Tomber Amoureux
Well, things had certainly taken a turn, James thought.
One moment he had been racing around on a snowmobile, twisting and turning over sparkling drifts of snow to outmaneuver Sirius, and the next, he was standing in the midst of the most awkward gathering in the history of the world—
He shook his head at himself, realizing that he had been spending too much time with Sirius if his brain was making those sorts of hyperbolic leaps.
James was not expecting to run into Lily Evans here of all places. She came into the coffee shop nearly every day for a caffeine fix, and that repeated exposure to her pretty face had given him the thought that maybe she was interested in him, perhaps. But seeing her here was startling, like running into a teacher at the supermarket—his brain couldn’t quite compute.
Lily had seemed surprised to see him as well—surprised and also as if she were seeing him for the first time. The way she had said his name was like she was truly appreciating him, not just as a tertiary character in her daily routine, but as a genuine person.
Regulus had scowled throughout the entire conversation, and once plans were made he had scarpered, still glowering, muttering something about needing a shower, and hadn’t spared James a second glance.
The discomfort was palpable, and James had tugged Remus and Sirius to his room immediately. Although Remus and Sirius had only met during this holiday, both were aware of James’s long-time infatuation with the vivacious redhead who only regarded James with the most cavalier disregard.
“I cannot believe that Lily is here!” James said, pushing his glasses up over his eyebrows with his thumb and index finger to rub his eyes.
Sirius and Remus looked at one another shiftily, guiltily.
“You knew?!” James asked accusingly, knitting his brow.
“Well, you see mate—” Sirius began.
“Yes,” Remus said firmly.
“Buggering fuck,” James said. “It might’ve been nice to know!”
“I only just saw her at breakfast this morning,” Remus said. “Almost didn’t believe it, honestly. And you seemed like you were having fun being otherwiseengaged,” he finished pointedly.
Remus was always good at simply telling things as they were. He was quiet, or he was blunt: there was no in-between. It was what allowed him to fit in so seamlessly with their group.
“Remus came to me and told me,” Sirius said. “I thought that we should just disregard. I mean, it’s not as if you two had gone out or something.”
“We thought we could just distract you and maybe keep you from running into each other over the next few days,” Remus added.
James gaped at them both.
“We hoped that we wouldn’t all run into one another and then we’d be gone and things could just…” Sirius trailed off at the look on James’s face.
“Oh, great plan, lads, really,” James spat. “Would’ve been a lot less idiotic had I known what to expect.”
Sirius ran a hand through his hair, dragging it through to the ends and sighing.
“Sorry James,” Sirius said, lifting his chin haughtily and clipping his vowels. “So, what are you going to do, then?”
Something about the way that Sirius was glaring at him made James really appreciate for the first time that Regulus was Sirius’s brother.
“I don’t bloody know,” James said. He rolled his eyes. “It’s not as if Lily talked to me, or like you said, that we dated or something, so I imagine sitting around a pub tonight won’t change much.”
“Especially if she hears you sing,” Sirius teased, biting his lip to keep from laughing.
They had cleared out not long after that, leaving James to shower and ponder as he readied for their karaoke outing. He selected a pair of dark jeans and a burgundy crewneck jumper that was soft and worn in all the right ways. The color set off the golden undertones of his skin and eyes. As he splashed cologne on, he realized that he wasn’t entirely sure whom he was dressing to impress.
He knew that he should be excited to have a chance to spend some time with Lily and see if things had the chance to progress once he wasn’t making a fool of himself while shamelessly flirting with her, but his mind was wandering, shifting freckles to ivory skin and a sheet of copper hair to black curls and vibrant green eyes to eyes the shade of a watercolour ocean.
There was something about Regulus and his laughter as they rode along on the snowmobile, how it was sweeter and higher and softer than James would have expected—it was so delightfully vulnerable. James wanted to make that happen again.
