Chapter 8
Professor Snape stared at Draco in disbelief for a few moments, while Draco anxiously transferred his weight from foot to foot. Snape then leaned back and folded his arms over his chest, and regarded Draco with one eyebrow raised.
“Why?”
“Excuse me, Professor?”
“You heard me. Why? Why did you burst into my office when you should be at dinner, to ask me to teach you something only a handful of wizards have ever been able to master completely?” It was a good question, and one that Draco didn’t have a good answer to. At least, not one he could actually share with the Headmaster. He thought over all the things he’d read about Astral Projection the other night when he was supposed to be studying and made something up.
“Well, sir. You see, I was reading that the only wizards who were successful were also expert Legilimenz, correct?”
“Yes, that’s correct. But while you are certainly a talented young man, an expert you are not.”
“Yes, I know that I’m not an expert. But I am one of the most gifted natural Legilimenz in the last century. I would like to at least try. It would be of great worth to the Dark Lord to have someone capable of Astral Projection, would it not?”
Professor Snape considered this for a moment. “Yes, I suppose you are correct that someone with this skill would be very highly favored by the Dark Lord. But I am not sure that allowing a sixth year to try something so difficult is a good idea. There have been incidents of brain damage as a result of Astral Projection. How could I ever explain that to your mother? She would skin me alive for putting you in danger.”
“Fine. I’ll just do it myself then. I’m sure there’s a book in the library I can use,” Draco said, turning on his heel.
“Not… so… fast!” boomed the Headmaster in his slow drawl. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t help you, I merely said I wasn’t sure it was a good idea. If you are determined to try this, then it would be better for me to be here to assist should anything go wrong. I may not be able to perform the magic myself, but I may be able to call you back if you become lost. I need at least a day to do some research on how best to assist you. Perhaps it would be best to wait until after the Christmas holiday.”
“No! Erm, I mean, I just don’t want to wait that long to start learning. Can we do it tomorrow night? Please?”
Professor Snape gave him a searching look. “Alright, fine. Tomorrow. Now get out of my office before I have you expelled.”
The following night found Draco pacing back and forth in front of the entrance to the Headmaster’s office. He’d tried the password several times, but the gargoyle wouldn’t budge. Draco had grown more anxious by the minute as the day progressed. He had to see her. He wasn’t sure how, but he was fairly sure she’d had something to do with his episode in the hall last night. How had she done it? And why? Finally, he heard the swish of Snape’s voluminous robes coming down the hall.
“Headmaster! There you are! Finally.” The look Snape gave him in response could have curdled milk. Draco backtracked quickly. “Sorry, what I meant to say was ‘you’re looking well today, Professor! It’s nice to see you!’” Snape simply raised one eyebrow as he went to the gargoyle and whispered something in its ear. It immediately moved aside, revealing the spiral staircase. Draco thought it wise to keep his thoughts on Snape changing his password to himself. When they arrived in the office, Draco noticed the furniture had been moved so that there was an open space in the middle of the office in which sat two armchairs facing one another.
“Sit down, Draco,” Snape drawled. Draco did as he was told. He tried to relax, but his left leg bounced uncontrollably. Snape sat across from him. He held a large tome and opened it to a page he had marked. “Alright, Draco. Are you ready?” Draco nodded. Never one to beat around the bush, Snape got right to it. “Close your eyes. Now imagine you are in a large open space filled with nothing but potential. Relax. Draco, you have to relax or it won’t work.”
Draco was still vibrating with anxiety. He took a deep breath and focused on relaxing his muscles. He pulled his shoulders down from his ears and took a deep breath, unclenching his jaw with difficulty. Once his breathing slowed and his leg stopped shaking, Snape continued.
“The next step is to empty your mind, but the step after that is to focus on where you want to go, so it seems like a pointless step. But I suppose if we want to avoid brain damage, we should follow the instructions to the letter. Empty your mind, Draco.”
Draco tried, he really did. But the potential of seeing Hermione again was too enticing. He focused on remembering her face as he’d seen in the mirror the first time. Brown hair turned golden in the sunlight, a smile lighting up her face as she talked and laughed. Slowly, a large classroom appeared around him. The walls were wood, and there were large windows on one wall. The room was filled with students in blue and red uniforms, sitting at desks with their heads down. Taking exams? He wondered. No one took any notice of him, so he scanned the heads until he found the curly brown one he was looking for. She was writing furiously. She already had the longest sheet of parchment of any of the students, but she didn’t appear to be anywhere near stopping.
