7:03 am
“It’s your turn to get up with him, Jamie.”
“How is it my turn?! I got up twice last night. Your son can’t sleep by himself.”
“I’m pretty sure he got that from you, my dear. Anyways, I need the extra sleep now, especially.”
James groaned, kissed his wife (he still couldn’t believe that Lily Evans was his wife!), and got out of bed to collect the screaming toddler down the hall. He picked up his son and walked around the nursery with him for a while, until he calmed down. Face still wet with tears, Harry smacked a big, wet kiss on his father’s face.
“Papa! Goo monin!’ He flashed a big toothy grin at James. He supposed that also came from him.
“Good morning, Harry,” he said, ruffling the soft tufts of hair on his son’s head. “You want to go see Mama?”
“Mama!” James had long since resigned himself to the fact that he was not the favorite parents. That would always be Lily. And before everything, he thought Moony was next, not him, or even Padfoot, his godfather for Merlin’s sake.
The thought made James sad. He hadn’t seen his best friends in months. He had never gone longer than four weeks without seeing Sirius. Of course, Wormtail, being their secret keeper, could visit every once in a while, but they had to be careful about it. From the little news they could intercept, the war wasn’t going well. About three weeks ago, Peter had said it would be his last visit for a while. He didn’t think it was safe to visit anymore. But he was able to tell them that Sirius and Remus were still safe, thank Godric.
He gently threw Harry onto his and Lily’s bed, where the little monkey of a toddler they had immediately crawled over to her and started climbing on top of her to give her a kiss and a cuddle.
“Monin Mama!”
Lily yawned before returning the greeting and adding, “Don’t forget the baby, Harry.”
James smiled as he watched the boy kiss Lily’s belly and say, “Goo monin baby!”
“Do you want a brother or a sister?” Lily asked Harry.
“Baby.” He was smart like that.
Lily and James went in to kiss their son at the same time, making Harry shriek with joy.
9:13 am
Finally, they all got ready and went downstairs to make breakfast. When they were at Hogwarts, James had gotten up at, or sometimes before, the sunrise so he would have time to practice quidditch by himself, or to go out for a run in the crisp morning air. Since they had gone into hiding though, James had started getting up later and later, since they had nothing to do. That was probably how Lily had gotten pregnant again.
They weren’t planning it, but there was quite literally nothing else to do except play with Harry, listen to the old records, and mope around the house, so it was probably inevitable that it would happen. Now she was four months and just now starting to show. James was over the moon about it. He always wanted his son to have siblings. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his upbringing. He loved his parents more than anything and he missed them every day since they passed, but he’d always wanted a sibling. The closest he had ever gotten was Wormy when they were younger, and then Pads, but the only thing he’d ever wanted while growing up was a little brother or sister.
Even though they couldn’t send them, Lily kept writing letters to Moony and Padfoot, Wormtail, and Mary. While she was writing, she liked to be left alone, so James had been trying to teach Harry some of the old Bowie songs that he and the boys had listened to at school, in happier times, but all he did was wiggle along to the music. It was still cute.
“Hey, Prongs?” Lily called from the dining room
“Yeah?”
“Is Sirius’ birthday the second or the third? I can never remember, and my Mom brain is mush.”
“The third.”
“Thank you, darling!”
James walked into the dining room carrying Harry. “Why do you ask Evans?”
“I wanted to put a happy birthday note in the letter.”
“Lil, you know you can’t send that letter.”
“I know, but. Someday, when we’re all together again, these letters will be like a journal for everyone to catch up on, instead of us trying to remember everything that happened so we can tell them.”
James kissed the top of her head. “I know this has been hard on you. And all of us.” She leaned back against him. “Just remember what Wormtail said the last time we heard from him, though.”
“He said it’ll all be over by Christmas. I don’t know how he can know that though. There’s no way Dumbledore told him that. He doesn’t tell anyone anything.”
“You have a point there. But still, it’s something to hope for. And I’m sure if Peter told us, it’ll happen. He’s never lied to me before.”
