A gusty wind is raging in the darkness outside and yet, Griffindor’s common room is too hot. The cooling charm had worn off a while ago and no one can be bothered to do anything about it. That might have something to do with the smuggled bottles of firewhisky.
“Look!” James stops next to the couch and leans on Sirius’ shoulder to get his attention, then nods towards the entrance. “Peter is sneaking in the Hufflepuffs again.”
“Don’t know if you can call that ‘sneaking in’, Prongs,” Sirius points out, watching their new guest with a crooked smile.
“We’re all gonna regret it one day, I swear,” James mutters, then downs what’s left in his mug.
It’s not unheard of to visit another house’s common room. As long as it’s not a Gryffindor-Slytherin journey, that is. But Griffindor is throwing the most parties and they are known for their impressive stash of smuggled alcoholic beverages, so it’s usually Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws invading their space, not the other way round. It bothers James the most, for whatever reason. He seems to be convinced one day they’ll get robbed or lose an advantage in some competition or something.
“Eh.” Sirius doesn’t care in the slightest. “It’ll be fine.” He grabs the bottle from the coffee table and pours more firewhisky into James’ mug.
James rolls his eyes but takes a sip anyway.
“You only say that, because those are the same Hufflepuff girls that spent the entire evening flirting with you the last time.”
Sirius smirks at the memory and leans back more, stretching one arm across the back of the couch. He even goes as far as spreading his legs – seemingly for comfort, but the bastard knows how he looks while doing so and what it does to most people watching.
The movement catches the attention of Remus, seated at the opposite end of the couch. He doesn’t look up from the book, but does shift his gaze for a short yet very significant moment. Then he goes back to reading.
Meanwhile, Sirius watches the Hufflepuff girls and mischief shines in his eyes.
“So they’re interested, you say…?” His tone is extremely smug.
“Fucking hell, mate.” James sounds half-amused, half-horrified. “Lily’s right. People need to stop hitting on you, or you’ll become a monster.”
Sirius leans forward to grab the bottle again and takes a swing straight from it. He swallows loudly and wipes his lips with the back of his hand. It’s his turn to glance at Remus. Just to check…
“You sound like you’re not drunk enough,” he shoots back at James after a short pause. “And lets be honest, they are fucking hot, all of them. Can’t blame me.”
James snorts and does that subconscious thing when he’s trying to locate Lily the second he hears the word “hot”.
“The middle one is quite attractive,” Remus suddenly says, but still doesn’t look away from his book.
Sirius turns to him immediately, this time fully. The movement is fast, but then he stills and the annoyance on his face fades in seconds, which makes it obvious the reaction was a lapse in control. He’d very much prefer to look absolutely unbothered.
“Let’s see if I remember their names, shall we?” He proposes, mostly to himself, now with a new goal in mind. And with that one last comment, he walks off, never one to be afraid of leaving his friends behind at parties.
James is left standing alone with a slight frown on his face.
“Uh,” he sighs a little bit awkwardly, shifting his gaze to the other end of the couch. “You good, Moony?” He asks hesitantly. He’s not good with the whole… He has a very low emotional intelligence, according to Lily. Whatever that means.
Remus lifts his head this time.
“Yes, of course,” he assures politely. “I’m almost done with the chapter.”
It’s not like he hates parties. He dislikes the crowds, yes, but that’s a little different. And he didn’t come here with the book to obnoxiously demonstrate his superiority to others, either. He just fucked up a potion, and fixing it threw off his entire schedule, so now he really has to finish that one assigned reading tonight to be able to handle other things tomorrow. But he also likes being around his friends and it’s very hard to successfully distract him. So here he is – reading in the common room, in the middle of the party.
Nobody seems particularly surprised.
James smiles.
“I didn’t mean the book, mate. Just… are you…” he glances back, at the girls now laughing at something Sirius has said.
“Yes, Prongs,” Remus sounds slightly amused. As if the idea of him being not fine is almost absurd. “I’m fine.”
He means it. It’s common knowledge that Sirius is bisexual and loud, and cocky but also funny, which means it’s not annoying but disarming. People want his attention and he loves giving it to them, always on the verge of flirting. He has that good-bad boy charm and knows exactly how to use it, too. It sounds dangerous, sure. But Remus knows what it actually takes to get this man on his knees and those lovely Hufflepuff girls just won’t cut it.
Remus is very much fine right now.
“I think Lily is waving at you to come dance with her,” he offers, sending James another reassuring smile, then goes back to his book.
“Okay,” James shrugs. “Cheers,” he adds, downing the drink once more. With that, he leaves to join Lily.