“Hermione!” Her head jerked up as though she’d heard her name, but she looked right through him and went back to her exam. I must not be here fully, he thought. Damn.
“Alright, everyone. That’s time. Congratulations on finishing your last exam of the year! I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!” The voice belonged to a goblin. Draco hadn’t seen one since he was a little boy. As far as he knew, all the goblins in England had been killed. He was so distracted by the sight, Hermione managed to slip from the room without him noticing. Double damn, he thought as he chased her down the hall. He hoped she was going somewhere private where he could try to get her to see him.
As he followed her, he couldn’t help but look around. Everywhere he looked he saw bright colors and smiling faces. None of the children looked afraid or abused, as the children at his school did. These children were carefree, happy, and healthy. He couldn’t help the surge of jealousy he felt. He even felt jealous of their school. Instead of cold hard stone, dripping with condensation and centuries old mold, this school boasted lush carpets, brightly painted wooden walls, and bright sunlight streaming in through the plethora of huge windows.
Draco followed her down several flights of stairs and through a long dark tunnel, trying and failing to not be jealous of each person she smiled at or spoke to. He was starting to get worried. He didn’t know how long Professor Snape would allow this to go on before he attempted to wake him up. He needed to hurry. Finally, she went into her bedroom alone. Draco followed her, but quickly turned around and glided back out of the room, blushing. He took the time as he waited for her to change to focus on becoming visible. He closed his eyes and thought about Hermione, and about his desire to talk to her. He opened his eyes and tried to focus on the details of the hall, to ground himself to this place more fully. He thought it might be working, because the pattern in the wallpaper was getting clearer and his head was beginning to hurt. He heard the door open behind him and turned around. Hermione was standing in the door, staring at him with wide eyes. She had a large pack on one shoulder and a suitcase in the other hand.
“Draco?” she asked in a small voice. Draco tried to give her a winning smile, but he feared it looked more like a grimace. “What are you doing here? How are you here?”
“The same way you came to me. I astral projected.”
Her face turned from confusion to concern. She looked both ways down the hall and then stepped back into her room, dropping her bags. She motioned for him to come with her.
“Have you ever done this before?” Draco shook his head. “How is your head feeling?”
“Erm, well, it is starting to hurt a bit, now that you mention it. Why?”
“Draco, you need to get back. You could really hurt yourself doing this. You need to take a potion. Oh, no. I don’t know what potion she gave me! Do you have someone helping you?”
“Of course I do. I’m sure my professor will have something to help me.” He was lying. He was pretty sure that even if Snape knew what potion she was talking about, he wouldn’t be giving it to Draco anytime soon, but he wasn’t about to tell Hermione that. His lie seemed to relax her.
“Ok, good. But just to warn you, even with the potion, I slept for about thirty three hours.” Draco’s eyes widened. He hadn’t been counting on anything like that. “But ever since I woke up, I feel amazing! I’ve never been so focused during an exam in my life!” She looked him in the eye and stilled. Her eyes softened and Draco felt a surge of hope.
“Hermione, I’m not sure how much time I have, but I have to ask you a question. Last night, I was walking down the hall when suddenly… I wasn’t. I got pulled into the most vivid memory…” He stopped talking when he saw the look of horror on her face.
“Oh, no! Draco, I’m so sorry! I don’t even know how I did it. I had a dream yesterday, where I saw a bunch of things I thought might be your memories. Though how I would be seeing them in my dreams is a mystery in and of itself…” She seemed to get lost in her thoughts for a moment, but pulled herself back. “All I did was meditate and try to remember the things I’d seen in my dream. And then suddenly I was there. But you were there, too? I didn’t see you.”
Draco cleared his throat. “I was watching the whole thing through the eyes of my younger self. I didn’t see you either, but right before I woke up, I heard a scream, and I thought it was you. I needed to know. I needed to thank you.”
Hermione seemed taken aback. “Thank me? Why on earth would you thank me for forcing you to relive that horror? It was… it was…” she shuddered.
Draco tried to place his hand on hers, but it went right through. “I know. I know it was horrible. And I’m so sorry you had to see that. But it was actually a gift, you see? My whole life, I’ve been remembering it wrong. I didn’t remember my aunt being there at all. I thought it was all my parents. I’ve been blaming them for that day ever since, but now I know it wasn’t them, and that is a huge weight that’s been lifted.”
