Chapter 16
“You were screaming things at first, awful things, and then it just was silent and he couldn’t open the door.” Thalia sat opposite her in the large bath, only in here did they have complete privacy from the servants he’d stationed around their rooms. “Then he raged, he was acting insane, talking to things that weren’t there, screaming for someone. He was saying that you were going to betray him, he said I would pay the price for your betrayal.”
“Did he hurt you?” The water splashed as she moved to shampoo Thalia’s hair, she wanted to share everything she had with her. It was only right, after everything.
“No.” Thalia’s hair was tangled, it was usually very neat.
“What kind of things was I saying?” The shampoo smelled of cloves, very good for the scalp.
“It’s better you don’t know, he’ll know if you know.” Thalia tilted her head back, keeping the suds from her face. “Sweep all that unpleasantness away, remind him how lovely you are and we will be safe.”
“I don’t think it’s him we need to be afraid of.” She rinsed the final suds and began to massage in the conditioner. “Thalia, something is happening to me.”
“What? Let me do your hair.” Thalia knelt, motioning for her to turn around. “If you tell me, I can help you.”
“I don’t know, I can’t really say.” If she told her, Arista might hear. “I just think something else is happening, something we can’t see.”
“Like people or…” Thalia was always gentle when she combed the conditioner through her hair.
“Like ghosts maybe.” The air prickled her skin. “Do you believe in that?”
“I believe it, but I believe things aren’t always as they seem.” Thalia pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “I think we find the strongest defence and hide behind it.”
“You believe that’s him?”
“You saw where he came from, how could it be anyone but him?” She had a point, a very good point. “I saw something once, I turned from the gods and followed someone and look where I ended up? A slave, I wasn’t always a slave.”
“Tell me about your life?” She would find a way to free Thalia, it needed to be possible.
“I can’t.” A sob broke the words, but neither of them acknowledged it.
Judging by the indecency of the nightdress Thalia dressed her in, a completely sheer silk with a soft bow at each shoulder, the General was incredibly displeased with her. Nothing passed between the two women, but as Thalia sprinkled jasmine water onto her hair it was clear she was preparing her as a sacrificial calf of sorts. As though if he found some relief in her bed the storm would lift from his mind, but they both knew that had never once happened. Perhaps he wouldn’t be forceful, perhaps he would remember how nice things could be when he was kind. Some of her hair was tied back with a ribbon and the rest left to cascade along her back, there was no jewellery or anything to denote her status tonight. Just silks and ribbons.
“Shall I stay with you?” Thalia followed her to the cushioned window seat, tonight the moon was the slightest slither.
“Go and have dinner.” Two people didn’t need to witness this. “I can hear him in the courtyard.”
The sewing basket before her held a tunic she’d yet to finish, so she would sit here and whisper her prayers into the stitches as she finished the goldwork on the sleeves. He was capable of kindness and he’d shown it before, she was capable of something and she’d felt it in the fields. She’d looked and saw nothing, she’d offered a prayer and something had happened. But it wasn’t a prayer, it was simply a desperate thought that she’d wanted it and somehow food had appeared. But Arista had threatened her, warned her never to try such a thing again, then she had come forth from that other place and frightened her. The door opened, heavy boots approached her hideaway, the curtains were ripped away and she placed down the needlework, but the expected order never came.
“What’s this?” He sat, crowding her little hideaway.
“A tunic, I’ve almost finished.” She kept her eyes on her knees.
“Alina, darling.” His hand cupped her cheek, forcing her to look at him. But there was no anger. “Do you know what happened last night?”
“You locked me in the cupboard?” There was incense clinging to his clothes, probably from the temple.
“What happened before that?” His eyes were staring into her, as though her mind was spread out before them.
“I don’t know?” It was like a veil drawn across her mind, there was nothing but the field and the cupboard. “I suppose I upset you.”
“But now I’m not upset.” His thumb traced her cheekbone.
“Because I’m sitting quietly in your room.” Practically nude and waiting to please him.
“Sewing me pretty tunics and wondering why I’m upset.” He shook his head softly. “All I want is the harvest to finish love, then we would be so happy.”
