I have so much to show you," he informs his friend.
"Let's have breakfast first!" His mom replied.
"Okay! Come on, Remus, I'll show you my room," James smiles broadly.
Remus isn't surprised, what else could he expect from James? Lamps in the colors of Grifindor, hung on the ceiling. Lots of photos and pictures. A few Quidditch posters, a broom lying in the corner of the room. Figurines of wizards on shelves and books. The room was bright and warm.
"Beautiful," he said delightedly.
It was the first time Remus was in a wizarding house, in such a magical house. He felt magic everywhere, it was warm and harmonious, it smelled like cookies. ""Pete will be joining us for breakfast," James said, leaning out the window and waving to the boy as he headed towards his house.
They ate breakfast, Remus was surprised that both of James' parents were sitting with them, that they were all sitting at one table. He was surprised that they were talking, laughing, spending time together and enjoying it.
Right after breakfast, they gathered in the living room to walk together to Diagon Alley.
"Are you excited?" Peter asked cheerfully, Remus nodded.
"I heard this is your first time?" Fleamont makes sure, looking at the chocolate boy with a smile "you'll like it," he promises.
He was right.
Remus can't take his eyes off the beautiful buildings and everything else. He is surrounded by magic, many different kinds of magic, much more than at Hogwarts, Remus is enchanted. His eyes express pure delight, Mr. Potter smiles as he watches James eagerly tell his friend the story of how Olivander's shop came to be. Peter was pointing in some directions, also explaining something fiercely.
"Time for some ice cream, what do you think, boys?" Monty asks with a smile.
"Yes!";James shouted excitedly.
"You've never had better ice cream in your life!" Peter assured Remus, who seemed to share their enthusiasm.
"Effie! We'll be at the ice cream parlor," Fleamont smiled charmingly and his wife rolled her eyes, amused.
"Have fun, boys," she kissed each of them on the forehead. "I'll go to the pharmacy and come back to you," she informs.
"Okay, I love you!" James waved to her.
<<<>>>
Dear Mom,
I'm having a great time, thank you for letting me visit Remus...
"Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?" James chirps, tormenting his parents since early morning.
"Love, you just got back from a whole week at Peter's," Effie point out.
'Let us enjoy you a bit, we missed you sooooo much," Monty added.
"But moooom, daaaaad," he drew out his words impatiently.
"You can, love, but please remember what Remus asked you to do, no magic, remember? Be good Jammie and be back before 10pm, okay?"
"Yes! Yes! Yes!" He jumped excitedly.
Some time later, still early in the morning, Fleamont took his son's hand because as they had agreed, no magic, they couldn't use the floo net.
Fleamont teleported them to Remus's town and now he and his son were looking for Remus' house.
They were dressed casually, James was in a red T-shirt and gold shorts, but still a couple of pairs of eyes were looking at them curiously, like the lady who had gone for a walk with the dog, or the man who was watering the garden.
It was a small town, probably everyone knew everyone and was just curious what they were doing here.
Fleamont knocked on the door.
"The sun hasn't fully risen yet. What if they sleep?" James mutters.
He needn't have worried, because the door in front of them opens and behind them stands a beautiful lady with a beautiful smile.
"Hello," Hope greets them and invites them inside "nice to meet you James," James shakes hands with a wide smile.
"Hi Remus," James says excitedly as they enter the kitchen and Remus is practically falling asleep above his breakfast. When he sees James, he jumps to his feet and hugs him tight. "I missed you too," James chuckles.
Hope and Fleamont are talking nearby, but the boys pay no attention to them, they are too excited to see each other after almost a month.
"James, I'll pick you up at 9, okay?" Fleamont says goodbye to his son. James pecks him on the cheek and says "thank you" before running off.
Remus took him to his room and James watched every corner curiously. Every now and then he asked "what it is?" And Remus patiently answered him.
They had a great time, it was a really nice day. In the yard they were playing soccer with two other kids James had talked to. Though James didn't understand the rules at first and caught the ball in his hands plenty of times.
Lilly and Mary joined them in the afternoon. Lilly wasn't visiting Remus for the first time. Their parents really liked each other so they came to visit from time to time, and Mary was spending time at Lilly's today, so they were happy to meet the boys.