*****
The lodge’s attached pub was crowded when James showed up to meet his friends. Dorcas waved at him when he walked in—she was tucked into a large booth that spanned the corner, wedged alongside her girlfriend Marlene, Mary on her other side and Lily beside her. A second table and some chairs were pushed up against it to accommodate the group of ten.
“’Lo,” James nodded, pointedly sitting in one of the chairs rather than in the empty space beside Lily. She was dressed to impress, a deep blue dress that was cut low and emphasized her curves. James noticed.
While Dorcas and Marlene were dressed more casually, like James, with button up shirts (Dorcas wore a sweater vest over hers that worked for her, in spite of the somewhat chaotic pattern), Mary had chosen to go full glam with Lily, wearing a strapless top that showed off her shoulders and toned arms, the sequins playing off of her dark skin and the glitter (she was so sparkly—why were girls always so sparkly?) she had dusted over her clavicle bones and cheeks.
“You lot look nice,” James said, knowing his mother would have killed him if he didn’t acknowledge it but also cursing himself internally, hoping no one read more into it than he had intended.
“So do you, love,” Mary smiled warmly. Lily giggled.
A pitcher of beer sat on the table, spread out among the four glasses. Marlene lifted it to refill her own glass, then topped off Dorcas’s.
Remus and Sirius came in next, followed closely by Barty and Evan. Sirius came by and slid into the booth beside Dorcas, wafting that scent of expensive cologne (or whatever sorcery he used to be able to smell so good all the time) behind him. Remus caught James’s eye and they both smirked. Barty and Evan sat beside James, leaving the empty seat next to Lily for Regulus. James couldn’t imagine that was going to go over well.
“Thanks for inviting us,” Evan said, gesturing to himself and his fair-haired friend.
“Yeah,” Barty added. “I don’t know if I could take one more night of roaming around with this one. Reg’s been MIA nearly the entire trip.”
“That’s your brother, right?” Mary asked Sirius.
“Yes,” Sirius nodded, not lifting his eyes from the drinks menu he was perusing.
“What’s he been doing?” Marlene queried, taking a swig of beer.
“Oh, knowing Reg, probably something boring and artistic,” Barty said. “Listening to classical music…”
“Mooning about over some book by people who have been dead for two hundred years…” Evan added.
“Biting someone’s head off,” Barty continued.
“Oi! Watch it!” Sirius said, in spite of the fact that he’d been complaining of the same thing ever since they arrived at Mont Blanc.
“Oh, er… he sounds… creative,” Mary said carefully. “So, Remus, how have you been?”
Mary turned her attention towards Remus, who, James had noticed, had been tracing his fingers up and down Sirius’s right thigh while Sirius stared blankly at the menu in front of him and turned a deeper and deeper shade of crimson. James choked back a laugh.
The conversation carried on easily after that. Dorcas ordered several more pitchers of beer for the table, though Lily switched to something violently pink and Remus casually held up his first two fingers to order gin and tonics for he and Sirius, who seemed unable to focus much on anything other than Remus. James loved to see that—he had known Sirius for long enough to know how much his friend was into Remus. It was far, far more than he’d ever been into anyone else, and James had a good feeling about it.
He smiled as he took a sip of his beer, then nearly sputtered as he noticed Regulus walking into the pub. His elegance seemed out of place against the dim lighting and polished wooden interior of the chalet’s bar. Regulus stood erect, keeping his chin up and his eyes forward. He was lethal as a panther as he stalked over to their table. He looked absolutely amazing, there was no disputing that, and as he drifted past James without sparing him so much as a cursory glance, James caught the scent of him, that eucalyptus-and-spice fragrance that was absolutely intoxicating.
Regulus slid into the only empty seat, next to Lily, keeping his eyes trained on the table to avoid looking at James. He raised one finger to draw the attention of the bartender.
“What can I get for you, Monsieur?”
“A Grey Goose martini, s’ilvousplait,” Regulus said, “shaken, not stirred, three olives, very dirty.”
“Oui, right away,” the bartender said, hurrying away.
