Scratches
Bruises my brother, one time or the other
My skin felt counterfeit, silicone, rubber
bruises my sister, skin pop the blisters
Dig deep, resist the feeling when it hits you.
Prongs
James was panicked first. Then he was anxious. Then confused.
Remus’ transformation had been bad, the worst James had seen since their school years. He had screamed a lot, and the cracking of his bones was something he wasn’t as used to anymore. Moony had clawed his way out of Remus slowly, almost as if he was trying to not let it happen, like he used to. Padfoot had waited, sitting unbothered distant enough that Moony wouldn’t accidentally hurt him but close enough to be in immediate reach if needed. Moony was different, more restless and nervous, and he also looked different: the wolf had new scars, new scratches, new missing patches of fur and a chipped tooth. James didn’t know the wolf would retain scars of his own.
It was tense for a second, as the wolf sniffed the air and growled around them. Then Padfoot rolled over and wagged his tail and everything was fine again. Between animals, it was easier.
They spent the night running around the woods and chasing rabbits, and James finally remembered how liberating it was being Prongs. He wasn’t like Sirius; he didn’t turn into an animal on every occasion possible just to run around. James strictly turned only for the full. Just then. For Remus. He also happened to have a more… eye-catching and much bulkier animal to work with. It wasn’t like he could stroll down the streets on a leash undisturbed (like he knew Remus and Sirius used to do every other day). James understood why the wolf liked running so much.
Everything was going better than expected, the wolf was curious and playing and they could steer him clear of the guards easily, just like they used too. They allowed themselves to relax; he felt sixteen again. Until, less than an hour before sunrise, Moony became weirdly nervous and started getting frantic. He was scratching himself restlessly first, then he took on circling around them like a shark around its prey, huffing with every step. It didn’t matter if Prongs dragged his hoofs on the ground or Padfoot nibbled gently at the wolf’s ear: he was set on whatever he had on his mind to find. Which was… what, exactly? James had no idea.
He wasn’t even sure what happened then, but it escalated quickly and in a matter of seconds Prongs was separating Padfoot and Moony by pushing the latter away with his antlers. He was being scratched and the wolf kept snarling, threatening to bite him but his mind was set on getting Moony as far away as possible from Sirius. The air smelled like blood and Padfoot was wailing behind him. James acted on impulse, charging the wolf in a desperate effort to keep him away from their best friend. Their best friend who was injured. Their best friend who was injured and very fucking close to an irritated werewolf. It was taking him all of his might to not just turn around and check on him.
Moony was mumbling quietly, probably because James’ push sent him barrelling into a tree. He was curled around himself in a corner, licking his paw and stealing glances at them, but he didn’t seem hurt. So James risked looking back at Sirius.
And it was bad.
He hurried at his side immediately, pushing his nose against the black fur of his neck in the desperate attempt to see more. Padfoot wasn’t wailing anymore but the smell of blood was heavy as he licked his own side as best as he could. Three deep slashes cut through his black fur, crimson oozing out in a steady stream. They didn’t appear too deep, but it was dark and James had never been good at eyeballing the damage. He couldn’t even cast a diagnostic spell, because as soon as he turned into a wizard Moony was sure to lose its wits. He was left grunting helplessly as Sirius kept nursing his wounds alone.
Then things somehow got even worse when Moony’s attention seemed to turn back to Padfoot. He sniffed the air a couple times and moved a couple steps towards them. This time a huff from Prongs was enough to halt him. Moony sat on his haunches and started howling at first, but then his howls quickly morphed into pained wails; the wolf turned on himself and began tearing at his own skin, biting himself harshly. The metallic stench of fresh blood soon joined Sirius’ and it didn’t matter how much Prongs nudged at the wolf, he wouldn’t stop. James was quickly descending into a panicked state, between being unable to help Sirius and trying to keep Moony from hurting himself.
It was useless.
Moony was scratching and biting and wailing in pain as he kept avoiding any attempt James made to distract him. He was tearing himself up gnawing at his own paws. The smell and the stress of the situation made him so nauseous James was sure that if only he had still been human, he would have been sick already.
