It’s the first week back after summer break into our sixth year at Hogwarts. All starting our chosen subjects to take on for the next two years in preparation for our N.E.W.T.S, I was bricking it the whole summer in preparation for our O.W.L results, I just felt this pure anxiety that I had failed everything even though I knew I had tried my best and studied a lot, like every bloody day months before the exams even took place.
I have never been the smartest, nothing compared to Remus, Sirius or Lily but I tried so hard, but I still felt that on the day I had messed up certain questions due to my nerves so when the results came through the door I was prepared to see Acceptable or Poor’s, well maybe an Exceeds Expectations in Herbology but I have always been just naturally good at that.
It also didn’t help that when my results came through my mum and mum's boyfriend took it upon themselves to open the letter first without even telling me it had arrived yet. I remember her running into my room, tearing me away from sleep to parade me with hugs and kisses telling me how proud she was. I was confused, obviously, until I saw the torn open letter in her hand knowing right away what it was.
I had been annoyed that she had opened it without my permission but my curiosity and nerves won over the anger, because, why was she so happy? If I had done horrible I know my mother wouldn’t have woken me up as nicely as she did, there would have been a whole lecture instead telling me I should be more like Lottie and how she got the perfect grades, and how I should go ask Lottie right away on how to improve, I roll my eyes just thinking about the head banging lecture I had luckily avoided.
Though I had avoided it, so it must have been that I had got delivered good news, right?
I remember hesitantly lifting my hand to take the letter out of my mothers hand, shaking while I did so, the nerves creeping up until I could no longer try hide them, my mum had just reached over and gript my arm tightly leaning over and giving me a kiss on the side of the head in encouragement, the grades were good.
My eyes must have been so wide when I read over the letter, surprised myself they didn’t pop out. I had only done six OWL’s that year, Astronomy, Divination, Herbology, Defence against the dark arts, Transfiguration and Charms. So it wasn’t that many subjects compared to Remus, Sirius and Lily who were all doing nine. Yet I still struggled, so reading over the text of the letter, my pupils expanded reading in the grades.
I wouldn’t know if I would say it was mum running in and surprising me with hugs and kisses good, though my mum sure seemed to think so but it was still definitely better than I thought I was going to do.
I had gotten an Outstanding in Herbology and Divination, three Exceeds Expectations in Astronomy, Charms and Defence Against the Dark Arts. I had gotten an Acceptable in Transfiguration, I was annoyed at that score but was kinda expecting it knowing how I messed up the practical exam due to my nerves but was also expecting a Poor result so my giddy mood over my other grades wasn’t put down because of the one Acceptable.
After reading the letter about four times to make sure that it was real and I wasn’t seeing things my moms boyfriend had come to the door stating that ‘the boy should get given pancakes for his excellent scores, I shall make some the now’ saying it all in his stupid German accent (I actually find it really cool, but he will never know that).
We had written to Lottie over pancakes, mum thinking that my big sister will definitely want to hear all about how good I did, I think she was more happy than me about my scores.
I remember flooing to Marlene’s straight after pancakes were done, we both planned two days before that as soon as we got our results we would meet up and fill each other in and if it was shit results we would drink our sorrows away and if it was good results we would celebrate our victories.
And it was drinking for our Victories, well a little bit of drowning our sorrows, Marlene had gotten a Poor in Potions that she wasn’t all that upset about herself as she said before exams ‘fuck the subject, I’m dropping it any ways’ and proceeded to only study for potions like twice but her mum had been hard on her for not getting a better result. So as much as we were celebrating our good results, we were also drinking away the knowledge of having high expectations awaiting parents because for some reason our older siblings had to curse us with them being smart and getting perfect grades, and for Marlene it’s worse as she has two perfect graded older siblings.
So we drank the liquor we stole from Marlene's brother (He totally knows we stole it) and laughed away and cheered for our good grades and that night I fell asleep happy on the floor of Marlene’s childhood bedroom.
The next day, nursing a hangover, I went over to James’ house and Remus floo in from Wales and Sirius had been living at the Potter’s since the start of summer, so we were all there to reveal to each other what our results were. James had gotten three outstandings, four Exceeds Expectations and an Acceptable in Potions he was pretty bummed about, especially since the idiot has decided to take it as a NEWT and is going to have to really try these next two years. I was the only smart one out of us four who knew to drop the subject in third year.
Sirius had gotten six outstandings and two Exceeds Expectations-the smart ass- but he did get one Acceptable and that was in Divination but to be honest and Sirius was very honest about it, he did not study once for Divination and absolutely winged the practical exam, so that grade was surprising in the sense that he didn’t get a lower score.
Remus had gotten five outstanding’s and four Exceeds Expectations, which he tried to act as though he wasn’t the least bit proud of, the humble git, but couldn’t seem to stop the smile that stretched across his face when he read out his results, being the only one of us not to get an Acceptable. We all just shouted at him to act smug like we all knew he wanted to and as soon as Remus was given permission we couldn’t get him to shut up about how well he did.
He even went to brag right in Sirius face about how he did better in Ancient Runes, the two of them had had a running challenge since the start of third year about who was better in that subject (No one knows how it started but those two have always been competitive against each other) but Remus had stopped himself from joking to far leaving an awkwardness in the air, tension from fifth year and what happened or more exactly what Sirius did being brought to the front before James quickly suggested we go see a muggle movie to celebrate. (Remus' forgiveness to Sirius was still very delicate, him only really forgiving him due to Sirius running away from home this summer.)
