Chapter 6
In the days that followed Hallie's mood had not improved by much. They had resumed her studies the day after the hearing, but she had listless eyes and a distracted nature about her. She worked as hard as always, but it was clear to Eleazar that she was simply not herself.
He couldn't help but feel that he had been foolish in the way he had handled it all. He should have let her have more of a say in her involvement in the hearing. He should have talked to her ahead of time about what to expect. The hearing had clearly been too much for her. He should have considered more carefully how she might feel about the whole process.
He had to have missed something because he didn't quite understand her turmoil, but Hallie had yet to take up his offer to confide in him and so he remained in the dark as to how he might help her.
He felt he had only himself to blame for it. He had been rash in his decision and he felt like he had destroyed the good rapport he had worked to built with her over the month that he had known her. He knew the girl must have been through a lot and would be slow to trust. Now he hadn't the faintest idea of how to repair it.
Luckily, the idea arrived to him by way of owl post on the evening of the fourth of June. After obliviating Hallie's brother, the Ministry had collected and posted any remaining evidence of her existence to him, including her papers. He didn't have much time, but there on her documents was a way he might establish a start to repairs.
****
Hallie rose on the morning of June fifth still feeling like her mind was crammed tight with thoughts and worries. She wasn't sure how she would ever make sense of the jumbled mess that was her feelings.
There was a part of her that felt joy and relief. She had been guaranteed safety from her brother's ire. She would never again have to face him or be harmed by him. For all intents and purposes she had been saved in that regard. For that, she also felt grateful. She felt that these were the only things she should, within reason, be feeling.
Unfortunately, that was not the case.
She also felt sad. The conclusion of the hearing had also meant the guaranteed cutting ties of the only remaining familial relationship she had left. The relationship she had with her brother had never been a good one. The reasonable voice in her mind knew that he would never have reconciled with her in any circumstance. He was not sorry and it was a relationship that would never have been repaired, but - there had been the small part of her heart that had always wished it would. Was it foolish to mourn something you never had? His memory would be wiped clean of her, he would not even recall her existence. With it, any faint dreams of a normal sibling bond had died as well.
As a result, she felt lonely. Now she truly had no family. She felt alone in the world. More alone than she had ever felt before.
Then there was the anger. It had been his fault that they had never bonded as normal siblings. It was his own violence and disconnected nature that had landed her in this turmoil to begin with. He had sealed their fate and it was painful, but he would never feel that pain. She was angry because in a way, he had gotten away with it and he would never truly face any consequences for the things that he had done.
Most of all, she felt scared. With her last tie severed, she had no idea where she would go. She had no true home. Professor Fig had guaranteed her safety and security within his care for the next few months, but when that time was over, what then? What did her future hold?
The thought of Professor Fig sent a pang of guilt through her. In the mess of confused emotions that she was, she had not been able to hide her uneasiness. In the last few days, Professor Fig had been looking at her like she was a broken piece of glass that he had been the one to drop. His own mood had dropped back into melancholy and he was clearly disappointed.
She wanted to look grateful and relieved. He must have wanted that. Unfortunately she had never been very good at masking her emotions.
It wasn't his fault. In fact, he had done more for her and shown her more kindness and care than anyone else had in her entire life. He had stepped up to bat for her in a way no one ever had. She had nothing but gratefulness and respect for him. But how could she explain why she was the mess that she was, when she couldn't even understand it herself.
She should just be happy, she thought miserably as she sat at the breakfast table and stared at the wood grains with her head rested on her cheek.
At that moment, a small iced cake with candles was deposited over her view of the table.
She stared at it in disbelief. Then she looked up at Professor Fig, who was stood before it with a bright smile on his face.
"Happy birthday," he said cheerfully.
She looked from him to the cake and back again, "W-What!?"
Her eyes landed on the cake again and before she could stop them, tears had rolled down her cheeks - traitors.
Professor Fig blanched at her tears.
"I- I'm sorry? I didn't mean-," he stammered out.
She stopped him, swiping quickly at her face and then waving her hands.
"No! No don't. I- I just- I wasn't expecting...," her voice died as she spoke. She blinked, finding her words again, and murmured, "I haven't had one since I was eight."
A soft smile crept up her face and her heart warmed.
"Thank you," she mustered.
He looked visibly relieved at her smile. She blew out the candles and they settled into their breakfast with a slice of cake on the side.
"May I ask, why have you not celebrated your birthdays?"
"Oh, after my mother died we just didn't," she answered in a flat tone, poking a bit at her breakfast. "No one was left around that cared enough to after that."
"I'm sorry," he said.
Professor Fig was looking at her sympathetically, but Hallie didn't feel the need for sympathy. For the first time in days, something had made her feel nothing but happy. This year, there was someone who did care enough to celebrate.
