"Hello? Who's there?" He spoke in a soft yet serious voice. "Who are you? Can you hear me?" He asked softly not expecting someone to reply. "Yes, I can.." The voice softly spoke in a confused tone. "Oh thank god you're alive." Remus exclaimed "Ya think I'm dead?" The voice asked crawling towards Remus. "Well considering the fact I've been alone here for a few months, yes. What's your name?" Remus said coolly.
"Rosier. Where are we?" Rosier asked kneeling in front of Remus' feet. "We're in Azkaban." There were a few moments of silence before Rosier spoke again "Why..?"
"I end up in here for being in support of Voldemort.."
"You?!"
"Well yes me... I'm not proud of it."
"Why?! Why'd you betray your friends?" Rosier asked trying not to sound surprised
"I was seduced by the power that Voldemort promised. I couldn't see past it." He hung his head in shame
"Remus.."
"yes.."
There were thick air surrounding them almost suffocating Rosier
"How are you?"
"Lonely... and angry at myself, for betraying the people I swore to always have their back... it's hard to live with, knowing what I did." He spoke quietly
"Are they still alive?" Rosier asked softly
"James and Lily?"
"Sirius"
"Ah... yes. Although, he is locked up here with me, in Azkaban."
"What about Peter..?"
"He's currently in hiding. I doubt he'll ever be captured."
"What does Sirius think about you being here in Azkaban?"
"He despises me for not fighting for the order. I believe he even called me a coward. Which is true... when Voldemort won, I ran."
"Why'd you take his side when you hate Voldemort.."
"I do, with all the energy in my soul. I see now I was blinded by the idea of power for so long. I'm ashamed..."
Rosier went silent he does not know how to responds to that. Yet, he doesn't want to stop talking so he opened up a new conversation
"So.. what do you wanna talk about?"
"I'm not sure. I never thought I'd have anyone to speak with again."
"Guessing Sirius hasn't been really nice"
"No, no he hasn't." Remus replied with guilt in his voice
"Got any girlfriend?" Rosier asked trying to lighten up the mood
his eyes widened "I... well..." he was at a loss of words for once
"Come on now"
"Tonks and I... well we had a little romance..."
"And..?"
"Well she... unfortunately, died.."
That last word hung on the air for a while until Evan spoke again awkwardly this time..
"Ouh.. I-i'm so sorry I didn't -fuck" he cursed quietly at loss of words
"It's alright, it's not your fault." He put a hand up to the glass window and stared out of it in sadness hoping to break it and leave Azkaban but of course it's enchanted and he can't do anything about it
"How'd she died.. if you don't mind me asking"
"She was murdered, right in the department of mysteries. By Bellatrix Lestrange..."
"..d-do you want to rant?"
"I..i'm not sure I can bring myself to talk about it..."
"It's fine"
"Thank you.." just being able to speak to someone was a nice change for Remus
"Than.. tell me about yourself. From the day you were born."
"Well... I was born to a half blood father and a muggle born mother. My childhood was rather uneventful, until I went of to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, that's where I met James, Lily, Sirius and Peter there I guess that's where it started.."
"What started?" Evan asked carefully
"My friendship with James, Sirius and Peter. James and Sirius had a plan of becoming an order member straight out of school.. unfortunately Peter had other plans.." he sighed "That was when I chose to go against everyone else, and join Voldemort and his Death Eaters.."
"With Peter." It wasn't a question really just an confirmation
"Yes.. Peter... he was the one who truly got me and Voldemort in touch. It was Peter who gave us information about the order... he really was the cause of everything happening.."
"It's not your fault then"
"I know, but... I can't help but blame myself.." he seemed almost disgusted with himself
"We all fell that way" Evan said leaning against the wall and sitting beside him
"Really?" He asked coolly
"Yeah, if something went wrong and you know you could've prevented it you'd say it's your fault when deep down you know it's not. It's just a coping mechanism thing, you had to blame someone for the death of a friend but you don't want to so you blame yourself."
"Huh.. I guess... I never thought of it like way. Thank you" he tried to put on a smile
"anytime" Evan said happily trying not to feel too excited afraid the Dementor will come and sucked it away.
"I have to ask.. how are you so positive with everything? It's almost as if your not in one if the worst prisons to ever exist.."