We had gone to see the movie, I’m still not entirely sure what we saw, I think at one point a girl was drenched in blood? All I know is that all of us stared at the screen the whole time confused, Remus tried to explain it was a book first but I still didn’t get it. When I tried to explain it to Marlene she went on a big rant about how much she loved that movie and she went and saw it with her sister near the start of summer, I can’t even remember the name of it.
We ended up grabbing food and then made our way back to the potter house where Sirius decided he shall finally fill me in in the fact he is no longer taking Divination as a NEWT and had sent a letter after he was at the Potter’s for a few days to Professor McGonagall to swap around the classes he was doing for NEWTS, as at the end of fifth year he had only picked two subjects, two he knew would piss of his parents the most, Divination and Muggle Studies. Though now that he was away from that house and them he wanted to change to other subjects, filling me in that I would be attending Divination myself, and that is where I am now, back at Hogwarts from summer break about to go to Divination by myself.
“I’m sure it will still be fun Peter, I mean you enjoyed the subject last year.” James chides from across the Gryffindor table in the great hall over breakfast.
“Yeah but that was when I had you and Sirius there with me, now I’m all alone.” I grumble back at him.
“Oh c’mon Pete, you enjoy the subject if that Outstanding is anything to go by, don't let me not doing it anymore make you not enjoy it.” Sirius buts in saying.
“How can I not let it, I have to walk up to the classroom everyday by myself now, and it is constantly paired work, am I fuck wanting to let a stranger read my future. At Least when it was one of use, if my teacup or hand said that I was, I don’t know, dying or something you would let me down gently or try to console me. Now some random person is gonna see that and be like ‘oh shit man, you gonna die in two years. Well anywho go to go now and get lunch’ Is that seriously how you two want me to figure out how I die? With no care at all?” I finish off my rant that has James and Sirius in pieces laughing while I just scowl at them, so they really want me to figure out I die with no care, the traitors.
Remus who is hiding his mouth behind his hand, obviously trying hard not to laugh as well to at least act as though what I am saying is something that is a serious problem to worry about, “I’m sure you’re not gonna die in two years Pete.” He replies, muffled behind his hand.
“How would you know? I definitely could.” I state back, refusing to let this go.
Sirius after recovering from laughing- James is still going, clutching onto his belly head leaning against Remus- he puts his arm around my shoulder before saying in a croaky voice from laughing so much, “We can always console you when you leave the class.”
I shove him off me as James' laughter breaks out again at Sirius, and Sirius starts laughing again too.
“You do Herbology without any of us Peter, It can’t be that different.” Remus supplies.
“Wrong.” I start, “I have Amos in Herbology, in Divination I have no one, Mary's even dropped too.” I remember when Mary told me she wasn’t taking it either, I fully wanted to beg her to take it, get on both my knees and plead with her to join me in the class but thought better of it and just shrugged and walked away.
I know I could easily just drop the subject. It would be easier but what Sirius said is true, I do enjoy the subject, wouldn’t have taken it as a NEWT if I hadn’t. I just really don’t want to do it myself, as I’m not what some would call, well, James or Sirius even Remus. James and Sirius find it easy to talk to anyone and people want to talk to them, can start a conversation with a brick wall those two and then with Remus everyone just confides in him, finds him easy to talk too and listen to them, where with me, I must give off awkward energy or something because no one ever comes to confide to me.
I was never always bad with talking with people in first and second year I found it easy to talk to people I didn’t know if it was because it was easier as no one knew anybody really unless your families where friends in the wizarding world, or you know, a part of the sacred twenty eight because they all know everyone. The only reason I know people and talk to people who aren’t my friends the now is because I have known them since first year but anyone I’ve not already made friends with all those years ago, I just can’t talk to them for some reason, I just can’t hold someone's attention like James or Sirius or, I guess, really comfort and listen to someone like Remus.
Marlene would tell me to stop putting down my self esteem at this point but I can't help it, I really don’t want to do Divination by myself.
Breakfast ends not long after that and as the rest of the guys head to Defence Against the Dark Arts, wishing me luck, I prepare myself to make the journey all the way up to Divination.
As I trudge my way up the unneeded long spiral staircase towards the classroom and internally curse James and Sirius for not taking the subject even though I know they didn’t enjoy it and shouldn’t have to take it, I don’t care, I really don’t want to do Divination by myself.
I enter the classroom, looking around. There aren't many people in the classroom, I spot two Slytherins, one Hufflepuff talking with a ravenclaw and another Ravenclaw sitting by herself. I cringe at the closeness of the classroom and that I don’t recognise anyone that I would talk to, so I make my way over to a free table near the window and plop down, groaning internally at the class I’m going to be stuck in for the next two bloody years.
A few more people shuffle in to the class after a bit, no more Slytherins just some Hufflepuff and Ravenclaws and the professor still hasn’t made an appearance yet but I have learned that from the last three years of doing Divination that Professor Rookwood is usually late, likes to make an entrance, believes that she can hold us after class and the lesson stops when she decides it, she really isn’t all that bad just a tiny bit dramatic, like Sirius. Me and James teased him about the comparisons all the time when we all did Divination together.
