Chapter 4
He didn't like the fact that he would be spending this full moon with Sirius.
I mean... he was happy, of course, but he was also strangely nervous. Not only that, of course, it's a full moon and he will have to deal with pain and guilt again. He felt a certain discomfort in his bones at the thought that it would be such an intimate meeting. It's very complicated because Sirius has been alone with Remus several times, but that was in their fourth year when they were both children and didn't realize many things.
So he nervously set off towards the Shrieking Shack in the evening, holding a wand in his hand that illuminated their path.
"This tunnel used to be shorter to me" Sirius muttered as he once again brushed against the dirty wall.
"You used to be more polite."
"Ouch" he said ironically and snorted at his friend.
"Don't blame me" Lupin laughed. "You agreed."
"It's funny because I come here every month and now it's strangely crowded."
Sirius was being dramatic as usual, Lupin rolled his eyes at his comments and quickened his pace to get him to shut his mouth. It worked, and after a while there was silence, and together they entered the terrible house, which seemed to be breathing, and at the same time it was creaking and shaking in all directions. When he was little, Remus was afraid of this place. Over time, however, he realized that the only threat here was himself. And he stopped being afraid.
He pushed the memory away when he found himself in the nicest, if it could even be called that, room in the whole house and sat down unsteadily on the gray, dusty floor. He hissed quietly, feeling a stabbing pain in his spine.
"Remus? All good?"
"It just starts quite early. Nothing big."
"It's normal? It is always like that?"
No, not always. But they weren't always left alone, and Remus guessed that was the reason his body reacted this way. He didn't understand why, but when everyone was here, the stress somehow dissipated. James was joking, Sirius was usually chasing his tail by then, and Peter just stood there and tried not to get in the way.
Now Sirius was looking at his friend with compassionate eyes and seemed to be genuinely concerned. Maybe Remus just never noticed it before?
"Could you please... turn you around?"
Sirius, surprised by this request, nodded and stood with his back against the door frame to the room. He put his hands in his pockets and tried to sound calm.
"Something is wrong? Do you feel different?"
"Yes, because you're not calling me names."
"Oh, that's it " he smiled under his breath, still turned away. "I didn't see that you miss it so much, I'll get back into character in a moment, give me a minute" he cleared his throat and straightened his hair. "Lupin, I don't believe that you're so bad at being a werewolf even."
Remus smiled at this remark. It was better this way, more natural and as always. He even forgot about the pain for a moment, but then, when it became too much, he couldn't pretend anymore. He groaned, feeling his bones strangely lengthen, and this immediately caught Sirius's attention. Despite his promise, he ran to his friend and saw his irises turn from green to bright yellow, which meant that Remus was no longer himself.
Sirius didn't know what exactly to do, it wasn't like he was seeing the transformation for the first time, but for some reason he wanted to help Remus, to get this away from him somehow, even though he couldn't.
When he heard a soft growl towards him, he lowered his head so that his black hair covered his face and a moment later he transformed into a black dog that sat calmly in front of his friend, now in the form of a furry werewolf. Lupin whimpered, squealed like a little puppy, and a moment later he howled loudly like a real wolf and straightened his previously crooked back.
He was no longer the calm, harmless Remus who walked the school corridors. But Sirius won't leave him like this.
*
He woke up in pain as the sun's rays fell on his pale face. He thought he would lie there a little longer, but he let out a small sneeze that forced him to lift his head and then open his eyes, and he was actually wide awake.
He looked around and then lifted himself slightly to lean against the cool wall, then he felt a slight pain in his shoulder. This time he ended up with a few cuts and bruises, it wasn't that bad.
What he hated most about the whole process was that he didn't remember much about the transformation itself, let alone what happened afterwards. A nasty condition that deprived him of the ability not only to think independently, but also to remember what he was doing throughout the whole moon.
His friends always helped him, talked about what they did, and wrote long descriptions of each activity, but it still left him uncertain.
His attention was drawn to a soft snoring coming from the old armchair where a large black dog was now lounging. Remus smiled slightly at the thought of Sirius not only keeping him company, but also staying until the morning, something the others usually didn't do.
He wanted to get up, but then he realized that he was covered by a blanket, and what's more, this blanket was actually the same one that Sirius covered himself with every frosty morning in their tower. He recognized it by two things: the familiar smell of cologne and its black dog fur.
He smiled, while Padfoot was overwhelmed with ideas, and got up to wake up the big dog and then return to the castle. He still felt sore, and let's be honest, there were a few wounds that needed attention.
He quickly dressed in what he had prepared earlier and immediately felt better being covered up.
