'Cause you took everything from me
Monday, December 22nd, approx. 11:00am, approx. £346,000/£350,000 gotten so far
“Do you think he hates me?”
“From those few nauseating moments I watched, I’d say he’s head over heels in love with you, so no.”
“Sirius, I think he blocked me.”
“He might’ve just forgotten to answer. I do that sometimes, as you know.”
“Man, I do know. But you don’t ever forget to answer Remus. And this isn’t like him, trust me,” James insists, looking at his phone and the couple dozen texts he’s sent to Regulus, very worried. “What if something happened to him?”
“Like what?”
“What if they found out? Gosh, this was so stupid of me. We shouldn’t have done that in public. I mean, I loved it, but what if now he’s suffering because of me?” James asks, his voice breaking just a bit.
“It’s okay. He’s probably fine. Here, I’ll text him, see what’s going on. It can’t be too bad. He’s his own person now. They can’t control him like they could at 16,” Sirius says, finally getting a little bit worried about this. He can see why it might be odd now, but he’s been so used to Regulus icing people out, he didn’t really see anything concerning. “Listen, mate, he’s probably okay. And if he doesn’t respond to me, I’ll get Marlene to ask Dorcas, and we’ll do everything we can to figure out what happened.”
This reassures James a bit, but doesn’t entirely cure the growing anxiety in him about Regulus’ lack of response. It’s worrying is what it is. Out of character. Or maybe it isn’t, as Sirius claims. No matter what it is, or why he’s doing it, James is worried regardless. He’s always been a worrier, when it comes to other people. Himself, not so much, but he always ended up thinking about his friends at the end of a long day.
“Has he responded yet?” James questions, after about 10 seconds.
“James, I haven’t even sent the text yet. He hasn’t.”
“And if he doesn’t we’re finding his apartment, right?”
“Yes, we’ll do that.”
“Good. Has he responded yet?”
James is thankful Sirius hasn’t outright groaned yet, although he wouldn’t blame him if he did. He understands this must not be the easiest thing, being a wingman for your baby brother to your best friend, but hey, that’s life.
The more minutes tick by, the more James almost starts doubting him. He hates it. He hates that he can even imagine Regulus turning fully to their side, but his brain won’t listen to him when he tells it to shut up. It normally doesn’t, so James is used to that, but it’s much more annoying now. It takes him back, all the way to the Christmas fundraiser gala, when he first realised Regulus had left….
_________________________
December 13th, approx. 8:00pm, approx. £47,000 raised so far
“James? James, where were you?” Effie says quickly, pulling James behind the stage quickly. “You already know what to do? You’re all prepared? Oh, of course you are. Just a little late, is all,” Effie fusses, fixing his tie and straightening his suit quickly. “Okay. We’re ready.”
Effie, smiling beautifully, heads onstage to introduce a few of the items up for auction while James does one more once-over, and then joins her. Immediately, he scans the audience for familiar faces, spotting Dorcas and Marlene in the back close to each other. Around that area, he sees Regulus, exiting the staircase hallway. Nearer to the front, he spots Sirius and Remus, a further distance away from each other. James still can’t wrap his head around it finally happening, or why they’re blaming him for it, but he’s glad it did nevertheless. It was about time, and he meant it when he implied Sirius had to tell him everything later.
‘...and James Potter!” Effie finishes, making James’ head snap up at the mention of his name. She’s just finished introducing him, he guesses, so he begins to start on the products. His natural charisma, charm, and easygoingness makes the auction more fun and engaging than most he’s been too. He knows he’s no southern american announcer, but he does his best, choosing to walk the guests through it rather than just go fast. It’s more fun that way, he figures.
James begins by introducing a beautiful, hand carved wooden sofa, complete with a few Christmas cushions to, well, cushion. It goes for about £1,850, a good amount of money for the intricate details in it.
The next item up is a set of reindeer, 3 of them, connected by a fancy velvet ribbon. They’re wooden, too, and well decorated and carved. They go for about £2,000, to the number of them and the finer details.