“Blimey, and we’re all sitting here drinking piss beer,” Mary said, giggling.
“This isn’t so bad!” Marlene said, taking another sip before she nudged Dorcas. “Got to go,” she said.
“Hey Regulus,” James said carefully.
“Hello,” Regulus said coldly, turning to talk to Barty and Evan.
Remus, Sirius, and Dorcas slid out to allow Marlene and Mary out. Sirius remained standing, dithering over whether or not he wanted to sign up for karaoke. At this point, there was quite a line.
“Come on, Pads, you know you’re going to,” James coaxed, knowing Sirius could sing and also that he shouldn’t miss the chance to show that off in front of Remus.
“Yeah, come on, we’ll sign up too,” Evan said, and he and Barty followed Sirius up to the table to choose songs. Marlene and Mary had returned at this point and decided to sign up as well. Dorcas and Remus were chatting in a friendly manner, leaving Regulus, Lily, and James to sit in an uncomfortable silence.
The bartender placed Regulus’s martini on the table and he lifted it immediately to take a sip, his nose wrinkling ever-so-slightly at the burn of the alcohol before he swallowed.
“So, James,” Lily smiled. “Are you enjoying your holiday?”
“Oh, er, yeah, I am, thanks,” James said.
Lily had already had a couple of drinks by the time Regulus had arrived, and she was pleasantly flushed, pupils dilated. She leaned forward across the table as she spoke, arms against her chest and pressing it into the table in a way that was not entirely unpleasant.
“How long are you here?” she asked.
“Just through the rest of the weekend,” James said, sipping his beer again simply for something to do.
“Oh good! We’re here that long too,” she said. “I’ve been having to drink chain coffee,” she added, wrinkling her nose with distaste.
James laughed.
“Your favorite caffeine fix will be back soon,” he said.
“And my favorite café employees,” Lily said, looking up at James from under her lashes. She’d done something smoky with her eyes and it made the bottle green color of them pop.
Out of the corner of his eye, James noticed Regulus. He lifted his chin and took another sip from his martini, haughtily shaking his hair out of his face and placing his drink precisely onto the center of his cocktail napkin.
James felt his heart drop. What was going on with Regulus? Had they not been having fun? Walburga Black was incredibly elitist and homophobic—James knew as much from Sirius—but surely after all that had transpired, Regulus couldn’t feel the same way? Had they just been a casual one off—was Regulus the type to do that? Somehow James didn’t think so.
James thought of Regulus earlier that day, standing on his toes and tugging James closer so that he could kiss him—the taste of his peppermint hot chocolate still on his tongue as he slid it into James’s mouth. James had nearly taken him again, right there in the open doorway, before coming to his senses. He thought of Regulus, fiercely bundled up against the cold, his little nose and cheeks pink from the frigid temperatures and the sun glare, and James had thought that it was so damn cute.
This version of him was so different. The Regulus sitting across from him was aloof, composed.
Sirius began singing—a Queen song. Sirius bloody loved Queen, and he wasn’t far off from the sounds of Freddie Mercury when he sang. Remus, rightfully, was entranced. The table cheered as Sirius stomped back and forth in his heavy black boots, flipping his hair out of his face and gripping the microphone tightly—the only tell that he was a bit nervous.
“Your friend is pretty good,” Lily said, leaning forward again. The dim recessed lights glinted off of the copper of her hair.
“He is—loves an excuse to prance about and sing Queen,” James said.
Lily laughed—a pleasant sound. It surprised James, who was still puzzled over the sudden change of heart of this girl he had been pursuing for quite a while.
Regulus, meanwhile, sat twirling his martini glass by the stem with one silver-ringed hand. James remembered the cold feel of those rings against the length of him not so very long ago, and suddenly his mouth was dry.
“I’ll be back,” James said, standing abruptly.
He needed air. Yes, Lily’s laugh was pleasant enough, but it was another whose laugh he longed to hear. He wasn’t sure what to do with this certainty. James felt as though Regulus had bewitched him somehow.