“It will be fine, they’ll finish it tomorrow I’m sure. I can see it.” If she had to pick the fields clean herself.
“We’ll see.” He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “There’s a reply from Kari, shall I read it to you?”
“Yes please.” It’s not like she could read it herself.
He took a moment to fish for the parchment and she busied herself with her sewing, it would be better not to seem too happy else he would withhold this from her once she upset him once more. It wasn’t the time to mention her lack of dinner when his mood was so sunny, things like that he always took as a personal complaint as opposed to a quiet suggestion that he could fix it. He could grant her access to the kitchens, but still he hadn’t.
“He writes back that he misses you dearly, but he is hopeful you remember your duty and the importance of your position as the bridge between our kingdoms-“
“Can you read it as he wrote it?” The statements sounded empty.
“Fine.” He shifted slightly. “My dear little sister, it saddens me to hear that your heart aches for your homeland and family but I am assured you will find happiness and safety where I left you.” And he had left her. “The reports from the emissary have been rather disheartening, as my own sister I would expect you to understand the importance of representing both your father and your new husband within your court. It is my hope that you remember me in your prayers and serve your husband dutifully, such childish behaviour as the incident with the boat will not be tolerated and have only upset father further. When I return, I expect to find you happy and the General who is now my brother in eyes of the gods to be satisfied and preparing for the war that will see our reach extend to the ends of the world. Write to me again, hopefully to tell me an heir is on the way. Remember your duty, to father, to me, the General, and before all the gods. Fondly, your loving brother Kari.”
There were no kind words, no heartfelt words that would fill her heart with hope, just a rather severe dressing down and a reminder that she was failing at everything a woman could fail at. Her own letter had been filled with loving sentiment, she’d poured her heart into the words she was so sure would be returned. But no letter was better than this.
“He also writes that you need not learn to read.” He rolled the parchment into a tight scroll. “But that’s not his decision to make, it’s mine.”
“I’m sorry there is no heir.”
“When the gods see fit, we will have one.” The parchment was stored deep in his pocket. “What happens within our marriage bed is no concern of his, only ours.”
“Kari has always been ambitious, he’d do anything to be greater than father.” Even sell his own sister apparently. “I suppose you’ll rule the world between you.”
“I’m not interested in the world, just part of it.” He traced the pattern of her embroidery, following the delicate swirls until he met her needle. “He told me you were insane, in need of correction and discipline, that your wild fits should be ignored and you should be administered tonic to sleep. But I haven’t given you any tonic and I have thought you were insane, I thought your behaviour was the fits he spoke of but now I wonder if fits at all. I wonder what you see, and why a girl who was so desperate to be a priestess was kept far away from a temple. It’s strange, don’t you think?”
“I suppose-“
“No, it is strange. I’m telling you that.” His hand covered hers. “I know you see strange things, I can see the distance in your eyes as you leave us. Next time, tell me.”
“I’m afraid.”
“But I’m not.” He freed the needle from her hand, threading it through the fabric with a deftness most men wouldn’t manage. “What is Arista? You were screaming it last night.”
“I don’t know.” Arista was behind her, icy breath dusting her cheek. “I don’t remember anything.”
“Get in bed, I’ll join you in a moment.” He tidied away her sewing, motioning for her to get into bed.
The bed was almost cosy as she settled in it, she propped an elbow on the cushions as he readied himself for bed. He took his time, dipping into the bathing room several times until he eventually returned with slightly damp hair and his usual loose pyjama trousers. The fire was stoked, shutters bolted, a heated brick placed at her feet, even an extra blanket was laid over her before he finally joined her.
“Not tonight.” He stayed her hand as she went to remove her nightgown. “Tonight I’ll tell you a story, and you’ll promise never to speak of it to anyone.”
“Okay.”
“Come here, I want you to lay in my arms.” He dragged her against his chest, it was a strong chest. “This is how a marriage should be, perfectly comfortable. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“If you ever speak of this, I’ll know.” He waited for her to nod in understanding, whatever he told her must be rather grave. “When I was a boy, I was selected to fight in the ring. It was to be a spectacle, a gangly young boy against the victor of the last games. Not the slave games, the army games. I was to be slaughtered, and they would all laugh. The night before they locked me in a cell, far from the other fighters so I couldn’t get any help. I’d never so much as held a sword.”
