Chapter 2
THEN: September
Just like most days over the past month, Sirius heads to the park. Each day he picks a different spot so he doesn’t get bored of it, though that isn’t actually possible. He could come here every single day for the rest of his life, except for maybe when the weather doesn’t allow, and be perfectly content. As much as he loves just relaxing in the park, that’s not why he’s been coming.
It started a few weeks ago when the owner of a new gallery that’s opening reached out to him and asked if he would be able to have a collection of pieces ready for October. It’s now the middle of September and he is nowhere near meeting that deadline. The initial struggle was figuring out what the theme of his collection would be. He had done landscapes before, he had done some that were more abstract, but nothing was speaking to him. So he started coming here for inspiration.
Slowly Sirius has made progress. He has three pieces done and only needs two more. One is sketched out and he can paint it in the studio when a rainy day comes around. He prefers sketching outside under the sun, but painting is more soothing on days spent inside. Today however is sunny again, so the sketch will remain unfinished while he finds another subject to draw. The whole collection is of ordinary people. Not necessarily portraits, there are full backgrounds and some action going on in the scene, but there is one main subject in each.
Typically, at least with the other four, Sirius has been good about casually talking to the main subjects and seeing if it is something they would be interested in. A few have passed, which is of course okay. He knows that not everyone wants to be painted and he doesn’t blame them. There’s a reason Sirius is the artist and not the art.
He settles onto a bench in a different corner of the park than previous days and pulls out the definitely too large to be considered a sketchbook, sketchbook. To begin he starts sketching the background. Children running, people laying and reading, the way the light shines through the trees. This is the easy part. His pencil flows across the page with ease setting the scene, all while Sirius scopes out someone to be the main focus.
Eventually someone comes and sits on the bench directly across from him, and his attention is captured. The man sits slightly hunched over with a sandwich in one hand and a book in the other. Sirius just starts drawing. He knows in the back of his mind that he should talk to him first and get permission to draw him, but that can wait. He will absolutely want to talk to him anyway, he’s already obsessed.
Love at first sight is never something he quite believed in. Mostly because he wasn’t surrounded by love growing up. No one he knew fell in love like that. Sirius has never experienced it either, well maybe not before now. This right here feels like it could be love at first sight. He wants to know everything about him with only a few moments of proximity.
It’s an overwhelming force that Sirius doesn’t quite understand. This is just another man, but then again it’s not. There is something about him that just pulls him in. He can’t place it, but the reason doesn’t matter. Only the fact that he is gone on him without knowing his name. He finishes eating his sandwich, straightens out his back attempting to sit with good posture, and continues reading the book. It isn’t one that Sirius recognizes, but he’s never been much of a reader.
The sketch comes together rather quickly. Safe to say this stranger has inspired Sirius quite a bit. He makes sure to include the scars that are prominent on the man’s neck and arms. Though once he talks to him, he will gladly remove them if asked. There aren’t many, at least not that are visible. The few there are poke out of the collar and sleeves of his shirt. What Sirius focuses on more so is the mess of brown hair that sits on his head. He would quite like to tangle his fingers in it. Sirius may be getting way ahead of himself here, but he’s just being honest.
It’s in a good spot after a solid twenty minutes. He can see the vision and knows that it will turn out great once painted. While he’s distracted by looking over the details he just drew, the man starts to get up. Luckily he notices out of the corner of his eye. Sirius has never moved faster than he does now to get up and stop him before he leaves.
“Pardon me, I don’t- Sorry. I’m an artist and I've been doing drawings of people and I started one of you.” He can already feel himself mucking this up, but he pushes through. Now or never, right? “It’s for a gallery next month, and I wanted to see if you are okay with that.”
“Is that it? Can I see it?”
Sirius turns the sketch to him and just waits. This isn’t ending horribly yet, he still has hope. First this interaction needs to go well, and then he needs to work up the additional courage to be sure he can see this man again. Maybe the love at first sight thing is just a gut feeling, but he isn’t risking it. Worst case, they don’t fall in love. But best case? This could be his one true love.
“I’d be fine with you finishing this. Can I just ask, why me?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. There was just something about you. I’m Sirius by the way.”
The man smiles softly, for the first time since arriving in the park. “Remus. Is that all? I have to run back to work.”
This is his shot, and he takes it. “Actually, would you want to exchange numbers?” It comes out flawlessly, until Sirius opens his mouth again. “So I can show you the finished painting.”
Maybe he messed that up, but the positive is that he leaves the park today with Remus’ number in his phone and his smile plastered on the walls of his mind.