The moon setting lifted the spell. James recognised the signs of the wolf retreating back, the way his spine turned inwards and the pop of his joints. He didn’t hesitate as he immediately transformed back and barrelled on the ground next to Sirius who, sensing it was over as well, had turned back. He was pale, but wasn’t nearly as terrified as James was.
“I don’t know what happened, he just-”
“I think there was a smell but I’m not sure. He didn’t hit me square though, they’re not that deep.”
“They look pretty deep to me.” Sirius’ shirt was drenched and he was looking a little like he could throw up. Maybe James was going to throw up. He still couldn’t see the wound, but judging by the way Sirius was clutching at his side, it was still bleeding. Suddenly Sirius’ gaze snapped behind James and his pupils frantically moved from side to side as he tried to get up. “Pads, you should stay down.”
“Moony?” He had whispered first. “Moons?” as he received no response, James turned just as Sirius started repeating a string of wet “Remus”. He had turned, he was himself again. But he was laying limp on the ground, not reacting at any of Sirius’ screams. James could see his chest rising and falling, but it was light, barely there. “Fuck James, help me up!” Sirius groaned when he lifted him on his feet, picking him up under his arms and they wobbled towards the lump that was left of Remus. Sirius launched himself on the ground, despite James desperately trying to lay him gently.
They turned him on his back, and he was passed out. It was clear why as they scanned down his body: they could barely see any skin that hadn’t been mauled by claws or teeth, and the little there was, was covered in blood and dirt. Sirius had this look on his face, that was almost scary. James had never seen something like that. He had been next to Remus for many moons, held him through his transformations and nursed him back to himself, but it was never that bad. Even most of the things he had seen during the war couldn’t quite compare with the state of his body that morning.
Maybe it was because this time it was their Moony.
James’ hands were trembling as he grabbed his wand from the back pocket of his trousers and casted a diagnostic spell. He was trembling too much, couldn’t do it properly. Sirius managed on the first try while being injured. His breath felt laboured as he watched his brother cast spell after spell, in a constant stream, trying to stop the bleeding, close the minor wounds, clean him up.
James realised that Sirius hadn’t cast any spells on himself. That he could do. He could manage a singular non-life-threatening wound. Sirius didn’t acknowledge him, but James felt a little better, more helpful and was finally able to steady his hands and send Poppy Pomfrey a patronus.
“Lets’ get him inside.” James turned into Prongs again, because the mere thought of leaving one of them for a second more made him feel on the verge of a panic attack. As Prongs he could carry Remus and let Sirius hold onto him to walk.
“I’ll wait for Pomfrey-”
“Pads-”
“I’ll wait with him and help her out when she gets here. You need to apparate to our place, get whatever sounds even remotely helpful from the cabinet in the hallway. Get the whole thing for all I care.” His voice was levelled, but James could hear the smallest wobble and could see the faint idea of a tear forming at the corner of his left eye. “Then you leave a whole box of the biscuits open on the table for Archie, just in case we can’t get home soon, because none of us will leave this house after you come back. Because you’ll apparate your ass back here as soon as possible, alright?”
“I don’t think I should leave you alone here. Maybe I should wait for Poppy-”
“Please.” James couldn’t say no, could he?
Apparating while drained by a challenging full wasn’t the best of ideas and James found himself wobbling on the concrete in front of Remus and Sirius’ apartment, saving himself the fall just because he had been smart enough to crash against the metal fence. His hands were still trembling a bit so it took a couple tries before he could finally open the door. He was whistling a tune that used to drive Remus insane in Hogwarts because he used to whistle it all through the exam period to calm his nerves.
He flicked the light switch and James immediately froze. Something was wrong because someone was curled up on the sofa softly snoring. The person was lying on their stomach so James couldn’t see much besides some pale ears and a mop of dark curls held up by a wand. He carefully slid his own out of his pocket and started to whisper a disarming spell, careful not to wake the stranger before their wand was out of reach.
“Expel-” It took them less than seconds, James had never seen someone move that fast ever. They pulled an arm out from where it was tucked and slipped the wand free before pointing it at him and casting a fucking wordless disarming spell that sent his poor wand flying across the room.
“Incarcerous.” And well, it seemed like the war hadn’t prepared him for much after all. He still found himself first disarmed, then bound and gagged, in his best friends’ living room with a stranger pointing a wand so close to his face that it was making his eyes cross. He had no idea how to get out of that situation but at least he could finally see the intruder.