I let out a sigh dropping my head and starting to slowly bang it against the desk, why bang did bang I bang chose bang this bang bloody bang subject ban-
“You know, I always thought banging my head against a desk was the least productive way to solve a problem, and anyways, a wall would be a more efficient source, don’t you think? Brick is harder than wood.” A light voice startles me into ripping my head away from banging it against the desk to look up to where the voice came from.
In the rush of movement my head aches and I realise just how sore banging your head against a desk leaves it, causing me to rub my hand against my temple.
The light voice is the owner of a girl, a Ravenclaw girl to be exact. I stare up at her, slowly blinking, my head still hurting as I take the girl in.
Her hair is the main thing I notice straight away, it's a bush of hair that is about three sizes too big. Its half curly half frizzy, travelling longly down the sides of her body, the end resting near her hips. The colour is blonde but not exactly blonde like my hair, it's more dirtier a mix of brown and blonde, with certain blonde highlights on different strands of hair that are set alight with the glare from the sun shining through the window that my desk is next to.
She wears a big grey cardigan that is falling apart by the ends, with loads of loose threads hanging off at the sleeves. Her blue tie is only barely seen through how big the cardigan is that it covers her full upper half of her body, her steel grey skirt, a darker shade of grey than her cardigan, sits knee length and has patterns knitted into it, different animals. I can make out an otter as one of the animals and a… yep I see one, a fish-but a weird looking fish. Loads of other animals too but I can't make out anymore with the light shining against the skirt, blinding me from seeing and making out anymore animals.
Her knee length socks are blue, the same blue as the Ravenclaw tie and contrasts with dark grey skirt. She is wearing white trainers that are weirdly pristine clean compared to my shoes that are covered in dirt and mud. The laces in the shoe are blue, but not the same as the Ravenclaw blue, they are a lighter blue contrasting with her blue socks.
I look back up at her face then, her face is long down the ways and a bit skinny, a contrast to my plump round face and her chin sticks out a little away from her face, not really noticeable but I see it. She has fair skin, the same colour as certain strands of light blonde from her hair. Her cheeks are a little pink, not like she’s blushing but just that they are naturally that colour. She smiles down at me, her smile is broad and stretches across her full face, she doesn’t smile with her teeth, a sealed smile that thins her light pink lips that match the colour of her cheeks.
It's her glasses that are the main action on her face, she wears square glasses unlike prongs who wears circle ones, but they aren’t just basic black glasses. They are dark blue, and have those weird fish that were on her skirt painted on them in a deep, dark purple. They are big, and make her eyes seem much larger than I bet they really are, her eyes themselves are a startling emerald green colour, and her lashes are quite literally non-existent, wait, they are there they are just blonde instead of black.
“Did you damage your head?” She asks, and even though I’m aware of her presence this time she still seems to startle me, making me jump which just causes her smile to bright up more while I blush and pull my hand away from rubbing my temple as the headache has pretty much gone away.
“No, why?” I ask, voice hoarse and chunky sounding when it comes out causing me to cough to try to fix it, Merlin this is embarrassing.
“Well, you just stared at me for about two minutes.” She says lightly, ending it off in a chuckle and Merlin I must be bright red like a beetroot at this point.
“Well, eh, I’m fine, no” -cough- “head damage.” I say and it still comes out all chunky, I am really bad at talking to new people, my awkwardness always ends up shining through.
The girl continues to stand in front of the desk I am sitting on after that, not saying anything herself, just watching me with her big emerald eyes and I start to fidget under her careful eye.
While she continues to watch me her face comes to memory and I remember the girl from Divination for OWLS, she sat right at the front, in the desk I am sitting in right now to be exact, the desk at the front furthest from the door right in front of the window, where as me, Sirius and James sat right at the back desk that was the closest to the door.
Sybil!
That's her name, Sybil, the new girl that came halfway through third year.
I remember her, the weird new girl that was privately sorted into Ravenclaw, no one knows why she suddenly arrived halfway through the year but she did, our class, Divination was the first time I ever saw her, it was the day after she had arrived and it was all anyone could talk about in our year and even in other years all the night before, I don’t think anyone has ever really heard of a student coming to Hogwarts halfway through a year who had never been before.
James and Sirius were joking about something when she had come into the class, eyes wide and glasses, different to ones she has on now but still way too big for her slender face. Her skinny figure had almost been knocked down when someone in the class had barged into her, she had almost fully decked it on her first day, James and Sirius thought it was hilarious but I had felt a bit bad for her, new day and already getting laughed it, I know what it’s like to be the butt of a joke and sometimes it it’s always funny but she hadn't seemed bothered at all and just walked right towards the window seat where Pandora Lestrange was sitting and sat down and smiled at her, and well that was that.
She had kinda gone off grid for me since that day, we obviously shared that class but we never once spoke, never saw her outside of class unless it was only a tiny glimpse in the great hall. I had heard about her here and then, she had found herself classed as the weird girl, for what reason? No clue.
I have heard it's the way she dresses, which I guess her clothes don’t really mix well together but who cares it’s school, not a bloody fashion show, if it was I would have been expelled by now with the state of my uniform half the bloody time and anyways I like her animal skirt.
