December 3rd, 1976
“I’m sorry,” Regulus whispered, not meeting James’s eyes.
James loved him.
James couldn’t bear to look at him.
The ink lines on his lover’s arm, a skull and a serpent, haunted James’s mind. It moved with Regulus, trembling. It was a part of him. And James couldn’t love anyone with that mark on their skin.
“I’m sorry,” Regulus whispered again, tears filling his eyes. He was breathtakingly beautiful, the perfect image of divinity, an angel, marred by the mark on his arm. James stared at this man he had loved, a perfect portrait of melancholy.
James loved him.
James hated him.
“I’m sorry,” Regulus whispered once more. James gazed into his eyes.
“I don’t forgive you,” He said in return. No love in his voice, no emotion. He couldn’t love Regulus with that mark on his skin. He couldn’t love the mark.
The tears spilled down Regulus’s cheeks, tears staining porcelain skin. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again.
“I don’t forgive you,” James says once again, looking away. He couldn’t stand to look at Regulus. He couldn’t help the feeling that he would give in if he kept gazing at the beautiful man in front of him.
Regulus was silent now. He stood there, trembling slightly, silvery tears, streaming down pale cheeks. James couldn’t be around him anymore. He just couldn’t, not with the black lines staining Regulus’s skin. Not with the mark of the glaring serpent, curling against itself on Regulus’s forearm.
James glared down at the ground and turned, to walk out. To walk away from Regulus, and the mark, and a Death Eater. And they were the same. Regulus and a Death Eater were one. The mark on his arm was a part of Regulus, a Death Eater. They were all one, Regulus, the mark, a Death Eater.
James was silent as he walked away. He didn’t speak, didn’t breathe. He showed no emotion, and did not look back.
He heard it once he had turned the corner. Loud, blaring sobs.
‘Oh, Regulus…’ James thought to himself. ‘Why did this have to happen? Why did you choose this?’
He walked in silence, through empty halls, until he reached his dorm. While his friends slept, moonlight shining through their window, he locked himself in the bathroom. He sank to the floor, holding his head in his hands, and finally released the tears he had been holding in all night. He sobbed quietly, Regulus’s name frozen on his lips, and the image of a serpent and a skull haunting his mind.
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November 15th, 1978
Colored lights, and shouted spells, surrounded James, Sirius at his back, and his wand in his hand. The exhilaration of the battle was almost enough for James to laugh.
He had chosen to join the Order as soon as he had graduated, with Sirius, and Remus, and Peter. And they were alive. They found excitement in the battles, for the good of wizarding society. Yes, there was stress, but they were brave, and fighting for, as Dumbledore put it, ‘the greater good’.
And now James was fighting, for his life, and for that ‘greater good’. He was fighting for Lily, and Mary, both muggleborns, and some of the strongest women he had ever met. He was fighting for Remus, and the hope that they could correct society, because he was an incredible wizard, though he was a halfblood, and werewolf. He was fighting for Sirius, and the horrifying things he had gone through, just to fight for what was right. And also, though he would never utter it aloud, he was fighting for Regulus, who never should’ve gotten that mark. And maybe, he would still be with James if not for the lines in his skin.
He was brought out of his thoughts by the shouts of his comrades. People fell around them, some in dark, hooded cloaks, and masks, some Order members, falling to flashes of green lights.
“James”
James heard his name, in a voice he recognized, and hoped it wasn’t true. Hoped he wasn’t here.
He turned, and met blue-gray eyes. A young man, with a thin, slight figure. One of the man’s hands gripped tighter on his wand.
James wasn’t thinking. He walked towards the man, the noise falling away, leaving only James, and blue-gray eyes. The man tried to step away, but James was too fast, gripping his wrist, staring into wide eyes. The man was shaking slightly.
James let go of the man’s hand, and removed the mask, revealing porcelain skin, and regal features, and flushed cheeks. He dropped the mask, barely hearing the clatter as it hit the ground.
“Regulus…” James whispered, reaching up, running his fingers through dark curls, longer than they were two years ago, the last time James had seen him. James dragged his thumb up pale cheeks, and under shadowed eyes. Regulus’s eyes fluttered shut, and James grazed the dark bags under long black eyelashes. He dragged his finger lower, across freckles that couldn’t be seen very well anymore, with the coming winter. He dragged his thumb across Regulus’s bottom lip, soft, and pink. He felt Regulus exhale, warm breath against his finger.