“Sorry.” She’d tried to twine their fingers, but it’d broken the story.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, now listen.” He pulled her closer. “As I crouched there in the dark, desperately praying for an end to my misery and there in the stinking dark cells, surrounded by rats and human soil, he came to me. An apparition so bright I thought myself dead already, I couldn’t move, breathe, I couldn’t speak, all I could do was lower my gaze in respect. Then he spoke.” She wanted to ask who, but he’d said not to speak. “He raised my chin, he looked me in eyes and told me ‘Son, it’s your fate to restore my glory to the world. Follow me, feel the spirit of the warrior in your blood, and you will never fall to a sword. I am the way.’ So I made the vow, I promised to accept my fate and when I was thrown into the ring I killed the soldier.” His grip tightened. “Then they threw in the beasts and I killed them too, I killed seven men that day and my star began to shine. But fate, the will of the gods, it’s never as easy as one believes.”
“What happened next?”
“I followed him and he led me here.” But he didn’t say who.
“To the throne?”
“To this bed.” He chuckled, pressing a kiss to her head. “Sometimes I wonder if it’s all a game, if this is how the gods are entertained. If they just lift us high to throw us down, it wouldn’t be the first time.”
“What do you mean?” Gods were kind, benevolent, merciful. Never cruel, not from what she’d heard.
“I’ll tell you tomorrow night, you look tired.” It seemed she would be spared tonight.
“I thought Kari would send a nicer letter.” She let herself rest against him a little more.
“As did I.”
Morning came too soon, the eerie blue light bled through the carved shutters and illuminated the bed as she stayed nestled in his arms. He was stirring slightly, his soft snores had stopped which meant he would soon wake, last night he had slept soundly but her mind had played over his revelation until she was sure she was right. No ordinary man, no slave, could achieve what he had achieved, so he was no ordinary man, he seemed so sure of what he knew of the gods that she couldn’t help but believe him. Mama moon had said that through him she’d find power, there was safety in power.
“I don’t think I’ve ever slept that well.” He was curled around her, keeping her body safely tucked inside his. “I suppose I’ll miss this when you move into the queens’ rooms tonight.”
“Tonight?” Her own rooms, it seemed almost foreign at this point. “I thought you were telling me another story tonight?”
“We’ll see.” It was the harvest weighing heavily on his mind.
It was rather nice to wake in his arms like this, even in the times before she was exiled to the temple they never woke as happily as this. Usually they woke at opposite ends of the bed after she had freed herself from his grip during the night, but tonight she’d rather enjoyed the safety his arms conveyed. He rolled onto his back as she shifted to face him, beyond the confines of their room the soft sounds of the palace coming to life could barely reach them, but the timid kiss she pressed to his lips was only met with a grounding hand on the small of her back. Half of her had expected him to flip them over and resume his usual bedroom activities, but this morning he was simply content to allow her to explore his lips. Her tongue traced his lower lip as she deepened the kiss and he deftly took over, he nipped her lower lip as her fingers trailed along his chest, it was a lazy kiss but that made it all the more sweeter.
“You look tired, go back to sleep.” He broke the kiss, tucking her back against his chest.
“I would like a real breakfast like yours, not porridge or broth.” It was poor form to ask at this very moment, but she was wasting away. “Please Tom, I’m always so hungry.”
“I thought that’s what you liked?” A crease appeared between his brows.
“It’s just what you’ve been giving me.” Not a single person on earth enjoyed a diet of soft, soggy food.
When she next woke he was tracing patterns on her shoulder as he stared at the canopy, the soft sounds coming from just beyond the half-curtained bed was clearly Thalia readying their room for the day. Freshly baked breads, roasted meats, eggs, even sweets seemed to be on the menu if her nose wasn’t playing some awful trick. The curtains twitched as Thalia peeped around them but the sheer shock on her face made her giggle, it was clear she’d expected the worst.