Many of the other pieces are similar to these. Furniture, yard decor, etc. All of them Christmas themed, with business cards to the creators, and a few pottery pieces as well coloured red and green. Overall, it’s a very fun auction.
It takes longer than expected, with the end of it running until almost 9, but at least racking up a total of about £15,000, a very good profit. As soon as he’s off the stage, he’s looking for Regulus, but can’t seem to find him. Marlene seems to have gone home with Dorcas (shocker), so he can’t ask either of them, so he sends him a quick text to confirm the details of their plausible date.
The longer it took for Regulus to respond after that little seen button showed up made James more and more doubtful, although not of Regulus’ loyalties. Just of his truthfulness about his interest in James. James was great, yes, but he had no idea what to really expect from Regulus. He was charming, and funny, and seemed sweet, and that’s what James liked to believe about him. It helped that Regulus had already told James so much about the unsweet and unfunny parts of him, so James could just easily brush past it and focus on Regulus, something he loved doing.
Regulus didn’t respond until the next morning with confirmation, relieving James’ brief fears. If anything, it solidified James’ views on him. Mainly, the idea that Regulus was a good person. He had to be. It just made sense.
_________________________
Tuesday, December 23rd, approx. 2:50pm, approx. £346,500/£ 350,000 raised
you wanna tell me what the fuck is going on?
Sirius knows Regulus had read it. He’s actually going to come over and kill him if he doesn’t respond now.
I’m gonna be honest with you, no, not really.
do you want me to jump for joy
yay!
he’s honest!
no follow up questions whatsoever!
regulus what the fuck is going on
I’m sorry.
okay
Really sorry.
you could try telling that to James instead of me
poor guy’s been inconsolable for the past few days
why aren’t you answering his texts
I blocked him.
why on earth did you do that
what the hell is going through your mind right now
I want to crack you open like a walnut and study your brain to figure out what went wrong
Thanks for that wonderful analogy, Sirius.
dude answer the question or im getting dorcas
Regulus doesn’t answer for a few moments, maybe 30 seconds, worrying Sirius. Maybe he’s just given up on the conversation and is going to buy new locks for his doors.
They found out
seriously?
No, you’re Sirius.
im so proud
Yeah yeah yeah
Shut up
so they made you block him?
isn’t it your phone???
No
reggie why do they own your phone
you are a grown adult
Then stop calling me that.
And they don't own my phone.
They didn’t make me block him.
i’m going to get one of those huge oversized nutcrackers no joke
Someone was a spy at the market.
He told them what happened
They asked me about it
They had pictures and everything
It was awful
Sirius doesn’t know what to respond. He almost wants to ask if Regulus had deja vu, because that’s so close to what got him kicked out, but he restrains. The little typing symbol continues.
Then they just left.
just like that?
They told me a few things first. About James, and about me.
do NOT listen to them!!
james is amazing!!
take it from me
so are you
Okay sure
But it wasn’t exactly bad things they said. They said he was too good, more like.
and you aren’t?
bs
Thank you
don’t listen to them
Easy for you to say. They have a key to my house.
change your locks.
Regulus takes another few dozen seconds, making Sirius wonder if he went too far. He knows it’s not that easy. Sirius has gotten away from them so many times, yet here they still are, 10 years later, affecting his best friend now too.
I’m not going back.
This catches Sirius off guard. He thought his convincing would have done something, but evidently not.
to james?
To them.
Maybe his other convincing had.
right on!!
join us at the potters then, or you could crash at my flat
I’d have to kick Remus out though, I only have 2 rooms
You don’t share a bed?
not at MY objection, rest assured
but we’d find you a place to stay
I’m not going back to James either, Sirius.
Maybe it didn’t. Regulus was certainly a rollercoaster.
what
They weren’t wrong about him.
He is too good
nope
no he’s not
he has to use the walkers at ice skating rinks
don’t trust this man
he’s perfect for you
No matter how much Sirius had pretended to object to this relationship, he supported it wholeheartedly. Was it weird seeing your younger brother, who you had avoided for the better part of 10 years, fall for your best friend and other brother? Sure, yes, it was, but they were adorable. They were good for each other, and had to endure them talking about each other, so admittedly he did hope for things to work out simply for the sake of his eardrums.