"Am not, it's just my way of coping." He replied hiding his sadness
"Well, it's a good way of coping if you ask me. But seriously, how do you stay so positive?"
"Cause I have you. When you have someone to talk it just felt more safe even when you know at any given moment you'll get kissed by the dementors and had your soul sucked out of your body."
"..Thank you, for spending your time talking to me." He genuinely seemed happy to be talking to somebody
"It's my pleasure"
"Do you mind if I ask what's your charges..?"
There was a moment of silence. A safe one the silence that just felt okay. The moment of silence where you know you're with someone you can trust truly with your secrets
"I'm the same as you... except I got caught because I did the unforgivable curse.."
Remus looked confusedly at Evan. Evan smiled softly
"What curse.. did you perform?"
"Cruciatus."
And there it was again the silence except this time it had a bit of and off feeling a feeling that none of them could make out
Remus' expression turned to one of shock
"To who....?"
"A friend.. not my proudest moments..."
"You used the cruciatus curse on a friend?"
"Yeah.."
"Do you regret it? Or do you regret getting caught..?"
"I regret doing it... he- he was honestly more than a friend to me.."
"Do you mind if I ask who is they?"
"He was like a brother to me. He was given the name Barty Crouch Jr."
Remus leaned back his head on the wall hands on his knees thinking over the news "the death eater" he whispered not knowing if it was a question or and exclamation..
"Yeah" Evan replied slowly looking at Remus expecting a look of disgust but was met with a straight face no emotion.
"And you used the Cruciatus curse on him?"
"Yeah.. why'd you sound so shock? I'm still a death eater Remus."
"..I'm amazed I suppose.." he leaned towards him seemingly interested "Why'd you do it..?"
"He.. betrayed me. I trusted him with my life, secrets and insecurities and he betrayed me.. I was furious out of my mind that it felt unreal..." Evan trailed off but nevertheless continued "I only realised I was cursing him when the Aurors tackled me with spells and there I saw Barty barely conscious on the floor breathing heavily it took me a second to realised what I had done..."
"W-what did he do to betray you.."Remus asked quietly regretting it the moment he saw Evans' face went sorrow
"He used the Imperious curse on me to get me on Voldemorts' side when I refused to do it willingly."
Remus went silent afraid to ask but there's thousands of question in his head that he just couldn't ignore and then there's this feeling of... pity? He guessed he doesn't know what it was but his stomach felt like it was tuning upside down.
"I-i can see why'd you did it.." he said understandingly "I'm sorry he did that to you.."
"hm I never actually thought he'd do it.."
"You said he was like a brother?" Remus asked looking at him straight into his eyes staring at him with his expressionless face and bore eyes
Evan chuckled slightly and smiled "yeah, he was.. he'll always be." Evan said looking back at Remus
"I'm sorry.. that must've been.." he trailed couldn't find the words that are supposed to be said
Evan smiled at him and said positively "At least we have something in common now!"
Remus laughed a little bit "Well, yes I suppose so"
"Now," Evan said enthusiastically "are you a werewolf of some sort?"
Remus' eyebrow raised in surprise "uh yes I am... how do you know that?" He asked warily
"Your scar" Evan said bluntly pointing at the claw mark on Remus' face
"My scar?!" He consciously touched his face looking worried
"Yeah, your scar it's not really unrecognisable"
"I-i never thought anyone would recognise it for what it was.." Remus became anxious and started to back away a little from Evan
Evan saw this and reassured him
"Relax, no need to panic I only recognised it because I majored in magical creatures and took care of a few wolves before" He said scooting over to Remus slowly to not make the latter startled
"I see... so.. what do you think of me?" His eyes dropped to the ground in shame
"I think you're just like any other creatures I met." Evan heard Remus winced at the word 'creature' and apologised
"hmm, just-just any other... animal?"
"You're not really considered an animal in our world-" Remus cut him off "I'm considered a monster in our world." He said sternly
Evan could only nod his head "Well, that's sort of a lie you're not actually the same as other.. 'animal'. You're quite interesting actually, I don't think I've ever met any other...'animal' like you."He continued sounding more like a professor when he finished.
"I-i'm interesting?" He asked and as he asked it he sounded shocked, maybe even hopeful. Hopeful that he won't be like the werewolves stereotypes.