James adored Lilly, so he hugged her as soon as he saw her. They talked for a long time lying on the grass in Remus' garden. Once they settled on what's new with them, they started talking about the rest.
Remus asked Lilly how her sister was, Lilly told with a smile that things have been better lately. Remus asked James how Marlene was, James said 'great'.
Lilly asked James how Peter was doing, James told her everything because he was with him for the last week. Lilly asked how Sirius was, James went quiet.
"Hey kids, do you want to go to the supermarket with me?" Hope asks as she brings them lemonade to the garden.
She doesn't remember her boy ever being as happy as he was this summer.
Her son had friends, he was no longer isolated from his peers, it was a very nice change, Hope's heart rejoiced with every smile of Remus.
In her mind was the image of little Remus who came running to her crying, because the other children did not want to play with him, saying that he was different and that they were afraid of his scars. It broke her heart and now that Remus had friends and loved them so much... she was overjoyed.
Lilly nodded with a polite smile, Mary shruged, while James nodded excitedly and Remus said simply "okay".
They left, walked along the sidewalk.
Like the hyperactive kid he was, James ran and turned back, climbed hills, picked up pebbles from the pavement, balanced on the curb, smiling proudly at Remus when he managed not to fall.
Lilly and Remus were quietly talking arm in arm as they walked. Hope followed them watching it with a wide smile. James who handed Lilly a daisy with a smile, Mary was laughing.
When they got there, Lilly and Remus with sly smiles let James go first.
"What happened!?" James jumped back. "I didn't want to! I'm sorry," James panicked as the automatic door swung open in front of him. "I wasn't supposed to use magic. Oh no, am I going to jail now? Why are you laughing? There are a lot of people here, someone must have noticed! I'm too young to be expelled!"
Mary laughed so hard she cried.
Remus pointed to the people leaving, for whom the door also opened.
"What? What is that?" James' eyes wander curiously in that direction as he steps forward and back as the door opens and closes. "What a strange thing."
"This automatic door has a motion sensor that opens it when someone comes close enough," Remus explains to him, still suppressing his laugh.
They bought some ingredients at the store and Mrs. Lupin asked them what they would like to eat for dinner.
After shopping and a hundred questions from James "what's this?" they were returning home. James was bouncing as he walked. The sun slowly going down, they watched the sunset.
It was a really nice day. James adored it and would remember it fondly, already wanting to tell his parents about everything he had seen, everything he had learned.
"Where's your dad?" James asks, because he hasn't seen him once, not when they arrived in the early morning, nor now, when the clock struck 9:00 and Fleamont was on his way to pick up James from Mr. and Mrs. Lupin's.
"At work," Remus replies.
That long? - James didn't ask, of course, he didn't mean to be rude.
"See you later, Remus! It was great day, thank you. Thank you Mrs. Lupin for your hospitality," he smiles at her.
James came home with a big smile.
<<<>>>
Dear Mom,
Thank you for coming to today's match...
James Potter's first match as team captain.
James Potter, a third-year student and Gryffindor chaser, was named team captain this year. He was much younger than the other players, but that didn't mean he was worse than them.
He was the best.
James Potter could have provided the entire Gryffindor team with the latest brooms to easily beat their opponents, but it wouldn't have been fair, so he didn't do it.
Instead, he gave all the Hogwarts teams the latest models of brooms. He requested such an early birthday present from his parents this year, and they only nodded. Madam Hooch didn't know what to say.
James Potter lived for Quidditch, if he
could he would only talk about it, and when he became captain it only got worse.
Remus and Sirius were forced to come to every training session. Of course, James didn't force them, he wasn't cruel, and he always gave others the opportunity to say no. James didn't force Sirius because he knew how much it hurt his friend that he couldn't be on the team. They even tried to sneak it in, unnoticed, so that no one would find out, but there was no place where Sirius Black wasn't talked about.
Remus has pretty much figured out all these rules by now. He didn't understand the general excitement but he forced himself to watch these displays, if it would make his friends happy, then why not? After all, he cared about their happiness. He liked watching their cheerful smiles and eyes full of joy.
Sirius disappeared somewhere. Remus was sitting in one of the towers and would have liked to take out a book to read, but instead he was looking out for James Potter and his shirt number.
