Chapter 7 - Run away
“Stop, stop, stop,” I said feeling my panic rising, “Your telling me that I was a child for Merlin knows how long,”
I know they saw, and they all know now. The childhood I tried to hide and avoid, the pain, suffering and the abuse. Now everyone I love knows and things will never be the same.
It hasn’t been long since I was last with my Aunt and Uncle, staying in my room was a given. Petunia mainly left me alone, she wouldn’t let me cook anymore in fear of me poisoning the food with my magic.
I was mainly there because I had no where else to go. So I suffered isolation, starvation and abuse from my uncle, all so I could get back to my friends, back home.
“Why don’t I remember Draco?” I asked when the realisation of the blank time occurred to me.
“I assume you have subconsciously forced yourself to forget your time, because Weasley remembers his,” Draco said squeezing my hand.
“But I never forget, even when I want to,” I take a deep breath. “Do you know..... About my aunt and uncle?”
“Parts of it yes, the teachers wouldn’t share what they knew, but I know from the things I saw you do and what you told me,”
I told him stuff!! Right.... Okay so he knows, the professor’s know. I feel myself start to hyperventilate, my hands turn sweaty, I need to get out of here, the room feeling like it’s closing in and Draco’s words sound further away. I can feel his hand on my shoulder, and cheek, but it doesn’t ground me, only making it worse.
“I.... Draco can we leave yet?” is all I can manage.
I want to be a lone right now.
“I’ll ask Madame Pomfrey, you stay here,” Draco said kissing my forehead before getting up to leave.
As soon as he leaves I pull the covers off and get out of bed. I wobble slightly and pain shoots through my legs, but I get moving anyway, staying out of sight of the office and out the door in what felt like a matter of seconds.
I let my legs take me where ever they chose, my head swarming with cruel thoughts and my eyes filled with un spilled tear. When I finally look around I was under a tree next to the black lake.
I had a love hate relationship with water because of my relatives so I found myself moving away from the waters edge.
I wonder what will happen now, everyone seems to be aware of my situation. I can’t deal with that.
Petunia always told me ‘No one will believe a word you say boy, because it’s you against us and no one believes a naughty, lying child over adults,’
When I did tell some one ‘my 1st grade school teacher,’ she didn’t believe me, saying I had an over active imagination, or that Dudley was fine so I was too, Petunia and Vernon were nice people and I shouldn’t tell lies about them. She then told my Aunt and Uncle and I was punished for it. So, from then on I decided that I would never tell another soul.
I buried my head in my knees and cried, horrible thoughts and images flashing through my mind.
No one found me which I was grateful for.
It was getting late and cold, the sun had set over the castle and I had two choices, 1) I could go to the castle before the doors lock or 2) I could go to Hagrid and spend the night there. I knew I couldn’t do both.
I knew people would be looking for me, the only one I could bear was Hagrid. I knew he wouldn’t l
tell the others were I was and I could shelter the night with him. He would have a fire on so I could warm up, he wouldn’t ask too many questions and he would have food I could eat and water I could drink.
I got up from the ground, and started to walk over to his hut. Brushing the first and leaves of my bum as I went. It was a short walk and when I knocked on the door he seemed very relieved to see me.
“ ‘Arry, thank Merlin your alright!”
“Hi Hagrid,” I said with a guilty wave, we both stood in silence, Hagrid was looking me over while I stared into the warm house
“Could come in?” I asked “Its freezing out here,”
“sure come in,” Hagrid said stepping out if the doorway.
I had been to Hagrid’s many time before so I was very comfortable in his home, but something told me this time was different.
“Would you like something to eat or drink ‘Arry?”
“Yes to both Hagrid, I can’t remember the last time I ate or drank something,”
“Comin’ right up,” He said walking over to his kitchenette.
“ ‘Arry, everyone has be worried, we couldn’ find you anywhere,” Hagrid said, trying to find something for me, “I have to inform professor McGonagall, she can come get you,”
“No!” I said interrupting Hagrid, “You can’t let anyone know I am here. I am only here because I trust you won’t tell Hagrid,”
“Sorry ‘Arry, but I have been told by the professor’s. I am sure they ‘ave people out looking for you right now,”
“I don’t care, those people know things about me that no one should know, they are shameful things that I wanted to stay in my past. Now everyone I love and care about knows, but I can’t remember anything,” I yelled at Hagrid.
“Do you have any idea how it feels for someone to know more about yourself than you do. I don’t remember anything for Merlin knows how long and its terrifying, I can’t go and see the only people that know that stuff. I tried listen to Draco explain but it was all too much,” I said more tears slipping down my face.