Haha.
he is
are you seriously going to take what they said for truth
over your darling, unbiased brother
You are definitely biassed.
yeah but for the right side
Sirius can almost feel the eye-roll through the screen, making him smile. He’s starting to recognize Regulus again.
is this really how you’d like to spend your days?
It’s better for him, so yes.
whiskey, misery, parties and plays?
I just told you, I’m leaving that life behind too
I'll move to the states or something
Steal a bunch of art
Get super famous
Easy.
Sirius hates that he’s got to stick to the bit, because if he didn’t, he’d point out Regulus would still be in love with James no matter where he was or what he was doing. Instead, he continues to the next lyric;
if you were mixed up with him, you'd be the talk of the town
disgraced and disowned
another one of the clowns
He has to mix up the lyrics a tad, but the message still stays true.
Really convincing, thanks.
but you would finally live a little
finally laugh a little
just let him give you the freedom to dream and it’ll wake you up
cure your aching
take your walls and start em breaking
Now that’s a deal that seems worth taking…
regulus, you little shit
you knew the lyrics the entire time
From the very first line. It’s very obvious.
didn’t think you knew showtunes
I’m a gay man
I wouldn’t have guessed YOU knew them.
don’t tell a soul
it’ll ruin my punk rock persona
Right
shut up
and now at least I can tell you what I would’ve if I wasn’t super committed to this bit
Not cool, Sirius. My issue here is clearly commitment. How rude.
my bad
actually
this is all YOUR bad
i’m completely blameless
What was it you were going to say again, before I block you as well?
Sirius replies to one of Regulus’ earlier messages;
—It’s better for him, so yes.
it’s not
it’ll make his life a lot sadder without you in it
trust me, I’ve heard him tell me
a lot
That’s his mistake.
He doesn’t know me, he only thinks he does.
he does know you
you’ve told him stuff even I haven’t
Yeah, that’s part of the problem.
He wants to fix me
I can’t be fixed
can’t, or won’t?
Go fuck yourself
you don’t even need to be
james isn’t in this for the charity
he’s in it for you
What about me does he like?
Ask him.
Find one good thing, one reason he gives for fighting for me.
Nobody else has.
10 years ago, Sirius would have responded something hurtful to that, as it’s clearly a jab at his own abandonment. 5 years ago, he wouldn’t have said anything, just blocked him. Now, Sirius doesn’t do either of these things. He doesn’t want to. For once, he doesn’t want to start something with Regulus. He likes where they are. He can even convince himself it’s not an aimed insult, just what Regulus believes is a fact, or what is a fact. How would Sirius know?
Now, Sirius texts James. He asks him why, just as Regulus requested.
He’s the most interesting person I know, Sirius. He’s so intriguing, I want to hear every story he has to share, even the bad ones because it’s him sharing them. I want to listen to him forever. I want to throw snowballs at people with him, because that was just so fun. I want to invite him to Mum’s for Christmas, because it’d be funny to see him try a snickerdoodle. He’s so pretty. He deserves to be fought for. Why wouldn’t I fight for him? Why are you asking?
thanks
That’s all Sirius responds. It’s all that’s needed. He quickly sends a screenshot to Regulus, which, yeah, might be a crappy friend thing to do, but James will understand.
see?
not one thing in there about wanting to fix you
almost like you don’t need to fixed
almost like he literally wants to fight for you
I don’t believe him.
you’re too fucking stubborn, you know that?
here you have a guy, head over heels for you, with no consequences if you get with him, practically begging for a text back
I know.
I’m sorry.
Sirius is a bit sorry too, for all of them. James, because Regulus is being a complete knob at the moment. Regulus, because he needs some confidence and to get out of the self-pity-shower he’s in. He’s drowning. He’s drowning in it, and there’s nothing Sirius can do about it.
don’t be
show me you are, then
show HIM
________________________
Tuesday, December 23rd, approx. 3:00pm
Regulus Arcturus Black.
