Chapter 2 - Nightmares and Communication
"Why did you kill me, Regulus?"
Regulus was back in that cave, almost as if he'd never escaped.
"James..." Regulus muttered.
He was a zombie.
Blood poured from every crack.
He looked so dead.
James had always been so bright, so bubbly- and now he was motionless and his eyes were fogged over.
James was taller than Regulus, but with Regulus on the cold stone, the boy seemed to tower over him.
"You didn't even think about me- you're selfish!" James hissed.
"I did- I did it for us-"
"Liar! All you ever do is lie! Our entire relationship was built on lies and deceit!" James exclaimed.
Regulus shook his head vigorously, "That's not true!"
"It is! You said you weren't like them- you said you'd never be like your parents!" James hissed.
"I'm not!" Regulus cried.
"You are! You're just like them! You're a selfish, lying, conniving snake!" James said, taking a step with every word he spat.
Regulus' eyes pricked with tears.
Not from the words coming from James, but because the boy's hands had clamped around his throat.
He couldn't breathe.
Regulus struggled, tugging at the hands on his throat.
"James..." He croaked with a weak breath.
The boy didn't stop. He didn't even flinch.
Regulus thought this was it- this was his karma coming back to him.
His eyes rolled into the back of his head.
Regulus' eyes flickered open.
He stared at the beige ceiling.
It wasn't real. It wasn't real.
"Whatcha dreaming about in there?"
James.
Regulus' eyes flickered to James, who was resting on his elbow playing with one of Regulus' curls.
He blinked, taking in James.
He was so- alive. He had awful bed head, but his eyes glittered- something that Regulus noticed only happened when James looked at him.
James' smile fell, "You were having a nightmare."
He wanted to know how James had figured it out, but Regulus also had been looking at James like a madman- and his heart was beating a few beats too fast.
Regulus swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry, "Yeah."
"I've known you for almost two years now and I've never seen you so disheveled about a dream", James muttered, "Do you want to talk about it?"
Regulus had spent so much time keeping to himself. He was used to being independent.
In his household he learned he was not to be seen, not to be heard.
Growing up like that, Regulus had been taught his feelings were unimportant- were irrelevant.
It was a bad habit, really, one that he tried to break so many times.
So Regulus sighed, "There was a potion. In order to get the horcrux I had to drink it. It was- like dying. It showed me my greatest fears."
He would admit, talking about it scared him- it was a big step. He was trying.
Regulus just stared at James' face trying to scourge the version of him in his dreams.
"What did you see?" James asked, hesitantly.
James wasn't one to push boundaries. He'd gotten used to Regulus' avoidance of talks about feelings.
The Regulus two years ago would have never opened up about his feelings. He would have never thought about the future. And he would have never cut ties with his family.
Regulus two years ago didn't have James.
He was trying.
That's what being with James was like- constantly growing as a person.
James brought out the best in everyone, and yeah, it was a slow and steady process, but Regulus was working on it.
"It showed me my friends all dead and it was all my fault. You were dead and our son was dead and you asked me why I had killed you." Regulus explained, numbly.
At this point, Regulus wasn't aware he was gripping onto the sheets for dear life- that was, until James softly untangled his hand.
James brought Regulus' hand to his chest, placing it near his heart.
"Feel that?", James muttered as Regulus felt the thumping of James' heart, "I'm alive. And I'm crazy about you."
He added the last part with a chuckle.
Regulus brought his free hand to James' cheek.
"I don't want to hurt you, James." Regulus muttered.
"I know you would never-"
"But I do", Regulus spoke, "I hurt you over and over again."
"Reg-"
"You begged my to stay and I left. I just took off and for what?" Regulus cried.
"For our future", James finally got out, "For so long I was the only one thinking about our future and now your fighting for it Regulus."
Regulus just stared at him, with his soft smile and sparkly eyes.
"Don't you see? It's so absolutely spectacular", James muttered as he grin got bigger than Regulus ever though possible, "Our future, Regulus. Ours."
Regulus frowned, "There's still a war."
"You got the locket, didn't you? That's a step closer then we've ever gotten. You did that", James exclaimed, "I would have done the same if it meant we could have a future."
Future. Future. Future
Regulus had once hated the word- dreaded it- but falling from James' lips the word sounded so awfully lovely.
"I got the locket, but I haven't the slightest how to destroy it." Regulus sighed.
James only rolled to hover over Regulus, planting gentle kisses down his jaw.
"That'll be tomorrow James and Regulus' problem." James hummed.
Regulus chuckled, "You always regret saying that."
"Hey", James muttered pressing a kiss to the boy's nose, "What you did was very Gryffindor of you."
Regulus groaned and James laughed.
"What I'm trying to say is that I'm proud of you, Regulus." He explained.
Proud.
No one had ever been proud of Regulus- not in the way he'd wanted them to be.
If it were anyone else, Regulus would roll his eyes, but coming from James- coming from his James- it meant everything.
James looked at him with such admiration and pride that Regulus felt it all around him like the air he breathed.
"I love you." Regulus breathed so effortlessly.
He had never said those words to anyone before James- the thought never even crossed his mind.
Love was an act, love was tolerating one another, love was pain.
Regulus had always had such a twisted view on love, on everything really.
With James love was the constant need to be close.
It was addictive and beautiful and so full-filling.
Now, when Regulus said those three words, he meant it with every piece of his being.
'I love you' was the response Regulus turned to when he was so in love with James, that he lacked any other words.
It was more than enough for James.
Regulus was sure that he would repeat those words like a mantra for the rest of his life, just to see James' eyes light up like they always did.