Chapter 5
Opportunities were truly endless, as long as you kept your eyes open and your mouth shut. Thalia had been afraid but in her heard she knew this was the way, they had oranges, a crust of bread, a skin of water, and safe passage out of here. Well, out of the palace. No one had noticed when they’d snuck onto the covered wagon and nestled behind huge wooden barrels, hopefully they were going to the docks and she could exchange a bracelet or two for safe passage.
“Prince Kari will be quite upset, perhaps it would be better to-“
“We’ll go straight home, to father.” They could stop by the eastern coast where her uncle was, she could then travel overland and go home. “Don’t worry Thalia, it’s all going to be fine.”
“It’s dark tonight, even the stars aren’t out.” Thalia handed her another segment of orange. “I don’t like the dark.”
“It’s okay, everything will be okay.” It had to be, in every story the princess was rescued by someone. A brave prince, a handsome warrior, a clever sorcerer, there was always someone. “I can smell the sea, we should be close.”
The ground rattled beneath them as they were thrown over every dip and stone, but a short stretch of discomfort was better than an eternity of pain. Marriage was not for her, the vile assaults against her person should be condemned but instead they were ignored. Even Thalia was suffering.
“When we get home we are going to have a hot bath, tea with honey, clean clothes, and a roast chicken. How nice will that be?” It was the hot tea she missed most of all, especially in this frozen hellhole.
“I like chicken.” Thalia smiled softly. “I used to eat it often.”
“Will you tell me of that time?” There were things she wanted to know of Thalia, but she would never ask.
“Maybe one day, but it doesn’t matter now.” Thalia leant against her. “We are what matters.”
The wagon pulled to a stop as hoofbeats thundered in the distance, Thalia looked at her in fear, but she reassured her all was well. It had to be well. It was well, the wagon pushed off once more and they rolled closer to freedom.
“I suppose we should ask around to see what ship we can get on.” This part of the plan she’d not really thought of.
“Yes.” Thalia nodded.
“But maybe we’ll buy some breakfast first, and some supplies for the ship.”
“Okay.”
“Should we buy some clothes?” The had the dresses they were in and that was all, it simply wouldn’t do.
“Do we have enough money?” Thalia made a good point.
“We have some money.” Well, sort of. “We’ll be fine.”
They stopped again and there was some shuffling outside of the wagon but eventually they were stopped for the night, the voices faded as the driver retreated to some nearby inn and it was their time to run. They took a few more oranges before inching open the covering of the wagon, there wasn’t another soul about, Thalia went first and she followed and glanced around the empty pier. It wasn’t where she thought they’d be, but it was fine.
“I think it’s this way.” There was a faint light ahead of them, promising a more populated area. “This must be where they leave the wagons at night.”
It happened so fast, there was a whistle, the wagons moved, half a dozen masked soldiers appeared, swarming them and shouting things, pushing them around, screaming at them. All she could do was cling to Thalia as they were shoved around, only when they hit the floor did it stop. Of course. As she raised her head from the floor she knew those boots, knew that type of bronze armour, knew that towering figure, it was the General.
“Get up.” He didn’t offer his hand.
Doubt wrapped its fingers around her heart, squeezing away the last of her hope, things were about to get much worse. Kari had promised she’d be left somewhere safe, so either Kari was a liar or the General was so deceptive he’d managed to fool her own brother. Five men were stood with their hands bound, including a boy no older than ten, she was told to stand beside Thalia as the first man was dragged forward.
“They’re punishing everyone who didn’t notice your escape.” Thalia translated, the shake of her voice betraying her nerves.
She had fallen from the safe haven of her home to the fiery depths of hell, this was the kind of person who would upset the natural order of the world, a man who would slay women and children alongside men for a grasp at the crown, a man so violent her own heroic brother would sell her off in a peace pact. This was what she was shackled too.
“Watch.” A familiar voice grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to follow the General’s actions.
He drew his arm back and held her eyes, snapping his hand forward and delivering the first lash of the whip to the innocent man. Ten times the whip came down, ten times the man screamed in agony, and then the next one was brought forward. The General didn’t slow, he barely even tired, once or twice he made a jest to Nik but the savagery continued.
“Alina-“
“No, not Thalia, stop it. “She darted forward, grabbing her friends’ hands. “You can’t she’s a woman, she-“
“Don’t worry, yours is coming.” He drew his arm back then sighed, perhaps he had found an ounce of mercy. “Three will be enough.”
“Don’t, not like that.” Nik stayed his hand, offering a riding crop in place of the whip.
“I’ll save that for the princess.” He brought his arm forward.
Each blow across Thalia’s back echoed within her heart, Thalia with her sunny optimism and easy smile was no more than a shivering pile when he was finished. But he didn’t care, he cared for none but himself. There were some quiet murmurs as something was decided and she was pulled forward, blood thundered in her ears as she waited. This couldn’t be her life. This wasn’t right. The first blow of the crop burnt its way across her rear and despite her oath to be strong she screamed in pain, there was a pause, someone whispered about blood, the second fell even harder than the first. The world went black.