"Yeah, for example almost all werewolves that's registered whenever they're going somewhere they'd go in pack and they'd stay with each other until the leader either died or the war split them. Even those who are ashamed of being werewolves travelled in packs, because it's in their nature to do so. However, you-you stayed alone. You distance yourself from other wolves I'm guessing because you didn't want to be like them or you don't want 'the wolf' to take over. Also, you've never had an experience with a pack of your kind have you...?"
"No.. never, my father always said I was a danger to everyone because of my condition. So I hid myself, thinking I could never find anybody who accepted me for what I am."
"And yet you found lots of 'em. Your father wasn't wrong about you being dangerous but he was wrong about werewolves."
"What..?" Remus ask eagerly wanting to know about his father not caring to ask how Evan knew his father.
"Making the statement that werewolves are 'soulless, evil, deserving nothing but death,' hence provoking Greyback."
A cold rage came over Remus, rage that was obvious in his eyes "I will never forgive that piece of shit." He said bitterly and clenching his fist making the knuckle turned white.
"Which piece of shit?" He knows which one but he still wants to clarify
"Greyback." He growled. The hatred was evident in his voice
"No one'll expect you to. Honestly, I was surprised you're locked in here because you chose the wrong side and not because you've finally killed him." Evan said looking at Remus and saw his fist unclenched and the hatred in his eyes changes into.. pity
Remus grew silent, looking down "I-i think that's where I deserve to be..." He didn't want to face the fact he was wrong, and he knew it.
"You deserve to be where? Here? In Azkaban?" Evan ask chuckling. He thought Remus was joking. He wasn't
Remus let out a quiet groan as he spoke "it-it might sound bad but... yeah I-i deserve this. Locked here waiting for my soul to be sucked out of my body. I betrayed everyone I've ever met. Hurt every single person that's done nothing but cared and love me..."
"Don't do that." Evan said sternly looking at Remus as if Remus is a wall
"What? Face the truth?" Remus snapped
"The hatred." Evan said slowly and calmly
"I-i just have so many regrets.. so much I wished I could changed." Remus said taken aback at Evans' calmness.
"You still can."
Remus looked at Evan "How...?"
Evan hold out his hand towards Remus "Hold my hand."
Remus look at him confused as ever "Why?"
"Just hold it."
He did so holding the latter's hand. Evan squeezed his hand slightly. He felt weird, he felt like he's... safe..?
He squeezes Evans' hand back
"Everyone made wrong choices and mistakes, that doesn't mean they deserve to have their soul sucked out by emotionless hungry and greedy deadly creatures."
"B-but I hurt people.. I did things I can never take back. I lost friends. I killed them. James, Lily, Sirius I hurt them, and Tonks.. if it weren't for me she wouldn't have died. Than Andromeda would've had her daughter-"
"I hurt people. I killed some, I did the same thing as you and you don't see me whining and crying or hating myself do you?"
Remus looked away ashamed.
"They cared about me and I repaid them by hurting them that's not what friends do. I still think I deserve to have the most unpleasant death for everything that I've done..I still think I deserve to be here."
"You don't think you deserve to die or be here. You think you deserve to get hurt, to be in pain. Way more pain than your friends went through. You don't think you deserve to died and unpleasant death you think you deserve to die the most painful way. Having each happy memory sucked out of you and replaying them one by one in your head."
Remus looked back at him as Evan caressed his hand stroking at his crisscrossed scar on his backhand.
"Maybe I do.." He doesn't dare to continue when he saw Evan's face slightly scrunched his brow furrows. It doesn't suit him.
Rosier sighed deeply still stroking Remus' hand "You know I can't say anything to make you feel any better, but just know there is always going to be someone that'll miss you if you died and someone that'll always be in pain after your death. Thinking what they did wrong and thinking if they could've saved you.."
He raised his eyebrow slightly "Y-you would miss... me?"
"It's too soon to say this 'innit.. but yes honestly Remus I would miss you deeply even though I just met you like not a long time ago." He chuckled "Seriously though it hasn't even been a day yet. Also we just had a deep conversation.
That surprised Remus because nobody else cared to get to know him since the day he's been locked up here.. no one asked him how he is.. not even Sirius. But again he is in Azkaban...