I have heard it's because of the way she acts, going around having prophecies and telling people who don’t care, how she is always a little too happy, which like have you met James? Man is always a little too happy even when he isn’t okay and everyone loves him, so I don’t really understand that. The way she speaks and acts clumsily is annoying? Honestly there is a lot of other stuff probably I just haven’t really listened because, well, it all comes back to one thing doesn’t it? That she is different from what is assumed ‘normal’ so that's her done, outcast as weird.
Or maybe the fact that she came half way through third year and know one knows why is the reason she is classified as weird at this point. I don't know anymore and I don’t really care.
Which hasn’t always been the reason that I really am ashamed to admit.
When she first came to the school I was, well, struggling with my identity and self esteem and just over who the hell I was as a person. I kept comparing myself constantly to James wanted to be able to have people admire me just by being confident and funny, I kept comparing myself to Sirius wanting to be able to have girls attention like him, to have James and Remus attention like him and I kept comparing myself to Remus who was able to have people like him while doing, like, fuck all. But most importantly I wanted to be popular and it’s a selfish dream I had back then but it was true.
I had this idea that I could combine all of my friends personalities and act sorta like them all to be popular and well liked, which is stupid because I shouldn’t care about anybody but my friends and I realise that now, with the help of Marlene and how she realised I was changing and not for the best she got me to reach out and share this struggle with the boys because without them meaning too, they were the root of all my problems.
That's what I did, at the end of third year I opened up to them all about how I was affected by them being well, them.
I was incredibly nervous about how they would all react, scared they would think it was a me problem and if I was so badly affected by them I should just leave but that was not what happened at all.
It was actually the last person who I thought would do it that reacted first and reached over and wiped my face, as I had started crying without even realising and pulled me into a bone crushing hug.
It’s no secret that me and Sirius were not the closest in the first few years of our friendship, in first year it was all fine me, James, Remus and Srius all tightly knit and planning pranks, forming the Marauders but then all over a sudden second year come along and it was like the dynamics had changed and everyone had gotten the memo apart from me. Now Sirius and James were instantly close from the start, it was mind blowing how close they were right away. Though second year it was like they were even tighter and then we all found out about Remus being a werewolf, so all that energy James and Sirius shared with each other they poured into Remus and I felt forgotten about it.
I had confided in Marlne about all this but she had thought it was nothing in second year and that we were close and it would be fine come third year but then third year came and I still felt the way I did, but worse and more damaging to my self esteem and identity than ever before. Jealousy was the friend I knew best those months.
It was worse for me and Sirius because me and Remus would talk when James and Sirius got too caught up being soulmates, me and Remus had dubbed them. Then me and James( Marlene too ) have known each other since before school that we had that childhood friendship to keep us connected but it was me and Sirius that just never stayed close after first year.
I became the butt of some jokes that now, Sirius feels so guilty about, but then thought that was how he was showing his affection towards me but in reality made me feel like crap. He never wanted to do anything with me and I always felt like the last result, I swear he once went to Mary before going to me(That was before they were close). We could talk to each other but it never just was us two for so long that we could barely tell anyone anything personal about the other. Anything we did know was learnt from first year or told to us by Remus and James.
It was a pretty shitty friendship one kept because of the friends we shared. Even despite all that though, it was him that reached out first and held me tightly and whispered in my ear that he was sorry he never saw how badly I was struggling and that he was here now, no matter what. And he has stuck to that ever since, being there for me and making sure I’m doing ok, they all have, and I thank Marlene all the time for making me reach out to all of them because I have never been closer to them all since the end of third year when I told them how I felt and instead of leaving me behind fully they lifted me up and brought me back to be someone that I love being, even if I still have self doubt and struggle sometimes I know now I have a support base to help me through it.
Though that doesn’t mean I didn’t make some mistakes when I was trying to be liked back then, because this isn’t the first time Sybil has randomly come up to me, I remember now, it was when her hair was much shorter. Some time in third year a week or two after she arrived, she had come up to me and Merlin, I don’t even know what for now but she was asking me something and I saw out the corner of my eyes some people in our year laughing at her for what she was wearing and I joined in wanting to be liked.
I remember she had just walked away, I had instantly felt bad knowing what that feels liked to be laughed at without understanding but I was struggling so much with my identity I didn’t bother going after her but now being where I am today, in a healthier place I feel horrible and for a split second I get scared that she is here now to bring up that day and start yelling at me for what I did.
Her watchful eye feeling more and more daunting with that thought, and I wish for once the bloody teacher would start on fuckin time as it must have been about five minutes with her just standing there staring at me and I start to fidget even more and before I can stop myself I bark out,
“Are you just gonna stare at me or-”
And the exact same time as she says,
“So I came over to say something actually-” She starts before stopping.
We both look at each other before breaking out into small smiles, “You go.” She says kindly but I just shake my head, “Nah, you go. I think you were answering my question anyway.”
“Okay, well this is going to sound kinda random but I have this, like,” She pauses then making a wild gesture with her hands, face concentrated into a very sirius, damn it sirius! Into a very serious facial expression before continuing talking, “A very, very strong feeling that I should sit next to you in class today and I know that you're probably going to find that weird or say I’m crazy and out of my head, nuts, cuckoo,” As she lists stuff off I start to feel sorry for her as she has obviously been called these by people in our year, maybe even other years, “- insane or whatever but you just need to listen to me when I say I should sit -”
“Okay.” I cut her off.
“-here, if you don’t, well it could change this big thing that- wait! Okay?” She stops realising that I had already answered her.