Hermione looked deep into his eyes. “It’s nice for you that you got to see another side of them and all, but that doesn’t change everything else they’ve done. They tried to murder me and my parents. They’ve killed countless people and creatures since then. They may not have started on that road willingly, but they continue to walk down it every day. And now they’re forcing you down that road just like your aunt forced them.”
Draco looked down, unable to hold her gaze. “I know. I’m so sorry for what they did to you. But… do you think it’s possible…? Maybe there’s more to it than we know. Maybe they had to.” Hermione raised her eyes skeptically. “I know what you’re going to say. And maybe you’re right. But I just don’t want to assume the worst about my parents anymore.”
Draco could see her debating her response. Finally she replied, “I understand that. I really do. But I hope you don’t get your hopes up too high. Using as much dark magic as they have… it changes a person. They may have been good at one point, but that goodness may be gone.”
This statement was like a shot in the heart. He knew she was right, but she didn’t understand. He needed them to still have good in their hearts. He needed there to be hope for him, that despite the awful things he’d done and would probably do in the future, that he could still be a good person at heart. That the darkness didn’t have to overtake him. Just then, he felt a tug on his brain. Snape was trying to pull him back, but there was one more thing he needed to say to her.
“Hermione, I don’t have much time, and I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again, so I want to say this while I have the chance. I know my family are monsters. I’ve always known it to some degree. I’ve always hated my life and the horror that it has become. I could only see two options for my life- death or misery. My friend Theo tried to tell me that I would find peace one day, but I couldn't believe him. I desperately wanted to, but it just seemed so impossible. But then the mirror showed you to me. I still don’t know how or why, but it did, and now all I can think about is how I have to make the world safe for you. I need to make it safe for everyone. I have to stop the Dark Lord. I’m going to find a way, I promise, even if I die in the process. I don’t care about my own life. Peace and happiness were never in the cards for me. But you… you deserve everything. You deserve to live in a world free of him. Free of the horror and pain he loves so much. Please, Hermione-”
He wasn’t able to finish his thought, as he suddenly felt himself being forcefully pulled back to his body. He focused on her shocked face as long as he could, before he blacked out.
The pain was the first thing to register. He couldn’t localize where the pain was coming from. It seemed to be everywhere. He kept his eyes shut tight as he groaned in pain.
“Well…” drawled the Headmaster. “That certainly was unexpected. I did not honestly believe that you had it in you. Astral Projection is incredibly difficult magic, after all. The Dark Lord will be pleased. I will inform him of your success immediately. How do you feel?”
“UNGH!” Draco groaned loudly in response.
“Yes, I imagine so. Fine, here. I suppose you should drink this. It will ease the pain.” He poured a sweet tasting potion down Draco’s throat. Draco barely had time to register his shock at the headmaster giving him the potion before he pulled out another vial and placed it in Draco’s hand. “Take this right as you get in bed. It will put you right to sleep and heal any damage done to your psyche. I will send an owl to your mother and let her know you won’t be home for a few days. I read that recovery from a first Astral Projection can sometimes be quite lengthy. Now get out of my office.”
Draco got to his feet and swayed as the world faded to black and then back into color. Once he felt fairly sure he wasn’t going to pass out, he stumbled out of the office and back to his room. He didn’t even bother to change his clothes. He downed the potion in one gulp and flopped onto his bed, letting the darkness take him.
_______________________________________________________________________
Hermione was still staring at the wall, in shock, ten minutes later when Harry and Ron knocked on her door. They had to knock again before her brain registered the sound enough for her to respond. She shook herself hard and tried to look normal as she opened the door.
“There you are, Mione! We’ve been waiting for half an hour! Where’ve you been?” Ron asked. Hermione just stared at him blankly, unable to form a coherent response.
“Uh, Mione?” Said Harry, looking concerned. “Are you feeling ok? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Hermione laughed darkly. The boys looked at each other askance. “No, no ghost. It’s just… been a really long week, and I’m not feeling well. Sorry, I lost track of time.”
She could tell by the look they gave each other that the boys were not completely buying her story, but they grabbed her bags and started chatting as they walked up to the school’s entrance where Nia and Regulus were sitting, surrounded by a pile of luggage. Nia jumped up and threw herself into Hermione’s arms for a long hug.
“How did your first midterms go?” Hermione asked the young girl as the five began their hike down the mountain, trying to distract herself and get back to normal.
