Rainy nights and memories go together
And with every drop of rain, I feel the pain
I can almost hear my pleading on the night
you were leaving
"Rainy Nights and Memories" by Don Williams
Memories hurt more than a knife wound, or at least that's what Mary thinks
She can't forget the day Silente visited her and Remus to deliver one of the worst news of their lives
"31st October 1981" this cursed date has been on her mind for years now and she just wants to let it go, even for a little while
She misses the life she had before Voldemort gained power and , most importantly, she misses Lily
Lily was one of the best thing that ever happened to her and ,even if she always wanted more, she was also a good best friend
Her mind always wanders in the memories of Hogwarts and that hurts more than anything, because what then was the better experience of her life is now a reminder of a big tragedy
In her mind she watches herself running with Lily and Marlene just to avoid arriving late to potion's class, she watches herself looking at Lily's face and counting the freckles on her pale skin, she watches herself pining after her , not even trying to do something about it other then feeling sad
At some point during their fourth year, she actually thought that Lily liked her back; but even with this knowledge she couldn't bring herself to do something, always blaming the lack of a right moment never her own cowardice
But who could blame her?How was she supposed to believe that Lily liked her back? The Lily Evans, who was too smart for her own good , who liked coffee with so much sugar that every dentist in the world would have a heart attack just seeing it, who fought like a proper goddess leaving her enemies frozen in shock and amazement
What could she have ever seen in her?
Then 7th year came and Lily got together with James while she started dating Lacy, the only person she truly loved after Lily
Now she isn't with Lacy anymore and Lily and James are dead , how times change, right?
She knows that, logically ,the grief she and Remus feel is very similar, but she cannot help feeling like he would never be able to understand her because at least he had the courage to love Sirius before his betrayal ruined everything
That's why they haven't been talking since the accident, they are both too caught in their grief and since for the two of them talking about feelings is a no-go, pushing everyone away so that they can swallow in their pity party seems convinient
Now she is alone at home and she is watching some photos of the best years of her life, knowing that the decision she's already made its irriversible
She raises the wand , aiming it to her head, and she imagines pretty green eyes looking directly at her, almost begging her to declare the unrequired love that has been haunting her for years and so she does
She screams in her head all the words that went unsaid and now the pretty green eyes seem almost apologetic, while she feels tears running down her cheeks
Now it's the moment, she has to do it , it is now or never-
"OBLIVIATE!"
In the house near the park lives Mary MacDonald, a girl with strong morals and an ugly grief that could eat you whole; everyone in the neighborhood remembers this, except for her.