“Yeah, okay. Sit down, I’m sure your feelings are correct or whatever and you need to sit here.” I say gently to her, giving her a reassuring smile and pointing to the seat next to me, feeling a little more confident for some reason than before talking to her.
She looks cautious for a second and that feeling of being sorry for her reappears to the surface again as she has probably never really been talked to so nicely before when telling someone one of her feelings she’s had, and I feel a bit of anger towards anyone who ever made her feel that she couldn’t talk to someone about her prophecies, which means I feel anger towards myself as well, at my younger self for being so ready to try fit in and be rude to anyone who was a little different than what was deemed ‘popular’.
She finally sits after looking at me for a little longer and before I can open my mouth to, well I don’t know really, ask her about what the feeling was about, if she could even tell me Professor Rockwood saunters in nearly fifthteen minutes late that she for sure will make us stay at the end of the lesson to make up for.
“So class,” The Professor starts dramatically, flourishing her voice to project across the room. “Today we are gonna go over dream interception, which before you start I’m aware was gone over in firth year but was never in your assessment, though this year it will be heavily involved in your NEWTS so we must go over it again.” She finishes before going to grab something off the mess she calls her desk.
Okay, so the first day is not bad at all, dream interception is pretty fun. Last year James and Sirius took that literally piss out of the task of telling your dreams and trying to figure out what they mean by referring to your textbooks but those two just made up random dreams and intercepted them horribly. Though I had always done the work probably and enjoyed trying to work out what the dream means.
“Oh, I just love dream interpretation.” Sybil whispers excitedly from where she is sitting next to me and I whisper back, “Me too.”
I feel this comfort with the girl now that I know who she is because she is so freerly herself and not afraid of judgement from other people. This is about to sound, maybe, bad? But I feel safe with her being myself because of how odd she can act sometimes because no matter how I act she will still be interpreted as odder than me and that makes me feel safe. Because around the Marauders I am probably the one everyone looks at as odd and isn’t supposed to be there but with Sybil it’s her people see that way.
I know how awful that sounds but I don’t even mean it as anything bad because like I said I feel anger towards anywhere who is rude to the girl and if anyone was rude to her now in front of me I think I would definitely say something but that doesn’t stop my mind from thinking about feeling safe around the girl because of her oddness.
Though it’s her oddness I suppose I like about her, her free spirit from everyone else because if she never had her uniqueness then she wouldn’t be the girl I know her to be and I might not feel like I can be myself around her too, let all my oddness come to the surface.
“So today to start the lesson,” Rockwood comes back looking dazed and whatever she went to her desk to find she obviously couldn’t find it in the mess of stuff as her hands are empty, “we are going to discuss our dreams from last night with our partners and figure out what they mean, so I can figure out what use all remember from last year.” She finishes off, her voice having sounded more sure as she kept talking.
I lean closer towards Sybil and put my hand over my mouth to cover my voice when I whisper to her, “Who bets she couldn’t find her lesson plan for today in the pile of junk on her desk and made that up on the spot.” I joke, and I watch as Sybil snorts a laugh, something truly hideous and awkward but fits her personality entirely. I struggle not to laugh myself as she struggles to try cover up her laugh with a cough as Rockwood turns to stare at the both of us, before just shaking her head and telling us to continue with the task and she will make her way round after she does some work, then she leaves from the front of the class and goes to her desk to start looking through it and who bets that she is looking for that lesson plan and before I can voice that thought someone beats me to it,
“Do you think,” Sybil says between laughter “That she is looking for that exact lesson plan right now.” She says, her awkward snorting laugh shining through.
“I was just thinking that!” I say loudly, causing a few heads to turn but I don’t have the time to be embarrassed as Sybil’s face turns more pink than her usual as she tries so hard to muffle her big, bright laughter from reaching the ears of our teacher, and I’m entranced by the free energy that radiates off her.
As we finally calm down I turn to her to ask about her dream but something else entirely comes out of my mouth, “Why do you think you had a feeling to come over to sit next to me?” I ask, that curiosity from earlier still there that I didn’t notice, too busy laughing. I curse myself and my ability to be so bloody unsubtle sometimes, even James is better than that.
Sybil turns her bright green eyes away from the front of the class to look at me, her face turning to its usual pink and she smiles before answering,
“I thought that was obvious?” She says, her voice light and knowing.
“Not really.” I reply, trying to really think but not all of us have some spiritual voice in their head that tells them stuff, but before I can go into a self doubt about not knowing when I should, Sybil tells me.
“You weren’t happy but me sitting here and talking to you made you happy. I wasn’t happy this morning but coming and sitting next to you made me happy. I was supposed to sit next to you because we can help each other forget about our problems.” She says confidently, her stare piercing through my own blue eyes and I find myself really believing that is the reason that she came here, though my brain snags on one piece of information she told me.
“You weren’t happy this morning?” I ask her, and her strong gaze finally drops from mine like she is trying to hide before she gives a dry chuckle looking back up at me.
“No, no I wasn’t. But I am now, because of you.” She says quietly, looking at me.
“I haven’t done that much.” I say bashfully, I only really made her laugh, I mean anyone can do that.
“Making me laugh is a bigger thing than you think,” She says reading my mind, “and maybe that isn’t much but it also isn’t all about that, it’s what you can do for me in the future. This feeling I’m having towards you, it’s not a one time thing. It’s more, it’s not just today you can help me and I can help you, it’s forever.” She finishes off.