Less than five minutes had passed since the start of the match and Gryffindor scored their first point. Remus heard the lion roar. A real lion. He looked up, a lion. Conjured and looking more like a ghost than a living animal, it walked above the stands and roared every time the Gryffindors scored a point.
Sirius. Of course it was Sirius's doing. Remus smiled broadly.
"60 to 40, Gryffindors in the lead," commented a boy under Madam Hooch's supervision. "James Potter, the Gryffindor captain, avoided the Bludger, how he flies on that broom, ladies and gentlemen, as if he was born in the air!" He says with appreciation. "We're not talking about that, I know that, professor." commentator says boredly. "Look, the seeker, he probably found the snitch, yes, yes!" He shouts. "He found it, he is speeding up, ladies and gentlemen, what speed, what grace! Gryfindor wins the match!"
Remus listens to the announcer's voice and smiles broadly, starts clapping and stands up like the rest of the Gryffindors, while James grins at the camera.
Photos for the school newspaper.
Remus and Sirius wait for James to come out of the locker room to congratulate him. They witness his speech and are convinced that they will be laughing at him for the next few days. James was a really good captain.
"Congratulations!" they shouted, noticing a piece of James coming out from behind the door.
"Sirius! Remus!" He was happy, hugging them "we won!" He said proudly.
"We know," they started cheering and chanting his name, congratulating him every few seconds.
Immediately afterwards, they came across Euphemie and Fleamont, who had been cheering on their son strongly throughout the match and now congratulated him, saying that they were very proud of him.
In the evening, the team's victory is celebrated in the Gryffindor living room.
<<<>>>
Dear Mom,
Do you think I can help Sirius in any way?
"Sirius, have you eaten anything today? And I mean a nutritious, balanced meal, not sweets," James Potter looks at his friend seriously and Sirius tries not to laugh, because he was always amused by James Potter acting like a parent.
James Potter had cared about the Marauders since his first day in first year. He forced them to go to bed at an appropriate hour, limited their access to sweets, and forced them to exercise and stay outdoors.
James made sure that Remus read in good light and did not strain his eyes, he made sure that Remus did not scratch his scars and that his wounds did not bleed.
James made sure Peter did his homework on time and didn't spend all day playing chess.
James made sure Sirius was eating breakfast and sleeping as the clock struck midnight.
Sirius usually didn't sleep and then James would offer him his bed and they would talk.
Sirius knew he could come to James at any time with literally anything.
That's why, when he woke up from a nightmare, he would open the curtains next to the golden boy's bed and get under the covers while James would calm him down.
<<<>>>
Dear Mom,
Do you think I'm too much?
Meetings in the Gryffindor common room were not uncommon. The Marauders, along with Mary, Lilly, and Marlene, would often sit somewhere in the middle and start talking, playing games, or something like that.
Every Saturday they would spend time together.
"What was I talking about?" James was chattering "oh yeah, that's when he took that bludger and hit it off–" he continued the stories, really fascinated by it. He stopped when he realized that no one else was listening to him, not paying attention to him at all "hey?" He tried. "I was just saying that," he frowned.
"James, don't be offended but sometimes," Mary sighed, she was sitting on the couch with her eyes closed.
"Look, sometimes you're too full on, you can calm down for once, you know?" Lilly agreed, someone else also agreed with, and someone nodded.
"Oh okay," James blinked. And then it fell apart.
He was sitting with his friends in the room, holding back the tears in his eyes and regulating his breathing, because everything was fine, right?
Nothing had happened, he had no right to be offended and feel bad, right?
No one seemed to notice or have a problem with the fact that James didn't say a word today.
As for James, being called annoying is the worst thing imaginable because it can quickly make someone feel bad about how they act and change their attitude, especially when you were just being yourself. For him that's proves that no one actually loves you for who you are.
Someone saying that you're annoying and suddenly you feel like too much for others, suddenly you hate yourself and want to change.
James feels like crying and he shouldn't.
<<<>>>
Mom,
I, like, I had a wet dream about a boy. Could I like boys? I think, I like boys now? I guess? I don't really know, I don't think I'm gay or something. I mean, I know Sirius was my first kiss but like– I still like girls but boys are also like so pretty. It's confusing. Fuck genders I would like to like people. Oh! And about that one girl...
"Hi," one of the fourth-year Hufflepuffs smiles at James.