He was small and skinny, pale as a ghost and with jet black hair that fell in coyly turns well above his shoulders. His blue eyes widened as he stared a while at his face, to then mutter a quiet “fuck”. James couldn’t tell what was so familiar about the boy. It was hidden somewhere in between the sharp cut of his eyes or the way his lips were naturally downturned, almost as if he was constantly pouting.
James had to admit the stranger had a sharp way of being attractive. The mean way. It wasn’t really his fault he liked mean beautiful people. He always had; ask Lily Evans. The more he looked at him, the more he could feel there was something. He had a small scar on his chin, like a carefully placed thin cut, almost as if-
“-she fucking used a cheese knife. Grabbed it in front of everyone and just slashed his chin. Then she made him sit at the table for the rest of the dinner! Just… letting it drip in his plate! And as soon as I tried to do something she sent me to my room and I wasn’t allowed to see him for the rest of the break! Bella just kept laughing like a maniac, I heard her taunting him through the floors. They haven’t let him heal it either, he still has the scar!”
It was beginning of third year, after their summer break. Sirius had managed to spend the first half of the summer at James’ but they had forced him to go back because of some formal high-class events. Sirius had been desperate to get Regulus alone but after he had missed his birthday because he was staying at Potter Manor, things were hard. He had been telling that story curled up in James’ bed in the Gryffindor tower, where they were all cramped together.
Now that he paid attention, everything made sense: the cheekbones, the hair and the cut of his eyes, even the quirk in his brow. The boy was screaming “Black” from every single pore. And it was very possible that he had come face to face with not-so-dead Regulus Arcturus Black sitting around in Sirius’ stupidly expensive robe.
Suddenly there was a lot more to feel panicked about.
Regulus released him from his bindings but didn’t move the wand from where it was still pointed, right at his nose. James couldn’t bring himself to say anything at first, too stunned to even elaborate a complex thought. He was similar to the boy in the Prophet article but also very different. Skinnier, more tired, and certainly not as well groomed as in the picture. His hair was longer, and curlier as well.
“Your… hair?” Regulus stared back at him like he was out of his mind.
“You look at me and the only thing you can come up with is… my hair.”
“I came up with a lot more actually, but I’m sure most of that I shouldn’t share with you. Right now. Maybe later.” Sirius’ younger brother, his Death Eater younger brother, dead Death Eater younger brother was very much alive right now. And he also broke into their house. What did he want? Was he going to kill him? He really hoped that wasn’t the case. “How did you get in?”
“I-” Regulus hesitated. James admittedly wasn’t the best detective around. He didn’t notice stuff most of the time and was very slow at linking things. It took him an embarrassing amount of time to figure out Remus and Sirius had been snogging in the same hallway storage after every single charms class, all through fourth and fifth year. But maybe the events of the night had left his senses on high alert because his eyes naturally dropped down to Sirius’ robe where laid an embarrassing number of coconut-biscuit-crumbs.
“Oh fuck.” He muttered. “No, no. Just- no.” his eyes quickly scanned the room in search of the only thing that could possibly make his suspicions false. Because Regulus was alive, very skinny, with blue eyes and black hair and seemed to really enjoy coconut biscuits. But the stupid cat was nowhere to be found. Well. He was actually found. Maybe just not… cat? “Don’t tell me I’ve been petting my best friend’s little Death Eater brother while calling him the most embarrassing names for two months.” James must have seen wrong, but he could almost say Regulus was hiding a smirk.
“Well…” The boy was still pointing his wand at him and for all he knew was just going to kill him. But he hadn’t. He could have already done it, right?
“What do you want from them? You know the Dark Lord is dead right?” something flashed behind his eyes then, his wrist had an imperceptible wobble, but he steadied it immediately. Maybe he didn’t know, maybe he still had a mission to do. “As soon as they’ll know they’ll send you straight to Azkaban.” James knew that it wasn’t true. If Sirius ever found himself face to face with Regulus, he wouldn’t have been able to act on protocol. And Remus wouldn’t do anything that Sirius wouldn’t want. So all was left between them and Regulus potentially arming them was James, the only one that could possibly protect them. Well, if he only hadn’t been as stupid and just let himself be disarmed immediately.