Forever. I try to think about that, sitting with Sybil on a random Tuesday discussing our dreams and what they mean, making each other laugh and funnily enough, yea forever, sounds about right.
“Forever, huh?” I ask her, and watch the red go to her cheeks.
“I know that sounds intense but my feelings are intense and it was the only way I could try to ex-” She starts to ramble before I cut her off,
“It’s nothing bad Sybil, forever making each other happy sounds good to me.” I try reassuring her, that anger creeping in again at how doubtful she can be sometimes about these feelings she gets when it’s not like she can help them.
She just smiles shyly up at me, “So you do know my name, Peter.” She adds on my name, dropping her voice to say it dramatically making me huff out a laugh, that makes her let out a giddy carefree giggle.
Though my curiosity comes back again but this time it's about another thing that Sybil mentioned but skipped over,
“Why were you upset this morning, If you don’t mind me asking?”
“If I tell you why I was upset, will you tell me why you were?” She asks.
“Can’t your I don’t know, spiritual guides, tell you why I was upset?” I ask, really wanting to avoid talking about me but she sees right through it, letting out another chuckle,
“That's not how it works, Peter and you know it.” She says, voice turning more serious, “Do we have a deal? I'll tell you why, if you tell me why.” Finalising it by putting out her hand for me to shake like a proper deal, I glare at the hand really not wanting to talk about it because it’s not a big deal but Sybil just counties to stare at me so I just huff out a breath before shaking her hand, I do want to find out about why she was upset.
“Deal.” I mutter, letting go of her hand and ignoring the goosebumps that went up my arm at the warm contact of our hands and the way it left my stomach swooping.
“Well, before I start, just let me talk and don’t interrupt me, okay?” She asks and I nod my head in understanding and she starts her story of her shitty morning, “So I was in the great hall this morning and a girl in my house from the year above was making fun of my glasses and I had to act like I couldn’t hear her and just keep eating and I thought that was the worst of it, you know? I can deal when people don’t like me and make fun of me but keep it to themselves,” I really want to interrupt there and say that not matter if they do it behind her back or too her face no one should be making fun of her but I stop myself, remembering what she said at the start, “but then she had to go and tell me straight to my face that my glasses were awful and that it’s an obvious distraction so people don’t need to look at my face.” She starts to tear up then and I think to myself, aren’t we supposed to make each other happy not reliving what makes us upset, cursing myself for bringing this up.
“So I know I look like I can take stuff, but some stuff I just can’t and I don’t like when people are cruel to me, especially over my looks, so yea, that was why I was upset.” She finishes off, blinking away the little clear line that appeared at the bottom of her eyes, made big because of her glasses.
“I like your glasses, that girl has no idea what she is talking about.” I state confidently to Sybil, trying to show how sincere I am when I tell her that, closing a bit of distance between us hoping she can see how truthful I am being.
“Really?” She whispers, the sad look that was on her face fading a little.
“Yeah, I like the fish on them.”
“Thank you, I painted them myself.” She says proudly.
“No way, that's so cool.” I say before really looking at the weird looking fish and thinking it's no better time to ask what they are but now, “Eh, what exactly type of fish is that?”
“Oh,” Her eyes sparkle in delight because of the question, “Well they are blobfish, very underrated fish if you ask me.”
“Blobfish? Odd name innit?” I ask, repeating the name again in my head.
“I guess, but odd’s always better than normal, don’t you think?” She says it thoughtlessly but once she says it, she looks at me hopeful for what my answer will be and as I stare into her eyes I think, yea, odd is much better than normal.
“Yeah, definitely.” I say warmly, causing her face to light up.
“Hey, see that em, well it’s hard to say,” I don’t know why I have decided to start talking but that memory of third year when Sybil came over to me and I laughed at her, comes to mind when she talked about that girl being rude to her and I have this very strong need to apologise to her right away, “but do you, eh, remember that time-”
“Time in third year when I walked up to you and you then proceeded to laugh in my face, yea, I remember that, it was eleven days of me being at the school, it was outside Herbology and there was a group of Hufflepuffs near by who heard me try talking to you, and I was wearing this jumper that for some reason people thought was incredibly funny, and they started making fun of it and you heard them and laughed along and ignored me.” She says, and I turn white at how well she remembers it, the feeling of guilt swirling in my stomach but she doesn’t look even a little mad at me.
“Yeah, that. I just wanted to say how sorry I was and that I was going through something-but that is no excuse and I’m sorry.” I plead to her, the feeling of fear now creeping up at the idea of her not wanting to do forever with me anymore because of a stupid mistake I made in third year. Though Sybil just smiles, a hint of something else in her green eyes, like she knows something I don’t but before I can ask what it is, it seems she is going to share it with as she opens her mouth to start speaking,
“Do you know why I came up to you that day outside of Herbology?” I shake my head, I never did know why she came up to me as I never listened properly and was too focused on the group of Hufflepuffs next to us.
“Well,” She continues, “I had this very strong intense feeling that I just had to speak to you, exactly like the one I had today.”
“Wait really?!” I say flabbergasted at how even back then Sybil had that feeling.