"Hello," James returns a sweet smile that gives the girl rosy cheeks.
"So," she begins hesitantly, fiddling her blonde hair nervously "would you like to go to Hogsmeade together this weekend?"
"Nah, I'm good," James shrugs as he goes back to eating his sandwich.
"Oh," she smiles sadly "okay," she turns and walks away.
"Mate, what's wrong with you?" Sirius burst out.
"What?" James frowned.
"She tried to pick you up, Prongs," Remus explains.
"She's had a crush on you for like two weeks," adds Peter.
"And when she finally dared to ask you, you totally ignored her," Sirius waves his hands.
"She... what?" James opens his eyes wide. "Oh Merlin, I'm terrible, I'm the worst. She really...? I did not know. I didn't think..." Yes, James definitely had trouble distinguishing platonic from romantic feelings. "She must be so sad, Godric, I must apologize to her," and James gets up from the table.
"Did he really not notice that she was hitting on him?" Peter raises an eyebrow.
"When Marlene screamed that she loved him last week, he panicked apologizing and saying he was so sorry they couldn't be together and he was so sorry he didn't feel the same way. She only thanked him for his help, she did mean real love." Remus tells them about that situation.
"Maybe he didn't notice," Sirius sighs.
<<<>>>
Mom,
I want to go home...
James came home... sad, and this didn't go unnoticed by his parents, they gave each other worried looks while James ate his meal in silence, ignoring his parents' presence.
He disappeared into his thoughts and it was difficult for him to come back from them. He was distracted.
It was harder when he was older, it was harder to control his thoughts and feelings, it was probably all the hormones, but what does he know.
"Mom?" James entered his parents' room just after midnight, his dad wasn't home today, which surprised him because he wanted to talk to both parents.
Too bad, there's no going back.
"What happened, my love?" Effie sat on the bed and rubbed her eyes, inviting her son to sit next to her.
"Am I to much?" Tears shone in his eyes, but it was a thought that gave him no peace. "I gave Sirius the mirror that dad gave me so he could talk to me. I'm worried about him, you know he survived the cruciatus spell? And not once. I'm worried and he told me to stop because it's annoying that I cares–"
"Oh love," she hugged him. "Sirius is feeling bad so he is angry, you have to respect his opinion. You're doing what's best for him and he knows it, if he needs help, if he's ready to ask for it, you'll be there for him and he knows it and that's the most important thing. You need to understand that you can't save everyone, you can't help someone who doesn't want help."
"But I want to," James murmured.
Loving and being loved doesn't mean the same thing. James learned that this year.
James loved everyone and everything that crossed his path so ardently, so blazingly, and sometimes, it resulted in unintentionally burning them.
It hurt him when he hurt others, it hurt him that not everyone could hold out against the warmth he radiated and the flames that surrounded him.
Not everyone was capable of loving the Sun and James had difficulties accepting that.
Not when all he wanted was to cradle the world in his arms and never let any harm come to anyone who took his hand.
He loved people so terribly much, so why wasn't he loved in return?
"I know," she smiled sadly "I'll try to find out how Sirius is, if that'll calm you down," she assured him.
"Thank you, mom," he smiled "but that's not all."
"Come on then, I'm here," she assured.
"I was thinking lately, what if nobody ever loves me because I'm always too much?" James's heart ached, and his mother's heart just broke. "Girls at school ask if I will date them, but they don't want to get to know me, they want popularity and– I know my friends love me, but they haven't been the best at it lately, you know, everyone falls in love and pulls away and I think I'm jealous."
James felt like he didn't deserve love, he wanted to share what he had in him, but no one ever let him. They're rejected him every time.
Her poor boy, her dear son. Where is Fleamont when she needed him?
"Oh Jamie," she sighed before she started "listen, okay? You're never too much, and you're always enough, you understand that, right? You're perfect James, you're good, and if people doesn't like you who you are, it's not your fault, it's theirs. They don't see what they're missing. You're a wonder boy, James. If you think you're too much, you're just asking the wrong people, those who care about you will always be there," James nodded, feeling way better.
"Thank you," he smiled through the tears.
"One day, you will find someone who loves you exactly like you are. Just like I do," she smiled lightly.
"I love you mom," James wiped his tears.
"Your dad will be back in a minute, and we'll be laughing because he can't find his glasses even if they're on his head. Sounds good?"