“Nothing bad happened, he was very kind.” She didn’t lift her head from Tom’s chest.
“I can’t understand.” His reply was sharp, as usual.
“She was asking for a few more minutes, shall I leave?” Thalia lied so swiftly, so perfectly, that he had no choice but to believe it.
“Is there any news on the harvest?”
“Enough harvested to feed the kingdom through five winters, and still they are working.” Thalia inclined her head in respect. “Just as the princess said in the fields.”
“Then she may have a few more minutes, go to the treasury and select a gold belt.” He called for a guard, issuing rapid orders. “Pick whatever you would like as a gift for your service.”
“You can’t have a belt without bracelets, it looks silly.” She ignored Thalia’s sharp breath, he didn’t like to be interrupted but it was true.
“Then pick a set, if that’s what the princess wants you to have.” He motioned for Thalia to leave, not even bothering to sit from his bed. “Close the door.”
“I told you the harvest would be fine.” The blankets were soft against her skin as she stretched. “We should go to the temple and give thanks, maybe the one in the city?” Where the market was full of lovely things that he could buy her.
He hummed noncommittedly but that wasn’t a disagreement, judging by the way he untangled himself from her arms and served a heaving platter of breakfast it seemed like it could be a yes.
“When I feed my horses I tend to feed them dependant on their exercise, I assumed it was the same for you.” He placed the platted before her, sitting opposite on the bed. “You said once that you don’t do much so you don’t eat much.”
“No, I said if I eat too much then I’ll get fat. That’s what Thalia should have translated.” The first bite of a steamed chicken dumpling was divine, actually miraculous. “Anyway I’m not a horse, I’m a person just like you.”
“Just like me.” He huffed a laugh. “But so not like me.”
It was a little unnerving the way he was clearly counting her every bite, making notes of what she picked and what she ignored, it was a far cry from his usual behaviour, even when she had been sequestered in the temple he hadn’t been this attentive. It was everything she’d ever wanted in a marriage, it was strange. The slice of orange cake was perhaps the best thing she’d ever tasted, drenched in syrup and decorated with a pretty orange slice. To go from watery broths and tasteless porridge to this was near heavenly.
“Of course not so like you, if I was so like you we’d be duelling most days and I’d probably have cut you down by now.” It was a jest, something that could go either way. “It’s probably better we are so different.”
“I wouldn’t say we are that difference, besides the fact I am a soldier who’s worked hard and you spent your life pampered and being spoilt we are somewhat similar.” He was eating a large flatbread stuffed with all manner of things, it looked nice. “You are devout as am I, you care about duty and so do I, you care that I am happy and so do I.”
“What about my happiness, who cares about that?” Obviously not Kari, and her own attempts to find happiness had spectacularly backfired. “No one.”
“After reading the rather empty statements sent by your brother, I suppose it falls to me.” He offered her a bite of the flatbread, holding it to her lips in an oddly intimate gesture. “All you have to do is ask, that’s all you’ve ever had to do.”
If there was any proof that he was gifted by the gods it was simply his ability to spin the past to his liking without even the slightest hint that it was a lie, he believed every word he said and said it in such a way that it almost made you question your own memory. But her memory wasn’t to be questioned, not when it came to him.
“I want new dresses, warm dresses.” An easy first ask.
“They’ll be sent up later this morning.” Which meant he already had them and was simply withholding them for some reason. “Don’t eat so much, you’ll be sick.”
Funnily enough as a functioning woman she knew exactly how much she could eat before she would feel unwell, but as it quite clearly only mattered what he thought it was better to pretend to pick at what was left and push away her plate. Today would be a good day, there was no need to rock the boat.
“General Nik asks to speak to you, he has news.” Thalia dipped her head in respect, only she could enter their rooms at whim.
“Good news?” She answered quickly in her own tongue, it had better be good news.
“Very good news.” Thalia smiled.
“What are you saying?” His suspicion was back, glancing between the two as though they were discussing his downfall.
“The princess said you wished for me to tell the General to come back in a few hours, I was just asking if this was something she had decided on her own.” Today Thalia was full of lies, it was rather interesting.