—
He waits the appropriate amount of time before texting Remus. Which is 6 hours. Obviously. Because that’s all he can manage before his mind is unable to focus on anything other than him and he might lose every shred of sanity he claims to have if he doesn’t talk to him again soon. It’s a bit embarrassing, which is why he tells approximately no one about it.
Sirius has never run to James to tell him about someone he’s head over heels in love for. Ever. Much less a few hours after meeting someone. He would absolutely get a load of shit for it, so he decides to keep this to himself until there is more to tell. Until they’ve spoken more than six sentences to each other. But even that is going to torture him. How is he meant to keep the most beautiful person he has ever seen to himself? Then again, why would he share?
The text is very simple. Since Remus had just given him his number, he shoots over a simple hi! this is sirius. Then adds the artist from the park. Just in case. Sending the texts was easy, no sweat. Waiting for a response though is pure agony. There’s so much he wants to say already, so much he wants Remus to share with him. But first he needs to get a response.
It only takes an hour for him to respond, which makes sense. It’s a Monday and he probably has a life. Remus surely hasn’t been waiting with his phone open for the moment the random artist that sketched him today decides to text him. Sirius on the other hand, was doing exactly that waiting for a reply.
hey! it’s remus
but you already knew that
He sighs in relief. The air of humor in the message makes Sirius relax. After reading it, he puts the phone down and walks around his flat for a few minutes. He can’t seem too eager, especially with what he wants to say next. All he wants is to see him again, to go on a date, to just be near him. Something in the universe is drawing Sirius to Remus and that’s all he knows. Not why or how, those things don’t really matter.
thanks again for letting me draw you
would you want to get coffee sometime?
This time he doesn’t sit and wait for a response. Instead he throws his phone across the room and leaves it there. He wants to know what Remus will say, but only if the answer is yes. Remus is just a stranger, but he doesn’t know what he will do if the answer is no. For now his phone can stay far away from him while he tries to get his emotions in check.
It’s been awhile since Sirius was interested in anyone. Probably since his last relationship which ended, just about a year ago now. Maybe a bit more. In the last few months, once he was over his ex for good, he has gone on a few dates. Nothing was ever serious, nothing was something he saw a future in. That’s always the problem for him. Sirius’ mind moves at a mile a minute and is always a million steps ahead of the world around him. So he’s constantly thinking about what is next and where things are going, especially in relationships.
And the thing is, even after so little, he sees a future with Remus.
As much as he at one point saw a future, or at least wanted one, with his ex, it wasn’t like this. He and Fabian started out as friends, and then friends with benefits, and then became a couple. Definitely not the recommended route when looking for something real. They had never planned to stay together, or officially start dating he should say, after university. That was going to be their official end, though neither said it. Fabian was planning to move home and Sirius was planning to stay in London. And then Fabian got a job that would have him in London too. So they tried it out, dating that is.
Looking back it probably wasn’t a good idea. They were never a great couple. Sirius did love him at one point, he thinks. Now it's a bit fuzzy, but he must have loved him then. It just seemed like the best thing to do was to date, so they did. And they stayed together for a year, and then a second year. By the end of the first year, Sirius wanted to know that Fabian was really committed to him and that they were on the same page. He never got that, but things were fine. So they stayed together.
Halfway through the second year, Sirius started dropping hints about how he’d like to eventually get married. That surprised even him because he didn’t grow up the kid that dreamed of a settled down life. He always likes spontaneous adventures. But he wanted a partner to do all of that with. While he has James, a best friend is different from a partner.
When he found that nothing more would come of his relationship with Fabian, he ended things. Fabian seemed more upset about it all than Sirius which was surprising. After that, Sirius hadn’t found anyone else. He’s been living his life on his own, and making the most of it. Except now he’s met Remus and is sure that there is something there.
His phone chimes and he is startled and then dives across the room. How about dinner instead? Saturday?
Sirius lets out a squeal. He hopes that none of his neighbors notice. It’s embarrassing how excited he is. If anyone were to come to check that nothing terrible caused him to scream, how would he explain that he is just so excited about a guy he had met for five minutes wants to get dinner with him? He couldn’t. So he stifles any further yelling and collapses into bed, beyond content with how the day went.
-
The five days between their initial meeting and their first date is the longest they spend apart. Saturday morning comes and Sirius is awake long before he needs to be. He did plan to sleep in a bit because he loves to do that, and he definitely wants his beauty rest in order to look his best tonight. Instead he is up at 8am and left stressing over the date for hours on end.
