Now and Then

I know it's true

It's all because of you

And if I make it through

It's all because of you

Sirius curled into the corner of his cell, the harsh winds whistled through the bars and the north sea thrashed at the cliffs below. He wasn’t sure how long he had been sat in this squalor, he had soon become immune to the cold and stench, that drifted from the abandoned occupants of the tower. He would occasionally break from his daze when he heard the shriek of his deranged cousin from above, or next to him…the place was an echo chamber. Every small whimper was amplified, never sure who, or where it was coming from. 

Sometimes the Paranoia set in so strong some inmates would scream incoherent ramblings from their cell, this would be followed by howls of laughter from the guards, the human ones. Sometimes they would call the names of their favourite prisoners as they walked their patrols through the maze of corridors, for a long time it was Morfin. Sirius remembered his father’s tale of  the nasty business that ended the Gaunt family, and found their last heir locked in a cell. How he found his sister had bred with one of those filthy muggles and the ordeal left her cold in the ground. He murdered the family in an act of justice.

He started to doubt that story as the days went by, as the screams slowly changed from his usual  “My ring, where’s my ring. I had it. I had it. I know I did, it was on my hand and then…and then…gone. It was gone. Don’t tell father, you mustn’t tell father.” It was one day, maybe summer, there was warmth on Sirius’ face as he watched the waves lull. He heard a voice, he knew this voice, a deep Irish boom through the tower of “You will take me to him now, he’s an innocent man.”  His eyes widened as he tried to follow the mutterings that followed. No. They couldn’t possibly have come for him. Finally, after all this time. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed by, his hair was now resting on his shoulders. Dumbledore never visited him that day, or any other for that matter. But Sirius soon made his own deductions on who he had seen. As the guard called his name, Morfin began to howl “That filthy bastard child, when I leave here, I will murder him with my own hands. Dirtying my blood and stealing our heirlooms, I will kill Thomas Riddle, and then, and then, I’ll let you lock me up then!”. 

Morfin never got his chance to murder his nephew. Sirius thought it a great shame, he watched as the dementors carried the frail old body down to the cliff edge, and released it to the sea. The days and nights continued to pass and the air soon enough became icy again. As the long nights draw in, he braced himself for the onslaught of attacks, the dementors always took advantage of the long hours of darkness the winters brought. Sirius would always make a show when they finally came around to him, walking up to the bars, he straightened himself, gave them his best look of indifference and his eyes began to glaze over. 

Some nights a bright light would shine down on his cell protectively, as he made his journey to face the soulless monsters. It was only on those nights that Sirius Black would swap his bored expression, for a beaming smile as he met eyes with the moon between the bars.

“It’s good to see you again, old friend.” 

And now and then

If we must start again

Well, we will know for sure

That I will love you

Remus’ bones ached as he hauled his case back to his tired old flat. Too drained to trust himself to apparate home, he took the muggle tube down to Cally Road. He finally settled onto the threadbare sofa, wondering if he should have taken the Victoria line to Highbury and Islington, just to see…He wouldn’t have been there. He was sure Sirius was smarter than that. But, where was he? Was he warm? Was he lonely? Was he safe? 

Remus summoned over a bottle of Tesco value vodka and orange juice, he filled the glass and took a large gulp. He decided that his year at Hogwarts certainly deserved a notable mention on his growing list of terrible years he’s somehow survived. First he was confronted with the son of his dead friend. As if it wasn’t cruel enough he had to introduce himself to the boy like a stranger, a stranger who held him on his first birthday, who would sneak him bits of cream cake when his mother wasn’t looking. The fates decided to twist the dagger in further. He was the picture of his father, with striking emerald eyes his mother gave him, he the very best of the pair. Remus noticed how Sirius’ breath hitched at the sight of the boy, his usual steely glare melted into a pool of mercury, as he devoured in each detail of his Godson. 

And there he was. The cause behind most of the misery in Remus’ recent history, the man who brought his nightmares to life, who haunted his dreams on many cold miserable nights. Remus loved him. It was that simple. When Sirius went away, he obsessed over every touch, graze of their hands, stolen glance. Each moment a declaration of their love, that remained unspoken. Would it have been different? Would it have changed things? If he drank just an ounce of that Gryffindor courage, opened his mouth and used his words, met those pink lips with his own, grabbed that stupid hand and run as far away as he could from that fucking mess. Would they still be here?

Remus poured another measure, sinking further into his sofa and turned on the TV. He dozed off to reruns of old sitcoms, small snores interrupting the laughter tracks, the sky began to fill with  stars through the window. The doorbell rang, jolting remus from his sleep. He dragged himself across the room, wiped his eyes with his sleeve as he opened the door. The brightest star in the night sky was standing right there, his smile blinding.

“Merlin Moony, you look bloody dreadful.”

“Very funny Pads. You look like you’ve been dragged through a bush.”

“Well, that’s because I was. You see, there was this fox down by the park. He was a frightful little sod..”