James and Lily are the only people who know about Remus and Sirius sleeping together. Lily figured it out on her own, obviously, because nothing ever escapes that girl. And James knows because naturally, Sirius was unable to keep anything from him for long. To his defense, the first time he and Remus fucked was right before the summer vacation. Outside of Hogwarts, Sirius still lives with Potters, so he was spending every single day with James and nobody else to distract them. Not exactly secret-keeping conditions.
Not that it’s a secret. Well, it is, kind of, just not in a way one might think. Neither Remus nor Sirius are ashamed. They couldn’t care less about other people’s opinions. The problem is, they are friends. Or rather, they want to be friends above anything else – a solid part of their favorite group. Starting a real relationship would generate a risk that if something went wrong, they’d fuck it all up. Not only for themselves, but for everyone: James, Lily, Peter, Mary, Marlene, Dorcas…
Unfortunately, at some point it became impossible to ignore the mutual attraction. And so there was a shift and now their private involvement consists of huge doses of sexual tension, some very nice sex and a shared annoyance that they are unable to resist one another. Casual is not a right word for such an arrangement, but they are definitely not a couple. And with how unwanted and unstable the whole thing is, there really is no benefit in making it public.
They generally have a good time (it’s exciting, it’s passionate, it’s hot ), but it’s unavoidably frustrating to be so defenseless against someone. When a wave of silent resentment – confusingly mixed with desire – comes, Remus usually just deals with it quietly and on his own, while Sirius… Sirius does what he’s doing right now: he becomes louder, even more cocky and open to flirting with everything that moves.
The fact that he thinks it will somehow make Remus feel threatened is adorable. Fucking annoying, yeah, but in the end mostly adorable.
Still, Remus has to reread the last page.
* * *
Sirius got on the table around five minutes after Ravenclaw twins appeared. At first he and Marlene were pretending it’s a stage and they are performing an aggressive music concert, but Black’s movements quickly morphed into a show of a very different kind. One of the Hufflepuff girls turns absolutely red but can’t look away, another one is laughing fondly and the third is already climbing up to join him.
As far as the dance goes, Remus has seen better, but that doesn’t make it easy to ignore.
“He’s so immature sometimes!” he shouts over the loud music to Lily. They are both standing next to the currently cold fireplace – he’s done with the book, she needs a break from dancing.
“So are you!” she answers with a smile, patting Remus’ cheek fondly. “You could just tell the twins you’re not interested. You should!” she adds after a sip of whatever is in her mug.
The thing with Ravencaw twins is, the whole school knows they are both in love with Remus, because they had a very public fight about it last year. They’ve been doing everything together and then suddenly started acting as if they hate each other. It drew attention. Eventually, they made up, of course.
Because nobody knows anything about Remus Lupin. Not really. It’s not even officially clear if he likes boys, girls or both (or none). So, gossip says, the twins decided to work together, fueled by the hope that, statistically, at least one of them should have a chance.
Right now, they are staring at Lily darkly from the other side of the room, clearly angry about the way she touched Remus, completely unaware the real threat is dancing obnoxiously on the table.
The fact that almost nobody is able to connect the dots before making a move is definitely thrilling at times. Sirius keeps denying it, but Remus is mature enough to admit that. The amount of times one of them got hit on with another one present, the secret exchange of meaningful looks, the small but triumphant smiles as they watch others getting turned down…
It’s fun as long as it doesn't go too far.
(It always goes too far, because Sirius is a menace and Remus has a stick up his ass. Respectfully.)
“Padfoot just took his shirt off!” Peter almost crashes into them, red faced from the alcohol and laughing. There’s a familiar note of admiration in his voice, because given a chance, Peter would choose to be any of his friends before being himself. It’s a fragile kind of worship, one that can – and will – turn into bitterness in the years to come.
“We can see that,” Remus says slowly, not betraying much.
"Don't fall down!" James shouts somewhere in the middle of the crowd, clearly laughing.
"He's not even that drunk!" Comes a response from somebody else.
It's true, Sirius isn't shitfaced (this time). Remus is aware, because he's excellent at dividing his attention and even though they are spending this party separately, he has a good idea what went into Sirius' mouth.
It's not a coincidence his thoughts sounded dirty just now. After all, no matter how foolish it may be, in the end, Sirius is shirtless and he is dancing very inappropriately on a table . For everybody to see.
Remus clears his throat and looks intently at that impossible man. As if the look left a physical touch, Sirius turns his head and looks right at him. He loses the rhythm for a second, but recovers quickly and raises his chin slightly in a challenging manner.
"Let's dance, too!" Peter exclaims, still locked in the fear of missing out and he drags the now giggling Lily back into the crowd in the middle of the room.
