The Hospital Wing
Sirius Black had to be the most annoying wizard on the planet.
“I love you guys so much.” He grabbed the nearest head and planted a fat kiss right on whoever it was attached to.
“Get off! We got punished again because of you, Padfoot!”
They were in the hospital wing. Sirius was laying in bed while the other Marauder’s surrounded him. The healing potion that coursed through his veins felt amazing, but the dopey smile on his face fixed into a frown as he looked over at Remus.
“Can I get a bit of consideration here? I mean look at me, rendered obselete. At least you all get to be together, it’ll be just me and McGonagall by the time Pompfrey let’s me out to make the detentions up. As if this isn’t punishment enough!”
Sirius had a lot of audacity.
“Curfew boys!” Madame Pomfrey looked absolutely gleeful as she swept the loiterers out of the hospital wing, they said their good nights and the three Marauder’s went to find their head of house. Sirius tried to settle into bed, but kept tossing and turning; the thin material Hogwarts used couldn’t hold a flame to his own set of imported Egyptian bedsheets.
“You look dreadful.”
Sirius didn’t hear Snape come in, he wondered if he had been hiding until the other Marauder’s left. “Well if it isn’t my saviour.” Snape strode forward like a thief in the night, at his bedside in an instant. He wished the boys were back.
Snape sat down on the edge of the bed, near his banded leg.
“Make yourself comfortable, why don’t you.”
“Black, I need something from you.” he said softly.
Sirius arched an eyebrow. Snape continued, “The sprigglet that bit you, it’s baby teeth are embedded inside of your skin. I need them.”
The Gryffindor part of his brain did feel as if he owed him for saving his life, but still, “You have some audacity, Snape. This is all your fault you know. If you hadn’t been there… with him…” Sirius trailed off, flustered, Snape let out a sigh.
“What do you want for them?”
Sirius wasn’t planning on asking for anything, but in this moment he knew they were important. He pinched his chin, thinking.
“I want you… to tell me… I’m the sexiest person at this school.”
Snape sputtered; “How strong is that healing potion?”
“Say it.”
Snape looked at him and then grabbed his ankle, but Sirius kicked it out of his grasp and hugged his knee.
“They’re my teeth, Snape!”
“You are the sexiest person at Hogwarts.” Snape said, devoid of emotion.
“That’s right. I am. By a long shot.” Sirius sounded satisfied.
“So… may I?”
“Go right ahead.”
Snape eyed the boy in front of him suspiciously before leaning back and grabbing a pillow from the nearest bed. He rested Sirius’ foot on top of it. Snape reached for the bandages and slowly started to unravel them.
“Oh!”
“Yes?” Snape stopped immediately.
“l didn’t know you were going to…” Touch me.
“Well how else am I supposed to extract the teeth?”
“We’re wizards.” Sirius shrugged.
“I’m a wizard. You’re a blockhead,” Sirius rolled his eyes while Snape continued,
“The teeth are very fragile. The utmost care is needed to extract them in one piece. Muggle methodology is most precise.”
Sirius relaxed back into bed, watching as Snape’s long fingers handled his leg as if it were delicate glass. Once the bandages were removed, Snape took a finger and stroked up Sirius’ calf softly, making him kick out of his grasp again.
“That tickles.” Snape looked impatient as he firmly held his ankle in place with his other hand. He proceeded to scratch up and down his leg again.
“The teeth are minuscule and difficult to notice once embedded into the skin.” Snape frowned down at Sirius’ calf, inspecting it. Sirius thought this was weird.
“This is weird.”
“You’re weird.”
“Your boyfriend’s weird.”
Suddenly Snape stopped, wriggling his finger on a point on Sirius’ shin. “I found one.” He holds his finger in place while pulling a pair of tweezers out of his robes.
“How many teeth do they have?”
“Babies only have two canines on top. Their bottom canines grow in during adolescence. European adults have four incisiforms, but in some tropical species, the female could have up to four rows of fangs, from the top to the bottom.” Sirius had a feeling Snape read encyclopedias for fun.
“Well good thing only a baby bit me. ‘Else you’d be stroking me all night.”
“You wouldn’t have survived the bite of an adult sprigglet.” is all Snape says. He tweezed out the first tooth and flourishes his hand for him to see, as if to say ta-da. Sirius grabbed Snape’s wrist to peer closer at the tiny curved tooth. It was long like a dragon tooth, but much tinier, about half the size of a pinky nail; Sirius’ dried blood streaked pale pink. “Huh.” He fell back on his pillow while Snape got out his phial and dropped the tooth inside.
“What are you using the teeth for?” if Snape even gave a hint of a mention to a dark potion or spell, Sirius would kick him in the face.
“They have their uses in mild healing ointments, and particularly good in beauty potions, and a one to one replacement for moonstone powder.”
“But what are you using it for?”
“It also helps if you need a good nights sleep.”
“You have nightmares.”
“Like you wouldn’t believe.” Snape had a faraway look in his eye before he went back to prodding Sirius’ calf.
“Am I in your nightmares?” He wishes he could take the question back as soon as he asks it.
“You are the very thing of my nightmares;”
“I fear the other tooth may be embedded too deeply.” Snape put his ear against Sirius’ leg, listening, before prodding his calf again.
“Is one enough? For your dream potion.”
“More than.”
“Well, okay…” Snape rebandaged Sirius’ leg— with less care than he used to remove them— and stood up.
“I’ll be leaving.”
“Before you go. Can you fluff my pillow for me?”
“I got what I came for.”
Sirius watched as Snape glided to the entrance and opened the door. He turned back to Sirius.
“Thanks for the tooth. And he’s not my boyfriend.”