“Lucy!!!”
She jumped at the sound of her name. Her heart nearly beat out of her chest, and she had to remind herself that she was only in her room studying. They couldn’t get to her here anyways. She breathed a small sigh of relief.
“Er- who is it?”
“Your brother? James.” He stated, as though it were obvious. Though, she supposed it was.
Her shoulders relaxed slightly. “You can come in.”
James waltzed into her room, immediately digging his way through her things. “You didn’t recognize my voice?”
“I was distracted.” She looked back down at her work and tried not to make eye contact.
“What are you doing here?” He asked, sitting on the edge of her bed.
“What are you doing here, James. You can’t be in the girls dorms.”
“We found a work-around. Back in second year when we discovered girls.” He said, grinning smugly. “But you didn't answer the question.”
She glanced up from her work but quickly looked back down. “It’s…“ She hesitated, choosing her words carefully. “Quiet. And I’m trying to study.” James scrunched his brows.
“You don’t like quiet. You always study in the library.”
She glared at him, though she knew he was right. She tried to think of the quickest way to end this conversation.
“Well, I’m not now.” It’s quiet for a moment. James surveyed her eyes closely, trying to piece together why she was acting so strange. She looked away.
“What’s going on with you?” He pressed.
She avoided his eyes carefully, trying to keep a casual tone to her voice. “What do you mean? I’m just trying to study. It would be easier if you weren’t here barging in, you know.” James shifted closer to her.
“Lucy,” He tried carefully, and she really wished he would stop looking at her. “You're my sister. I know when something is wrong. You aren’t that mysterious.”
She didn't respond, forcing herself to keep her eyes on the work in front of her. She really didn’t want to have this conversation right now.
“Is it Alex?” He guessed, a slight edge of protectiveness in his tone.
“Would you stop trying to get me to talk about Alex?” She snapped, a little louder than she had meant to. The air was quiet for a moment.
“Well, you won't talk to me about it, and clearly something is going on, so I assumed it’s Alex.”
She huffed slightly. “It’s not Alex, James.” Then, quieter, “Besides, it’s been months.”
James sighed, his suspicions all but confirmed. He bit the inside of his cheek, thinking of exactly how to phrase this. “Lucy… you've been acting different. You push me away, you avoid us at lunch, you stay in your room for hours, you rush out of your classes.” Lucy pressed her lips together, trying to tune him out. His tone was gentle enough, but it still stung somehow. “I just…I don’t understand how I can help if you never ask.”
James’ tone was near pleading by this point. Defeated in a way it rarely is. Lucy swallowed, tried to push away the tears. She got up from the edge of her bed, running a hand through her hair.
“Just go away James I don’t-” She crossed her arms defensively. “I don't need to tell you everything, you know. It's not like you're responsible for me or- Look, you just can’t help me all the time, so I’d appreciate it if you’d stop trying.”
James’ shoulders tensed, and she could tell she'd taken it a bridge too far. She gulped down the lump in her throat. “I- I didn't mean-”
“I know.” He nodded, shrugging in his just-a-touch-too-casual way. She felt guilt rise up into her mix of other emotions.
“I’m here to help you, is all I mean. You may not always want it, but I’m… here, is all.” He stood up, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You're my little sister, and I care about you, and I hate seeing you like this. That won't change. But if you want me to leave, I’ll go.”
Lucy turned her head away, shrugging his hand off of her. They stood there for what felt like an eternity in utter silence. She fought the feeling of tears pricking her eyes until she just couldn't take it anymore.
“I just want to be alone.”
He paused for a moment and just looked at her, his brow furrowed in undisguised concern. “Alright Luce.” He said, walking out of the room with a short backward glance.
She counted to 60 before she let herself cry.
….
“What is going on with her?” James asked, plopping down at their lunch table.
“I mean, she could just be stressed. She has a lot going on.” Remus said, taking a bite of toast. “Breaking up with Alex was hard on her, and it wasn't much easier with Mary.”
James buried his head in his hands. “But she usually tells me about it. She’s not usually so… silent.”
“That’s for sure.” Peter said. There was a moment of confusion as they all looked at him. “Oh- no not like that-” He fumbled. “I just meant, you know, she likes to talk. But not in a bad way! In a good way. And she-“
“Breathe, Wormtail.” James pat his back. “But I think this is more than just Alex. She’s avoiding everyone. Even Mary hasn't seen her for Merlin’s sake. She's been acting off ever since they went off together at that party.” He sighed. “I asked Mary, she said she was fine until the day after, so I just- I don't know.” He tried to keep some of the defeat out of his tone, but judging by Remus’ face, it bled through.
“James…” He started carefully, “You have a tendency to be… overprotective.” James snapped his head up.
“What's that supposed to mean?”
Remus put his hands up in a defensive gesture “Nothing! Just… I'd keep things from you too, if I were her.” Remus reached over to take a bite of James’ food, and he slid the plate over to him. He wasn't very hungry anyway.
“So you think it’s bad?” He asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe?”
Sirius gestured with his fork. “We could always ask around. She has to have talked to someone.”
“Maybe.” James said, returning his face to his palms.
Peter smiled at him sympathetically. “Cheer up mate, I’m sure we'll figure something out.”
James returned the smile halfheartedly. “Yeah, maybe.”
…..
Through all his classes, James couldn't stop thinking about Lucy. (They had always had a good relationship. I mean they bickered like every other sibling but they loved each other.) And he was sure she told him everything, or most of it anyway. Especially if something was bothering her. He's always did his best to be someone to lean on for her, and they were close. Or, he thought they were anyway.
What was he doing wrong?
James was brought out of his thoughts in the Gryffindor common room, Mary snapping her fingers in front of his face. “Oi, James. You listening?”