Where are you?
The text was sent at approximately 2:45pm, approximately 15 minutes after the 2:30 meeting Regulus decided not to show up for. It was nerve-wracking, and the limo sent to pick him up was still waiting outside his apartment. He didn’t know who the driver was. He just hoped they wouldn’t come in. He hasn’t mastered up enough courage to respond to Walburga and Orion yet, but the…interesting conversation with Sirius is helping.
Regulus regrets most of it. He hates what he tells other people about himself, and what information it gives to them. He hates that everyone else thinks they know so much about him. He’s fine, really. Used to being alone. He tells himself he is, at least, but he can’t just ignore his closest friends.
regulus
literally where are you??
they’re getting sooo pissed
but also like what the hell is happening
Do all of the people his age have such terrible grammar? It seems like nobody ever capitalises the beginnings of their sentences anymore.
I’m not coming.
omg
is it finally happening
you’re finally leaving them!!!
probably to go run off with james, which, 100%, go for it
he’s approved of by all of us
amazing choice
No, I’m not.
Well I am leaving them.
Just not with James.
But I’ll get into that later
Why are you even at the meeting?
starry Night is probably going to get Potterly Trees, so they’re throwing a meeting about it
That still doesn’t explain why you’re there
they’re talking about the soil and stuff
and the death eaters
xeno is here too
they want me to be absolutely sure they’re gone
Are they?
my best guess is yes, because they’re clearly doing well this year
wait
okay now they’re mad at me???
need to be off my phone
Regulus groans. He wishes he was there, to know what’s going on, but he’ll get the story later on from Pandora. He hopes. He just doesn’t get why they’re there at all. They work more with agriculture, not this stuff. Not the business side of things. It doesn’t make sense why they’d be so intertwined that Pandora would need to be at a whole meeting to talk about the little bugs. Why would they matter so much?
Safe to say, Regulus is confused. Very. But there’s not much he can do except wait it out, so that’s exactly what he does.
While he waits, he goes through his conversation with Sirius again. It’s mostly just one paragraph he keeps reading and rereading. James’ paragraph.
Regulus can accept that he’s better than his parents, as it’s not a very high bar. It’s just hard to believe he’s better than James. Nobody can be. He doesn’t even have to be better than him, or even as good as him. But Regulus feels so far below him, he can’t imagine dragging James so far down with him. He hates that idea. Sirius has no idea what he’s talking about, because he’s spent the last 10 years getting better. Regulus only started this morning, when he decided not to join his parents, and he hasn’t even told them yet.
Maybe he will run off to the states. Take everything out of his savings, and then fake his own death. He’s researched it before, toying with the idea.
The incoming call from Pandora interrupts his thoughts.
“ Regulus, ” she starts, switching the call to FaceTime. She’s walking fast, and seems to be in a rush, but for what Regulus doesn’t know. “I think they did something to Potterly Trees.”
“What?”
“The death eaters. I told you, they’ve always fascinated me, because how did they happen to only infect the douglas firs? Crazy coincidence, right? I think I know why now.”
“Well, go on then, explain,” Regulus encourages her, not really believing it. Pandora has always loved theories that seem crazy to other people; improbable celebrity gossip, insane chemical combinations only she thinks will work, conspiracy theories that date back empires. It’s just part of Pandora.
“You know how they showed up about 4 years ago, about a year before I showed up? Well, I’ve been looking into them - they’re not anywhere else. No other Christmas Tree Farms have them.”
“Well, there aren’t many Christmas Tree Farms in England. I don’t see your point.”
“Yes, we could say that. But the way they asked me about them…I really think they had something to do with them.”
“Like what?”
“Like they snuck in and put a bunch of them in the trees, knowing it would ruin the business. I just know it.”
“You also claimed to ‘just know’ that Ed Sheeran was mind controlling every ginger with his music, Pandora. I’m just not seeing the vision.”
