The Crossroads
The Crossroads
We were at the top of the hill when the mists thinned. A light shone through the trees.
“Look! There’s the gate Hagrid talked about. See the wrought iron beyond that tree?” said the kid from the alley, turning to me for a moment, then lifting a pointing finger.
James, he was called. We’d finally gotten round to exchanging names on the train. James Potter, he’d said. It fit. Quick, to the point. It was a proud thing, walking next to him and thinking: That’s James over there. That’s my friend James.
I’d almost winced when I told him what my own name was. Had he heard all about what my Mother called “the House of Black’s powerful reputation in the Wizarding community”? When James and had I talked last week about the creepy Dark Arts stuff they sold in Knockturn Alley, should I have admitted to him that I knew my Father did business there from time to time? That there was a glass case full of the very objects we’d discussed, proudly displayed in our parlour? Would he tell me to go back and join the group of Slytherins my Mother had insisted I sit with when she and Mrs. Malfoy saw us onto the train this morning?
Except that he now knew what to call me, he hadn’t cared about my first name or my last. Only about making room for me and my lunch to sit by him while he introduced me to the pale, tired-eyed kid across from us, who had a huge book laid open in his lap.
Remus Lupin hadn’t cared a jot about my last name either. But, leaning toward me, he’d expressed a lot of interest in my first. How’d I spell it? he’d asked. As I spelled out the letters, “S-i-r-i-u-s,” his fatigue-shadowed blue eyes lit up. Flicking through the book, he’d beckoned me closer and pointed to a picture of a brilliant blue-white star shining against the darkness of the page around it.
“Sirius,” he’d said.
“That’s you,” said James, looking at the writing beneath the picture. “Says here you’re bright, but wimpy!”
Not only had that ended the worry about my name, but, later, only minutes ago now, both of those kids had come to my defense when Stringy used a dark arts spell on me!
My friend James, indeed!
My friend Remus.
Now, in the darkness, I smiled as I nodded at James. “Yeah. And I can almost smell that feast from here!”
“Don’t talk about it, Sirius! Can’t you see I’m starving?”
“Me too.” I replied. “There must be lots of food if they call it a feast, not just a meal-” I stopped.
“I said, don’t-” James began, then stopped too.
Nothing I’d imagined had prepared me for the sight before us.
It was a castle with more towers and turrets than I could count and high doors with rounded arches. Row over row of windows reached up into the darkness, with candles burning golden bright in each one.
“Here’s Hagrid!” James said at last in hushed tones. “Let’s go have a closer look!”
I nodded, but didn’t move.
Had I thought nothing was here for me but the dark world my family picked for me or the fight to hold out against it? How far I’d come to stand here with a friend at my side and a Headmaster wanting to show me a bigger world than I ever imagined. And this golden place was where I’d live for the next seven years!
“We made it!” said Remus Lupin, appearing at my other side. He didn’t sound as calm as when he told Stringy about being expelled. I had the feeling he was only half talking to James and me. His eyes were wide with awe that was almost like disbelief. “We’re really here.”
However far I’ve come, I found myself thinking, this kid’s come a lot further.
There was something about him that reminded me of Nymphadora. Especially his eyes. Behind their sparkle, they looked like he was braced to meet the next unkindness. What gave them that look? If he was a Mud-blood like her, they wouldn’t let him into Slytherin with James and me. And I wanted him with us. Maybe I’d ask him sometime. Quietly, the way I asked her things, showing him my loyalty like he’d shown his, helping with Stringy-Boy. Letting him know I’d stand beside him, no matter what his secret was.
I clapped him on the shoulder as we crowded through the gate.. “Yeah, we made it. Look, I think we can go in now! Are you as hungry as I am?”
A door opened and a Witch with flowing robes and a tall hat beckoned us into a high ceillinged entrance Hall. “Welcome to Hogwarts, I am Professor McGonagall. Doubtless you are hungry after your journey. Before our feast you will be Sorted into the House where you will stay while you are here. Your belongings will be taken to your dormitory during the meal. Now if you’ll follow me into the Great Hall, we will begin.”
As many candles as had been shining in the windows, at least as many more were gleaming a bright welcome as they floated in the air over four wooden tables reaching almost the length of the hall. Familiar faces filled the one by the wall- Lucius with Crabbe and Goyle side by side off to his left. I nudged James. We gave them a jaunty wave as we started down the centre aisle. A girl on Lucius’s right brushed back her long, shining dark hair and returned the wave, then pointed to the chair beside her. It was my Cousin Bellatrix.