They were all alone, in their own little place, and Regulus was beautiful. Just as beautiful, though more worn, as when James last saw him. But he was still a Death Eater.
James tore his hand away, his other hand clenching his wand tightly. “Go,” James said coldly.
“James,” Regulus whispered sadly, his lips parted slightly.
“Go, Regulus,” James said, louder this time.
Regulus stood there for a second, staring, before he turned, and ran. And James watched him run away.
James stood there, even after Regulus was out of sight, and he heard his comrades in the distance. He stood there when Sirius walked up and clapped him on the back, laughing and talking loudly about the battle. And James didn’t speak. He just stared.
And his mind was haunted by blue-gray eyes through a silver mask.
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December 31st, 1978
James always read the Daily Prophet in the morning. He had read the article when heir Regulus Black had gone missing, two weeks before, but he expected that Regulus had simply… disappeared. If he did not want to be found, he wasn’t found.
But Regulus hadn’t chosen to disappear.
Two weeks after he had gone missing and his name showed up once again in James’s copy of the daily prophet, an obituary, just important enough to make the front page, not due to the man, but the name he carried.
And James broke.
He broke down, sobbing, in his kitchen, his cup of coffee going cold. He sank to the floor, crying like he did the day things fell apart. The day James discovered a serpent on his skin. And James sobbed at the thought of pale skin, marred with an evil mark, and blue-gray eyes, with so much thought and melancholy hidden in them.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, repeatedly, though the recipient was not alive to hear his words. If only James hadn’t left. If only he had stayed, and protected Regulus. He had so many chances. The day Sirius left. The day he discovered the mark. The day he saw him again. Any of the days in between.
If only.
Regulus had once asked him what the saddest words in the English language were. “Alone,” James had answered then, unable to imagine a world where he did not have his friends and family. “I think the saddest words are ‘if only’,” Regulus had replied. Now James understood that.
If only.
It was a phrase of regret. Of everything that could’ve happened. Of all they could have done to find their happy ending. It was all the ways things could’ve gone right when everything has gone wrong.
And everything had gone wrong.
Because Regulus was dead.
And James would never see him again.
James heard the sound of a mug, smashing against the wall, falling to pieces. He was vaguely aware that he had been the one to throw it, but it didn’t seem like something he’d do. He’d never done that before. He watched coffee drip down the wall, into the hardwood. He sat there and just watched, breathing heavily.
He sat there, on his kitchen floor, his head in his hands, for hours, maybe, only pulling himself together to comfort Sirius. Because they had both lost him.
They had both lost Regulus.
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October 18th, 1979
James was happy. James was really, truly happy. This was the day that was meant to be the best day of his life. He was getting married to a girl he had loved for years. Even if there was a time when his love belonged to another.
No.
Not today.
Today is about celebrating him, and Lily, and everything they still had.
And so he stood at the altar, in their backyard, with everyone he loved in the audience, and Sirius by his side. He grinned and watched as Lily walked down the aisle, Remus by her side, her parents choosing not to even come. She was absolutely stunning, her hair braided, the red contrasting against her white silk gown. Her hands were wrapped around a bouquet of violet petunias.
He held her hand as she stepped onto the altar, rubbing his thumb gently over the back of her hand. They said their vows, their ‘I do’s’ and finally, it came time for him to ‘kiss the bride’.
He leaned in, kissing her softly, and he enjoyed it.
Really, he did.
It was good, she was good, but she just wasn’t Regulus.
No.
It was their wedding.
He couldn’t think about Regulus anymore. Not on their wedding day. Not after, when he had a wife to love, and cherish, and think about. Regulus would just have to leave him alone.
The reception was nice. James sat with his friends, and they drank and laughed and recalled their Hogwarts days. Sirius laughed about how he never expected James to actually woo her, leaning slightly against Remus, as they held their hands under the table. Peter smiled, and laughed, but he was oddly quiet. James didn’t question it much.
And James was happy.
He really was.
His friends were all here, and he was married, and in love, and he had never been happier.