“ ‘Arry, I understand it’s ‘Ard but you need to go back. I can’t let you stay ‘ere. I Love you kid, every since i met you, but I can not let you stay. I could lose my job,” Hagrid said so calmly.
I can’t be the reason Hagrid loses his job. I am already the reason for so much pain and suffering. Can someone just make it stop, pause so I can take a breath without the feeling of suffocating.
“Okay, you can let the Professor’s know you found me but I need to stay here tonight, I need a break and some time to breath away from everyone,”
“I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, I just need time,” Hagrid nodded, and pulled out some parchment and quill.
He wrote a quick note, rolled it up before getting me to send it to McGonagall. I am still surprised that Hagrid has no owl but it’s fine. He gave me a blanket and sat me down on a pillowed window sill. It was near the fire so it was nice and warm, I had a full stomach and felt safe.
I was quickly asleep, after the big first day back I had, I had vivid dreams of Snape, Hermione and Draco, which must have happened in the time I was little.
I was woken to a loud banging on the door, immediately I curled in on myself as woke up. Once remembered were I was, I calmed down until I heard Hagrid’s voice talking to a female voice and I froze.
Hagrid must have sent someone to get me. Bring me back after I told him I would go tomorrow and I just needed some time. I decided to pretend to still be asleep so I could work out who was there.
When Hagrid let them inside I was able to see Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape. Both looking over to me apon arrival.
“Thank you for letting us know he was here Hagrid,” McGonagall said.
“I don’t know what we would have done if we had been searching around at night, did he tell you why he ran off?” Snape said, his eyes constantly looking in my direction, risking him noticing that fact I was wake.
“ ‘Arry, seemed really confused and scared. He came to me with a puffy red face and ‘e was shivering. Told me I couldn’ tell anyone ‘e was ‘ere. That everyone knew,” Hagrid said with a sigh.
Snape started to come my way after that. I was terrified he was going to yell or scold me, maybe grab me by my arm and pull me to the castle. One thing I did notice was that his face didn’t look angry, but still looks can be devising.
“Harry,” Snape said as he put a hand on my shoulder, I flinched again.
“Don’t touch me!” I yelled leaning further in the damp cold window behind me.
“Sorry,” he said taking his hand off and putting them up in the air surrendering. “It’s Snape, your safe,”
“Harry, I know it’s been a long day, but you can’t stay down here with Hagrid, so I need you to please come with us,” Snape said his hand still held in the air.
“I can’t,” I whispered to the man.
“Why can’t you?” he questioned, voice soft
“Because everyone knows, my relatives will hate me, my friends will pitty me , Draco will leave me cause I am broken, everything will be different ,” I said a stray tear running down my face.
“Harry the only ones who know just as much as you think are Professor McGonagall and Myself. Hermione and Draco know very little, only the stuff they saw, which mind you was very little. Draco won’t leave you, he has told me, just how much he loves you and missed the teenage you throughout your time as a child,” Snape said this in such a way that had me begging for comfort from him. My magic pulling towards him, knowing he was safe.
“Harry, Darling, we really must be going, Hagrid needs his sleep, so do all of us three,” McGonagall said from behind Snape.
“oh... Sorry Hagrid,” I said quickly standing up and folding the blanket, I handed it back to him and gave him a hug, “ Thank you,” I said to him before letting go and quickly walking out the door.
I still needed my space, needed no one to know I was there.
“Harry,” called Snape from behind me.
“What!” I yelled turning around.
“Please slow down, the castle doors aren’t open yet,” McGonagall called out.
I stopped, not wanting to get into even more trouble, Merlin knows how many detention I will get.
“Harry, we understand your need to be alone to process all of this, your room in my private quarters is still set up if you would prefer to go there than the Gryffindor towers,” Snape said as the two professors caught up.
I nodded my head at that. “Thank you Professor,”
“We can’t open the doors so we will have to apperate inside. Can I hold your shoulder Harry? That way we can just apperate straight home,” Snape said.
I once again nodded my head, not even fazed by the use of the word home in reference to Snape’s living quarters.
“We will talk tomorrow Harry, for now get some rest,” McGonagall said before she apperated inside.
“You ready Harry?”
“Yeah,” I said breathing out.
The second I was steady on my feet after apperating memories of what Draco had tried telling me came back, every room I looked into or walked into had some sort of memory with it.
It was too much, I quickly ran into the room Snape had set up for me slamming the door closed and laying down in the bed that was now too small.
Curled up in a ball, and I watched every single memory I had made, up until yesterday. It felt like they weren’t mine, like I was watching a movie of someone else life and it was terrifying. But all I wanted was to know what happened and now I could know.