"Don't be. This time was different," she said with a smile.
It occurred to her that even if she didn't know where she would end up, for at least until the upcoming year at Hogwarts ends, she knew she would be somewhere safe and good. The thought seemed to take the weight off her shoulders and she felt like she could breathe more clearly again.
"Professor," she said questioningly.
"What is is," he asked.
"Thank you. For this and for everything you've done for me. I'm not sure how I could ever even begin to repay you, but thank you. I- I know I haven't been myself. Its just- its all been a lot, but what you did was a wonderful thing for me, really," she said, feeling like her explanation fell short. She really didn't know how else to put it.
The kind smile Professor Fig wore when he answered was reassuring to her.
"There is nothing to repay me for. I realize that this has all been a bit of an ordeal for you and for that, I am sorry, but I have high hopes in a brighter future for you," he said kindly.
She felt relieved to hear him say it, as though Professor Fig believing it so would will it into existence.
When they finished their breakfast, Professor Fig sat back and asked, "So what would you like to do today?"
"What do you mean? Don't we have lessons," she asked, feeling confused.
"Well, I presumed we might do something fun today instead. Whatever you would like to do, really."
"Oh-, I wouldn't really know what to do. We really don't have to. Lessons are fine. I like them," she said simply. She really didn't want to make a big fuss.
Professor Fig chuckled at her answer and sat back looking thoughtful. After a moment he said, "Ah, I have an idea. Something a little bit in between."
Before Hallie could ask what he meant by that he had left the room, calling out behind him to her, "meet me in the garden. I'll be there in just a moment."
Okay, she thought to herself and stood up to make her way outside.
A few minutes later Professor Fig exited the back door carrying two brooms.
Why has he got brooms outside? Were they going to sweep the back garden? He surely must have lost his mind. She gave him a questioning look.
Professor Fig merely smiled in response. He looked as cheerful as she had ever seen him, like a kid in a candy shop. He set the broomsticks on the ground and turned to her.
"I think it's about time you learned to fly," he said with a smile.
Suddenly, it made sense. He wanted her to fly on a broomstick, like the way muggle children's books depicted witches. She had assumed, wrongly apparently, that that wasn't a true thing.
"Fly!? Oh no! No- I cant fly," she managed to ramble out, darting for the door.
Before she could make her escape, Professor Fig caught her by the crook of her arm and turned her around, chuckling as he did so.
"Oh yes, you can, and i've got to teach you anyway as they don't offer beginner's classes for it beyond the first year," he said matter-of-factly. "You wouldn't want to be the only fifth-year student who doesn't know how to fly, would you?"
"I think I would. I like my feet on the ground just fine," she said nervously.
Professor Fig was outright laughing at her now. "How do you know you won't like it if you've never tried it," he asked.
She gave him a simpering look in respone to which he laughed again. He was finding far too much joy in her lack of enthusiasm.
"I'll show you how it's done and then we'll have you try it," he said.
As she watched, Professor Fig marched over to a broom and commanded it 'up' with his hand held above it. The broom shot upwards into his hand and to her disbelief, he was on the broom and in the air in an instant.
The sight of Professor Fig flying in the air on a broomstick was something she had never imagined she would see in her life. It was rather jarring to say the least.
After making a lap, he landed neatly on the ground and dismounted the broom and walked over. He grinned at the open-mouthed look on her face.
"Rather spry for my age, arent I," he said humorously. "Now, it's your turn."
Hallie looked at the broom like she would rather burn it. Too bad he had not taught her any spells to make fire yet.
"Go on, you might like it," Professor Fig urged.
"Or I might fall," she quipped back.
"Nonsense, i'll stop you before you hit the ground," he answered flippantly, earning himself some side-eye from her.
Seeing that she was not going to win this round, she walked over to the broom on the ground. Her heart thundered. He really better had stop her if she falls, she thought.
"Up," she said firmly with her hand held above it. To her suprise, the broom complied and rose gently into her open palm.
With one last uncertain look, she mounted the broom. Professor Fig observed and corrected her grip on the handle and then instructed her to kick off the ground and lean a bit forward to come back down.
She closed her eyes and kicked hard. She could feel herself drifting upwards quickly and then she leaned forward, holding the handle down gently and landed at a bit of a stumble on the ground. That wasn't so bad, she thought nervously. She still didn't trust that she wasn't going to end up flattened on the ground though.
"Well done! Now, you're going to go back up again, but this time you're going to hold it tightly and level after you get up. It'll go foreward when you do and you can pull it to the side to direct it," Professor Fig explained.