“Pretty good! …I think… When do we get our grades back? I think I did okay on most of them, but I’m worried about Potions. That class is so hard! Thankfully I had it on the same day as Care of Magical Creatures. I don’t think I could have handled two hard classes in a row. I just adore Professor Scamander. He is just the cutest old man I’ve ever met in my life! And he’s so amazing. I can’t believe how lucky we are to get to learn from him! He could be teaching anywhere, do anything! Did you know he’s married to the Minister of Magic? That’s so cool! She came and did a presentation for the first years last month. It was so great. She’s such a badass. Even at her age. She is just… so cool. I want to grow up and be an Auror and hunt Dark wizards and be Minister of Magic some day. That would be so cool!”
Nia finally paused for more than a tenth of a second, giving Hermione an opening. “That would be cool! I’d love to be best friends with the Minister of Magic! She does that presentation every year, and I wish it wasn’t just for the first years. I would love to listen to it again. I remember feeling so inspired!”
“Really? I don’t remember a word of that. Ugh. I was so bored I fell asleep!” said Regulus.
“That’s not true at all,” said Harry. “You wouldn’t shut up about it for a month! I was worried you were developing a thing for old married ladies.”
“Shut up!” said Reg as he pushed Harry down the mountain. Harry grabbed his sleeve and yanked Reg toward him. Harry put Reg in a headlock and gave him a noogie. Reg got free and chased after Harry. Pretty soon they were out of sight, with the occasional yell drifting back through the trees. Hermione and Nia rolled their eyes. Ron put his arm around Hermione and she put her head down on his shoulder.
“I missed you this semester,” said Ron. They still had Potions and DADA together, but they had chosen very different classes for their NEWT levels. Until this year, they had spent almost every waking moment together. Hermione sighed.
“Yeah. I missed you too. I was so busy. I feel like I hardly saw Chepi either, and we live together! It was a really hard semester. I’m so glad it’s over. What’s new with you?”
Ron blushed. “Well… I sort of started dating someone…”
Hermione turned to look at Ron and slipped on a patch of ice. Ron caught her, and she smiled widely at him. “Who is it? When did this happen? Tell me everything!”
“Well… we’ve been keeping it kind of private, so no one knows, except for Harry. We started hanging out right after Thanksgiving break.” Ron looked uncomfortable, but Hermione thought she knew what the problem was.
“That’s so great. What’s his name?”
“Callum,” Ron answered without thinking, then stopped walking and stared at Hermione. “How did you know?” he asked, incredulous. Hermione and Nia laughed.
“I think you’re forgetting I’ve known you your whole life, and we used to date. I know you pretty well, dude. I’ve suspected for a while, but I didn’t want to say anything to you until you were ready to talk about it.” Ron looked dumbfounded. “I really like Callum, though! Callum Rathmore, right? The muggleborn from Boston that’s in your house?”
Ron nodded. “Yeah. He’s a 7th year, and I’ve had a crush on him for a while now, not that I’d admitted it to myself. We’ve been friendly over the years, but after we beat Thunderbird at Quidditch, we connected at the party.”
“Oh, right! He’s the captain, right?”
“Yeah. He’s the best captain in the whole school. I’m so lucky to be on his team. We have way more fun than all the other teams.”
“It shows. You guys have been amazing this year, and you’ve never played better.”
Ron gave her a skeptical look. “What are you talking about? You haven’t been to a single game. Plus, you hate Quidditch.”
Hermione chuckled. “Yeah, I know. I promise I’ll try to make at least one game this year. I might not keep up with Quidditch, but I have ears. And both you and your team have been the talk of the school this year.”
“Seriously?” Ron squeaked.
“Seriously. And I can also tell you that there are going to be a lot of broken hearts when they find out you and Callum are together,” Hermione said.
“Yeah, I bet. Callum’s the best. I bet there are a lot of people who like him,” Ron blushed.
Hermione scoffed. “I was not just talking about Callum. You should hear how the girls talk about you! ‘Oh, he’s so dreamy! Have you seen his muscles? He’s so funny!’ It’s obnoxious.” Ron ducked his head and grinned shyly.
They had made it down the mountain, and came to Ron’s house. They waved to Nia as she continued on down the road toward her house. Ron turned and hugged Hermione. “Thanks, Mi. It means a lot to have your support.”
“You will always have it. No matter what.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too.”
Ron turned and walked inside, his luggage floating behind him. Hermione walked to her house, which was two doors down from Ron’s. Her parents enveloped her in a crushing hug the moment she walked in the door, and pulled her into the living room so she could tell them everything about her semester at school. She’d already told them most of the non-Draco-related stories, so trying to come up with things to tell them was stressful. After a few minutes, she told them she had a headache and took her things to her room.