Sirius leaned into Remus’s chest, and James smiled. He hadn’t realized that he wasn’t smiling before that.
At least they were happy.
And together.
And in love.
And alive.
` James was happy for them.
Really.
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July 31st, 1980
James held his newborn son in his arms, and cried. Harry, his little boy, was the most precious thing he had ever seen.
He was everything.
He was the child James had always expected to have.
And he had everything now. The wife he always knew would love him back, the child that he always knew would complete his life, the friends that would always be by his side.
And he was really, truly, happy. Everything was great for him. Absolutely perfect.
James felt Lily’s hand on his arm, her eyes tired, and she smiled. James kissed her forehead. He gently handed Harry back to his wife, and went to get a coffee.
It had been a long night, and he had stayed by Lily’s side the entire time, holding her hand. He had been there with her, as she brought their beautiful, wonderful, precious child into the world.
He was proud, and happy, and he loved Lily, and he loved his newborn son, and there was nothing he’d rather have, nowhere he’d rather be. He loved his life, and he felt so full of warmth and affection at the sight of Lily, holding their son, their little Harry, the baby grabbing onto his mother’s red hair.
James wanted to capture this moment, keep it with him forever. He pulled out the polaroid camera he had put in this bag, hoping he would get a photo of his new son.
“Say cheese, love!” James said, holding the camera up. Lily glanced up, only for a moment, before gazing lovingly back down at her son. The camera let out a click, and he smiled at his photo. It was perfect, capturing Lily, holding Harry, so lovingly.
“Look, love,” James said softly, holding the photo in front of her face. Her lovely green eyes focused on it, before her brow furrowed in confusion.
“It’s not moving, James.”
James laughed. “That’s the point, love. I thought you might like a muggle photograph. We can hang it next to our wedding photos. Besides, we could send one to your family.”
Lily smiled, and pulled him down for a kiss. “I love you,” she mumbled against his lips.
He grinned. “I love you too, Lils.”
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October 31st, 1981
“Love, you realize we’re all going to know how inaccurate that costume is,” James said, chuckling.
“Oh, shush. I look fantastic,” Lily said confidently, twirling around. Her dress was short and black, with a purple spider web design, and a corset with matching purple lace. Her tall, black platform boots made her almost as tall as James, but not quite. A black and purple witches hat topped her head, over two red braids.
“Yes, you do,” James said, walking up to her and pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Is this what the muggle idea of witches is?”
“More or less. This is the more… costumed version, than a mythically accurate one,” Lily replied, leaning into James as he wrapped his arms around her.
He was wearing an orange sweater with a pumpkin design, to match little Harry, in his first halloween costume, a cute little pumpkin.
“Did you get Harry into his costume?” he asked Lily.
“Mhm. It’s adorable,” Lily muttered in return, smoothing the skirt of her dress.
James smiled. “I love you, Lils.”
“I love you too.”
They eventually went out to their sitting room, where little Harry sat, playing with little letter blocks Lily had bought him. Lily sat down and picked up little Harry, in his cute little pumpkin costume, sitting him between her legs. James put on some music, watching fondly as his wife and their young son played happily. He put on a Bowie record, one that Sirius had gifted him a few years before. Hunky Dory, an older one, but one of James’s favorites, nonetheless.
Changes played, as James sat next to his wife, putting one arm around her. He kissed her cheek when Harry let out a sudden, bubbly giggle. He loved his family. He loved every time Harry let out a giggle, and every time he saw Lily smile softly. He would give anything for them, and they were all happy.
“I’m going to put Harry down for his nap,” Lily said, holding the sleepy child.
“Sirius is going to be over in twenty minutes. He’ll want to see him, love.”
Lily rolled her eyes. “I think we can have a night of just adults for once. Maybe pull out some wine?”
James gasped jokingly. “Alcohol? Really?”
Lily smiled and nodded. “Now, I’m going to put Harry to sleep. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
When Lily went to put Harry to bed, James still sat on the floor, sitting on his haunches and drumming on his knees. He fiddled as the song changed, The first few notes of Life On Mars filling the room. A sad song, but still a very good one.
There was a sharp, sudden knock at the door. Sirius was probably there, dragged out early by Remus, so James stood to greet his friends.
