An Age Old Divide
The rest of the sorting kind of passed in a blur. The idea he had of remembering all of the names in his year very quickly went to shit. All he could remember was Regulus, or Rasalas he supposed.
Merlin he hadn’t expected this, he hadn’t expected this at all. He thought he had said goodbye to Regulus long ago. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to get to know him again, only to most likely lose him again.
James could remember it clearly as day, the yelling, the screaming, the crying, and worse, he could remember his own voice begging. He was never one to beg. Seriously beg, he should rephrase, he had begged for chocolate, for extensions, all of those things without issue. But he knew he wasn’t going to get those things so at the time there wasn’t any harm to do it. However, seriously begging?
James Potter had not done that before, at least not before Regulus Black was leaving his life.
He was quickly brought out of his own head when he heard McGonagall’s voice, “Potter, Harry!”
The Great Hall had never gotten so quickly James thinks distantly in the back of his head. But he wasn’t fully focused on that. He was drinking in the sight of his son, his boy, walking up to sit on the stool.
James felt his heart soar with joy and simultaneously crushed all at once. On one hand Harry looked to be almost the spitting image of him as he grew. He had to stop a laugh at seeing Harry’s wild hair disappear under the Sorting Hat, he knew he should probably feel bad since he got it from him but it made a funny picture so he couldn’t bring himself to.
However, his heart crushed as he took in the rest of his son. Granted James himself was a skinny little git but that level of skinny…
It was most certainly unhealthy. James almost wanted to bet that if he hugged him right now he’d be able to feel Harry’s bones beneath the skin and clothes.
Oh how he wanted to hug him, to see if he was alright, if he was okay, why he looked so poorly-
“GRYFFINDOR!”
James was jarred rather violently out of his thoughts as the Hat called across the hall and the deafening applause and cheers that had quickly followed. Looking around James could see that of course most of the noise was coming from the Gryffindor table but he could tell the other tables were clapping as well, not many people at Slytherin seemed too happy though. He supposed that made a bit of sense though.
It took a while for the hall to calm down but once it did the sorting continued, “Potter, Jivan!”
He wasn’t sure if anyone else had caught it but he heard McGonagall’s voice turn a little confused at another Potter name. And he supposed that it did make sense, Harry was supposed to be the only Potter alive.
Soon he was on the stool and the hat covered up his eyes, just as it had done in his first year.
“Ah… another one out of time hm? Interesting… Now where shall I put you…”
‘Please, I just want to be with my son, I want to look over him’, James thought
“Look over him hm? Well that might be a problem, seeing as how you might not fit into Gryffindor anymore…”
James stayed silent at that, he knew this was going to be a big risk for himself.
“Now Hufflepuff… you showed great loyalty to your friends, put your full faith in them… and that was your downfall. Ravenclaw on the other hand… You had enough intelligence to become an animagus I see… and figure out your friends little secret…”
‘What of it? Didn’t think I could be that smart?’
No response, so now the hat was just purposefully ignoring him, great.
“Slytherin… This plan certainly takes some cunning. Undercover at Hogwarts? Not to mention the slyness of your pranks… Or the amount of cunning it took to plot behind your friends back… granted it was for a good cause but it certainly took a lot of thought and planning… And if you were in Slytherin you would have a… friend.”
James swallowed a lump in his throat, he didn’t know if he could handle Regulus right then…
“I suppose not… only a certain kind of person would be so bravely stupid to face Voldemort without a wand. GRYFFINDOR!”
James sat shocked for a second as the hat was lifted off of his head.
...
Did the hat just fucking sass him?!
Well he couldn’t really dwell on it too much as he was ushered to walk to the Gryffindor table. And walk he did, briefly scanning all of the tables. His heart gave a lurch as his now gray eyes met wide hazel ones.
He should have known. If he had spotted Regulus at the drop of a hat, of course the same would be true in reverse. Regulus had probably known it was him the second he started to walk up the stool.
With little fanfare James sat himself down at the Gryffindor table, searching out hazel eyes again.
It wasn’t too hard, Regulus’ eyes were still glued to him and he was willing to bet that they’d been glued to him the entire time.
As James stared back at him, a silent message of, ‘I know who you are,’ passing through them both. He briefly felt his heart lift a bit, maybe they could be closer in this life? Perhaps not as close as they used to be for that short time but still closer nonetheless.
What he would realize later that night was that they indeed might be closer. Maybe emotionally. But there was a chasm between them. He saw it in how far apart their house tables were, and he saw it when he realized how much his heart hurt to see Regulus looking at him. The chasm in his heart, he wasn’t sure if he could mend it for the same person who had made it.