12:43 pm
Lily was convinced that morning sickness was a hoax. Both this time and with Harry, she hadn’t been sick in the morning, but every afternoon from about noon until about 4, she couldn’t get out of bed, except to cling to the toilet like a life preserver. Now that she was almost twenty weeks though, she hoped it would go away soon. Then she could focus on the good stuff: setting up the bassinette, making sure they had enough clothes for the baby, settling on a name, and then, finally, Harry meeting the baby.
They were close on names. For a boy, James desperately wanted to name it after his father, but Fleamont would only work for a middle name. Lily’s own father, Paul, had passed about a week before they went into hiding. But neither of them really liked that name either. For a girl, Lily liked Effie, after James’ mom. James also liked it, but he wanted to put Marlene’s name in there somewhere too. Either Marlene Euphemia or Effie Marlene. Lily remembered vividly the moment she heard about Marlene and her family. She and Mary had always been a little closer than she and Marlene, but that didn’t mean they weren’t best friends. It was nearly three months after they went into hiding. She was at the sink, giving Harry a bath when Peter’s patronus had come with the news: Marlene was gone. All the McKinnons were gone. With the dark mark hanging in the sky above their house. Lily broke down right there. She collapsed on the floor and her whole body shook with her sobs.
James had been upstairs, napping, but her wailing woke him, and he came running at once. She could barely choke out the words, but as soon as James pieced together what she was saying, he knelt on the floor with her and they stayed there, holding each other. It was only when they heard Harry’s worried babbling that they even stirred a little bit. It hadn’t been until three days later they got any information about what happened. He Who Must Not Be Named himself had killed all the McKinnons. That sent Lily spiraling again. It was also in that message that they learned, to great relief, that Sirius, Remus, and Mary were still alive. They wanted nothing more than to be with their friends, but they knew they couldn’t. Everyone was banged up after that. Their group of seven was down to six. And then, a month later, Dorcas, Marlene’s girlfriend, was killed on a mission. The Prewett twins had been gone nearly a year, and no one had heard from Emmeline in nearly six months, but rumor had it that she was on a special mission from Dumbledore himself and that no one should assume her dead. It was all starting to pile up. Three weeks later, Lily found out she was pregnant.
So now she was forced to lay in bed and try to take a nap, inevitably fail, and just stare at the ceiling remembering the good old days at school, and all those who were gone, or missing. Or to wonder what might happen to the rest of them that were still left.
6:38 pm
“Dinner is ready!” Lily called into the living room to James and Harry. She wasn’t nearly as good a cook as James’ mother had been, but she could scrape by. She’d made stew because it was rainy and cold outside, and stew was the perfect food for that kind of nasty weather.
James dished some out into some bowls as she put Harry in his highchair and gave him his little cubes of beef, smashed peas, and a slice of the bread she’d made the day before. Witches and wizards weren’t religious, but Lily had been brought up, in part, by her Irish Catholic grandmother, so even after ten years in the wizarding world, it always felt wrong to not say grace before eating dinner, so she murmured a quick prayer before eating her food. She didn’t know if it would do anything, but she prayed that everyone might make it out of the war alive. She prayed for Remus, Sirius, Peter, Mary, and most of all for Harry.
“I still don’t understand why you do that, Evans.”
“Habit, Jamie. I can’t help it. I always feel as if my grandmother will show up and tell me I’m going to hell for not praying.”
They continued eating, but for months now, they hadn’t really talked through meals. There wasn’t much to talk about. There were the fears, but they didn’t talk about those. They spent nearly every other waking hour together, so there wasn’t much they could say that the other didn’t already know.
“Is the sickness getting any better, mera pyaar?’
“Not really no. I think it might have reached its peak, though. I’m just glad I can still eat at breakfast and dinner, otherwise I would start to worry about the baby staying healthy.”
“Everything will be alright. You’re healthy, so I’m sure the baby is healthy.”
“Mm. I just hope this is all over before they decide to come. I don’t think I could do it all by myself. I only got through last time because of Mom and Marlene. Now Marlene is gone, and I don’t know if Mom is alive, but even just being able to go to St. Mungo’s alone would be better than being here alone.”
James, who had finished his stew got up and kissed her. “There’s still five months, Lily. I promise, everything will be alright by then.”
“Please don’t promise something you can’t be sure of.”