"Yeah," he laughed "I felt bad when... you remember, I had a crush on Lilly and she kept rejecting me, then I felt inadequate but I guess I've come to terms with it, you know? You can't force someone's affection, and I really like her even if just as a friend, we're fine. I don't feel the same way about her anymore, is that bad?" Effie said no, smiling reassuringly "sometimes it's hard for me to think that everything is fine," he admitted. "No one has hurt me and I still feel bad for some reason," he said dissatisfied. "I should not."
"You're allowed to feel feelings love," she whispered. "You love people Jamie, and... sometimes it ends in pain," she informed quietly.
"Maybe,c he sighed. "You know what? Sirius' brother doesn't like me!" He burst out finally. "I'm doing my best and he's just– ignoring me! It's irritating," he groaned. "I know I can't make people like me, but he's... different you know? He just. He, ugh I don't know," he scoffs.
"Thats okay my little lover boy, you will find an answer," she laughed a little.
"It's not a crush, mom."
"It's truly isn't," she agreed but her eyes was telling something else.
"I'm not into boys," he rolled his eyes.
"I think you're into people, and that's okay, my love," she smiled "also tell that to the evening you couldn't stop talking about, what was his name? Frank?"
"He was a quditch captian! Of course I adore him," he defended himself.
"Sure love," she smiles James feels way better now, he was cuddling with his mom, and he fell good like always when she was next to him.
Oh, how much he loves her.
"I love you, I love you, I love you," she kissed him on the forehead "you will always be little kid for me," she sighed.
"So it's not good time to ask you about bees and birds, huh?" He teased.
"Merlin, where's Monty," she pretended to panic, looked around, and then tickled James. "You can ask me anything, honey."
"Thank you," he smiled "When can I start having sex, do you think fourteen is enough?" James titles his head and burst out laughing at his Mom's expression. "Goodnight mom."
"Goodnight son," she chuckles.
My beautiful boy,
my beautiful son.
He's growing up.
He's the best of me.
Better then I will ever be.
And that's okay.
That's good.
He deserves it all.
He makes me belive I'm worth something.
Seeing his strength, his heart.
He thinks I'm the strong one but...
he has no idea how delicate it all is.
That's what Fleamont found on the nightstand that night.
<<<>>>
"Dear mom,
I need new glasses, Marlene punched me in the face because I was making fun of Slytherin, I don't know what changed but she was angry.
Ps. I think she has a crush on Dorcas.
"So James," Marlene sits down next to him in the library, snatches the book from his hands and slams it on the table, "I'm a lesbian and you will help me," she informed.
James frowned, not understanding.
The next day they both stood on the Quidditch pitch watching Slytherin practice.
James, as the team captain, was obviously preparing a strategy and Marlene was helping him (she wasn't staring at Dorcas Madows with heart shaped puppils at all).
<<<>>>
Dear mom,
This is getting annoying, really. Remus and Sirius are literally meant to be together but they don't do anything about it!
James was smart, very smart, he may looks like he's not, but he is.
James was kinda clever.
James noticed things.
Like now, for example, because Remus had just kept Sirius pinned against the wall.
James noticed.
The two stared into each other's eyes for a little to long before Remus opened his mouth to say "do you want to say it again, pretty boy?".
James noticed that in his friends eyes was a little to many emotions.
They had just been arguing and Sirius was Sirius and he was bending the line and Remus get angry (not really).
James noticed that Sirius was okay with that, he just smile to Remus.
Sirius wasn't afraid at all, he didn't believe that Remus could really hurt him. Sirius felt safe.
"Did you just call Sirius, pretty?" James asked when they were staring at each other.
Sirius slowly look at James and raised his eyebrow (still pined against the wall)
"What?" He asked "Prongs," he said seriously "are you trying to say that I am NOT pretty?" He asked indignantly.
"What? Of course not, I just, I, i didn't mean it like this, I just, I'll just go–" James do just as he said.
Oh, they were unbearable and not only James thought so!
"He could kill me and I would thank him," Eirius sighed dreamily looking at Remus.
"I'd thank him too," sighed Peter, who was trying to fall asleep, but Sirius had been muttering about how great Remus was for over an hour.
Sirius adored Remus Lupin.
He liked his company.