From the centre chair of the fifth table, which was turned to face the others at the far end of the room, a Wizard stood to greet us. Headmaster Dumbledore. The man my Mother called an idiot. He was tall and straight, with blue eyes behind twinkling half-moon glasses and a silver beard that flowed down over his star-embroidered robes. Standing there, he looked to me like nothing less than the Great Merlin himself, come back again, as all my favourite stories said he someday would.
“Thank you, Students, Professors. Now, if everybody’s ready-” His words seemed to be carried to us on a smile. He pointed to a stool in the centre aisle. A battered old Hat sat there, its tall point drooping to one side. “We shall indeed be doing things a bit differently tonight. It seemed to me to be a good idea that, instead of proceeding in the usual order of the alphabet, we would start instead at the end and work our way forward, or, that is to say, backward, from there. Professor McGonagall, if you please…”
The tall Witch moved to the stool. “First Years, as I call your name come forward and set our Sorting Hat on your head. When it calls your House, you may join that table for the feast. Here is Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and along the wall is Slytherin.”
The Hat fluttered. Its point stood straight. A tear near the brim opened like a mouth. In a surprisingly rich voice- (though I’d never thought before how a Hat would sound)- it began to sing.
Where will you each dine tonight?
Lend me your ears, I’ll guide you right.
And they’ll hold me up on your head straight
For the time I’ll need to speak your fate.
Which table holds your plate and cup?
You’ll wonder as you pick me up.
Listen now, before you face the test.
And find words that will describe you best.
To search within, that’s your endeavor.
Are you curious, confident, quick and clever?
If in these words yourself you saw
You’ll be right at home in Ravenclaw.
Steadfast and steady, could you be the one
Through whose hard work the task gets done?
If you think I’m describing your finest stuff
You’ll fit just fine in Hufflepuff.
If your restless mind is always wishin’
To bring to bloom some innermost ambition
And achieving less feels like you’re witherin’
You’ll find your fertile soil in Slytherin.
If loyalty is your driving force
And with it, courage to stay the hardest course
As you follow the dreams you’re seeking for
They’ll bring you home to Gryffindor.
Now, since Hogwarts was a fine young school,
I’ve Sorted students and I’m no fool.
I’ll know just where you each belong
And I’ll tell you- once I end my song.
So come on forward, one by one.
I’ll say my piece, then I’ll be done.
It’s quite a job, to say the least
To tell you where you’ll eat your feast.
So I’ll rest for next year as you gobble hams,
Yorkshire puddings, biscuits, cabbage, yams,
Tea and turnips, truffles and tortes.
For by that time, I’ll be quite out of… Sorts.
Cheers and applause rose around us.
“A seeker! That’s me!” James thumped his chest. “Always dreamed of finding that golden snitch. Guess the Hat’s got no choice but to send me to Gryffindor.”
“Right!” said Remus. “But are you brave enough to tell it so?”
“He’s right, James!” I elbowed him in the ribs and joined in the joke. “Me, I’d need to be in Gryffindor just to get up the courage to tell my parents I’m not in their House!”
“You’d have to be clever enough to think up a good reason to explain your being there.” said Remus. “Oops! But then you’d be in Ravenclaw!”
“Unless he had to really work hard on the letter!” piped up another student I’d met on the train. A rather plump little Wizard, Peter Pettigrew, was standing on James’s other side, almost jumping up and down with excitement. “But then he’d go in Hufflepuff.”
“James’ll be in Slytherin!” I grinned at him. “Seeking the snitch is one thing. He’s got to be ambitious enough to actually catch it!”
“But so many dark Wizards come from Slytherin.” The smile faded from Peter’s face.
“Not all of them are dark,” I looked into his worried eyes. “Not if they’re careful. Not if they decide they don’t want to be.”
Peter didn’t look convinced, but James and Remus nodded. Even in my damp robes I was warmed by their expressions. We’d be okay, the three of us, I knew it. Maybe even all four of us. I looked at Peter who’d moved to stand even closer beside James.
There was a pause. It seemed to last minutes, though it was probably only seconds. “Wycliffe!” Professor McGonagall’s voice rang out. “Rachael.”
A blonde girl marched up the aisle, leaving a trail of footprints. She grasped the Hat and sank onto the stool like she’d walked a hundred miles. The air almost buzzed with silence as she swept the Hat onto her head. Its tear of a mouth opened. “Rrrravenclaww!”
Everyone applauded as she ran to join her House table. Professor McGonagall waited only a moment for the noise to die down, before continuing her list. “Walters, Ewen. Wade, William. Vickering, Noel. Underhill, Argilius, Tolfree, Tucker, Sparks…”
“We could be here a while,” I whispered to James.
“You will at least.” he grinned at me as Lauralinda Sparks joined Hufflepuff.
“Snape, Severus.”