He wanted to throw his own blanket over the dog, but stopped at the last moment when he saw it start to squirm and purr in its sleep.
A second later he saw Sirius huddled, not a dog that was clearly hiding from the cold. He must have had a dream, yes, he's definitely having a dream and it caused the transformation.
He looked so peaceful, so idyllic even, with his black hair falling over his pale, bare collarbones and his lips curling into a smile.
"Paws?"
He didn't answer, shuddered slightly, and Remus took a step back.
Something paralyzed him, the sight of his friend, so defenseless and fragile, gave him food for thought. Every full moon, the same man risked his life in some way so that Remus wouldn't be alone. Yes, thanks to this he woke up with fewer wounds, after all he didn't hurt himself by not being able to go beyond the four walls, but Sirius...
Oh, he didn't know why, but something had changed a lot then. And Remus hated change and that's why he was afraid of his own discovery.
He stared at his friend for a few minutes until he sat down in an uncomfortable chair and brushed a few stray strands of hair from his face. Seeing his face in all its glory made him feel better, as if it had just made his breathing easier.
"No wonder everyone loves you" he muttered. "You're so pretty. I even envy you a little."
He took the opportunity that Sirius couldn't hear him and said everything he had been thinking about years ago when he first saw him.
"I'd like to look like that too."
That's it, that was the answer, right? Remus was jealous of Sirius's beauty and that was why he always reacted this way to his own friend. His mind felt a little easier when he officially discovered the reason for his strange behavior. He inhaled so deeply that Sirius winced at the breeze on his face and opened his eyes.
"Moony" he spoke in a hoarse voice.
"You need it more" he threw his own blanket over Black's shoulders and smiled awkwardly. "Then you'll tell me what we did last night, hmm?"
"Sure" he still said, a little sleepily. "Let's go back or James will kill us."
Remus nodded and stood up abruptly so as not to make Sirius's task difficult and waited politely, averting his eyes, until Sirius dressed quickly and joined him in a brisk walk.
He was so proud, so happy with what he came up with.
He didn't expect this to be the end.
*
Remus was still feeling the effects of the previous night, even when he ate or sat in class. After hearing the whole story from Black, he focused on telling the exact same thing to Prongs, which left Remus a bit on the sidelines. So he took a familiar book and sat down in the courtyard in the afternoon to rest a little from all the sympathy and pats on the shoulder. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate it, because he considered his friends' acceptance to be the greatest treasure he had. Sometimes he just wanted to feel like an ordinary wizard. No extra skills, like the one where he turns into a ravenous werewolf every month.
He concentrated on the wise text of his own book until his friend's whistle interrupted him. Sirius, together with Peter, surprisingly decided to leave the walls and do exactly the same as inside them, but this time outdoors. They didn't even notice Remus, who was hiding under a dwarf apple tree and kept glancing at them.
"And their bodies, for Merlin's sake..." he was saying something, gesturing vigorously to Peter. He looked at Sirius as a mentor who was giving him golden advice.
Not that these worked, because Peter not only didn't try to talk to girls, but he also didn't know how to talk to them at all. But Sirius needed an audience, James was talking about Lily all the time, and Remus... well, he could see that Remus didn't approve of it.
"How did you even get in there?"
"Accidentally" Sirius raised his hands in surrender. "I swear, I just wanted to find Remus and I came across a group of girls going to the prefects' bathroom. So I followed them..."
"You were spying on them!"
Well, well done Sirius Black, you just wanted to find Lupin, hmm? Remus didn't even believe it, he had been in the tower all this time! He was ready to hear the lie from his friend's lips.
"I wouldn't call it that" he looked at the bright sky. "Maybe at the beginning, and then they started talking to me. I didn't go into the water with them, Peter! Plus they were in swimsuits. We talked and I came back."
"You're always so stupidly lucky" he said as if enchanted when he opened iteyes wide.
Remus closed the book with a thud, and that was unlike him because he cared about literature like no one else. This caught Sirius' attention and he watched in surprise as Remus gathered all his things and went back inside.
"What about him?" Peter asked timidly.
"Did you see him sitting there?"
They both shook their heads.
*
Remus was furious for some reason. He couldn't stop Sirius from being... Sirius. On the other hand, there was something wrong with his behavior. He wasn't mad that the girls weren't angry at his friend's presence, he just...
He couldn't stand that he wanted to see them all half-naked in the prefects' bathroom instead of spending time with his friends.
Oh no, here it goes again.
Remus' entire plan that he had created suddenly collapsed. Once again he had to search for a reason for his strange jealousy that had appeared so suddenly without warning and didn't seem to disappear very quickly.