***
The world had always seemed like such a lovely place, think lovely thoughts and lovely things would happen – that’s what baba always said. He’d said her mind was a garden and she must water it with happiness and kind thoughts, that if she thought her kingdom would be well then all would be wonderous. Of course she’d believed it, there had never been any inkling that things could be otherwise, but she was wrong and the world was a cruel cold place where nothing good could ever grow. Her life was over one way or another, last night he'd hurt her so badly that still blood trickled between her legs. Not only had she been flogged but once they’d returned to the palace he’d forced himself upon her with a brutality that rivalled their wedding night, if one could call it a wedding. He hadn’t even slept beside her, instead retreating to the chair and passing the night with a jug of strong wine.
Nothing had passed between them in the morning, he’d left her lying on her stomach as she’d been for most of the night and Thalia was locked in her own quarters. There was another type of freedom, a final type, one that would see her far away from here and dancing among the stars. To be a star would be a lovely thing, to watch the world turn but never experience it. Anything would be better than this.
That’s why she had to do it, it’s not like it couldn’t just be an accident, things like this happened all the time. Everything was temporary, this pain was temporary, the blood dripping along her legs as she crossed the room was only passing, the bit of kindling she held in the fire until it caught was only temporary, and the rug that smouldered as she dropped it wouldn’t last.
Smoke made people quite sick, they would cough and cough until they died, Kari had told her that once when she’d been quite small, he said that’s what had happened to their sister, as she lowered herself back on the bed the smell of burning was starting. To burn to death would be quite unpleasant, but it would be temporary. The bedroom was large with the bed at the opposite side of the room to the fire, it was this stupid oversight that had the choking smoke spilling underneath the door and alerting whatever servant was standing guard to her final escape. Oh well. Shutters and doors were thrown open, the rug tossed from the balcony, fans waved around, servants fretted over her but she just lay on her stomach and walked through the gardens of her home in her mind.
“I know it was you.” At some point the General had returned and the servants vanished. “I can see the blood on the floor.”
Beyond the orange grove was a cluster of hibiscus bushes, when the breeze was just right she could smell it from her bedroom. Fresh oranges, when it was the season she’d gather a basket and her friends and they’d collect as many as they could and wait for Kari to visit with his men. Then Kari and his friends would offer them small gifts in exchange for the oranges, it was always a good season.
“A physician is coming.” He knelt beside her, forcing his way into her line of sight. “Last night I should have controlled my anger, it won’t happen again.”
“I want nothing from you.” He was destroying her flowers, crushing them beneath his boot.
“You don’t get to want things.” Of course he ignore her, standing so they were no longer eye to eye. “What you want, what your brother wants, none of that matters. It’s what I want that matters. They’ll be no more fires.”
Sometimes there would be festivals in the city and she would stand on the northern balcony and watch the smoke from the fires unfurl against the night sky, twirling higher and higher until it finally dissolved. It scattered to the wind and travelled to thousands of places, disappearing from sight but seeing all, to be a ribbon of smoke wouldn’t be so awful. There would be no scar apparently and the physician had seemed quite shocked at whatever he’d seen, but she’d been left for the rest of the day and night until the General returned reeking of strong wine and dropped into the bed beside her. He didn’t touch her, but he muttered words she didn’t care to translate at the back of her head.
A faint blue fog obscured the trees from view but still she scanned for any movement, most visitors were unwelcome but if the prince would come then their cause would rise from the ashes once again. Those of noble birth always won, it was the natural order of the world, things like this had happened throughout history and it was always those born to rule who came out on top. A hand touched her shoulder, the thin blanket was jerked away from her body.
“You have not moved since this morning.” Where was she? The memories of fresh, clean air were still haunting the edge of her mind, but now everything was dark. “Get up.”
“No.” The General was scolding her once again, but why should she move when she had no one to talk to and nothing to do. Thalia was still locked out of the bedroom, put to work in the rest of this suite, and there was nothing in this room beyond a jug of water.
“If you don’t get up, I’ll take away your nightgown.” He threw the blanket to the ground.
If she got up she would miss what happened next, a prince, her prince, her dream so kindly gifted from the gods to remove her from this cruel place. The fresh wounds across the backs of her thighs prickled as she shuffled to her knees, dragging the nightgown over her head and returning to her position. He’d probably attack her now. She had once been so loved, so adored, ladies at the court flocked to her, Kari adored her, her cousins always wanted to visit with her, father denied her nothing, and now she was despised.
“Don’t-“ Even if she’d promised herself to be brave his fingers tracing the welts on her skin killed that vow.
“This must hurt.” He placed his palm on her bum. “Dress, I want you to play the harp.”
“No.”
“Go like that if you want, I’ll return in an hour.” He gave her bum a sharp slap as he stood, laughing when she cried out in pain. “One hour, do you understand?”
“No.”
He muttered something to himself as he left, cruel insults probably, even if she wanted to, she couldn’t as there was nothing in the room, better to pretend she didn’t understand. Better to take the blanket back and sleep, her dreams were always nicer than reality, they were fun, adventurous, mysterious, they were all the things she would never be. It seemed less than an hour when he returned and disrupted her peace, he said something, but she didn’t understand it. He was shouting, for Thalia it seemed.