“Clear this up, I’ll speak to him now.” He grabbed his robe as he stood, it wasn’t exactly the reaction either of them had expected.
The door slammed behind him as he disappeared from the room, perhaps some of the anger was in the fact she had spoken her own tongue despite his numerous warnings not to. But what was she to do really, suffer in Calchosi her whole life?
“Has he been with you?” Thalia pulled back the blankets with a frown, in some ways it was a rude question but when both of their lives depended on an heir it was somewhat acceptable. Still rude, just acceptable. “Why not?”
“We were just talking, it was rather nice.”
“Wasn’t he pleased with you?” Thalia pulled her from the bed, dragging her to the bathing room. “I heard from Zesiro that Kari was displeased you aren’t with child, it goes against his plans.”
“What plans?” And why did Thalia know?
“That’s the hot water, go in there and undress whilst I ready the bath. We need to be quick.” Thalia pushed her into the antechamber, slamming the door behind her. “Leave your hair, I washed it last night!” Thalia’s words softened as she instructed the other servants, she definitely knew something. Finally the door swung back open and the bath was waiting, it seemed even milk had been brought up today. “I said get undressed.”
“Thalia, what do you know?” The way her nightgown was dragged from her body wasn’t something she appreciated, nor was the half shove into the tub. “Can you calm down?”
“The old lords are meeting, Kari is leading a small army to spy on them, they’ve been quiet for many months now but a ship was spotted a few nights ago.” Thalia listed off problems that had nothing to do with an heir. “If they attack the King will fight, if he falls then we fall with him. If he has an heir, allegiance falls to the heir.”
“Thalia, if he falls then we go home and live as we always wanted.” Either way it was a good outlook.
“Alina, if he falls then your brother has already fallen. So bathe, dress, pray, and do what needs to be done. I know you know the truth, just open your eyes and-“ Thalia clawed at her neck, as though she was being strangled.
Time slowed as Thalia gasped for breath, her limbs were glued to the cool marble of the bath as she struggled to help. But the water turned to ice, freezing her in place, her heart began to slow as she desperately tried to reach her friend, the candles flickered, the light streaming through the shutters dimmed, Thalia dropped to the floor. Her breaths echoed through her ears as she fought desperately against whatever forces were keeping her in place, but she was being dragged down, closer and closer towards the surface of the water until her chin was almost submerged.
Alina…Alina…
A scratchy voice called her name, her mouth was pulled below the water.
Alina…come to me…
Water splashed at her nostrils, she couldn’t breathe. Tom should come back, of course he would come back, he’d left his ring on the counter.
Come to me…don’t fight it…
Only the sounds of the forest could reach her now, despite the darkness she could feel a presence behind her, pushing her, urging her away from this place. A familiar presence. There was the faintest light up ahead, a dash of white in the trees, a glimmer of gold, her legs ached as she ran forward, reaching desperately for salvation. A hand gripped hers, dragging her forward, something slammed into her back and she gasped desperately for air.
“What happened here?” Tom was covering her with a thick robe as Nik held Thalia in his arms.
The mirror had cracked, the shutters blown open and the curtains were fluttering against the frigid breeze, bottles were overturned and linens thrown about the room. It looked like a battle had taken place. But most concerningly Thalia was as white as a sheet, her eyes were half closed and despite Nik’s award attempts to rouse her she didn’t move.
“I don’t know.” How could she even explain that? He would surely think she was mad. “I can’t remember.”
“You are not to leave my side, not ever.” His arms were tight around her, keeping her safe. “You are my gift from the gods, I heard it. I know it.”
“When?” If not for his arms around her then she would be hyperventilating, but with her head against his chest she felt safe.
“Then, just then. We all saw it, such a bright light before the dark.” He pulled her closer, sweeping his palms along her shivering skin. “You are my prize, my gift for obedience to the cause, and you will lead me to greatness.”
“Someone is trying to kill me.”
“They can fucking try.” He stiffened. “Nik, get her to the temple and send me the priestess.”
“Which-“
“You know which one, it’s time.” He cut Nik off, gathering her into his arms. “Abraxas can oversee the rest of the harvest, and tell your wives to finish planning the feast.”