Remus said that he made them a reservation and let Sirius know the restaurant to meet at. It’s for 7pm, which means that he will sit around stressing for about 7 hours, then try on and re-try on six different outfits for the next 3 hours, then finally get ready and then make it to the restaurant a few minutes early. Just in case. It’s perfectly timed out and he couldn’t be more excited.
He wishes that he had someone to help him pick out and outfit and to calm his nerves today. Sirius could very easily call James to come over, or even Regulus, but he isn’t going to. He’s sticking to the rule he made for himself that he won’t jump ahead and tell anyone about Remus until he’s sure if there is something there.
The butterflies in his stomach have been alive and well since Monday. Not even wavering at all. He thought they might, but honestly they only get worse whenever Remus texts him. They haven’t been texting non stop or anything, in fact not even everyday. Sirius is proud of himself for that, he’s showing quite a bit of restraint.
So no, he is not going to have any one come over to help him out today. He can do this on his own. If he thinks about it, neither his best friend or brother would be any help at all. Regulus would simply make fun of him, and Sirius wouldn’t have any legs to stand on. This is a valid reason to make fun of him. James on the other hand would probably feed into the delusion. Which is part of the reason they make excellent best friends, but it would not be productive today.
The hours pass by incredibly slowly, yet also fast at the same time. Each minute is excruciating because Sirius just wants to already be on the date. But once it hits 5pm and he hasn’t so much as moved to start getting ready, a slight panic sets in. He knows that he is being so incredibly dramatic and it’s not necessary to be this dramatic at all, but it’s part of his charm. The restaurant they are going to isn’t fancy by any means, but it’s not just quick service. So he needs to figure out an outfit to match that, something in the middle of looking nice and hot but still appropriate. It’s harder than it seems.
After trying on no less than ten combinations of shirts and pants, he settles on a button up that’s fairly lightweight. It’s covered in a barely noticeable pattern that’s only a little bit darker than the grey of the shirt. His pants are simple too, just black. A first date isn’t the time to go overboard on an outfit, and Sirius is quite proud for figuring something out with time to spare.
He arrives at the restaurant at 6:45. Remus isn’t there yet, but that is no cause for concern. It just means that Sirius is going to have to practice his breathing and restrain his mind from overthinking. Easier said than done. Though the sight of Remus walking up, also early, soothes him. He’s in a simple black tee with jeans and a vintage looking leather jacket over it. He looks good. That’s for sure.
Sirius stops himself from drooling over him and naturally lets a smile fall onto his face. He is genuinely excited to see him, but he wants to keep it cool. The voice in his mind tells him that he doesn’t need to diminish his excitement, because if it is meant to be like he thinks it is, Remus won’t care.
“Hey!” He calls out when Remus is only a few more strides away.
“You look great. How are you?”
“Good, yeah. You also look good. I’m glad we’re doing this, I’ve been excited all week.” If there is one thing Sirius will do, it’s ramble when he is nervous.
Remus doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest. “I’m glad you asked. Also I hope you don’t mind that I suggested dinner instead of coffee. I work at a coffee shop and I’m not always keen on spending more time in cafes outside of work.”
They make small talk as the waitress shows them to their table. Sirius isn’t great at paying attention all of the time. He’s usually having an internal conversation with himself while also talking to other people. It’s something he is working on, and really wishes wasn’t happening right now. Everything Remus says is worth his full attention and he wants to be able to give that to him.
The thing with Sirius is that he doesn’t love going out to restaurants he has never been to before. He was a bit too preoccupied in his mind to remember to look at the menu ahead of tonight and now that anxiety is catching up to him. He isn’t going to let it ruin the date, no definitely not. It’s just something he will need to push through as the night goes on. It’s rarely actually an issue and he doesn’t think it will be tonight, but it’s always iffy when it comes to food.
“Sirius?” Remus grabs his attention. “Did you want something to drink? I got a cider.”
“Oh, yes. I’ll have one too.”
The waitress leaves them alone at last. “So, tell me more about you. All I’ve had to think about has been that you are an artist and your name is Sirius. Very unique by the way, I like it.”
“You don’t have that common of a name either, Remus. And I know even less of you.”
From there it just flows. They banter throughout the entire meal. It helps Sirius get through it without overthinking what he’s eating and by the time he’s finished, he hadn’t even realized all of his food was gone. Something about Remus just puts him at ease. His accent is adorable, he could listen to him talk forever. Everything he says captivates Sirius, even the most mundane things. Like how he just completed his English degree. Some things are more exciting though. Like his recent trip to Spain.