Hallie took a nervous breath and kicked off again. This time she rose up high and held the broom handle level in a tight grip. She surged forward, and in a burst of nervous energy, she found that she quite enjoyed the sensation after all. It felt rather freeing, and she felt more in control of the broom than she had anticipated. A broad grin broke out across her face.
As she circled around, she heard Professor Fig call up to her, "aha! See there, I knew you would like it!"
He was right after all, but she loathed to admit it out loud in the moment so instead she gave him a sheepish grin as she landed.
They kept at this for several hours. Professor Fig, giving her flying tips and corrections as they went and Hallie flying around executing them as he did. Occasionally he would join her in the air to show her how to do a particular movement on the broom, but for the most part he stayed on the ground.
As it turns out, Professor Fig had served as a Gryffindor Chaser and Quidditch Captain during his time as a student at Hogwarts. He had been quite the flyer at the time and still held a great passion for it. He explained what Quidditch is to Hallie and its rules and positions. By mid-day she had tried her hand at every position in the game and was thoroughly comfortable riding on a broom. She had even successfully executed a somersault, which Professor Fig had lightly scolded her for, stating it was too early for her to attempt tricks like that.
By the time they had made their way inside, the both of them were thoroughly tired and windblown. Hallie's cheeks were reddened and chapped by the breeze, but she didn't mind because she had had a wonderful time. They sat in the sitting room with warm cups of tea, catching their breath.
"I think you may just be fit for the house team," Professor Fig said.
"Maybe," Hallie answered with a smile, admitting, "and I did like it after all."
"I had thought you might. You learn how to tell a thing or two ahead of time after a few years," he explained with a wink.
Later in the evening, Professor Fig suggested that they go out to eat for dinner instead of staying around the house.
Hallie went upstairs and changed her clothes. She paused in front of the mirror to brush the knots out of her hair from flying and then came back downstairs to meet Professor Fig in the sitting room.
They were going to Floo out to a popular restaurant in the London wizarding community. Hallie didn't much look foreward to Flooing again. At least it wasn't as bad as apparating had been, though Professor Fig told her that apparating gets easier as you do it.
She took her pinch of powder from the pouch in Fig's hand and, repeating the street name he had said, she followed behind him into the flames.
Hallie exited the grate behind Professor Fig feeling dizzy. They were in a quaint little restaurant. Warm lighting flickered onto the red brick walls and witches and wizards in robes of all colors and styles crowded the little black tables that crowded the floors. Behind her, a plaque over the mantle read 'Madam Bones' Brews and Bakes'. A black cauldron hung below it with a large wooden spoon resting at its edge.
Hallie wasn't sure where to look. She was far from used to being around the world of witches and wizards. Dinner plates and empty glasses drifted lazily to and fro through the air. One man in a pointed had had three little white mice in a large cup on his table. He kept waving his wand at them and altering their colors in unison: purple, green, brown, yellow.
They chose a table under the window and a flowery teapot floated over to them, accompanied by two matching teacups.
"This was one of Miriam's favorite places to go in London," Professor Fig said nostalgicly as the teapot poured their cups full with warm tea.
"I can see why," Hallie said with a touch of awe. "It's incredible."
A plump witch wearing a kind smile and patchy robes came over to take their orders. Professor Fig requested roast with yorkshire pudding and gravy. Hallie asked for shepherd's pie.
"We used to come here all the time. I haven't been in ages," he continued when the woman had left them.
Hallie felt a pang of sorrow for him. She couldn't imagine how he must feel. She knew little of Miriam, but the love they shared for one another was plain to see. Daring to go out on a limb, she said, "then its good we came. I think she would have wanted you to keep coming."
"That she would," he agreed with a sad smile. His eyes were shining.
For a short while, they sat in a comfortable silence. Hallie found herself enjoying watching the people come and go as they drank their tea. A question that had been nagging her brain for a while came to mind as she watched the light dance against the walls.
"Professor? What's Hogwarts like... not the classes, I mean, Hogwarts itself," she asked.
"Well I wouldn't want to spoil anything for you," he said elusively.
Hallie got the impression that he was being intentionally evasive, just to see how she might react. "Oh, come on, p-l-e-a-a-s-s-e-e," she said, dragging out the word and earning a laugh out of him.
He relented, "it is a castle. Large stone turrents and walls and the grounds are vast. There are enough corridors and stairs and secrets that you could spend all your time there wandering the halls and still not find all that it has to offer. Oh, and it's in the countryside. The Scottish Highlands to be precise."
Hallie listened to his description with rapt attention. She tried to envision it in her mind as he spoke. She couldn't wait to see it with her own eyes, to be there, but-
"Do you think i'll be able to fit in? I bet all the other fifth-years already have friends. What if no one likes me," she queried anxiously. She wasn't sure she even knew how to fit it. She really had never tried to in her time at finishing school.