He liked his closeness.
He liked to steal his sweaters.
He liked the color of his eyes.
He liked his smile.
He liked his voice.
He loved listening to music with him (especially Bowie).
He loved talking to him, loved hearing his voice.
He loved reading with him.
Sirius Black was hooked.
He hoped no one knew about it except him. Sirius didn't even admit to himself that he knew it. He didn't allow himself to think about it, because it shouldn't be like that. He shouldn't feel this way.
<<<>>>
Dear Mom,
I think Minerva likes me...
James and Sirius arrived at the appointed place at the appointed time to serve their detention received earlier in the day.
"Do you guys really like me that much?" Minerva asks irritably "it's very nice, but I don't know how many times this month," she sighs, welcoming them to her office "another quarrel with the Slytherins, it doesn't even surprise me," she sighed "please sit down and take out your pens," she sits down at the desk and she reaches for some work that she should grade "once you finish writing 'I'll stop casting spells in the school corridor' a hundred times, you can start watering the flowers on the second floor, you'll make it before the evening, I'm sure," she sits back comfortably.
"But–" James begins. "I have training at 4 p.m." he says, despairing.
"Mr. Potter," Minerva sighs, "I'm sorry," she goes back to checking her papers.
James Potter used to ask for a biscuit everytime he was in detention (he would make puppy eyes and most saddest face you ever seen) with McGonagall and she was like "Potter, this is a detention not you mother's house". But she wouldn't deny him biscuit after the detention was over. James loves it.
<<<>>>
Mom,
I don't think Sirius will survive this holiday...
James and Sirius were the type of friends who knew literally everything about each other.
When sharing a secret with James or Sirius, you had to take into account that the other one would also know it.
James and Sirius were inseparable. They spent every free moment together. They had been best friends for five years, they were the most important to each other.
Lilly and Mary often laughed that if anyone decided to get involved with one of them, they would have to take into account that the other one would come with them. Such a package.
James and Sirius were the perfect complement to each other. They were soul mates.
Remus sometimes envied them for that. He envied all their late-night conversations, honest confessions, jokes that only they understood and the fact that they were able to communicate without words. One short look was enough for the other to know what was going on.
James knew every kind of smile Sirius had, he knew when the boy was genuinely happy, when he was pretending, when he was angry and when he was bored.
James knew Sirius better than he knew himself.
Sirius knew James much more than anyone else had the chance to.
There was some magical thread between them and it had to be taken into account that if Sirius was in a bad mood, James would be affected by this mood and vice versa.
James was the first person to prove to Sirius that he was lovable, that Sirius was a good person and deserved the best. Sirius may have looked like a boy with an ego bigger than himself, but deep down he was just a sad, hurt child and James had told him that it was okay and he could still try, that he could still achieve something good.
Most importantly, he made Sirius realize that he was still a good person. He was a good person who had bad things happen to him.
James proved to him every day that he was important, that his name didn't matter. James gave Sirius much more than he had to, he gave him himself, his friendship, his time and everything else. It made Sirius happy.
On the other hand, no one could make James Potter smile as widely as Sirius Black could. Sirius was always there for him, they were always inseparable. James could tell him anything (even the stupid things that sometimes visited his thoughts) Sirius made James feel wanted (and James needed that).
Sirius cared about James, trying to help as best he could. James was happy to have him around. He loved all his friends but Sirius. Sirius was just Sirius.
"Hey James," Sirius says, waking him up in the middle of the night.
"Uh huh?" He asked, opening his eyes. "If you had a choice," he begins "to drink only water for the rest of your life or to drink everything you want but with a drop of urine, what would you choose?" He asks the question as if it were important.
Maybe it was because James is starting to wonder.
"Whose urine would this be?" He asked, frowning.
"Does this affect your answer?" Sirius asked, James nodded "let's say it's yours," he shrugged.
"Well, it's simple, I choose everything," he shrugged "should I never drink hot chocolate and butterbeer again?" He snorted "and you?" He asked.
"I mean, if it's my urine, then," Sirius shrugged "yes, I definitely want to drink firewhiskey in my life and all," he decided.
Sometimes their friendship also worked well for short, silly conversations.
<<<>>>
Dear mom,
What happened yesterday at the party, oh you won't believe it!
