Late nights
Regulus stood outside with James, still wearing his coat. He sighed and inhaled some smoke.
“You kept looking away from me at the great hall.” James said.
“Am I supposed to have a staring contest with you now?”
“Well, no.”
“Why were you looking at me?”
“ ‘Cause you're pretty.”
Regulus rolled his eyes, “Don’t call me that.”
“What, pretty? You are, I know you probably don’t hear that often but it doesn’t make it any less true.”
“I’m not pretty Potter, stop saying that.”
James tilted his head and looked at Regulus, his brows furrowed. “You don’t think you’re pretty?”
Regulus scoffed and said nothing else. He contemplated punching him as he stubbed out his fag.
“Why?”
“Why what?” Regulus asked though he was pretty sure of what James was asking.
“Why don’t you think you’re pretty?”
“I’ve just never been called that before.”
“Don’t you look in a mirror?”
“I do my best to try and avoid such things,” Regulus said in a bored tone but he was feeling anything but bored.
“Do you not like how you look?” James asked after a beat, his tone quiet and bordering on sad.
“I don’t look at myself often.”
“And there must be a reason for that. You don’t just not look at yourself.”
“There is no reason, Potter.” Spat Regulus.
“What’s the harm in telling me? I have nothing against you, there’s no one around us. It must be lonely to keep everything bottled up.” He reasoned.
“You’d tell Sirius.”
“Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could. He doesn’t talk about you. Just like you don’t talk about him, he’d change the subject if I brought you up.”
Regulus’ eyes filled with tears, it stung to hear that. No it hurts, like a poorly bandaged wound ripping open. It hurt, that wound ran deeper than skin, it hit his organs and arteries all the way down to his capillaries.
James took notice, “Hey, hey, he doesn’t hate you. It’s just a sore subject for the both of you.”
“What do you know about what happened?” Regulus said angrily, trying to blink away his tears.
“Sirius told me everything.”
Regulus’ mind went numb, the tears and anger went away, Potter knew everything, he knew what had happened. “Oh.”
James nodded, “I don’t think any less of you and if you ever want to talk about it I’m here for you.” He paused, waiting for a reply, when Regulus didn’t give him one he continued "But back to what I was asking, why don’t you like looking at yourself?”
Regulus contemplated lying or shrugging it off but it’s late and he really has nothing better to talk about. James is also right, he is lonely. “I don’t like the way I look,” Or myself, Regulus thought though he wouldn’t dare say that out loud.
“Why not?”
“For fucks sake Potter I don’t know!”
“You must have some idea though. You didn’t just wake up out of the blue and hate the way you look.”
“I didn’t track it and I don’t want to talk about it!”
“Alright, alright that’s fine. Is that why you don’t eat much then?”
“How do you know what I eat?”
“We sit across from each other in the great hall, and I like to look at you. You’re also stick thin, I’m surprised you didn’t catch hypothermia the first time I came out here.”
“Why do you care what I eat?”
“So you admit you don’t eat a lot.”
“I guess I don’t.” Regulus said, trying to downplay it.
“Why not?”
Regulus rolled his eyes yet again, he should really take shots every time he does this, that would make his time out here with James much more bearable. “I don’t like the way I look.”
“So, you… starve yourself?”
Regulus nodded sharply but said nothing.
James resisted the urge to hug the younger boy, “For what it’s worth I think you’re beautiful always ‘ave. And you should eat more, just a little more.”
“I’m not promising that, I’m not some mentally ill girl who needs to be saved.”
“I didn’t ask for a promise Reggie, I just asked if you could even consider the possibility of eating a little more. Not a lot but a little.”
“What do you consider a little more?” Regulus said. He felt slightly warm at the nickname.
“Well how much do you normally eat?” James countered.
“I don’t know less than a meal most days.” Regulus said embarrassed.
“Okay,” he said slowly, “Well then try to eat a full meal and maybe a small snack.”
Regulus huffed, “ ‘Kay.”
James turned his head away from Regulus and smiled happy that Regulus would try. Again James resisted the urge to hug him.
“I’m proud of you.”
“I haven’t even done anything yet,” Even so Regulus’ chest felt weird, a good weird. He wasn’t used to words like these directed towards him. It was Regulus’ turn to combat the urge to touch James.
“Still, you said you’d try.”
“And you believe me?”
“I don’t think you're a liar.” James said earnestly.
“Why?”
“You’ve never lied to me before. There’s also no point in lying about this.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
James didn’t say anything else, he just stared into the distance with Regulus. They both seemed happy with it for the time being.
“Have you told anyone about this?” Regulus asked, breaking the silence.
“What, us? Where I go at night?”
“Yes.”
“I haven’t. It hasn’t come up in passing.”
“Would you, if it came up?”
“I mean it depends who’s asking and why. If you don’t want me to, I won't Reg.”
“I was just wondering. You can tell who you like, but don’t send an angry Sirius my way if he freaks out. For the record I have not told anyone either.”
“You can if you want, it’s not as if-”
“We’re fucking?”
James barked out a laugh and tried to hide his now blushing cheeks. “Yeah.”
Regulus smirked at the sound of James’ laugh. “I’m going back to the castle now, night James.”
“Night Reggie.”