Professor Fig gave her a very serious look. "I think that it would be impossible for no one to like you. They will love you, my young friend," he said.
His reassurances brought a smile to her face.
At that moment, their food arrived at the table and both of them found little to speak about in the presence of good food.
They were both enjoying treacle tarts for dessert when a short and balding man walked over cheerily.
"Eleazar! It's been some time," he said with a smile as he reached out to give Professor Fig's hand a hearty shake.
"Evening, Albert. That it has," Professor Fig replied. "I presume you've been well?"
"That I have. My, I wasn't expecting to see you here. You look better than you have in ages, old friend," Albert said, giving Professor Fig a clap on the back. Then noticing Hallie, he said, "and who is this?"
Hallie shrank a bit shyly, but Professor Fig answered for her, "this is my young friend, Hallie. She's my charge until next term begins. Today is her birthday, so we decided to have an outing to celebrate."
Ah, happy birthday then, it's lovely to meet you," Albert said, looking her over. He turned back to Professor Fig. "Perhaps you ought to make it permanent. Maybe she'll get you out more," he said with a smile.
"That she might," Professor Fig replied.
"Well it was good to see you, my friend. I"ll leave you to it," Albert said politely in farewell.
"And you too," Professor Fig replied.
With that, Albert wandered off. Leaving them behind with his comment still coloring Hallie's cheeks.
Neither her nor Professor Fig commented on Albert's suggestion. For some reason, Hallie found the man's comment somewhat embarrassing. It would really be ridiculous to expect Professor Fig to take her in permanently. Besides, this was temporary, her fate would really be up to the Ministry once they made a decision on where she should go.
The thought of her future still made her feel a bit uneasy, but she found that it didn't bother her quite so much after all of the effort Professor Fig had put into making sure she had a good day today.
As they went home Hallie couldn't help but think that today had been a better day than most of the days of her life had been thus far. It felt strange to be in the care of someone who actually seemed to make her well-being a priority, much less her feelings. Even her own parents had at best, been complacent when Charles had hurt her when they were both children. To be able to trust the person responsible for her care was something entirely new and foreign to her.
All at once, this strange new feeling had overwhelmed her and she had no idea how to handle this new emotion. Her tears betrayed her once again. All of her other pent up emotions washed over her in waves in wake of the new sensations of trust and security.
She was reminded once again of her guilt in letting her emotions cloud her judgement in the past few days. She felt sorely apologetic for her behavior.
To take in Professor Fig's kindness had left her speechless and so when he re-entered the sitting room and saw her tear-streaked face she had no words. She rushed foreward and wrapped her arms around him.
He made a small 'oomph' sound in suprise but quickly recovered and held her there as she cried.
"Thank you," she said between tears when she had regained her voice.
"Whatever for," he asked, sounding more than a little confused by her sudden outburst.
"They knew, you know? My parents. They caught him hurting me so many times and he was never punished, never stopped. He's been doing it all my life. Sometimes my parents punished me for causing it. Maybe they thought I deserved it or they didn't believe me over him. When they were gone, he was worse. I know people saw and heard things. I called out for help for days in that cellar - till my voice had gone. People knew, but no one ever helped," she said.
The words rolled out before she could even consider holding them in. Every emotion and fear she had felt poured out of her. She told him about the sadness, the anger, the guilt, the confusion, and the relief. She admitted to how afraid she had been. She told him how she didn't know how to feel about it all; How she grieved the normal family that she had never had to begin with. She told him how wrong it felt to feel so conflicted by it all. She told him how much his kindness and help meant to her; How grateful she was to him; How sorry she was for having been a poor show of it.
She felt like she was speaking and sharing entirely too much. A large part of her was afraid that Professor Fig might not want to hear the litany of thoughts she had just dumped on him, but to his credit he stood there and listened intently to her every word.
When she had finished and had nothing left but silent tears and shaky legs, he took her by the shoulders to meet her eyes and spoke. His own eyes shined with unshed tears.
"It's okay, Hallie. However you feel about it is okay to feel. It's not wrong to feel the way you do. I'm sure anyone would after what you've been through. I cannot stress this enough though that you did not deserve any of what was done to you. What happened to you was wrong. You should have been protected and I am so sorry you weren't," he said assuredly.
She could only nod as the tears lolled down her cheeks.
"You do understand, don't you," he asked.
She nodded again. And he pulled her into another hug.
She hadn't expected to share how she had been feeling with him or that it would make her feel so much better to do so, but his assurances wrapped over her like a security blanket.
She didn't regret caving-in nearly as much as she had feared she would.