“Fine. That one might’ve been a little far fetched. But I was studying them the other day - they show a lot of signs of genetic modification. Like, an abnormal amount.”
“Genetic modification? This isn’t Spiderman. I thought you studied plants .”
“It’s actually a lot more common than you think, you know. Plus, I do study plants, including why what happens to them happens to them. Xeno is the one studying genetics. Guess why they sent him over here. I think they were planning something, but now that this deal exists, they don’t need it. They fired him.”
“They fired him? I thought he worked for your plant corporation thing.”
“You know how these things go. I think they paid them off, really, I do. Regulus. Please. You have to ask.”
“Now that I’ve confirmed where my loyalties lay? They’ll never trust me. They can’t. We don’t even have any evidence for it.”
“Tell them you know. See what they say. Please .”
The desperation in Pandora’s voice is what convinces him. Most of the time, when she shares her theories, she makes them sound crazier than they are. Sometimes, she even doubts them herself. She sounds so sure of it this time, though, and Regulus wouldn’t put it past them.
“Fine,” he agrees, letting out a sigh of resignation at the same time Pandora breathes a sigh of relief.
“ Thank you, ” she says, breathing deeply, and getting into a cab. “Update me later. Bye.”
“Bye,” Regulus says, and hangs up.
Oh, how is he supposed to do this? Play innocent? Tell them he’s changed his mind again and is joining them? There are so many ways, none of them good enough for his parents. It’s a mantra he’s familiar with, not being good enough for his parents, but it’s so terrible in this context.
He decides to just go for it. He’s leaving, anyway, so what does it matter?
Mum
It’s been forever since he’s called her that, she’ll recognise that, she’ll know, she’ll-
What’s happening with Potterly Trees?
Nothing important. Just sorting a few things out.
Why weren’t you there for it?
Why was Pandora there?
Of course, you care about your little friends.
Pandora was there because we needed her to be.
Why weren’t you?
Why did you need her there?
It doesn’t matter. Answer the question.
It was the death eaters, wasn’t it?
Regulus
You’re being ridiculous
Don’t let her fill your head with those silly theories
They’re not so silly.
They are.
We’ll have her fired, too, for insinuating we could’ve done that
And what if we had?
It’s working.
We’re going to get it all, and it’s going to be with the help of those little bugs
Not with the help of our traitor son
Sons.
Both of us helped.
Say it how it is.
We haven’t had a second son for 10 years, Regulus.
When you bailed on today’s meeting, you ensured we now don’t have any.
Regulus can’t pretend that doesn’t hurt, because what the hell just happened?
They basically admitted to it, which Regulus wants to be surprised about, but isn’t really. It’s exactly the kind of thing they’d do. Ruin Christmas. Undeniably, he did help with that. But it has to count for something, the fact that he tried.
He wonders if it counts to James. That paragraph…that paragraph tells him it doesn’t, but his brain is telling him it does. Telling him all he’s done has made him irrevocably unloveable, and unworthy of love. He wants to fight that idea, fight for himself, but it’s hard when there aren’t many people to fight with him.
He sends the screenshot to Pandora, excluding the family parts. She doesn’t need to know about that, and he’ll tell her someday anyways.
regulus
do you know what this means
we could take them down
Haha, Pandora
no
i’m not joking
we could
Is it so wrong for Regulus to know he doesn’t want to? He wants to be rid of his parents forever. Sure, it’s a huge injustice that they’d get away with it, but that’s what they’re used to. Why should he be the one to stop that? He doesn’t want to be. He doesn’t have to be. He just wants to see James again, and never see them ever.
Regulus doesn’t tell Pandora this, because it sounds a bit odd, that you wouldn’t want retribution for everything. He doesn’t care.
Once in a blue moon, Regulus sends emojis. He uses this chance to send one of him shrugging. Pandora, a frequent user of them, sends one rolling its eyes.
Now, he needs to text James. He needs to. 3 days without the guy and he’s already craving him, how embarrassing, but his hands are shaking as he unblocks him and begins to type out his apology.
There’s a knock at the door that stops him.
