Chapter 12 - Calm Before the Storm
April seemed to dragged on and yet, after the mornings owls, Regulus determined the month hadn't gone on slow enough.
It was like every other morning- Regulus moped silently, while Ivan complained about how early it was and Claudette lectured him for staying up so late.
At some point he'd just laid his head on the table and watch the couple pointlessly bicker back and forth.
That was, until an owl flew over his head releasing a letter that smacked onto his head.
He grumbled under his breath rubbing his head with one hand and holding the letter in the other.
Regulus took a chance to actually look at the letter, his name scrawled out in fancy calligraphy- handwriting he'd recognize from anywhere.
His stomach churned.
His mother hadn't written him at all since he'd arrived, which wasn't surprising as Regulus and his mother did not leave on good terms- seemingly because she cracked thirteen of his ribs just last summer.
He must've noticeably paled- enough for his friends to feel the unease that settled upon his face.
Regulus slipped his finger underneath the flap of the envelope.
He swallowed as he read through her pristine writing and cold words.
'Regulus Arcturus,
The Dark Lord has great plans for you as your seventeenth approaches. As so, you will take the mark and represent the Black family and all it stands for.
Do not mess it up.
Stay out of trouble and don't think I don't know all about your Yule Ball stunt- absolutely embarrassing.
We will speak when the time comes.'
Regulus read the letter over multiple times to make sure he was reading it right.
The mark.
He'd been avoiding the thought for as long as possible, but now it was confirmation that he was trapped- trapped in a future he didn't want.
"Reg, you good?" Ivan quizzed as he and Claudette looked at him worriedly.
Regulus opened his mouth, but before he could say anything he slapped a hand to his mouth and sprinted out of the Great Hall.
He ducked into the closest bathroom before releasing the contents of his stomach.
His mind was fuzzy and his throat burned as a hand rubbed his back comfortingly.
"There you go. Let it all out." Sirius muttered as he removed the letter from the boys hand, allowing Regulus to relax.
Regulus huffed and whined in pain, sitting back into Sirius' lap as he brushed the hair from Regulus' face, while reading the crumpled letter.
"You can't- you can't", Sirius mumbled, his voice cracking, "You can't go back-"
"I have to." Regulus huffed as he tried regaining himself.
"No, no, no- you can't! That mark, it's a death sentence! You're so young- you have your whole life ahead of you." Sirius begged.
"I don't- I can't leave." Regulus cried with pain in his voice.
"You can! You can come stay at the Potters'-" Sirius suggested.
"I can't", the thought of James made his anxiety soar and his nausea suffocate him, "James and I-"
Regulus couldn't even get the sentence out before he was puking again.
He hated puking.
He hated that everything had gotten so bad that it'd triggered his anxiety-induced nausea.
"James wants nothing to do with me." Regulus mumbled as he swallowed, the thick mucus clogging his burning throat.
"He's a mess, Regulus. It's terrifying- I've never seen James like this. I'm afraid he's going to explode- have an episode and end up tossing himself off the astronomy tower." Sirius explained with a frown as he rubbed his brothers back.
"You have to talk to him, Regulus." Sirius muttered.
"You were the one who didn't approve in the first place." Regulus spat.
"I'm never going to approve of any guy that defiles my baby brother, but I was irrational- I know James and he's a great guy", Sirius explained, "And like everyone else he's human- he makes mistakes."
"James hasn't spoken to me since the second task." Regulus muttered.
"He's been trying- but you and I both know if you want to avoid someone you become a ghost- he's only able to catch glimpses of you." Sirius quipped.
Regulus was quiet, slowly and shakily breathing as his nausea calmed.
"Just think about it, yeah?" Sirius muttered before pressing a kiss to the back of his head.
Regulus had thought about it.
It was all he thought about.
His entire being yearned for James. His voice like gentle melodies. His hands warm against his own ice cold ones. The taste of sweet vanilla on his soft lips.
All he thought about was James- James' arms around him, James' lips on his, the way James said his name.
He missed James from his adorable laugh to his breathy moans. From the way his fingers danced around Regulus' skin to the way his breath brushed against Regulus' neck.
Most of all, he missed the way James made him feel- like his scars were pieces of art and his broken pieces meant there was just more of him to love.
Regulus didn't know what it felt like to be in love. Love had always been such an abstract idea to Regulus, until James that is.
Regulus asked Sirius what made him fall in love with Remus.
To which he answer with a soft laugh, 'He loved me enough to make me hate myself a bit less.'
Regulus figured the statement was lighthearted and probably not to be taken seriously, but it struck a nerve in Regulus.
Regulus actually understood. With James, he saw the beauty in his flaws. The little kinks about himself that only James could make him love.