Stringy-Boy strode toward the Hat. “Severus!” said James. “It sounds like one of the statues I’ve heard about ‘round here. Y’know? Like Boris the Bewildered? Someday there’ll be one for Severus the Sniveler.”
“Maybe just ‘Snivelus’ for short.” I agreed.
“Yeah!” James’s grin grew even wider. “Snivelus.”
Snape picked up the Hat. Almost before it reached his greasy head, it wisely and loudly called out the name of his House. “Slytherin!”
My grin slipped. Would James, Remus and I be stuck sharing a dormitory with him? Seven years hearing his sneering voice first thing each morning and last thing at night?
“Smith,” called Professor McGonagall. “Sikes. Shadwell.”
Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, Slytherin, replied the Hat as James squared his shoulders.
“Radermacher… Putnam… Pratt… Potter,” said Professor McGonagall.
James gave me a thumbs-up. “I’ll save you a seat!”
A glow of pride rose in my chest. That was my friend James striding up the aisle like he wasn’t scared of anything. James, robes dripping and hair just dry enough to stick up in the back. What did it matter if Snivelus ended up in our dormitory? We’d be too busy learning levitation and exploring the grounds to even notice him.
He picked up the Hat. I returned his thumbs-up though his back was turned.
The tip of the Hat quirked to one side as if it was thinking hard on how to make the grand announcement. I held my breath, but all the while I was silently cheering. This is so cool, so cool. It’s going to call our House now! My friend James is going to be in-
“Gryffindor.” Cried the Hat.
Had I missed it? Was I so busy thinking how cool it would be when James got Sorted that I’d missed watching it happen? He’d been joking he’d have to go to Gryffindor to seek the snitch. For a moment I thought the Hat had actually said-
Gryffindor cheered as James walked past us to the table and sat down.
This was wrong. We were supposed to be together. James and me. Remus too. And maybe even that little Wizard who’d been joking with us, Peter-
“Pettigrew…” said Professor McGonagall.
I was shaking again. It felt like I was bleeding from somewhere I couldn’t name. It wouldn’t be the same without James. Peter might be company- he seemed nice enough, didn’t want to be a Dark Wizard anyway. But James- my friend James…
“Gryffindor!”
From somewhere came a whiff of hot spiced pumpkin. I thought I might throw up.
Since Diagon Alley, I looked forward to having a friend who hadn’t cared enough about what family I was from to even ask my name in all our hours together.
“Nolan… Morgan… Montante, McFarland…”
A friend who’d stick up for me like I’d stick up for him…
There was a hand on my arm. “Sirius?” Remus said close to my ear. “You okay?”
I nodded, not wanting to risk losing the battle with the tears. Or the puke. I wondered if he could tell where I was bleeding. His hand dropped, but he moved to stand so our robes brushed at the shoulder. The nausea was passing. “Thanks.” I said, glad to have him beside me. There was something steady about him that said he was a person who could be relied on. Trusted.
“Lupin, Remus…”
Who wouldn’t betray me, who’d keep my secrets as I’d keep his…
His face was paler than ever. I touched his arm as he had mine. “It’s okay, Remus, you’re going to make it. You’ll do fine…”
Just as I had done, he nodded. “Thanks.” He said and walked to the stool.
It was over in an instant. He walked to the Gryffindor table like he was living every dream he ever had. He didn’t smile but his blue eyes shone like a million stars had been lit inside them. I wanted to be angry. Even if it didn’t take all my strength to stand up straight, I couldn’t be. Seeing the wary look leave his eyes meant someday it might happen for Nymphadora. She deserved to look happy like that. So did Remus. To help James and me, he’d taken on a Wizard who already knew at least one Dark Arts curse.
One like I was destined to be- a Slytherin.
So what if I didn’t like being a Black? I was one. Big deal if I thought Dark power was cruel and Pureblood stuff was dumb? My parents said my duty was to uphold our traditions. Regs saw no greater disgrace than hurting the family. Nobody asked what I thought. Why should they? They knew my destiny. Why else was my dream of freeing myself from that world cut off as soon as it seemed in reach? There was no resisting, never had been. My Mother said it the day we went to Diagon Alley. I would head the House of Black. The Blacks were sorted into Slytherin.
But was it so much to want- To fix a sandwich? To keep my beautiful wand in my pocket in Diagon Alley? To have friends who liked me just for me?
I felt the wetness of real blood as my nails bit into my palms. Maybe Slytherins didn’t have their own dreams like other people, only dreams of Slytherins past.. Was that why they were angry and unhappy? But why why, why?- if I couldn’t make them real was I shown dream after dream? Why trust the future when there were so many betrayals?
Remus to Gryffindor… Peter to Gryffindor… James… My friend James…
Truth was, even something as simple as climbing a tree to look over a wall too big a dream for a Slytherin like me.