For one terrifying second, Regulus thinks it’s his parents. The only thing that stops this idea is the banging that follows, and Sirius’ voice.
“Regulus! Open this door, or I swear, I will-”
Regulus runs to it, because he can guess who’s knocking. James . Oh, he needs it to be James.
He flings open the door, a bit breathlessly, standing at the pair of friends. James looks hopeful. Sirius looks…mad? Cross? Regulus can’t tell, and it hurts.
“James,” he breathes, just staring at him, James staring back. Sirius scoffs.
“Yeah, hello to you too. Now, what the fuck?”
“You actually came,” Regulus observes. Sirius nods.
“I said I would. We had talked about it. By the way, there’s some guy in a limo out there…he’s pretty pissed at you.”
“I told you , I’m leaving them.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Well, that’s great!” James exclaims, smiling from ear to ear. “You know what that means for us then, right love?”
This is so much harder than Regulus anticipated. He’s a lot better at just ghosting people, because it’s less confrontational. Not to mention, James calling him that …how is he going to function normally without James anymore? He doesn’t get confrontational a lot.
“James…” he says softly. Evidently, Sirius hasn’t told him of their messages, or at least not the full extent of them.
“What? You’re free. That means we can be. We might not keep the farm, but hey, thats-”
“James, I can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
“I’m going to head into…somewhere else,” Sirius whispers, sneaking into what seems to be the kitchen. Thanks, Sirius, Regulus thinks for a second, but his brain has more pressing matters on its mind.
“I can’t be with you, James,” Regulus says, his voice choking up a little. Oh, no. No. You’re not going to cry, he tells himself, commands himself.
“Yes you can, you just said so.”
“It’s not them who are the problem. They helped me see it. You’re too good, James.”
“You’re good too, love. I don’t know why you’d take their advice.”
“Don’t call me that. You can’t.”
“If you truly don’t want me to, I won’t. But I think you do.”
“You don’t know me. Why would you think that?”
“I do know you. You’ve let me know you. I want you to keep letting me know you, I want you. Please. Don’t do this.”
“I have to.”
“Regulus. This is me fighting for you. I’m telling you, you don’t have to. I’d rather have you than a thousand good people. Don’t do this to us, please .”
It seems like an easy decision. So easy.
Regulus has always known when decisions are going to be big decisions. When Sirius was leaving, and Regulus knew he could come with him. And he chose not to. He had had a sinking feeling, some other power telling him this choice would decide so much. Here it is, the effects of that choice, rippling down to him now. Don’t all choices just lead to other, harder choices? This one has.
James, beautiful James, moves closer, mostly likely out of instinct. This seals the deal for Regulus.
He makes the right choice.
James doesn’t lean in first, waiting for Regulus to be the one to close the gap between them. Close it, he does. It feels so natural, to have James lips’ on his own again.
“I’m sorry,” Regulus gets out, between passionately really letting James know how sorry he is. Sorry for ever considering a future without James in it. Sorry for making someone fight for him.
“I know. You don’t have to be,” is James’ response. What a lovely response. What a reassuring response. Regulus can’t even find the energy to care, not now that all his energy is focused on James.
Sometime in the middle of them making up and making out, Sirius comes back, cheering. It’s funny - Regulus had forgotten he was even still here. Funny how that works.
“Finally,” he mutters, grinning at them. James looks so happy, Regulus hates that he ever even thought to deny James anything he wanted. How silly.
“So…this, we’re going to do it?” James asks, a bit nervously but excitedly.
“I think we are,” Regulus agrees. “But first, there’s something I have to do first. Where’s the nearest bank?”
“What?” This line of questioning catches James off guard.
“Come on. We only have two days. I want to help out.”
“Don’t you still work for Starry Night?”
“Tax evasion,” Regulus answers. It’s not really an answer, but Regulus doesn’t care. He drags James out of the flat, holding his hand, and flipping off the driver outside the building, Walburga and Orion be damned.
Regulus has plans to withdraw approximately £3,500, and donate it all immediately to Potterly Trees.