“I don’t want this to end.” Remus catches him by surprise after they split the bill.
Not that he didn’t think Remus was enjoying himself, but he wasn’t sure if it was to the same degree. “Who says it has to end?”
With that Sirius boldly grabs him by the hand and swiftly exits the restaurant.
“I talked all night, I want to hear about you. Where did you grow up, have you always wanted to be an artist, what’s your favourite colour?” Remus rambles.
Maybe he shouldn’t do it, but he can’t help himself. Sirius cuts off the questions by pulling him in for a kiss. It’s soft and closed mouthed. Innocent and sweet. His hand rests gently on Remus’ jaw, not pulling him closer, just steadying both of them. Sirius can’t remember the last time he kissed someone with so much intent. Kissing because it feels right, no ulterior motive, not looking for it to be more. Just a simple kiss.
And yet he’s drunk off of it.
He doesn’t need Remus to slip his tongue in his mouth, in fact he’s quite enjoying the ease of this. Neither of them seem bothered by the juvenility of it. They do pull back at the same time, though only slightly. Enough to be able to look into each other’s eyes and see that the spark is there. The glint of the light in Remus’ hazel eyes reflects and makes Sirius feel like he’s seeing stars.
Sirius chuckles, holding back the dumbest smile. “Here, yes, and green. But not a bright neon one. A more nature-y green.”
“What?” Remus looks at him puzzled.
“The questions. I grew up here. Yes, I've always wanted to be an artist, and my favourite colour is green.” Sirius finds himself drawn into another kiss, just a quick one this time.
He finds that their hands are no longer delicately holding the other’s face, but have instead found their place linked together between them. Their hands fit like puzzle pieces. Sirius squeezes, and Remus squeezes back. They look at each other and the eye contact is nowhere near awkward. He could hold his gaze forever if it were possible.
“It’s late.” He says, disappointment seeping through. “Let’s do this again soon.”
That night Sirius practically floats home. Everything he thought tonight would be, it was. Whatever narrative he made up in his head from the moment he first saw him, has some truth to it. The feeling is mutual and he is just so happy. It’s all happening so quickly, and yet he wouldn’t change a thing.
Sirius has never been one to believe in or experience love at first sight, except for now. Change and new things can be scary and daunting, but only if you let it. He is not letting this intimidate him, no. He’s diving headfirst into this without bothering to check how deep the water is. He could drown any minute but in the five days that he has known Remus, he is already sure that he would rather drown with him than live without.
-
“I’m telling you James, I have it under control.” He groans from the corner of the couch.
James wanders in from the kitchen carrying two glasses of wine along with a bowl of crisps. Somehow he doesn’t drop anything which is a miracle in itself. He’s not the most coordinated guy out there. The one time when they were younger and he tried to get a job at a restaurant didn’t end well. Sirius was already working there, mostly because he needed to find some way to make money after he left his parent’s house. James wanted to get a job just to spend more time with him since working took up most of his free time at the start.
Luckily now Sirius has made enough money off of art that he can do that full time. It helps that his uncle left him a pretty hefty inheritance too. Back then he had also been trying to help out his brother as much as he could. Just so he could set them both up to do well without relying on their awful parents for anything. It worked out in the end. Even if James only had that job for a week before they gave up on him being able to carry on as a waiter.
He does nearly stumble and a few drops of wine come very close to spilling over the edge when he goes to put everything on the table. “I find that hard to believe. When have you ever had anything under control? Especially your feelings.”
“I handled myself quite well with Fab, you know that.” Sirius protests.
“Alright, alright. Maybe you did. But you also knew him forever. When did you meet this guy again?”
See this is where Sirius almost wishes they weren’t the kind of best friends that share every last detail. He could lie and say they met months ago and finally went on a date. It would be easier, or at least go over easier with most people if he did. Except James would see right through him. As good of a liar Sirius is, James can detect every last one. At least his judgment isn’t harsh, it’s true and good willed, and he’ll never be mean about it. Though he never makes any promises about laughing or making fun of him. For good reason.
“Er- six days ago…” He can feel his cheeks growing hot.
Before he can be accused of blushing, which he absolutely is not doing, he grabs his glass of wine and takes a big gulp. The red in his face can be explained away by the alcohol soon enough. The thing is, he isn’t embarrassed about this in the slightest. He’s quite happy with meeting Remus when and where he did. That is the start of their love story. Even if Remus isn’t aware of it yet.