Meanwhile, Remus crosses his hands over his chest, making sure one palm is clearly visible. He keeps the fingers splayed in a way that doesn't draw much attention but isn't exactly natural either.
And then he folds one finger, signaling: four. And then another one goes, and after a pause, another one. As the countdown becomes clear, something new flashes in Sirius' eyes. He tries to focus on the music, but fails, suddenly flushed and distracted. Remus holds the last finger generously long, but soon that one is folded too.
Sirius manages to jump down just in time.
He stumbles into one of the Hufflepuff girls and she laughs, delighted, then wraps her arms around him.
"Nice moves!" She shouts over the music. "Wanna get out of here?"
Sirius glances at Remus over her shoulder. He looks as calm as ever.
"No, I… Yeah, sorry, no."
The girl doesn't get offended at all.
"I'm not looking for a boyfriend or anything," she explains. "Just some fun."
Sirius is very distracted right now, but he regains his footing.
"I'm actually… you're not really my type, love," he shoots her a good-bad boy smile, not to lose the reputation. He worked hard for it, you know?
"Nice tits, Black!" James yells out of nowhere, hitting him in the back as he pushes past them. Contrary to Sirius, James is shitfaced.
"What is your type, then?" The girl asks. She sounds honestly curious. That's the thing with the Hufflepuff people – they are super nice and friendly, but not dumb or naive, or desperate. They know what they want and they go for it, and if it doesn't work out? That's life.
Sirius kind of respects that. He wishes he had the same kind of strength, but he doesn't, so here he is, turning down a badass girl for a…
"Freaks with control issues who don't appreciate my style," he says out loud. "That's my type."
"Uh-oh," she shakes her head in sympathy. "Tough shit, babes. Good luck, then!"
And just like that, she's back to dancing.
By the time Sirius makes it to the fireplace, the twins have their ravenclaws on Remus and he has the audacity not to look displeased about it. He's calm as ever, the fucker. There's the tiniest wrinkle on his beautifully scarred face, but it's always there when he has to endure crowds and loud places, so that definitely doesn't count.
Sirius stops at his side – too close, on purpose – and looks at the twins carefully. He'd like to glare at them, because that would feel good, but jealousy has never won him a fight. Confidence, however…
"Hello, Sirius." Remus' voice is slightly raspy even though he wasn't drinking or singing. "You called me a freak," he points out calmly.
How on earth did he hear that…?!
"You did choose to read a book in the middle of the party, Moony."
"He's very smart," the Ravenclaw girl says. Like it's a fucking new piece of information.
"And hardworking," her brother adds with a fond smile.
Sirius scoffs, then smirks.
"Oh, trust me, I know what he is," he assures them. He has experienced on his own body how hard Remus can work, when he wants to. "Can I talk to you?" The last words are directed at Moony as Sirius glances at him meaningfully, twins forgotten.
"You can put that back on," Remus suggests, nodding at the shirt his friend is holding instead of wearing. He avoids the question in a way that immediately gets on Sirius' nerves.
"And you can go fuck yourself, how about that, Moony?"
Ravenclaw twins wince, then send him scarily coordinated looks of distaste.
"Do you have to be so…" Remus starts with a sigh, but Sirius cuts him off.
"I don't need this," he says, now truly angry and walks off, fuming.
Remus back stiffness and his hand twitches as he squashes down the urge to reach out and grab the unfortunate man of his dreams before he gets too far.
"I thought you were friends…?" The girl says after an awkward moment of silence, pretending to be confused while in reality, she's trying to capitalize on the moment. Were Remus sorted into Slytherin, he'd appreciate the determination.
"We are," Remus assures, as composed as ever. “We most definitely are.”
"But he was so mean to you…" the brother joins, shifting closer.
Again, Remus nods, looking pensive.
“Yes. He does that sometimes.”
“How do you deal with that?!”
The corner on Remus’ lips twitches upwards and he barely noticeably smiles at his own thoughts.
“Adequately,” he answers finally. There is a trace of suspicious satisfaction in his tone.
* * *
Eventually, Remus joins Sirius in the bathroom, armored with a kind smile.
Sirius charmed one of the windows open and is smoking muggle cigarettes again. He started doing that to annoy his family, but the habit stuck even after he ran away and later he got Lily into it. (Something James still hasn’t entirely forgiven him for.)
Sirius smokes, Remus watches and for a while there is only silence and smoke, and a cold sky in the distance.
"You didn't like the dance, then, eh?" Sirius speaks first, tilting his head right after to exhale the smoke. He's leaning confidently on the stone window sill and his indifference seems only slightly forced.