“It’s a god awful small affair
For the girl with the mousy hair
But her mummy is yelling “no”
And her daddy has told her to go”
When he opened the door, he wasn’t met with the cheery, but worn faces of his friends. Instead he was met with cruel, dark brown eyes, a pale, snake-like man.
James’s eyes widened, and he was scared. He needed to protect Lily and Harry, but he was scared to die. He couldn’t protect himself, and had left his wand in the sitting room. There was nothing he could do, but try desperately to scream, to warn Lily. His lips parted, the warning lost in his throat, a look of desperation on his face as green lights flashed past his eyes.
The killing curse didn’t cause immediate death. James hung onto vague consciousness, overly aware of his lack of breathing, and the slowing of his heart. His final words were locked in his throat, and he wondered silently as his vision faded out if this is what Regulus felt.
The last thing James heard before everything faded was the sound of an infant crying, and David Bowie’s voice.
“Is there life on mars?”
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James found himself on the floor of a train station, when his eyes started working again. Kings Cross, Platform 9 ¾. A young man leaned against a pillar, watching James calmly, blue-gray eyes that seemed finally peaceful.
Regulus stood there in a neat black turtleneck, that perpetual frown frozen on his face, and his arms crossed across his chest. Perfect black curls framed his face, over pale skin, and high cheekbones.
James had missed him.
“Hi,” James breathed out, an unwilling smile growing across his face. Regulus smiled softly in return.
“Hi, James,” Regulus said, his voice soft. “I’ve missed you.”
James grinned. “Have you?”
Regulus smiled and walked towards James. “Mhm,” he hummed. He offered James his hand, helping him up.
James took his hand, the skin soft, and warm. James stood, gazing down at Regulus, who was shorter than him, even in death. And then everything hit him. Everything that had happened.
James suddenly pulled his hand away, but Regulus held his wrist.
“James… it’s gone…” Regulus breathed, a small smile on his face. He dropped James’s wrist, and pulled up the sleeve of his turtleneck, revealing pale, perfect skin. No mark.
“It’s gone,” James mumbled, gaze locked on the place where the mark no longer was. He looked up and met Regulus’s tearful gaze.
“It’s gone, James. It’s all gone,” Regulus mumbled, a grin spreading across his face, tears dripping from his eyes. James embraced him, holding tightly. Regulus buried his face in James’s sweater, and James kissed the top of his head.
“I missed you,” James mumbled against Regulus’s head. “I missed you so much.”
“I’m sorry,” Regulus whispered in response. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“James?” Lily’s voice rang out, and James felt Regulus freeze in his arms.
James’s heart dropped, his eyes wide. His arms fell from where they were wrapped around Regulus’s lithe frame. He turned and saw a wide-eyed Lily, her lips parted slightly. There was so much sadness in her eyes, and James remembered. He remembered how he had promised to love Lily, in sickness, and in health, in life, and in death. He remembered how they had smiled and laughed, and how they took care of Harry. He remembered how he had loved her for so many years.
But he also remembered how he had loved Regulus.
He remembered that year in which everything felt right. Quiet, loving kisses in the dark, under the stars. Waking up with Regulus curled up next to him. Making Regulus hot chocolate when the nightmares got too bad for him to handle alone. Getting distracted during quidditch matches when he played against Regulus, and then kissing him after Regulus inevitably won. Flying together in the dead of night, and giving Regulus letters to read when he knew they wouldn’t get past his mother’s watchful eyes.
He remembered it, and he longed for it, and he missed it. And it hurt. He felt guilty, and he knew he deserved the guilt. He had hurt Lily. He had betrayed her.
He walked towards Lily and put a hand on her shoulder, cupping her cheek with the other. He gazed into sad green eyes, a tear spilling out.
“I’m sorry,” James whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. “I’m so, so, so sorry, love.
Lily shook her head adamantly. “I’m not your ‘love’. I never really was, was I? It was always him.”
“I’m so sorry, Lily,” James said honestly.
“Isn’t that Sirius’s brother? Did Sirius know that you two were together? Did anyone? James, we were married for three years, and I never even mentioned it! Were you ever going to tell me?”
James shakes his head.