James pushed open the door of the chalet’s pub and stood out in the dark, lit only by the stars and the fairy lights overhead. The snow swirled around in tiny bursts of wind, biting through the thin sleeves of James’s jumper and grounding him.
If Regulus didn’t care for him, there was nothing to it except to leave him be, right?
Somehow James was having a difficult time believing that was the case—not when all of the evidence pointed in the opposite direction.
“Wondered where you’d popped off to,” a sweet female voice said.
James turned away from where he’d been leaning on the side of the building and there she was, standing there and looking more beautiful than he had ever seen her, the snow falling in flurries around her and the light casting an angelic glow over her.
Lily.
“Just needed some air,” James said.
“All right?” she stepped closer, placing a hand on his arm and squeezing gently.
James swallowed.
“I’m fine,” he said.
“Reckon they’ll all be in there for a while longer,” Lily said. “Barty and Evan were shouting some Def Leppard song into the mic when I headed out here.”
“I’m sorry to be missing that,” James said, huffing out a laugh that showed as a puff in the icy air.
"James," Lily said, suddenly serious.
He turned to look at her again, startled to see that she was close enough for him to count the freckles on her nose.
“You must be freezing out here in that little thing,” he said, gesturing to the deep blue mini dress she was wearing. It had long sleeves, and she was wearing knee-high boots, but the thin material and plunging neckline could not be warm.
“I’m all right,” she said, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Besides, there’s something I’d like to try.”
“Oh?” James asked. He had a feeling that he knew where this was heading—careening, really—but he didn’t know how to stop it or even if he wanted to if he could.
“Mmhmm,” Lily nodded, stepping into him. “Just hold still.”
She slid her hands over his shoulders, wrapping her hands daintily together behind his neck. Automatically, he grabbed her hips, running them over the perfect crescent of hip to waist to the softness of her chest and back down again.
Lily tilted her head, standing slightly on tiptoe (unwarranted, James had a flash of Regulus—Regulus, who had ignored him, who was likely regretting his decision to engage with James) and she bit on her bottom lip coyly.
“Lily,” he croaked, barely above a whisper.
“Shh,” she said. “Just want to try this.”
And she kissed him full on the mouth. It tasted like vodka and something fruity. She was softer, more pliant than he had expected, and the feel of her voluptuousness was not unpleasant against him. She was buxom and beautiful and James had wanted this for so long that kissing her back was almost instinctual.
The door creaked open nearby, expelling with it the sound of laughter and drunken karaoke, but James was slightly caught up in the moment, in the feel of Lily pressing eagerly to him, raking her hands through his hair. He sensed someone’s presence and pulled away, waiting for the fog over his glasses to clear.
“Wait,” James said, hands firmly on Lily’s hips as he pressed her back.
Squinting, he could just make out the figure in the long dark coat taking lengthy strides back around towards the front of the chalet.
Regulus.
Shit.
“Are you okay?” Lily asked, brow furrowing.
“Lily, let me ask you something,” James said urgently. “Why now?”
“What?” she asked.
“I’ve been after you for ages—why now, tonight?”
“Does it matter James? Isn’t this what you wanted? Don’t make me feel bloody bad about it!”
“I’m not trying to,” James said. “I just want to understand.”
“Because, James Potter, for once, you didn’t hit on me.”
“What?”
“You weren’t shamelessly flirting or embarrassing me by trying to get me to go out with you while I was just trying to order a damn coffee,” Lily said in a rush. “You seem different here, with your friends, more authentic, more relaxed. And obviously I think you’re quite fit,” she finished, looking up at him through her lashes again.
“You do?” James puzzled over this piece of information.
“Well yeah, but you’re also bloody annoying. I just wanted to try it, to see if it took.”
“And?”
“You tell me.”
Her eyes searched his until she found the answer she sought.
*****
James hurried through the lodge to the room he knew would be occupied by the one he most wanted to see. He knocked frantically, not stopping until its occupant threw the door open enough to peer through the crack.