Now that all the Marauders were complete and in good spirits... it was high time to throw a party in Gryffindor's common room!
"Is everything ready?" Sirius asks "Everyone got their part of the plan? Peter, have you been to Hogsmeade?"
"You think I would forget the Firewhiskey? I love that stuff more than you," Peter sticks his tongue out at him.
Sirius gasped and clutched his heart.
"Oh, you wound me, Pete," Sirius states dramatically. "I think we might have to break up," he wipes away a tear.
"If we break up... what about the kids, Padfoot?" Peter asks thoughtfully.
"I'll have James on weekends," Sirius shrugged.
"Oi!" James complained.
"As if you could go half a day without him," Remus snorts looking at Sirius.
"Shut up," Sirius kissed him, laughing.
"I am not a child of the group! What is this, I disagree!" James was outraged.
"Take it easy prongs, everyone knows you're the mom," Peter patted his back.
"I'm a what?" James widens his eyes. "I'm not a mom! Thank you very much."
"Hi girls!" Sirius calls towards Mary and Lilly. "Who's the mother of our group?"
"James!" They shouted back in unison, without even thinking about it.
"Don't worry mate," Remus pats him on the back.
<<<>>>
James Potter,
my only son, I haven't received a single letter from you in over a week! Don't think, boy, that you can just ignore your parents, that's unacceptable! So that's right. Dad and I are going to come to Hogwarts for the next match, it's going to be at the beginning of December, if I remember correctly? Anyway, Fleamont is looking forward to it (he found his old Gryffindor sweater from somewhere). Either way, you can expect to see us soon. I hope you're doing well. So far I haven't received a single letter from your professors, what are you guys planning next? Oh exactly! Please remind Sirius that he promised to write to me, he hasn't sent a single letter since the holidays! How are you doing? Are you all right? How are you, darling? I hope you're not overexerting yourself.
Reply quickly,
kisses Mom
James smiled as he read the letter from his mom. Lilly often laughed that he was a mama's boy. Maybe she was right, maybe James was, and even if she was, did it bother him? He loved his mother more than anything in the world.
He felt bad that he hadn't actually written to her in a long time.
Dear mom,
I'm sorry I didn't write earlier. I guess I had a lot on my mind. I'm happy to see you and dad soon, I commit to winning the match now so you can be proud (just please don't shout too loud). Sirius, as he said, "I won't use school owls, it's fucking embarrassing" so I don't think you can expect a letter anytime soon. Indeed, this year started too calmly. I think that each of us has too many responsibilities, but don't worry, we will certainly find time soon to make the lives of other students and teachers miserable. Remember that chess club Peter wanted to start? He finally got permission! He was so excited. Remus has finally officially called the meetings in the library "study club", since he is a prefect he devotes himself to all this study even more than usual. Sirius has already made up with Reggie, so he's not sad anymore, and that's good. I'm fine, nothing new. Do you know how to easily remove blood from white shirts? For now, I'm coming up with a new strategy, we have to play with Ravenclaws, it might be difficult. I'm giving all his homework on time, I promise. Of course I'm not overtiring myself.
See you.
Love, James
Euphemia Potter smiled broadly as she read the letter from her son. James, this boy occupied a huge part of her heart, she would do anything for him, including sending spells to clean clothes from hard-to-remove stains (such as blood and chocolate).
<<<>>>
Mom,
Why having a crush is so hard?
"James, I'm not gonna lie. I really like you, I like you a lot, and like most of the girls at this school, I've been crushing you for a long time, so I thought I'd ask," a lovely brunette from Ravenclaw, seeker for their team, faces James. "I know we don't know each other well, we see each other at matches and in the science club, but still, maybe I have a chance with you," she smiles.
James panicked.
"Um, yeah, I- , I'm, uh, huh, so yes, um," He doesn't dare look into her eyes. James hates doing that, he hates hurting people. "I bet you're really cool, you're a good girl and everything, you're awesome and I think you're beautiful, you're cute but um, I don't think that... that's not fair of me if I agreed. I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt you and it's not really your fault but I- I, um, I'm not currently planning a relationship, I-"
"Okay okay, chill out James, 'no' means 'no', just wanted to ask, after all, faint heart never won fair lady, right?"