Lily scoffs at the same time James hears Regulus’s voice behind him.
“Married?”
James turned and saw a glaring Regulus. Regulus scoffed angrily, and turned, walking away.
“Wait, Reg- Lils!”
Lily had turned and was walking away. “It’s fine, James. Go after him. You have another chance for love. Don’t waste it.”
James listened. Lily needed time. He would apologize later, but now, he needed to talk to Regulus.
He walked in the direction Regulus went in, until he found him, holding his knees on the floor. James sank to the floor next to him.
“Married. Three years. Did you even mourn me when I died?” Regulus scoffed. “Probably not. After all, why would you? You hated me, didn’t you?”
“No, Reg, I couldn’t- I couldn’t hate you. And I did mourn you. I- I never really got over you,” James said, placing a hand on Regulus’s knee.
“But you still got married? I just…” Regulus sighed sadly. “Will we ever be okay again?”
“Were we ever okay in the first place?”
Regulus scoffed. “No,” he said, as though the question were amusing, and the answer was obvious. James supposed it was. “But it felt like we were. We spent so long pretending we were, that we almost started to believe it.”
Regulus sighed. “We both knew this would happen, didn’t we? I mean, I was never going to be ‘it’ for you. We were never going to have a happily ever after, and we both knew it.”
“I didn’t,” James said softly.
Regulus frowned. “Well I did. I always knew you would end up with a perfect wife, and a perfect family, and you always deserved it, because you’re perfect, and I’m selfish for wishing that you had stayed with me.”
“Regulus…”
Regulus smiled sadly. “You’re so annoying in the way you make people care for you, even if they don’t want to. I would’ve waited an eternity here, just to see you smile at me one last time, like you did before.”
“Are you still waiting?” James asked. Regulus nodded.
“I want to see Sirius again. I was waiting for you, but you were waiting for me as well. I never left your mind, did I?”
James shook his head and Regulus smiled a bit. “I don’t often admit that I was wrong, but I was wrong about one thing when it comes to you, James Potter. You’re so imperfect. You’re selfish, and cruel, just like me. You married when you were in love with someone else, because you didn’t want to be alone, right?”
James nodded guiltily. He had missed Regulus so much. Perhaps he thought that he would forget about him, and fall for Lily. He kind of did, but that didn’t matter now, when he had gone back to Regulus at the first opportunity.
“You know, there’s almost a kinship between me and that girl. We both loved you,” Regulus poked him in the chest. “And you told us we were your true loves, before you left us.”
“I’m so sorry, Re-” Regulus placed a finger over his lips, a bored expression on his face.
“It’s fine. It wasn’t, but it is. Go talk to that girl. She didn’t deserve that.”
“Reg-”
“Go,” Regulus said, irritation in his voice.
James paused for a moment, before nodding, and standing up. “Thank you, Reg…”
Regulus smiled a bit. “You’re welcome, James. I still love you, you know.”
“I know. I love you too, Reg,” James said, before walking away, hoping he could find Lily, and apologize.
James walked until he found Lily, crying on the floor, leaning against another pillar in this endless platform.
“Lils…”
Lily turned to him, and glared, her eyes red, tears falling from her eyes. “Go away, James.”
“I’m so sorry, Lily,” James said genuinely, his voice filled with remorse. Lily shook her head in response.
“No,” she said. “No, no, no. You can’t do this James. You can’t pretend that you loved me for years. You can’t just- just ignore this. You can’t just apologize and move on, not from this.”
James sighed, and sank down next to her. “I know. I didn’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to just apologize and forget. You deserve better.”
Lily wiped her tears away on her sleeve. “Why? Why did you do it? If you didn’t love me, then why?”
James looked down. He couldn’t meet her eyes. “I thought I did love you, Lily. When he died, and we started dating, I genuinely thought I had fallen in love with you. But he never left my head. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have done that to you.”
Lily sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we told each other everything. Even before we dated, we were so close… I thought that we didn’t keep secrets.”
James finally met her eyes. “That was the only secret I ever kept, and I wish that I hadn’t. I never wanted to hurt you, Lils. I’m sorry.”
Lily leaned forward and hugged him, holding tightly on the back of his sweater. James hugged her back. He felt Lily bury her head in his shoulder. He kissed her cheek.