“What. Do. You. Want.”
“Can I talk to you?” James asked hoarsely.
“I have nothing to say to you, James,” Regulus sighed heavily.
“Please Reg, let me in, I need to talk to you,” James pleaded.
“Don’t call me ‘Reg’,” Regulus shot at him, angry as a thrashing viper. “It’s Regulus.”
“Regulus, then, please,” he begged.
Regulus narrowed his eyes, the corners of his mouth turned down petulantly into a scowl that somehow made him seem even more attractive. He stepped back, pulling the door open with him and gesturing grandly to sweep James inside.
“Well?” Regulus crossed his arms.
He stood in his green-stockinged feet, grey sweatpants, and an enormous black CBGB t-shirt that James was nearly certain belonged to Sirius at one point. Seeing him like this made him seem younger somehow, more vulnerable than his usual straitlaced attire did.
“Regulus, what happened today?” James asked.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Regulus drawled stiffly. “We rode snowmobiles, there was karaoke. Have you forgotten how you spent your time? Perhaps you shouldn’t have had so much to drink.”
James recoiled. “Regulus, I had two beers.”
Regulus laughed cruelly.
“Oh, so you weren’t intoxicated then?” He threw up his hands. “I had hoped for a moment that there was a valid reason, perhaps, but clearly not.”
“What are you talking about?” James asked.
“Romance,” Regulus said, pronouncing it in that throaty French way (and somehow being far more attractive than he should have been considering that he was destroying James).
“You completely ignored me ever since we got back this afternoon,” James said, feeling his temper starting to get the better of him. “You didn’t even talk to me at the pub—you barely even said ‘hi’ to me.”
“Oh, of course, now it’s perfectly clear why you elected to snog some wretched woman against the side of a building!” Regulus raised his voice, each word sounding even harsher in his cut-glass accent.
“She’s not wretched!”
“Then why are you fucking here James?!” Regulus yelled.
James had never imagined that Regulus could lose control like this—he was always so carefully composed; yet here he was, angry patches of red high on his cheeks, his eyes bright, his hands emphasizing each word passionately.
“Regulus, you don’t understand…”
“Enlighten me, then,” Regulus seethed.
“I knew Lily from the café,” James said. “She came in almost every day, and I—I suppose I had a bit of a crush on her.”
Regulus glared at him coldly.
“She—she turned me down a lot,” James asked.
“How long.” It wasn’t a question, not really.
“Wh-what?” James stammered.
“How. Long. How long have you been pining after this Lily?”
“A—a while,” James admitted. “But Regulus, listen.”
He took a step closer to Regulus, bringing them within a few steps of one another. Regulus reached out and placed his hand on James’s chest, holding him at arm’s length. His fingers twitched against the woolen fabric of James’s shirt, and Regulus closed his eyes and breathed in and out deeply through his nose.
“I should like you to leave now, Potter.”
“Oh, it’s Potter now, is it?” James asked snarkily, feeling wounded.
Regulus pushed slightly against James, unyielding, still not looking at him.
“Right then,” James said, stepping away.
*****
James lay on his bed that night, staring at the ceiling in the dark, lost in the circle of his thoughts. Maybe in some other life he could’ve ended up with Lily, but in this one, he had fallen for Regulus and wanted to see where things went. Unfortunately, Regulus didn’t seem to be willing to hear him out or try.
He couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Regulus’s face, the way he had been so overrun by emotion that he was unable to step away from his feelings enough to give James a chance to explain. He was guarded, and James had finally made progress, only to see it all undone in the matter of a few hours. James was finally given a chance with Lily and couldn’t bring himself to care, because somehow he had fallen for his best friend’s brother—who likely hated him at this point.
James wasn’t sure how long he rolled around in bed, only that it was several hours before he finally drifted off to a very fitful sleep filled with dreams of red-haired girls and beautiful boys with angry, elegant eyebrows and watercolour eyes.