“Yep, because back then like you said, you were struggling and so was I with being at this new school after being home schooled my whole life, and this feeling to talk to you was because I knew we would be able to make each other happy, though when you ignored me I thought that it must have been wrong, even though my feelings never were. You made me doubt my feelings for the first time ever, but I got over it, never really you though, I looked out for you after that and watched you become happier in fourth year and realised you might not need me but then the exact feeling came back today when I saw you sitting banging your head against the desk and I just knew I couldn’t let you slip away again and well here I am now, not letting you slip away.” She finishes off her intense speech that has left me speechless, staring at her with wide eyes and mouth hanging open. She just lets out a carefree giggle reaching over to close over my hanging open mouth.
After a few minutes of silence of me trying wrap my head around what she told, and Sybil just patiently watching me, I finally find my voice,
“You watched over me?” Is the first pathetic thought that had come to the front of my mind when I went to speak.
At what I said Sybil turns more pink, “Well, I never really done anything but I watched over in case the feeling came back and well now it had and you were finally ready to hear it.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t ready all those years ago.” I say earnestly.
“Don’t be, maybe if we entered each other's lives all those years ago it would have made things worse in both our lives but now, now we can just make each other happy.” She replies happily, eyes never leaving my own.
“Happy forever.” I whisper back like a child and she just laughs at it, “Yes, Peter, happy forever.”
We continue to look at each other for a few minutes before a strange feeling crawls down my spine when my eyes innocently drop to her lips that were still in a stretched out smile, before I look away to grab my textbook,
“Okay so our dreams, I can’t really remember mine that well but if we start with yours,”
“Hold on now Peter Pettigrew, we aren’t forgetting our deal now are we?” She says strictly pointing a finger at me, like I’m a child, which I mean to be fair I am pouting.
“Oh c’mon, do I have too?”
“Yes, deals a deal.” She says with no room for discussion, so I let out a sigh prepared to say my peace.
“Okay, same rule applies no interrupting until I'm finished,” I say giving her a look, that she just smiles at, I just huff out a breath thinking back to this morning, “Well, it’s stupid but I didn’t wanna do this class by myself, I really wanted one of my friends here but they are all doing Defence Against the Dark Arts and well that's about it, because I’m not alone anymore, your here now, so I’m good.” I finish off shrugging, trying to be finished with it and show that it really isn't a big deal but Sybil just gives me an odd look before speaking,
“That’s not all, is it?”
“Yes it is, that is a hundred percent all, I think I would know it happening to me and all.” I say defensively, trying to just move on from this conversation but Sybil just lets out a sigh before trying to push me into revealing more,
“That’s not all of it.”
“And how would you know?”
“I have a feeling, and I think we can agree that my feelings are correct.” She answers knowingly, causing me to scowl at her but she just stays smiling. I drop my shoulder then let out a sigh, there's no way she is letting this go, so I guess I gotta go in deeper.
“Well I guess, I have this nagging persistent feeling in the back of my mind about being left out since all my friends, but Lily, is doing Defence Against the Dark Arts and I dunno, kinda feel like I’m going to get forgotten about which just isn’t true and I know that, which is why it’s so annoying and I was upset because that insecurity from second and third year is still there, speaking into my ear when I thought it was nearly gone and I have this horrible feeling it’s always gonna be there and I don’t know what I could do in the future if that voice gets too much and too real.” I finish off breathless, not realising just how much I needed that off my chest.
Sybil reaches over and squeezes my arm, sharing with me a small proud smile because I told her what was really eating up at me,
“Feel better?” She asks kindly.
“Yea much, thank you.” I reply sincerely.
“Thank you too.” She says back just as sincerely.
After that the teacher announces class being almost over and we both witness her find the lesson plan pulling out with a satisfied grin and we burst out laughing not even caring that the teacher glares at us but our laughing dissolves when the teacher announces that we should had in at the end of the class our dream and what it means because we should have all been discussing it deeply, she sends a pointed look me and Sybil's way.
After she turns around me and Sybil start discussing our dreams, I am barely able to remember any of mine apart from a tiny bit of the dream when a chocolate frog jumped out my card but was the size of prongs. Though Sybil has her diary in her bag where she documents her dreams and intercepts them for fun, she wasn’t able to do one this morning so she wrote down one from a few nights ago that sounds the most intellectual. While she helps me try and intercept my dream about the chocolate frog.
The clock strikes indicating the end of class and me and Sybil are still hurriedly trying to finish off our dream interpretations so we are late out of class but we leave laughing at the surprised look from Professor Rockwood that we managed to have detailed answers to the task she gave out.
As we walk down the spiral staircase I am feeling more happy than I did at the start of the day and look over to Sybil and realise that she is a hundred percent the only reason today has been remotely good.
“Do you paint all your glasses?” I ask her randomly, thinking of an idea in my head.
Sybil looks over to me, not even startled by my random question before answering, “Yes, I think they look rather cool with a bit of art on them, don’t you think?” She muses, touching her glasses- probably not even releasing she is doing so- and tracing her finger over one of the painted blobfish.
“If I am able to get you, let's say lots of pairs of round glasses, and somehow manage to make a spell to thicken the breadth of them, would you be able to paint them all, as out there as you could possibly think of, really let the imagination run wild, could you do it?” I say trying to act nonchalant about the question but Sybil just smirks up at me,
“And people say you’re not the brains.” She says shaking her head causing me to let out a laugh,
“No definitely not the brains, thank you for the ego boost though. I just like thinking of small little jokes but do you really think I’m going to figure out that spell? Nah, Remus is the real brains behind it all.” I say modestly.