“I still love you,” Lily mumbled into his shoulder
“I know. I’m sorry,” James replied, softly stroking her hair.
She stayed like that for a couple of minutes, crying quietly into his shoulder, her grip on his sweater, tight.
“I’m not sure if I’ll ever forgive you,” she said at last. James nodded.
“I know. But I’ll always be here for you.”
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Regulus had determined when he was fifteen that he would always hate Lily Evans. Of course, according to his parents’ wishes, he hated her since he learned of her blood status. But he hadn’t really hated her, at least until he realized for the first time that James Potter was the prettiest boy he had ever seen.
It had been maybe seven or eight years since then- it was hard to tell. The passage of time was a little murky in their odd little afterlife- and he realized exactly how difficult it was to actually hate Lily Evans.
She was kind, and she was clever. She knew almost as much about magic as Regulus, who had lived his whole life in a world full of magic. She was kind to Regulus, and easy to talk to. Besides, they immediately had at least one thing in common.
The first time Regulus talked to her, he had gone to apologize.
“Hello,” Regulus said, walking up to her, hands in his pockets. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, her eyes red and puffy.
“Oh,” she said. “Hi. Regulus, right?” She ran her hand through tangled red hair.
“Mhm,” he responded, sitting next to her. “Are you okay?”
Lily laughed and shook her head. “Not really. Are you?”
“I don’t think I have in a long time.”
Lily looks at him, and snorts. “God, why did we like him so much?”
Regulus smiled sadly. “He seemed so perfect, didn’t he? He shined like the sun.”
Lily looked at him with a bit of admiration. “‘The sun’... hm, that’s actually pretty accurate. He shined so brightly, and we were drawn in, like a moth to a flame.”
Regulus grinned at her. “We could’ve done so much better.”
She grinned in return. “We really could’ve. Then again, maybe I’m the only one who should’ve gone for someone else. He’s so smitten, I think you might be ‘the one’ for each other.”
“‘The one’?”
Lily nodded, smiling softly. “Do you love him?”
“I do.”
“Then go for him,” Lily said. “He’s gone for you, Regulus. If you love him, go for it. Only if you want to, of course.”
“Do you really mean…?” Regulus questioned.
Lily nodded with a smile. “I was never it for him. I was never the one. You are. I’m just sad that I didn’t realize it when I was still alive.”
Regulus smiled. “Thank you, Lily.”
“Go for it, Regulus. I’m rooting for you.”
And that was when Regulus realized he couldn’t hate Lily Evans.
That was also when he got his new best friend.
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James was with Regulus the day Sirius appeared on the floor of an endless train station platform. He had changed so much in the time since James had last seen him. His hair had grown out even more, more ragged and tangled than Sirius would’ve let it get before. The shadows under his eyes had gotten darker, and stubble had grown on his chin.
Sirius’s eyes suddenly shot open. They were darker now, less light inside of them.
“Prongs!” Sirius exclaimed, quickly standing and embracing James. James leaned into him and patted him on the back.
“Hey, Pads,” James said, embracing his friend. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too. God, I missed you. I saw you all the time. When I was in Azkaban. I could swear I saw your glasses on the floor,” he said, holding tightly onto James.
“...Azkaban?” James asked. “Why did you-”
“Wormtail. He’s a rat. He betrayed you. He- he told Voldemort your location. He sent him there,” Sirius said into James’s shoulder. “They thought it was me. I’m so sorry, James. You shouldn’t have died that day, I should have been the secret keeper.”
“Padfoot… it’s okay. We didn’t know. You couldn’t have known,” James said, running his fingers through Sirius’s tangled hair. “It’s okay, now.”
Sirius smiled a bit, but it quickly faded from his face when he peeked over James’s shoulder. “You…” Sirius growled, pulling away from James, to stride quickly towards Regulus.
“Sirius…” Regulus mumbled, smiling softly.
“No,” Sirius said angrily. “You shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t be near him.”
“Pads,” James said, trying to calm Sirius.
“He’s a Death Eater, James! He was on my family’s side! He fought for Voldemort!”
Regulus walked up to him sadly, embracing his brother. “I’m so sorry, Sirius. I’m so sorry. I should have tried. I should have done more. But I was never brave. Not like you.”