When she was finally alone, the stress of her conversation with Draco finally crashed into her. There was so much to process, her brain didn’t know where to start, and tried to think about all of it at once. She laid down on her bed and pulled a pillow on top of her head. She let out a breath and fell into a deep sleep.
She was floating in a sea of mist. She felt comfortable and at peace. There was nothing to bother her here. Her mind began to wander, and she thought about a pair of sad gray eyes. Her heart clenched, and she felt a tug. The peaceful fog began to dissipate, and a bedroom took shape around her. She’d never seen anything so opulent in her life. Whoever lived here must be rich. Built in bookshelves lined the entire room, which was painted black, and they were filled with ancient leather-bound tomes. The furniture was also painted black. A small dining table with one chair sat in one corner, an intricately carved desk in another, and the room was dominated by an enormous four poster bed. In contrast to the black, all of the fabrics in the room were green, and there were touches of silver throughout the room. The bed hangings were velvet, but the comforter was silk.
As she walked closer to the bed, she noticed that someone appeared to be in it. Some sixth sense drew her closer. She saw his hair, a shocking white on the dark green pillow, and gasped. He stirred and rolled over, but didn’t wake. She touched the bed, and realizing that she could touch things in this weird wherever-this-was, leaned forward and pushed a lock of his hair back from his forehead. It was softer than she’d imagined. He stirred again, pushing his head into her hand and humming contentedly when she placed it on the side of his face.
“Draco?” Hermione said softly.
His eyes opened slowly, drowsily. When he saw her face he smiled gently. “God you’re beautiful,” he mumbled sleepily. When she tried to take her hand back, he grabbed it and pulled her gently toward him. She climbed onto the bed next to him and laid down. For several moments, they looked into one another’s eyes. Draco slowly lifted his hand and grazed his knuckles down her cheek. She shivered. He placed his hand on the side of her face, rubbing his thumb on her cheek. On an impulse, she leaned forward, their noses touching and their mouths almost touching. She looked deep into his eyes, and he moved forward the rest of the way. Their mouths molded together perfectly, and his arm moved to her back and pulled her closer.
Hermione had kissed boys before, but it had never felt like this. She was aware of every inch of her body, especially the parts where their bodies touched. Her mouth opened, and their tongues touched, and she felt the jolt of it all the way to her toes. She kept thinking she should pull away, try to talk. Wasn’t there something they needed to talk about? She couldn’t remember anything outside of this room, and the thought of his lips not touching hers made her whimper in desperation. She felt like a starving man at a feast, like if she stopped kissing him for even one second, she would die a painful death.
After what felt like ages, the kisses slowed and she looked into his eyes. He looked at her as if she were the only thing in the whole world. He kissed her like the world was ending. He held her like she was the most precious gift he’d ever received. He kissed her gently on the forehead, and another on her nose. He laid his forehead against hers and breathed deeply.
“This is the best dream I’ve ever had in my life. God, I wish it was real. I wish I could hold the real you and not some figment my mind made up,” Draco said.
Hermione pulled away and looked at him, forcing herself to concentrate, trying to make sense of their situation. “Draco, I think it is real. Well, I mean it’s not real. I thought I was in my dream, but then I somehow got here, into your dream. What I mean to say is… I think we might be dreamwalking.”
“Dreamwalking? Is that even real? I’ve only ever heard of witches and wizards doing it in old fairy tales. I thought it was just a story.”
Hermione propped herself on her elbow and allowed herself the indulgence of touching his face. Again he pushed his head into her hand, reminding her of her cat. “In all honesty, I did too, but I can’t think of any other explanation. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
“Hermione!” came her mother’s voice from far away.
“That’s my mom. I have to go,” she said sadly.
“No, please don’t go yet. Please. I need you.” The look in his eyes was desperate.
“Hermione, honey. It’s almost time to go to Harry’s house for dinner. Are you ready?”
“I really have to go, Draco. I’m sorry.” He still looked at her with desperate eyes, but he relented. She gave him one last searing kiss before willing herself to wake up.
Her mom was shaking her shoulder. “Hermione? Are you feeling ok? Do we need to stay home tonight?”
Hermione shook her head, both to clear it and to indicate her dissent. “No, Mom. I’m ok. I just had a bad headache and fell asleep. I’m just a little woozy from my nap. I’ll be fine in a bit. I don’t want to miss dinner. I promise I’m fine.” She put on a brave smile until her mother left the room and then melted into a puddle on the bed.