"It wasn't your best work," Remus answers honestly, eyes trailing the line of Sirius' throat for no particular reason. He looks paler in the moonlight.
"Hufflepuff liked it," Sirius says, leaning back on the window sill even more and turning his head to look Remus directly in the eyes.
Suddenly the atmosphere seems charged.
"Ravenclaw didn't."
"Good thing I'm not the one they are trying to get with."
"Does it bother you that people like me?" Remus asks, curious and calm, like he isn't provoking Sirius on purpose right now.
"Does it bother you that I'm attractive?" Comes the response, because two can play that game.
Remus goes quiet. He clears his throat, looks away for a moment and rubs the back of his neck in a way that looks almost nervous, but is actually far from it. That's what he does when he’s contemplating something in an environment he feels comfortable in.
“I feel like… you’re mad that I’m not jealous,” he finally says, slowly. Almost like he’s afraid of the reaction this might cause. “And I’m not sure what to do with that, Pads. Truly, I don’t know.”
Sirius scoffs and throws the butt of the cigarette onto the floor. It makes Remus frown.
“And do you know why you aren’t jealous?” Sirius challenges, taking two sudden steps, until he’s right in front of Remus. “Because no matter where we are and what is happening, you can fucking see , from whatever bloody distance, that I’m yours!”
He spits that declaration like it’s a curse. If not for that, it might have sounded romantic.
“That’s…” Before they met, Remus was known for always having the right words.
“Meanwhile,” Sirius takes advantage of the pause and continues his rant, “all I see is this fucking tall, marble statue of a person that would keep smiling politely even if the boody castle came crumbling down around us!”
“Why would the castle fall apart, you lunatic?”
“Oh, you bloody…”
Sirius raises his hand to give his friend a friendly smack across his friendly face. Before he manages, though, Remus kisses him.
Actually, that’s not all. Remus grabs him by the neck, puts the other hand on Sirius’ hip, kisses him hard and pushes forward, to trap Black’s body between his own and the wall.
“Six years, Padfoot,” he breathes into Sirius’ lips once they separate for a second. “I’ve spent six years pretending I don’t want you and for the last three, you had a new partner every month. And now that you’ve finally caught up, you’re going to be angry about my composure?”
Remus chuckles darkly at the end, still holding Sirius tightly. It makes his other side – that rougher and more demanding one – shine through for just a second and Sirius shivers involuntarily. He manages to pull himself together, though. Somehow.
“Now you’re just being dramatic,” he whispers and leaves another kiss on Remus’ lips. It’s short and sweet this time. “Get off me,” he demands right after. “Somebody will see.”
Reluctantly, Remus steps away. Sirius starts fixing his long hair in the mirror and for a while, Remus just watches him.
“Skip breakfast with me tomorrow?” he suggests suddenly. There’s not much privacy in the dormitory and the only opportunity to use the bed for something more interesting than sleeping is when everyone else is in the dining hall.
“Ha!” Sirius shows him a middle finger in the mirror. “Use your hand, lover boy. I’m not that easy. You pissed me off today.”
“What if I ask nicely?”
They have just talked about not getting caught, and yet, Remus comes up behind him and wraps his arms around Sirius’ waist. When he pulls their bodies close, the heat spreads like a wildfire.
Suddenly, the bathroom door opens and Sirius' elbow goes straight into Remus' ribs. He hisses in pain, taking two steps back, so Sirius can safely say it was worth it.
Luckily, it’s just James.
"Woah," he says once he notices them and stops, swaying slightly. He definitely drank the most today. "Merlin's beard, have I walked in on you doing it?"
Remus straightens, still massaging his ribs.
"Regrettably, no."
Sirius snickers and goes back to saving his hair, ruined by all the dancing.
James eyes Remus suspiciously.
"I honestly wish I never met the side of Moony that you bring out in him, Pads," he announces finally, unnecessary loudly, and moves towards one of the stalls to take a leak.
"That's rude," Remus calls after him, not really offended.
Sirius looks up to catch eye contact with him again.
"Well, now. What do I bring out in you, Moony, hm?"
His grin is dirty. The look Remus sends him in return is dangerous.
"Don't leave your bed tomorrow morning, Black. I mean it."
With that, he walks out of the bathroom, leaving Sirius to be horny by himself. Now that's rude. But it is necessary. Remus doesn’t want anybody to know. Sirius doesn’t, either. This isn’t real, it can’t be, because then it would be… everything.
Sirius is dangerously cocky and Remus is just the right amount of petty, but most importantly, they are, deep down, terrified of each other. So they will play games and argue, and have make up sex, and it’s nothing to worry about, as long as it’s a secret.
Right…?