Sirius broke a bit, James could see it. He leaned into his brother, his eyes shut tight.
“I was brave, Sirius. I tried to defeat him,” Regulus said, smiling softly. He glanced at James, who nodded encouragingly. Regulus glanced back at Sirius. “I stole the horcrux. I couldn’t defeat him myself, but I tried. I died trying, Sirius.”
“I love you, Reggie… you were always my little brother, even when our mother was no longer mine. I just didn’t want you to end up like her,” Sirius mumbled, his arms wrapped around his little brother.
Regulus shook his head. “I never wanted to be like her. I wanted to be just like you, my big brother.” He smiled softly.
James let the brothers embrace for a few more minutes, before they pulled apart. James stood at Regulus’s side and gave him a kiss on the top of his head.
“You were good, love,” he murmured softly.
“Um, the fuck?” Sirius said suddenly, his eyes darting back and forth between James and Regulus. “Would anyone like to explain to me what this is?” Sirius waved his finger between them.
Regulus rolled his eyes. “Oh, fuck off.”
“My little brother, James?” Sirius exclaimed, shock filling his expression. James grinned sheepishly.
“Sorry I didn’t tell you, mate. I love him, if it makes you feel any better,” James said, Regulus leaning against him.
“It doesn’t,” Sirius mutters. “It really, really doesn’t.” Sirius paces, covering his eyes as though he had seen something utterly traumatizing. James stifles a laugh, Regulus laughing into his shoulder.
“Padfoot-” James says.
“No!” Sirius exclaims, a horrified expression on his face. “I don’t want to know! I don’t want to hear anything about this!”
James can hear Regulus laughing behind him as James reaches out, placing his hand on Sirius’s shoulder.
“Padfoot, it’s okay. We’re in l-”
“Nope,” Sirius interrupted, covering his ears. “Nope, nope, nope, nope, and nope. I don’t want to know.” Regulus walks up and gently pulls Sirius’s hands off of his ears.
“Listen to me, Sirius,” Regulus said, a smile on his face. “He makes me happy. The happiest I’ve ever been.”
“Really?” Sirius asked hesitantly. Regulus nodded.
“Really,” Regulus replied, a soft smile across his face. Sirius hugged him tightly, and Regulus hugged him back. He glanced up at James for a moment.
Sirius pulled away after a moment. “Wait, what about Lily?”
The smiles fell from James and Regulus’s faces, replaced with uncomfortable frowns. “Well, um,” James starts, twiddling his fingers uncomfortably. “We sort of… broke up…”
“What?” Sirius asked, confusion spreading across his face. “But, you two were so in love? What happened?”
Regulus sighed. “Sirius, come on, Lily can explain this better than my idiot of a boyfriend.” Regulus took his brother’s hand and started leading him away. “You too, James,” Regulus said, not looking back when James didn’t immediately follow.
Regulus, Sirius, and James walk for a bit, until they see Lily, where she had set up her camp. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail, and she sat cross-legged on the floor, reading quietly.
“Hey, Lily,” Regulus said, warmth in his voice.
“Oh, hey, Reg-” Lily said, looking up from her book. Her eyes went wide when she saw Sirius behind Regulus. “Oh, Sirius…”
“Hey, Lils,” Sirius said, smiling fondly. “How’s it going?”
Lily put down her book, and patted the ground next to her. “Sit down, love. You must have so many questions.”
“We’ll give you some time to catch up,” James said, still twiddling his thumbs. He took Regulus’s hand and mumbled, “Come along, love.”
They walked a little away from where Sirius and Lily talked animatedly.
“They seem so close,” Regulus said, smiling fondly. James wraps his hand around Regulus’s waist, and pulls him into his side.
“They have been for years,” James replied. It was nice to see them talking like that again.
“Let me guess, they bonded over sibling issues?” Regulus asked with a roll of his eyes. James nodded.
“How ever did you guess?” James said humorously.
“Ooh, sarcasm. Maybe I’m rubbing off on you,” Regulus said, a humorous grin on his face.
“Maybe. But only because I love you so much,” James said.
“I love you too, James,” Regulus said softly. James smiles, and presses a soft kiss to the top of Regulus’s head.