“You’re telling me that you’re in love. And you only met the guy six days ago? This is a new level of insane, you know that right? I really thought you couldn’t outdo yourself. You had already raised the bar for insanity, and yet you’ve done it again.” James shakes his head, exasperated.
“Well when you put it like that…” He already knew what his best friend would say, this isn’t a surprise. “Listen, I really think I’m in love with him. Like he could be the one.”
James just stares at him. He takes a sip of his wine and continues just waiting for him to say something more. When Sirius doesn’t open his mouth immediately to continue, because he doesn’t know where to start, James goes for a handful of crisps. Showing clearly that he is the audience here. And Sirius’ failure of a love life is yet again the show.
He concedes and tells the story. Albeit, a very short story. But the story of Sirius and Remus as it stands now. (He knows that there will be much more to add to this as time goes on. Their story is not even close to ending). Meeting in the park, sketching him, their dinner. And the newest bit, texting constantly. They can’t get enough of each other. It’s only the day after their first date, but they have heard from each other almost every waking hour since then. He’s not inside Remus’ head, but given how everything is going, he thinks Remus feels the same. Or at least could feel the same eventually.
Not everyone falls in love at the same speed. Sirius knows this. Hell he knows this too well. In the past he took time to fall in love. He never would have guessed that he would ever fall in love this quickly. Based on how he feels now, he isn’t sure if he has ever actually been in love. Sure he’s loved, but this doesn’t feel the same as things were with Fabian. Even then that was a two year relationship. Much different.
“Okay, so you’re in love.” James says after he tells the very, very brief story that is the beginning of Remus and Sirius.
“I am. I really am. You’d like him too! I- It’s a bit early to have you meet him and I honestly wasn’t even planning to tell you all of this so soon, but yeah. I love him.” It all spills out of him and it’s clear that he really truly is head over heels.
Just then, as if on cue, Remus’ name lights up on his phone screen. Sirius’ face lights up just as bright. Even better is the fact that he was answering about seeing each other tomorrow. It’s only been a day and he misses him, so having another date planned already eases his mind.
As fast as he’s falling for him, he’s not trying to rush it. He doesn’t need to jump in too fast. Sirius knows that he could go a few days without seeing him. But tomorrow is a week since they met and he would be foolish to not plan a date for them. He has propositioned Remus to just let him pick him up and tell him none of the details. He agreed, with the only edit being the time. He has work in the morning but is free starting at 1pm, which works perfectly for his plan.
He’s going to the store in the morning to get all of the food that he will need and then putting together a full picnic. Sirius thought it would be cheesy to bring him to the same park where they met, so he’s deciding on a different one to go to. The one issue is that he doesn’t know everything that he likes. From their constant texting, he knows some things. He does however know enough to put together a well rounded basket.
“Earth to Sirius…” Fingers snap in front of his face.
James was on the other end of the couch a second ago. At least he thought he was, but Sirius got lost in his own world. Well, the Remus centered world in his head. Which also happens to be where he’s been spending all of his time this past week.
“Hi. When did you get so close?” He laughs, putting his phone done. “You should know that I have feelings for someone else.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me? I’m wounded! You’ve wounded me!” James dramatically drops to lay across the couch, his head landing in Sirius’ lap.
A smile finds itself on his face and he ruffles the already messy hair resting on his leg. “You know I adore you. Come here,” James looks up and Sirius softly presses a kiss to his temple.
“I still think you’re insane. I’m excited for you, but you’re insane.”
He knows. He feels insane. Remus makes him insane.
“I’m okay with that. This is the real thing. I’m not messing around here.”
James continues to tease him, but with a different air to it. He’s sincere in both his support and caution. As his best friend, he knows that Sirius could very easily be broken over this if it goes south. Even though Sirius hasn’t had true heartbreak in his past, James knows him. He knows that his emotions can be fragile and that when he loves, he loves fiercely. With no limit.
Not many people have been on the receiving end of the boundless love that Sirius has within him. None at all in the romantic way he is falling for Remus currently. Sirius knows that James is wary, and he does really appreciate it. having someone willing to shield them from the bad things in the world. He’s had his fair share, more than even, of struggle. His best friend wants to keep him from having any more. It’s sweet.
The thing is though, Sirius isn’t worried. Not even a little bit. Not by how fast things seem to be moving in his heart. Not by how little he is thinking this all through. The speed of it all doesn’t scare him. Remus doesn’t scare him though. He’s just- he wants it all. He’s ready for it.
It’s only been a week but Sirius is ready to have forever with Remus, if he’ll let him.