“He asks why you aren’t dressed?” Thalia sounded like she might burst into tears.
“With what clothes?” To pretend she didn’t understand would see Thalia punished, they had both been punished enough.
“He says you have fifteen minutes, he’ll get a dress.” Thalia moved to the bathing room, then remembered it was locked. “I’ll just braid your hair.”
“Yes just braid it, I’m obviously not worth any more than that.” If she could get a knife, then she’d drive it through his heart. “Get my tiara and jewels, I’ll always be better than him and he should know it.”
“Do not provoke him tonight, he’s whipped seven more people today.” Thalia dipped the edge of the blanket into the jug, it was the only way she could wash her face. “Just play the harp and keep quiet, just fade away.”
“When Kari comes, I’ll tell him.”
“Zesiro already has, he has ways the General could never discover.” Thalia tenderly tucked a curl behind her ear. “Your kingdom Alina, it’s a place like none other. Keep faith, all will be fine if you follow Kari’s advice.”
“Things are not fine.” Due to Kari’s advice.
“Because you’ve not accepted your new place, I think it would be better for both of us if you do.” These weren’t Thalia’s words, they were words born from fear. “Please, just don’t vex him. Play the harp as beautifully as you usually do, take his arm, smile at him, but don’t vex him.”
“You think Kari won’t come?”
“I know he won’t take you back.” Something darkened in Thalia’s tone. “He’s our only salvation.”
The door slammed open and the General threw a dress on the bed, it was one of hers but it would offer no protection from the cold and was a bit too revealing for a quiet dinner. It was a dress for a celebration, not for whatever they were supposed to be doing. He stood and watched as Thalia dressed her, arranging the dripping sapphires across her back and shoulders and tightening the bodice where her lost weight was seeing it gape. Their eyes met, her blood froze, he was looking at her with the intensity of a leopard stalking a gazelle, but she was not prey. Not to him.
“Take his arm.” Thalia whispered.
But when she did he shook her off, instead storming off ahead so she had no choice but to follow. Every footstep sent angry jolts of pain along her rear, it wasn’t even just the cuts that hurt but the sheer force that he’d hit her made everything hurt. It wasn’t right for any woman to be treated like this, let alone one of her station, but here she was. It seemed to be the inner circle, his most trusted General’s and their wives, the very place a queen should hold court yet she’d been ordered to the harp and forced to endure the smirks of his General’s as she made a noise of discomfort. Sitting was agony and they knew why, she had been humiliated before them and they would whisper about it until the day she died. Hopefully that day would come soon.
Peals of laughter floated to the corner where she’d been banished and Thalia whispered a few translations where she could, but she didn’t ask for anything or draw any attention to herself. The strings vibrated softly as her fingers danced across them, her first harp lesson had been at the age of four and since then at least four hours of each day was dedicated to practice. There may be taller, smarter, funnier, more captivating women than she but there would never be a more accomplished harpist. Narin, the woman she’d been forced to slight, shot her a few contemptuous looks but every so often she’d catch the other women watching with a smile. A smile that dropped if they saw her watching.
“Is the princess not eating?” Abraxas, the only General who seemed to have a kind bone in his body, asked.
She dared not glance over, focusing all her attention on the harp. It was a well-strung harp but hers was nicer, this one was a touch too large for her. The General said something that was received with peals of laughter, probably at her expense.
“He said you’re being punished, that after your behaviour you don’t deserve dinner.” Thalia translated. “Now they’re talking of other things.”
It was a kind lie but General Nik was telling his wife how the General had beaten her, they found it hilarious, she didn’t understand everything but she understood that. Plates filled with roast lamb, stewed duck, goose with garlic, and all manner of delicacies were brought past. Every course smelled better than the last, but she kept playing, breads, desserts, sweets, fruits, everything one could ever want was sitting on hat table but she could have nothing. She was a stray dog staring at the table in the hopes that some kindly diner would throw her a bone, but dogs were liked, and she wasn’t.
“The General said I may eat if you permit it.” Thalia whispered
A poor play, she wouldn’t deny her only friend food. “Of course.”
And so her body servant was invited to sit on a chair and eat with the General, another slight on her behalf, but none of that mattered, this was a song she’d learnt at sixteen and performed at the feast to honour her brothers accession. It had been a glorious day at the time but looking back she could remember the resignation in her father’s eyes, he had known then he wasn’t long for the world and in his wisdom had started to prepare his only remaining son to rule. Kari was the eighth child, the fourth son, he never should have ruled but it made him all the wiser for it, he knew nothing was certain and always planned for it. That was the reason she wouldn’t lose faith, Kari did love her and he would have planned for even this. Smile sister, all will be well if you think it’s well, that’s what he always said to her.
The night stretched on and she continued to play, the fire didn’t stretch to her corner so the chill sept through her dress and pricked her skin. They laughed, toasted, played games, they got drunker and drunker whilst she disappeared into the shadows. If she had met him in a moment like this, seen him laughing and joking, if he pretended to pull grapes from behind her ear as he did with Gisella then she might have liked him. But then she’d know him, he’d treat her the way he did now. So, it didn’t really matter.