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Two years after Sirius’s arrival, Remus appeared on the floor of the endless Kings Cross. Sirius sat on the floor next to him, while James and Regulus stood against a pillar together.
When Remus awoke, Sirius met amber eyes, and parted lips.
“Hi,” Sirius mumbled, a grin across his face. Remus pulled him down into a sweet kiss, Sirius’s hands slipping into Remus’s mousy brown curls.
“That is disgusting,” Regulus’s voice rang out, interrupting their kiss. Sirius pulled away and flipped off his brother.
“Oh, fuck off. You and James aren’t any better.” Sirius said, before leaning back in, to kiss Remus.
After a minute, Remus and Sirius separated. “Hi,” Sirius mumbled, running his fingers through Remus’s curls.
“You said that already,” Remus said in response, a soft smile on his face. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” Sirius grinned. “I love you.”
“Love you too, Padfoot.”
They stood eventually, Remus fiddling with the hem of his sweater. James grinned and embraced his friend.
Remus laughs. “Hey, Prongs.”
“We missed you, Moony,” James grinned happily.
“I missed you too,” Remus smiled. Regulus stood behind James, a hand on his shoulder.
Remus eyed them curiously. “So,” Remus started. “What’s going on here?” Remus pointed between the two of them.
“It’s awful, Moony,” Sirius started, wrapping his arms around Remus’s neck. “James is dating my little brother now. Isn’t that awful?”
“Oh,” Remus replied. “Again?”
“Again?!” Sirius and James replied unanimously, as Regulus nodded politely in affirmation.
“Well, yeah,” Remus said. “Weren’t you two together while we were at Hogwarts?”
“Well, yeah,” James started, looking absolutely baffled. “How did you-”
“James,” Remus cut him off, an exasperated look on his face. “Who do you think was hiding the map so you two wouldn’t get caught?”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Moony? You knew James was with my little brother, and you didn’t tell me?” Sirius said, a dramatically shocked expression on his face.
Remus shrugged nonchalantly. “It wasn’t my secret to tell. Besides, I wouldn’t want anyone telling about us, so why would I tell about them?”
Sirius stopped for a moment and thought about it. “You know, that’s fair. But still, Moony. Tell me.”
Remus smiled fondly. “I will Pads. I promise.” Remus turned his attention back to James.
“So,” Remus said. “What’s next?”
“Next?” James asked.
“Yeah. I mean, we’re dead right? So what’s next from here?” Remus asked.
A melancholic expression crossed Regulus’s face. “I think I know.” He took a deep breath. “I think we catch the train.”
“What? Reg, love, I know you’re brilliant, but you’re going to have to explain,” James said, gazing down at Regulus.
“Well, it makes sense, doesn’t it?” Regulus said. “We’re at Kings Cross. Surely the train will take us to our next adventure.”
The group met eyes, and an entire conversation seemed to pass through their gazes, before Regulus gave a curt nod.
“I’ll go find Lily,” he said, slipping away from James. “We can wait for the train together.”
“Love you, Reg,” James said, letting Regulus walk away, only glancing back to return the sentiment.
After a couple of minutes of catching up, and emotional conversations, Regulus returned with Lily.
“Hi, Lils,” Remus said, embracing his friend.
“Hi, Remus. Lovely to see you. It’s really unfortunate that our reunion had to be in your death,” Lily said, smiling softly.
“At least we’re together,” Remus smiled.
Lily pulled away slowly as a large red train approached the platform, slowing to a halt.
“Well,” she said. “Are we all ready?”
They all nodded, James clutching Regulus’s hand.
Lily stepped onto the train first, gesturing for them to follow.
Then Remus and Sirius, who stepped on, hand-in-hand, affectionate gazes.
Then James, who stood at the entrance of the train, held out his hand to help Regulus up.
“You ready, love?” James asked, a loving smile on his face, just for Regulus.
“As long as I’m with you,” Regulus said, taking James’s hand, and stepping into the train. As the train slowly started moving, James held Regulus close to him, moving one hand through Regulus’s soft curls.
“It’s time for our next adventure,” James said, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Through every life, they were by each other’s side.
The sun and the star.
Never truly apart.