“Don’t worry, they won’t send me anywhere once I obliviate you.” And… what?
“What?” James blurted. “You can’t.”
“But I can and I will. I can’t have loose ends, Potter.” So, Regulus Black knew who he was which, of course, they were at Hogwarts together and he was his brother’s best friend. Duh.
He still had to get back to Remus. He needed to act quickly. There wasn’t much he could use to gain the better hand. He didn’t know Regulus Black, after all. But he knew Archie. Regulus might still want to kill them, but he had seen Archie with Sirius, and the cat loved him. Maybe, just maybe.
“Sirius is hurt. I need to bring him potions.” He saw it. It was small, well concealed and hidden under a blank stare, but it was there. He hesitated. So James pressed on. “If you obliviate me, I might forget and not bring him the right stuff in time. He might bleed out and I’m already taking too long.” James had never been a good liar. He hoped that all those years with Remus had finally rubbed some of his nonchalance on him, even just a little bit.
“I’m good.”
“Are you that good?” The air was thick for long seconds. Regulus was debating with himself. “Just let me get the stuff.”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“There was- something slashed him. Deep, on his side.” His lips were pressed in a tight line and for a second his wrist trembled and the wand lowered slightly. He took the chance: clearly Regulus was good with magic, he couldn’t possibly use that against him, he was too fast. But physically, Regulus was small.
James smacked the hand away, sending his wand on the ground with a loud clatter, and grabbed his other arm twisting it around until it was pressed on his back. Regulus struggled back, but beside throwing of his balance, he didn’t do much. James was taller and broader and Regulus didn’t look the epitome of health.
“What do you want from us?”
“Nothing!”
“I don’t believe you.”
“If I wanted to hurt you all, I could’ve done so a long time ago. Namely, when you suggested they sterilized me.” He spat, more annoyed than anything else. James still blushed at the memory.
“Then why are you here?”
“Because I killed Tom Riddle. You know, the Dark Lord. Dropped him right on Dumbledore lap, still warm.” And that didn’t make sense. Regulus was a Death Eater, he could still see the edge of the mark peaking out from under the gown. He was probably lying.
“I still don’t-”
“Is Sirius really hurt?” His voice was smaller, but still clipped, like he was annoyed at James for wasting his time. Regulus was very demanding for being the one at a disadvantage.
“He is.”
“Was it Lupin?” his throat immediately closed up at the idea of him knowing about Moony. He surely wasn’t as protected as he was when they were in school, not after all of the missions and undercover work they had him do in the Order. That didn’t mean James couldn’t be protective anymore. Also, the boy had lived with the two of them for months at that point, of course he knew. “Is he hurt as well?”
“They both are.”
“I knew it was a bad idea. You lot are awfully stupid for people who have been doing full moons with him for months.” He sighed. “I can help you. I have… stuff.”
“Why would I let you help me?”
“Please. You can place wards on the house, so I can’t leave after. Hell, take my wand even.” He wasn’t pleading, James doubted he could. It was close though. It made him feel bad in a weird way. Maybe there was more to it. The point was that he didn’t have much time.
“Show me what you have.”
Later, when he sat next to Remus lying asleep on the Cottage’s sofa and Sirius was asking him where he got those vials, he was about to blurt it out. “Your brother is alive, locked in your house and I have his wand poking my ass in my back pocket. Oh, and he also is your cat. Do you remember when I told you to neuter him?” But for some reason he didn’t.
He wasn’t sure what made him shut up. Maybe it was the distressed face Sirius had when he finally showed up or the visible relief on his face when he saw the vials Regulus had given him. Maybe it was because Remus was still unconscious and Poppy was still worrying about him. Maybe he didn’t want to add to their stress for the night, wait until Remus was better and Sirius wasn’t about to lose his mind.
And perhaps it was a little because of the look on Regulus face when he closed the door, the anxiety hidden between pressed lips and a blank stare. The way he seemed to want to say “Please, make him okay again.”
He would tell them, eventually. Maybe he could even properly talk to Regulus before, understand what was going on.
He wasn’t the one who could act on protocol after all.