“I’m sure that everything will be alright before April. The war will be over, and we can have our little family in peace. Love you, Evans.”
“Love you too, Potter.”
8:21 pm
Lily was half asleep by the fireplace when someone knocked on the door. Obviously, it was Peter, but Lily couldn’t remember if he said he was going to come today. What if something bad happened, or what if the war was over and he was coming to tell them they could leave the house again? She was just starting to get up when James told her to stay sitting and that he would get the door.
He walked out of the living room and into the foyer. Lily heard the door opening and she heard James greeting Peter before his voice faltered. Something was wrong. What was wrong?
“Lily! It’s him! Take Harry and run! I’ll hold him off! Go, Lily, go! I lo—.” There was a flash of green light, and a thud. His wand was still on the couch.
“James! No!” She wanted to run to her husband, but she needed to save her son. With tears in her eyes, she ran up the stairs as fast as she could. There were too many thoughts in her head, and also none at all. Peter was the secret keeper. He betrayed us. James is de-. No not that. Protect Harry. She had only ever read about this bit of magic, but it was her only hope to save her son.
She got there first, and picked up Harry, who had been woken by all the noise and was crying. She kissed him all over, trying to soothe his sobs.
“It’s alright, Harry, Mummy’s here. Mummy loves you. Papa loves you.” She was out of breath, but she needed Harry to know that she and James loved him.
“Step aside, foolish girl.” That voice. It was so much worse than she had ever imagined it would sound. It reminded her of primary school when the teachers accidentally squeaked the chalk on the board. It sent a shiver down her spine.
“No! I won’t let you hurt Harry!”
“You don’t have to die tonight, mudblood.” He sneered. His red eyes bore into her green ones, the ones Harry had gotten from her.
“If it saves my son I do.” She glared, defiantly, at least she hoped she was glaring.
“Avada kedavra!” As he yelled the curse, she swished her own wand, hopefully casting the charm that would save her son. No one had ever successfully performed the sacrificial love charm, but she had always been good at charms, and it was now or never.
The last thing she saw was the same flash of green light that had killed James and Marlene and the Prewetts, and countless others who had fallen before her. She died with a smile on her face. She was going to see James, and Marlene, and she had saved her son.
03 November 1981
Today was supposed to be Sirius’ twenty-second birthday. Remus supposed it still was, but Sirius might as well be dead. Dead too. Everyone was gone. James and Lily, Peter, Marlene, Dorcas. And Sirius was in Azkaban, and then there was Mary. He’d gotten a note from her basically saying goodbye, which had sent him into a panic. When he called her, she picked up, but she had no clue who he was. His heart shattered after that. He was completely alone. He had spent nearly every full moon with someone every month since he was fourteen. This would be his first in seven years where he was completely alone. No dog or stag to run with, no Poppy Pomfrey or Lily Evans to help him heal if anything went wrong. Just Remus, all alone, for the rest of time.
This morning, Sirius had been sentenced to life in Azkaban, not only for working with You Know Who, but for killing Peter, and the twelve muggles. That afternoon was Lily and James’ funeral. James didn’t have anyone left, Monty and Effie had passed on just after the wedding. Lily had her sister and brother-in-law, but they didn’t get on, and Remus didn’t know how to contact them, so it was going to be just him. Plus the hundreds who wanted to pay their respects to the people who raised the Boy Who Lived. Not to Lily Evans and James Potter, the children Remus had gone to school with and who had taught him that anyone could be accepted and loved. The boy who had accepted the rough little boy who had entered Hogwarts determined to be independent, pushing everyone away so he wouldn’t hurt them. The girl who had been patient with him as he learned to get used to school, and who had been the first person, as far as he could tell, except his parents who showed him any real love.
He stood alone at the service. Surrounded by masses of people, but completely alone. He was the last one there, along with Professor McGonagall, who he still couldn’t bring himself to call Minerva or Minnie to her face, even after calling her that with his friends all these years.
“Remus, everyone else has gone.” Her Scottish brogue was softer now, quieter. She was mourning too.
“I can’t do it, ma’am. I can’t do it alone. There’s no one else.”
“You’ve always got us at Hogwarts, Remus. As long as me, and Albus, and Poppy are there, you will never be alone.”