"well.. I supposed I'm not as worthless as I thought I am...'was'." He said softly
"And you thought right. 10 points to Mr. Remus Lupin." Evan smiled
They laughed a bit not too loud so that no one heard them. Than Remus became serious again.
"But.. I do have to ask. Why would you miss me?" He asked looking at the person that made him feel safe for the first time in... forever.
Evan hesitate. "You..you're the first person that didn't ignore me... and for some weird reason you made me feel comfortable and safe believe it or not.."
Remus looked at him.. shocked. "I-i made you feel safe?" He asked surprised at this fact. No one has said that to him, except for Tonks who was the first person to be more interested in him than he himself. The first person to know all of his secret that not even his best friends know.. the first person to not judge or hate Remus when he chose to become a death eater. She was the first one to call him her 'safe home'.
"Yeah.. Remus believe it or not there's just something with you.. something warm that no one in here have. Something that not even me have. It just felt right.. it felt like I am supposed to be here..." Evan state holding back his tears.
It's been a long time since he felt it and it took him a long time to recognised it.. he thought that he has never felt like this. He has. He just don't remember it as the dementor sucked the feeling out of him. They sucked out all of his happiness. All the memories that he made with his friends.. all the memories that he made with Barty.
"Really? I mean.. you don't even know me really, but you feel comfortable around me?" Remus asked confusedly. Why does Evan felt comfortable with him..
"Yeah most people here is surrounded by coldness and depression which make sense but.. you- you're surrounded by an autumn sort of feeling.."
"Th-thank you.. I'm glad I make you feel comfortable.." He didn't notice the tears in Evan's eyes, he was too shocked to notice.
Remus only notices it when Evan's hand left his to wipe the tears that feel down his cheek. Trying to hide it but it just kept coming out uncontrollably.
Remus sat up on one knee in front of Evan "What's wrong..?" Remus asked bringing his own to stroke Evan's hair out of his eyes. Looking straight into the red watery eye.
Evan smiled "I-i'm fine.. really just a crybaby.." he hiccupped the tears still rolling down his cheek faster than ever.
Remus pulled him into a tight hug holding him like a toddler.
"It's alright. Don't hold it in. Let it all out..y-you're safe." Remus whispered stroking the boy's hair and holding him as tight as he can without suffocating him.
Evan couldn't hold it in anymore. He sobbed into Remus' shoulder burying his face into Remus' neck near the collarbone. Shoulder shaking as he cried.
Remus stroked his back comfortingly "It's going to alright... don't ever feel the need to hold it in around me. You can say and do whatever you want to here." He pulled Evan onto his lap, hugging him to his chest.slowly rocking the boy in his arm trying to soothe him.
They stayed like that until Evan fell asleep on top of Remus. Remus kept whispering sweet nothing making the boy stopped crying and slowly fall asleep. Remus stayed in that position for a while more after Evan fell asleep confirming that he's sound asleep before carrying the boy in his arm and put him on the bed and covered him in a makeshift blanket of a small coat, he stayed beside Evan the whole night making sure the boy is alright and perfectly fine.
"I'm sorry" Evan whispered in his sleep. Remus who's not sleeping yet heard him mumbling and brought his hand to wrapped it around the boy. Whispering 'it's going to be alright' over and over until he can feel that Evan's body relaxed again as it had been tensed.
"Thank you, Evan Rosier. For existing."
Remus whispered one last time and kissed his forehead before falling asleep.
Both of the boys hasn't felt the feeling of comfort for a long time after losing someone dearly to them and when they found each other they found it in each other.
Evan Rosier was crying because Barty was the first person to make him feel comfortable being himself and he was the first person to believed in him. Even though he betrayed Evan, he still love him dearly as he was the person who he truly love very dearly. The only thing that kept him sane in Azkaban wasn't just the talking but the thought of Barty. It kept him alive and sane. Evan Rosier found a piece of his 'love' inside of Remus Lupin
Remus Lupin were kept sane in Azkaban because of the wolf inside of him. When Remus lost Tonks the wolf knows and it grieved with Remus. The wolf found comfort in Tonks in a way that Remus he himself can't explain nor understand. Remus lost a part of him when he saw Tonks got sucked into the rail in the department's of mysteries. Tonks was the first person to make the wolf inside of cry instead of howling every full moon night after her death. Remus Lupin found a piece of his 'lost part' in Evan Rosier.
~The End~