“You don’t give yourself enough credit Peter, you are smart. I bet in the future you will be able to pull something off that no one ever sees coming.” She says lightly, eyes drifting away to look out the passing window down the spiral of stairs.
I just watch her get distracted, smiling warmly at her, smart, never been a word used to describe me. Though Sybil does have strong spiritual feelings and like she said are always correct, maybe I should start just believing everything she says.
Just before we get to the bottom of the spiral staircase Sybil turns to me smiling knowingly.
“What?” I say curiosuly, her full stretched out smile concerning me.
“Nothing,” She brushes it off, “Just have a good feeling for the rest of your day.”
“Well yeah of course, talking to you has been great, of course the rest of the day is going to be good now.” I say quietly, blushing at just how bluntly I said that but when I drag my eyes back over to Sybil, she herself is more pink than usual too, making me shed a small smile.
She starts to close the distance between us, and I hold my breath as she stands toe to toe with me and that's when I realise that she is an inch taller than me, typical I think. She leans over and leaves a kiss on my cheek, stretching out the gesture before I feel the contact slowly lift away from my skin, leaving me speechless.
“I really can’t wait for our next lesson Peter.” She says shyly before turning and walking away, leaving me brushing the mark where her lips touched my cheek and taking in a shallow breath after holding mine for so long.
I finally will myself to move, my legs still shaking but as I finally make it to the end of the staircase having finally composed myself, I am bombarded with an arm around my shoulder ruffling my hair.
“Finally made it down then, old Rockwood didn’t keep you too long.” James' voice booms in the hall and I am able to fight him off from ruffling more of my hair.
As I look up, finally being able to see when James stops touching my hair, though arm is still securely placed around my shoulders, I see Sirius, Remus, Marlene and Mary all there waiting for me.
“What the hell are you all doing here?” I ask, confused as to why they aren’t already at the Gryffindor common room as none of us have classes till after lunch, well except Remus who has Arithmancy with Lily in twenty minutes.
“Well we all knew that you were dreading your first Divination lesson so we thought we would come and surprise you after DADA.” Marlene supplies smiling brightly up at me.
“How did you know I was dreading it, I didn’t even tell you?” I ask suspiciously, making Marlene and Mary both burst out laughing,
“Hunny, we don’t sit that far away from you at breakfast, we both heard your big rant.” Mary chimes, making me drop my head down in embarrassment.
“Don’t be like that Pete, It was a good argument you made.” Marlene muses,
“Yea I liked the part about someone figuring out you die in two years, did it come true?” Mary asks playing into Marlene's joke,
“Oh god Peter, don’t tell me your teacup said you were dying.” Marlene says dramatically, leaning into Remus' side of the wall pretending to be upset by the news.
“We were doing dream interpretations, not teacups.” I say adding onto the joke and lifting my head up, cheeks hurting from smiling at Marlene dramatics, obviously only being done in case my lesson was shit, but little do they know.
“You hear that Mary, it was his dream that said he was dying?”
“Yes I heard him Marlene, I can’t believe we are losing one of our boys so young.” Mary fakes wiping her eyes,
I suddenly feel a massive gratitude towards my friends then, who came all the way out the way to see me after a class because they knew how much I was dreading it, who put on bloody awful dramatics if even the chance they will make me smile after a shitty day they think I have possibly had. My cheeks continuing hurting while my smile stays wide due to the big gesture shown for my happiness, that even in a class I wasn’t in they thought of me and how I would be feeling when class finished and that voice feeding me with the feeling of being forgotten dimmers just a little, no doubt it will be back on one of those bad days expected to come with life but If I remember moments like right now, I can push myself to make the voice quiet, because my friends have proven just how much they care, didn’t they?
“Okay as much as these little dramatics has been a hoot and don’t get me wrong, it has been fun, unlike use all I have a class to get to and if you were paying attention Wormy has obviously had a great lesson that I’m sure he would love to tell on the way to Arithmancy.” Remus chides already starting to walk away,
“Demanding that one, huh?” Sirius says, before turning to me to punch me lightly on the arm smiling, “Tell us on the way Peter?” He adds before turning around like a lost dog and following after Remus.
The rest of us watch after them for a beat before following along, James' arm still around my shoulder, “Well let's hear it Pete,'' He starts, “How was the lesson Remus supplied to us was ‘obviously a great lesson’.” He finishes off doing an actual on point impersonation of Remus, who after hearing it sticks up the middle finger not even bothering to turn around to look to see if it was directed in James direction, it wasn’t getting aimed at Mary instead, who just laughs.
As we walk Remus to his lesson, I turn to have one last look at the spiral staircase that takes you to the Divination classroom and my eye is caught, by long curly dirty blonde hair and blobfish glasses, that I would be able to notice from a mile away. She stands with Pandora Lestrange and Emmeline Vance, two other girls from Ravenclaw and like she knows I’m staring after her, she turns her head and catches my eye, giving me one of her big smiles before she is pulled along by Emmeline.
I turn back around to my friends, ready to tell them about my class, tell them about a certain long curly haired, naturally pink in the cheeks, emerald eyed girl.
But most of all ready to tell them about forever with Sybil, and how bloody excited I am for it.