So maybe, maybe Regulus was desperately in love with James.
Being without James, Regulus identified the sinking feeling in his chest- like mild grief.
So for once in his life, he listened to his brother.
So that night he didn't switch his rounds with Lily and when James spotted him he didn't run.
"Regulus!" James called- quite like he'd won the quidditch cup.
Regulus didn't know what to expect, but James crying was definitely not on his list.
The boy had been fine until he reached Regulus and completely fell apart.
"I'm s-so so sorry, Regulus. I'm an idiot and I-" James cried, his sentence ending abruptly as Regulus smashed his lips to James'.
He always did think the boy talked way too much.
Both boys melted into the kiss, Regulus becoming practically a puddle in James' arms.
Fire spread throughout his body at James' touch.
"I love you, James Fleamont Potter." Regulus huffed as they pulled apart.
James stepped back as he furrowed his eyebrows at the boy, "What?"
Regulus chuckled shaking his head, "You heard me."
"Say it again." James begged.
"I love you." Regulus muttered again.
James pulled the boy back into a deep, passionate, yearning kiss.
In that moment, Regulus had everything he wanted.
Yes, Regulus' troubles were far from over, but with James by his side- and Regulus truly believed this- there was nothing he couldn't do.
***
May came along, pretty as can be. Flowers of all colors broke out across the castle grounds.
The third task was approaching fast and they all were desperate for time to standstill.
The group had found themselves in the yellow poppy field that connected to the Black Lake.
James' hands were tangled in Regulus' hair as he laid with his head in the older boys lap.
Sirius stood at the shore, skipping rocks into the lake as Remus' nose was buried in a book.
Peter was leaning against the tree trunk, carving designs into a branch with a pocket knife.
"What do you think it'll be like? Not coming back?" Sirius questioned breaking the silence as his rock sunk under the surface with a plop.
That was enough to make Remus close his book.
Regulus didn't want to even think of returning the next year.
The school would seem emptier without his brother and friends.
Regulus, Ivan, and Claudette had avoided the fact that the three of them would be thousands and thousands of miles away by the end of this year.
"Weird, I think." Peter quipped.
"It'll be a challenge, for sure. Especially with the war." Remus explained.
The war was another rough subject.
Regulus was due for his mark in less than a month and then he'd be pinned against his brother and friends.
Regulus had gotten the taste of what it was like to have friends and he didn't want to think of things returning to normal.
No more secret make-outs after hours with James.
No studying in the library with Remus.
No more dancing around the common room with Lily.
No more falling asleep with Sirius in front of the fire like they had as kids.
No more wizarding chess with Peter.
No more deep conversations under the stars with Claudette and Ivan.
A lump formed in Regulus' throat. He didn't want to think about it- deciding to push it to the back of his head.
"We'll be fine. We always are." James assured the group as the mood turned sour.
He leaned down pecking Regulus on the lips as the small boy smiled.
They all seemed to like that answer as Sirius plopped down next to Remus, pulling the boy closer to press a kiss to the side of his head.
Regulus himself hadn't spent much time thinking of what he'd do when school ended.
Before James, his plan was to do whatever his parents wanted of him, but now- now every time he pictured the future, there James was with his circle glasses and ridiculous smile.
James intertwined his fingers with Regulus', bringing them to his lips.
"Personally, I plan on putting a ring on this pretty little finger." James muttered as he pressed a kiss to Regulus' knuckles.
"In your dreams." Regulus chuckled.
"Oh you definitely are." James said suggestively causing Sirius to make gaging noises.
"Oh god- stop, before I puke." Sirius grimaced.
"You told me that we wouldn't lie to each other anymore. So I'm telling the truth." James chuckled.
Peter stifled a laugh making Sirius glare at him unimpressed.
"Oh yeah, mister smart guy." Sirius huffed before walking towards the pair.
"No, no, no!" Regulus laughed as Sirius laid on top of the two boys.
"Dog pile!" Sirius called.
Remus and Peter joined shortly after- the group a fit of laughter.
"Ya'll are heavy." James huffed, fruitlessly trying to push them off.
Regulus just laughed as they all crushed him and James, "I'm gonna miss you guys."
He would miss them, even if they'd only really gotten close over the last month.
Hogwarts wasn't done with The Marauders yet, but somehow Regulus felt like they'd already left.
He already missed them and they hadn't even left.
"We'll miss you more." Peter quipped.
The wind was cool against their bare skin.
The sun shone brightly onto the lakes surface.
There they were- five boys, nobodies, kids- one on-top of the other, clinging to the childhood that was being ripped from their grasps due to the war around them.
It was the calm before the storm...
They weren't ready.