"Yes, I guess you're right. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, I appreciate you having the courage to tell me this, I know you expected something else but I-"
"Oh Merlin," she chuckled and shaked her head "you're really a golden boy," she smiles gently "you have no obligation to make others happy, I'm glad you were honest with me," James nodded and she smiles.
"You have really nice freckles, they make you look cute," James smiles awkwardly.
He's stupid.
"Oh, Merlin. I got a compliment from James Potter, no one will believe me," she shakes her head amused "thank you James, see you later," she waves him.
<<<>>>
Mom,
YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHO TOLD ME "YES"
This year has probably been the most challenging for James than any other.
It wasn't because of the NEWTS, oh no.
The reason was one boy, the boy whose attention James Potter was trying to get.
James Potter's well-being was caused by a boy.
The boy he had been trying to impress ever since he met him.
The boy he fell in love with last year.
The boy who gave him happiness.
The boy who was the first to show him that he doesn't have to be happy all the time, because other feelings are also important and James has the right to feel them.
The boy who made James Potter's every day better.
James Potter fell in love with this certain boy. In his hair, eyes, freckles, lips, hands, in his laugh, tone of voice, smile...
However, he had a small problem.
This boy was Regulus Arcturus Black. His best friend's brother. He wondered for a long time what to do with this fact, he thought about it all summer.
However, he came up with nothing.
He didn't know how to behave, how to hide his emotions. His mom told him that the key to solving this situation was to talk.
If this would be so easy...
James couldn't hide his emotions, he was an open book. He didn't know what he could do to stop feeling, he didn't know how not to be obvious about what he felt. He didn't know what to do.
Therefore, he kept the situation at the same stage as last year, but he did not last long.
James really wanted Regulus to respond to him with the same feeling. He really wanted the boy to love him too.
James didn't think he had any chance considering that every "Reggie!" he said with a smile, he received a comment "It's Regulus for you, Potter."
(Because Regulus often tried to push away the people he cared about for fear of them hurting him)
But sometimes the young Black smiled as he said "Potter" and James considered that smile to be worth more than anything he had (and it must be admitted, that James Potter had a lot).
He didn't know if there was any possibility that Regulus Black would return his feelings.
James thought that loving him wasn't easy (he was right, but who would Regulus Black be if he didn't take on challenges?)
— — — — — — — — — —
"Hello love, are you ready?" Regulus enters James' room, his voice is soft and tender, as if he was afraid to break the silence, as if he was afraid that a loud sound would break the dam that kept the tears still inside James.
He didn't get an answer. James was sitting on the carpet, there was a box in front of him and he was clutching pieces of paper in his hands that were crumpling and tearing. Regulus looked at them with half an eye, noticing one sentence: "Dear mom".
Oh, Regulus really had no idea how to help James during this difficult time and he didn't think of anything else he could do for James apart from being close to him.
Whatever he did wouldn't be enough, it wouldn't bring Euphemi Potter back to life, it wouldn't bring back James' smile.
Why did the world have to be so cruel? Why did he take James' mom away? Why did he take Euphemis Potter out of their lives?
He didn't know how to deal with grief.
James was young, still just a child, and he needed his mother, he needed her to ask for advice, to ask what color to paint the living room walls, how long to cook potatoes, whether 3 Galleons was too much for a watermelon, he needed to ask about these things.
James needed to choose flowers for his wedding with her, he needed to present her ideas for names for the future child.
He needed it.
He needed to hold her, he needed to hug her, he needed to talk to her, he needed to love her, he needed to have her.
But he didn't have her.
She died.
"I read the letters I sent to my mom from Hogwarts, she kept them all," James whispered, staring at the words on the page. I love you, Jamie , in the corner of the page of the letter she didn't send.
"Oh, that's so nice," Regulus sits down next to him. He's in a black suit, they should leave and go to the funeral.
James doesn't want to go there, he doesn't want it to be real, he doesn't want his mom's death to be true.
It hurts too much.
James squeezed his eyes shut, remembering the last conversation he had with his mom.
"I’m not always emotional.” James mumbles. Tears rolled down his cheeks and she hugged her mom and she stroked his back in a soothing gesture.
"No, you’re not. You just feel everything ten times more intense than a normal person does." She says softly. "And that’s fine." She assures, James decided to trust her, just like he always did. "I love you Jamie."
"I love you mom."