He shook himself out of his spiral. “Yeah, sorry, listening.”
“I need to talk to you. It’s about Lucy.” By the look on her face, it wasn't good. James stood from his seat.
“Er- yeah. Sure.”
Mary eyed him and Sirius, both looking at her readily. “Erm, I think you’ll want to sit for this.”
James gulped, the tight feeling in his chest mounting. He and Sirius exchanged a worried glance. “Alright...” He sat back down, brow furrowed.
Mary sat on the floor, shoulders tense. “So, I was in my potions class when I overheard some guys from Slytherin.”
James’ bit the inside of his cheek, anger already rising. He gestured to Mary to continue.
She did, looking more and more nervous. “They were talking about Lucy. Well, Lucy and me.”
Sirius looked at her, confused. “What about it? You ended on good terms yeah?” He leaned his elbows on his knees.
“Yes,” She nodded, “But they don’t see it that way. They called her-“ She hesitated, glancing at James. “They called her a slut.”
James’ blood began to boil, but he stayed silent. Mary continued. “I think they’ve been harassing her for a while. I found notes in her things, they've been scribbling in her textbooks...” She trailed off, looking at James.
James stared at the rug, keeping his face intentionally neutral. A bitter taste filled his mouth. He thought that he had wanted an explanation.
Oh how wrong he was.
“Names.” He managed, surprised at how clear the word was.
Mary looked to Sirius for support, but upon seeing him nearly as angry as James, she found her gaze on the rug instead. “Not sure. But it was Snape’s crowd.”
James and Sirius shared a look, communicating off of facial expressions alone. Simultaneously, they stood and headed for the door. Mary stood too, stopping them with a hand. “Just where do you think you're going?”
James glared at Mary, trying to keep himself from pushing her out of his way. “They can’t say shit like that and get away with it.” He said simply.
Mary gave him a horrified look. “James that's not a good ide-“
“Too bad” Sirius brushed past her, and James followed suit, leaving Mary behind the portrait door.
…..
“What the bloody hell are you doing?!” Severus shouted, pinned against the wall.
James ignored the question. “What are you saying about my sister?”
“Lucy?,” He scoffed “Nothing she doesn’t already know.“ He said, and he just looked so damn smug that James punched him square in the nose. He groaned and tried to reach for his nose, but James only pushed him harder against the wall.
“What the fuck are you doing?” A third-year Slytherin with neat brown curls demanded.
“Just asking some questions.” Sirius grit back. He had another Slytherin pinned beside James, struggling against his grip.
James went to throw another punch, but was interrupted by someone gripping his arm.
“James!” Lucy shouted, trying but failing to pull him away. “James, stop. You need to stop.” She pleaded.
“Why should I stop, did he fucking st-“
“Just stop and I’ll explain.” Lucy begged, pulling harder at his shirt.
He turned to look at her, her eyes were pricking with not-yet-fallen tears. She looked desperate, pleading, and… guilty? He pressed his lips together, releasing Snivellus reluctantly.
“Fine.” He nodded to Sirius, who dropped the other Slytherin unceremoniously on the ground. Snivellus made for an escape, but James stopped him with a hand. He whispered into his ear threateningly. “You ever say anything about my sister again, she won't be around to stop me.” With that, he pulled his hand away, and Severus practically bolted down the corridor.
Lucy grabbed his arm and pushed through the crowd of people that had gathered. She pulled him into an empty classroom. “What the fuck James. You can’t just- go around punching people when they say things you don’t like.” Lucy admonished, shoving his chest.
James took a step back. “Well you can’t just ignore your problems and expect them to go away.”
“That’s not what I’m doing!”
“Then what are you doing Lucy?” He yelled back. She stopped for a moment.
James gestured wildly. “You have been distant, and quiet, for months now. You’ve been clearly upset, but not willing to talk about it, Merlin forbid.” He ran a hand through his hair, pacing between the empty seats. “I don't understand, why didn't you just tell me? You always do! And you know I could handle it. What makes this time so different?”
“Because this time they were right!” She shouted. James stopped in his tracks.
Lucy avoided his gaze, staving off tears. “I’m sorry I just- I couldn’t tell you. I knew how you would react. I knew you would jump at the chance to defend me. I know you, James.” She crossed her arms, feeling his eyes on her.
“But I don’t deserve that. I mean, it's embarrassing, but… It's true. I mean, some part of me deserves it. I’ve been terrible to both Alex and Mary. And they say it’s fine, but I can’t believe them, I just can't. And I couldn’t talk to you because I know that I shouldn't have let it get to me, I know. But it did.” She stared down at the floor. A tear hit the hard-wood and she wondered distantly if it would soak through.
James was quiet for a long time. She didn't dare look at him, not when he was so quiet. Without a word, he stepped over to Lucy and wrapped his arms around her, engulfing her in a tight hug. She stood there shocked for a moment before wrapping her arms around him instinctively. He rested his chin on her head, rubbing small circles into her back.
When he spoke, his voice was tight with emotion. “It's not your fault. You don’t deserve any of this.” She swallowed the tears building in her throat.
James was shaking, she realized. So was she. “I’ve got you. You're okay.” He said quietly. He brought a hand up to run through her hair, and the action was so small and so full of love that she finally let herself break. She rested her head against his chest, tears flowing freely. They stained against his shirt, but he didn't mind. She felt like crying for hours and hours. He waited.
Eventually, her sobs turned into quiet sniffles, and she took a step back to sit on the desk behind her. He followed.
“Thank you,” She managed. She brought a hand up to wipe her eyes, still red from the tears. “You're pretty okay, I guess.” She leaned her head on his shoulder gently. James wrapped his arm around her shoulder.
“You’re pretty okay too.”